Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything associated with his world....
When Severus awoke a few hours later, he was surrounded by his favorite books again. The picture of him and Lily had even found its way to the coffee table.
"How are you feeling, Severus?" Poppy asked when he seemed to be mostly awake.
"Alright," he answered as he yawned.
"Cindy has reported that you are fully moved in so you can sleep here tonight. Are you ready for your first counseling session?"
"No, but I don't actually have a choice now do I?" he grumbled.
"Not really. Would you care for some tea before we begin? I also need to run a diagnostic charm on you."
"Doesn't a monitoring charm act like a diagnostic charm?" he questioned as she ordered tea.
"No. A monitoring charm alarms if there is a significant change in your condition or at a certain point, such as a high temperature. A diagnostic charm merely tells me what your condition is," she explained as she helped him sit up on the couch.
When she cast the diagnostic charm, he shivered unconsciously when the magic poured through him.
"You are sensitive to magic being cast around you?" she speculated when she observed his reaction before reading her piece of parchment.
"Fever of 100 F (37.7 C) again, some dehydration still," she commented before crumpling the parchment and throwing it in the fire.
"Is there any reason why my temperature would come up again? Why did I have one in the first place?"
"You had one originally because your magic was fighting within itself and your body thought that you had a magical infection so it used a fever to attempt to get rid of the infection. Your body is still stabilizing which is partly why you are still so weak and probably why your fever came back," she explained, "Nevertheless, I will have to monitor it a bit closer to make sure that it doesn't keep rising."
"Would it be possible for me to take my own temperature and record it for you? That way it would save you the hassle of having to come in here every so often and would at least give you the evening off," he offered as he sipped his tea.
"Perhaps. Now, I wanted to talk about staying on as Deputy and Head of Slytherin first. You should stay busy but part of the sabbatical idea was to give you some break from the students so you could concentrate on you first. If I feel at any time that you are neglecting your own health or progress because of your duties to the school, I will force you to resign temporarily. Understand?"
"I suspected that you might put a condition on it like that," he answered but didn't seem terribly upset.
"Well, now that we have an answer for that, we can move on," she suddenly grabbed his arm and pushed up his sleeve, "to talking about this. Explain."
"It helps," he whispered. She let go of his arm and sat back in her chair, patiently waiting for him to go on.
"It helps with the pain, when it hurts physically it hurts less emotionally, like a distraction almost" he added a few moments later.
"When did in start?"
"Almost as soon as I got home from St. Mungo's. I did not feel that I was worthy of living after all the pain and death I caused," he answered, truthfully for once.
"Do you still feel that way?"
"I killed the man who was like a father to me. I killed others too, even more with all of the potions I created. Potions for causing slow and painful deaths, for torturing prisoners. And then were was that Muggle girl," he stopped suddenly there and refused to continue on.
"And the nightmare?" she coaxed after about five minutes of silence.
"Just another fun night in the service of the Dark Lord," he answered angrily,
"How often do those occur?"
"You will find out soon enough," he growled.
"Severus," she warned, "I am trying to help you but I can't do that if you won't help me a little. If I know how often they occur, I can give you something to help you get a decent night's sleep."
"Dreamless Sleep doesn't work or any of the others I have found so far," he retorted.
"There are other ways-- ," she started to explain.
"I've tried them all. Nothing helps," he sneezed violently here, "I'm just an ex Death Eater who was pardoned. But I should have gotten the Dementor's Kiss like all of my Death Eater brothers."
She silently passed him a tissue before getting up and walking out of the quarters.
"Everything alright, Poppy? I heard shouting?" the portrait asked when she opened to let the Healer out of the quarters.
Poppy's face was now completely tear stained and she looked up at her portrait-mentor through wet eyes.
"I need you to activate the self-harm protection spell within the quarters. Make sure there is absolutely nothing sharp he could use. If he tries to use anything, let me know," the Healer explained when she could speak again.
The portrait closed her eyes and then magic swirled through the passage way.
"His quarters and the Hospital Wing are both protected now. Now, you should take a couple of deep breaths, go wash your face and then go tell him what an idiot he is for even thinking that," the portrait suggested motherly.
"Thank you, Helga," Poppy answered sadly before making her way to her own quarters at the end of the passageway. She whispered the password and slipped in before splashing her face in cold water.
"Oh, Severus, what ever am I going to do with you? I should probably go the stern route, since that is how you typically operate and you can respect that," she thought to herself as she left her quarters.
"You look much better, dear," the portrait commented before swinging open.
"Severus, whether you believe it or not, you are a wonderful person who has done a lot of good for society. From this night forward, you will keep a journal of all of your thoughts and every morning you will be required to present it to me. In addition to all of your thoughts, you will write down every nightmare and what it is about. You may write about anything but if you neglect your journal, I will place you on mandatory bed rest until you begin to comply. Without a journal entry for each night, I will not allow you to read, brew, or leave your bed even to go to the couch," she ordered sternly with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Yes, Poppy," he said quietly with his head bowed before letting out a string of sneezes.
"Bless. These counseling sessions are supposed to help you heal but you can only do that by being honest with yourself and me. Bless you – again. Helga has activated a special protection around this quarters that will prevent you from harming yourself if you somehow manage to get through the magic of the apprenticeship," she explained.
"I understand. Achoo! I wanted to apologize for my behavior, I am unaccustomed to losing control like that. Achoo! Achoo! "
"I hope you aren't coming down with something. I am going to run another diagnostic charm," she said, worriedly.
"Why did you leave?"
"A Mind-Healer is not supposed to show her own emotion during a session so I felt it was best to leave and let us calm down separately," she said as she read the parchment again.
"Your fever has risen slightly, I hope you didn't catch an infection in your weakened state. I will get you a Pepper-Up before dinner," she explained before throwing the parchment in the fireplace.
"Why are you squirming like that?" she asked when she saw him fidgeting on the couch.
"This is very embarrassing but I have to go the loo," he admitted quietly. She smiled and performed a bladder relieving charm.
"Thanks," he whispered.
"No problem," she answered gently. "I would like to start off by having daily sessions until your depression lightens some – and it will," she added when she saw his doubtful look. "When you start to feel unworthy of living or the need to harm yourself, I want you to ring the bell twice. That way I can talk you through it, alright?"
He nodded once before sneezing again.
"Do you feel strong enough to try walking on your own? Or do you want to wait until tomorrow?"
"I can try it now, I suppose. Is Minerva coming down stairs for dinner again?" he questioned as he slowly pulled himself into a sitting position.
"Well, its 4:45 now. We can eat down here before I have to go up. Dinner starts at 5:30 in the Great Hall, and I should go to the staff meeting after wards. I want you to bathe quickly – Cindy will help you – and while you are doing that, come up with an explanation Minerva can give to the staff at the meeting," Poppy said.
"Alright," he sighed before starting to get up. Poppy was there to catch him if needed but he managed to get himself over to the bathroom unassisted.
"Thanks," he whispered once they were at the threshold.
"No problem. Cindy!"
"Yes, Mistress Pomfrey?" the little elf questioned as she bowed.
"Help Severus bathe and then make sure he gets to his bedroom okay. I will be in the Hospital Wing if you need me," the Healer explained to the elf before leaving to give Severus some privacy.
Thirty minutes later, Severus, now freshly clean and shaven, was sitting up in his bed. Poppy summoned food for the two of them. Severus was pleased that he had progressed to chunky turkey stew.
"Did you think of a reason for your absence at the staff meeting?"
"Perhaps we could tell them that I am working with you on developing certain healing potions and decided to take a fall sabbatical. As for this evening, saying I am tending to personal matters should suffice."
"Sounds good to me," she answered as she banished their dinner plates. After a quick lecture about calling Cindy or ringing the bell if he needed anything, she departed for the staff meeting. As she passed through the Hospital Wing, she grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote, "You can tell everyone that Severus is taking a fall sabbatical in order to develop some new healing potions. To explain his absence tonight, if anyone asks, tell them he is tending to some personal matters and was not able to attend." Poppy quickly charmed it so only Minerva would be able to read it before hurrying out of her office.
"Evening, Poppy," Rolanda greeted when she reached the staff lounge
"Evening," Poppy responded as she slipped the Headmistress the charmed note. Minerva read it over quickly and nodded.
"Everyone is here but Severus. Would you like me to go fetch him?" Pomona Sprout offered a few minutes later.
"No, thank you. Alright, everyone the meeting is going to start," Minerva used her classroom voice to quiet her staff.
"Where is Severus? We can't start without our Potions Master," Rolanda pipped up.
"He is tending to some personal matters tonight and is not able to join us. Now, we need to discuss the new muggle-borns. Every one of them has responded to their letters using the owl provided but we need to take them shopping in Diagon Alley. Would someone please volunteer?" The meeting dragged on for about an hour before finally they reached the last topic of discussion.
"There is one more issue I need to inform you of tonight. Today, Severus requested that he be allowed to take a fall sabbatical in order to develop some healing potions in conjunction with Poppy. He has offered to stay on as Head of Slytherin and Deputy Headmaster but I'm afraid that leaves us trying to find a new professor for the fall term. Does anyone have any ideas?"
"Is Severus going to continue to live in the Potions Master's quarters?" some one pipped up.
"No, he is currently living in the suite next to Poppy's and will continue to do so for the fall term," Minerva patiently explained.
"The Weasley twins were always brilliant at potions. Why don't we ask one of them?" Filius Flitwick suggested.
"Good idea," Minerva answered, grateful that someone had come up with a suggestion. Professor Slughorn had already told her that he was not willing to come back for just a fall term.
Just then, Poppy's wand vibrated. As she rushed out of the room, Poppy caught sight of Minerva's temporarily concerned face. Fortunately, everyone else was so distracted by Poppy's abrupt departure that no one else noticed.
Another AN: Sorry about the delay, to make up for it, I should have another chapter posted shortly (like in a couple of days).
Thank you for reading and a special thank you to: grugster, stargazer0607, N. Forest (who is also an amazing writer!), Linoria and everyone else who has reviewed!