The first emotion to flood over me was elation. The love of my life was standing in my door way. Clenched fists. Tousled hair. Eyes blazing. He had never looked more beautiful.

Alice appeared behind him and grabbed his arm. "Edward, don't." He shrugged off her hand and took a step forward.

Then something flitted across my mind. One of two things was possible here. Either, I'm still asleep and this extraordinarily beautiful man wasn't really here; or, the one person who held the eternal key to my heart was standing only a few feet from me. No matter which way the tables turned it wasn't good.

If I was dreaming I could only be doing more damage to myself. In the end I would wake up and be even more tortured than when I had closed my eyes.

But, if I was awake and he really was here that meant he was pitying me. Some one had told him about what I had tried to do and now he was going to take the guilt of it onto his own shoulders. Even if he didn't want me he would still blame himself. He would still wear that look of pity for the girl who couldn't get over him.

I was suddenly frightened. Either way my life just kept getting worse. This man would always have his clutches on my heart whether he wanted it or not.

This room at the moment, either in my imagination or real life, was unsafe and I didn't want to stay there.

I turned to the dark corners of my mind. The black places that held no life but were still safer than this world. I ran into a never ending dispare. All the while screaming, "No! Not again!" No matter the realness of what was happening I didn't want either to be real. I screamed and ran from both.

I heard urgent voices behind me. "Bella! Bella! What's wrong with her Alice?" A velvety voice agonized.

"You!" She returned bluntly and angrily. "Bella, please!" I felt cold hands on my shoulders which only seemed to push me farther away.

I sat in the dark place and pulled my knees up making a ball of my body. I held myself together with my arms and cried earth shattering tears. Agonized whimpers escaped through my teeth.

Why me? Why couldn't I escape this? Know matter what I do I'm alone and miserable. The answer that I could never escape from was that I was in love with vampire. A vampire who I had thought loved me but then left me in the dust of his life.

Now I was cowering in my own mind, hiding from an angel. I heard voices yelling my name. Cold hands trying to pull me back. But I refused.

Many a time I had pulled myself here. I hated it here in this lonely place. But it kept me safe. I couldn't be harmed here. I'm safe.

I'm safe.

I kept telling myself that as I drifted into unconsciousness. I dreamed many dreams of a wild haired man that slipped in and out of my life with ease.

When I awoke it was dark. I glanced around the room and saw immediatly that I was not alone. Someone sat in the chair next my bed. As they realized I was awake the light quickly flicked on. Sitting there, only seeming to not have moved, was Jasper.

"Hello." He whispered quietly.

I couldn't make myself answer him. He knew what I wanted to know and I waited patiently for him to tell me where Edward was.

When he didn't say anything I sighed and spoke. "Where is he?"

Jasper's face clouded with confusion. "Who?"

What was he talking about. He knew exactly who I meant. "Edward." I said matter- of- factly.

His eyes were still confused when he answered me. "Well, the last I heard he was in Texas."

I was immediatly as confused as he was but then irritation took over. "What do you mean? He was here. . . he came in my room. He was angry!"

Jasper put a calming hand on mine. "Bella. Edward is not here. He hasn't been for monthes."

I yanked my hand out from under his. The last thing I wanted right now was to be given fake emotions. "No! He was here, Jasper. Why are you lying to me?!"

"Bella, please calm down." Jasper said while standing up.

I slid off the other side of the bed. "No! He was here." I ran out the door knowing he could catch me if he wanted to. Edward was here, and I had to find him. Before, I hadn't wanted to be around him. But, now I had to know if he was really here.

Even though I had at first thought it was all a dream there was something that just couldn't be my imagination. When I awoke I could still smell him. My favorite smell in the whole world was that of him. And even my crazy imagination could not be faking that.

I ran downstairs and into a room full of Cullens. Alice sat on a couch with one of her fashion magazines. Rosalie was exploring the web. And Emmet was huddled over a book. Wait. What! Emmet with a book. There was no way. This was definatly not right.

"Where is he?!" I yelled.

Everyone looked at me in shock. Alice popped up from the couch and bounced to me. "Bella, what are you talking about? Where's who?"

"Oh, not you too!" I backed away from her and ran back to my room. I slid into the bed and pulled the covers up over my head.

I didn't sleep. I only lay there huddled under my latest protection. Cotton. I must have been there for atleast a few hours. Because, glancing under the edge of the blanket I saw light starting to creep through the windows.

Quiet foot steps sounded into the room. I knew that they wanted me to know they were here or I wouldn't have heard them.

"Bella?" said the innocent voice of Alice. Relcutantly I pulled the covers away from my face. Alice was slowly walking to the chair where she sat down. Then, after a moment's hesitation, she sat on the bed next to me.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes letting time slip by us. "I know he was here." I whispered.

She sighed but said nothing. We watched as the light streaming through the windows grew brighter.

"We should get you up." She said after awhile.

Then she moved off the bed and looked at me. How could I have been so stupid? Of course Edward wasn't here. He didn't care about me. Once again I had tricked myself into thinking he actually wanted me.

"He was never here was he?" I whispered.

She paused and then shook her head. I sighed. What more could I expect?

I let her pull me off the bed and to my feet. Thoughts of him flooding into my mind. She brought me some clothes and pushed me into the bathroom so I could shower. When I was dry, dressed, and brushed I came out of the bathroom. She was there waiting for me just where I had left her.

Edward's not here. Edward's not here. I thought to myself over and over again.

I heard voices downstairs. Her eyes skirted there and then back to me. " I took a step for the door and said. "Let's go down stairs." She blocked my movement and instead moved me to the bed where a large book lay.

"First, I want to show you the scrap book I made for when me and Jazzy went to Hawaii."

Right then I knew she was up to something. Why wouldn't she want to go downstairs? The first time I was actually wanting to do something and she wouldn't let me. All suicidal thoughts pushed aside I turned to her.

"Alice." I said letting my eyes bore into hers.

Her eyes went to her feet and she started to fidget. Vampires don't fidget. Finally, she looked up at me and let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine! I'm done trying to protect your stubborn butt." She exclaimed.

She then led me out into the hallway and down the stairs. There I saw Emmet and Jasper holding Edward back. At first I was scared and then I saw that there was no anger in his eyes just pain.

"Edward." I whispered but it was loud enough to bring all of the vampire's attention to me.

In that second I wanted to do a million things. I wanted to fling myself into his arms. I wanted to kiss every inch of his face.I wanted to hold him like I had done when he was mine. I wanted to run the other direction.

The last desire was most prominent. Why should I want to be in his arms. He had hurt me left me and didn't want me. I knew then that I would do none of the above. I would just stand there.

He shrugged out of his brother's grasps and took slow, hesitant steps towards me. His eyes were pleading and searching for mine. But, I found a nice spot on the wall and it was very interesting at the moment.

My heart ached for him but I couldn't, wouldn't. When he reached me his hand reached towards my face. When he was only inches from it I shocked myself and everyone else in the room by saying. "Don't."

Hurt and shock shot across his face. But he pulled his hand away and stared at me with a sad, pleading expression.

Why was he playing these games with me? We both knew he didn't love me so, why?

A tear slid down my face and I turned and walked away.

A/N

Not my strongest chapter but it will do. It's so hard not to get discouraged. I'm hoping that if I continue the story more people will like it and review. I'm trying not to loose hope. The reviews help alot and make me want to keep going.