Reno's List 5: Drink an entire bottle of anything again.
What third wall? Also, swearing.
Any and all places, names, and items belong to Squeenix. But all your base are belong to us.
After the previous Turk watering hole was crushed, burned, and otherwise rendered useless by a giant meteor, along with much of the surrounding area, ShinRa's Department for Administrative Research members were forced to seek another source of liquor. The new place to drink ended up being 7th Heaven, a bar run by a known terrorist, martial-artist, and brunette bombshell, Tifa Lockheart.
For the better part of this fine afternoon, Ms. Lockheart occupied herself with polishing glasses and watching with morbid fascination as Reno emptied a bottle of rum. He became increasingly incoherent, sagging against his quiet partner. Tifa never asked the Turks why they chose her bar to drink at. She also let bygones be bygones, leaving her one-time opponents to drink in peace. Tifa thought back to when she rebuilt 7th Heaven in Edge. The Turk pair offered their helicopter to transport materials and rare liquors. She suspected Rude was sweet on her, but as he hadn't mentioned it, she wouldn't either. She looked at the man in question. The Turks always sat at the bar, in the corner, with a clear view of the door. Even if the world had settled down, there were still enemies to fight, and old habits died hard. Rude nodded once at Tifa, and she slid a glass of water, and a whiskey on the rocks, to the Turk pair. Rude attempted to feed Reno the water, who was having none of it. Giving up, Rude sipped the whiskey and watched Tifa work. Reno was face-down and muttering.
From upstairs, there was a thud, and then the tread of heavy-soled boots. One Cloud Strife, twice-saviour of the world, appeared with a giant motorcycle tire over his shoulder. He nodded at Tifa, who smiled. As he was walking by, Reno shot up.
"You!" He exclaimed blearily. Cloud paused. He turned to stare at Reno. They had once been enemies, but he had made his peace with it. He knew Reno had done many despicable things during his career, but then, so had he. He waited patiently for Reno to finish.
"You…" Reno focused on the blond man. "You got your own theme song." Tifa snickered behind the bar. Rude was watching events unfold with a weary stoicism. This was neither the strangest thing Reno had said, nor the drunkest the man had ever been. Nothing would top 'That Time At Don Corneo's'.
Cloud simply observed the Turk with a steady gaze.
"You're godamned smile got it's own theme song, yo!" Reno moaned.
Cloud looked at Tifa. She knew better than to give Reno absinthe. She shook her head and shrugged.
"Turks, we got one song for…" Reno started counting on his fingers, "…fifteen Turks".
Rude finished his drink and pulled out his wallet to settle the tab.
"Ffffucking… theme songs. I want one!" Reno flailed his arms out. "I got a character change, why not a song, yo?" He smacked his hand on the bar for emphasis. The drunk Turk immediately winced and rubbed it. "It'd be all…" he started humming. Cloud put down the tire and sat on it, watching as Reno drunkenly conducted an imaginary orchestra. Rude steadied him when he became overly-enthusiastic with the string section. The Turk was interrupted by his PHS ringing.
Cloud coughed a quiet laugh; "Me So Horny" was Reno's ringtone. Tifa was giggling as she gave Rude his change. Rude was trying to keep his eyes from the jiggling bounty of Tifa's chest. Reno was trying to answer his phone. He fumbled it open.
"Tsennnng! I'm drunk!" Reno gleefully informed the Turk commander. The resulting sigh was audible throughout the room. "Did you know Strife's fuckin' smile got a theme song?" he informed his boss indignantly.
"Reno. There is a two drink limit for off-duty Turks," came the stern reply, "I could have been calling you in for a mission". Tseng was ignoring the 'theme song' comment. Tifa looked surprised at the drink limit. As far as she knew, the Reno was inebriated at every opportunity. Reno muttered something into the phone.
"Two drinks does not mean two kinds of drinks," Tseng hissed. Cloud was snickering. Tifa watched the rare sight with a smile. "… and that does not mean first and last call!"
Reno was trying to explain that he only had one bottle, and of course he could handle his liquor.
"Two does not mean the two can be as large as you like," the Wutaian explained through the phone. "Just... give the phone to Rude." Reno shoved the phone at Rude with a tragic pout. His displeasure was brief, as he promptly passed out with a bang on the bar counter. Tifa put his bottle in the recycling pile.
Rude spoke quietly with Tseng for a moment, then closed the PHS with a click. Rude sighed and said a quiet goodbye to Tifa, who waved. He slung his partner over his shoulder. In an uncharacteristically helpful mood, Cloud grabbed Reno's arm, and they carried the unresponsive Turk out between them.
Tifa noted to herself that Reno was never allowed to drink an entire bottle of rum again, even if it did lead to interesting conversations.
As the door closed, she heard Rude complain.
"I hate flying the copter!"
Have you heard Murdoc from The Gorillaz slur "fucking"? I imagine that is how Reno also pronounces it. In fact, I sort of imagine Reno and Murdoc would be drunken mates.
I just learned that Rude had a girlfriend named Chelsea. I wonder if she died in Meteorfall? That seems like an interesting plot for another story.