Chapter 4: Into Combat

Mirkwood had certainly been appropriately named. The trees towered up on either side of the narrow trail, casting thick shadows everywhere. On the other hand, it provided perfect cover as the small convoy of army trucks advanced.

In the back of one truck, The Doctor was sat fiddling with the equipment he'd been given to repair. Next to him, Clara was snoozing with her head on her shoulder, occasionally muttering in her sleep in various languages.

He ran his sonic over the trans-mat bracelets Avon and Villa had given him, hoping to reprogram them so that they wouldn't need the Liberator to operate. Of course the sheer number of forces acting in this region, both magical and pseudoscientific, caused enough interference that they wouldn't be able to teleport more than 30 metres, but it was better than nothing.

Clara stirred suddenly as the jeep passed over a particularly sharp bump. "How long have I been out?"

"Oh, a couple of hours. Been a long day for you. Are you alright now?"

"I'm fine. I just had a lot to deal with today, it had a bit of an effect on my head."

"Perhaps you shouldn't be here. You might have more flashbacks once we get into battle."

"Doctor." Said Clara. "Your life's never been peaceful but you've learned to deal with thousands of years of trauma. So have I. Besides, you need at least two pilots to fly the TARDIS within extra dimensions. If I'm not there, you'll just go flying into normal space and leave me stranded." She shook herself off. "I'm fine."

Eager for something else to think about. She decided to have a chat with some of the others in the jeep.

There was a red headed girl helping The Doctor with his work, whom Clara hadn't actually spoken to yet, though she recognised her. "Aren't you Willow?"

"Yeah," Said the girl. "Acting Lieutenant Willow Rosenberg. I do all the magical stuff for the team."

"Acting Lieutenant?"

"Lieutenant Cox had to sit out this mission. Got bonked by a Blue Meanie. He's still in musical treatment."

Clara was still trying to get her head around the fact that all the things she'd known to be fictional were living breathing people around here. To a woman who was training to be an English teacher, or at least would be once The Doctor deemed it safe to take her home, this opened up a whole world of possibilities. All the people she could talk to. All the places she could visit. All the character interpretations she could ask the characters directly about...

But first, she had something else to ask. "Does it bother you that you're... well... fictional characters?"

"Does it bother you that you're not?" Willow replied. "Doctor, I think those wires are the wrong way round."

Deciding that the witch needed to concentrate on helping The Doctor, Clara turned instead to a couple of the redshirts she'd seen signed up yesterday. "And what about you? What was your name again?"

The man looked slightly frightened that she was talking to him "Crewman number 6." He said finally.

"But don't you have a proper name of some kind?"

"I'm not important enough to have one." He replied. "The writers don't have the time to give names to everyone before they die."

Clara thought for a moment. "So, if I was to give you a name, you'd be less likely to die, I presume. Something like, Guy?"

Guy now looked around the truck in alarm. "Why did you have to do that? I could be the guy that you learn a bit about just before they get killed, so it makes it more tragic!"

"Oh come on!" Said Generic guard number 4. "We've only just set out, what could posibly go wrong here? This is my last mission before retirement, you know. It should be pretty simple."

Guy raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think you've figured how this works yet."

The Doctor, meanwhile, was finishing off his tinkering. "There. I think I've got it working."

"How can you be sure that it'll work?" Said Clara.

"I'll test it by trans-matting to the jeep in front." The Doctor replied, sliding a bracelet onto his wrist. "Clara, take the other one, I'll radio you to confirm I'm there." He pressed a button and his image promptly became squiggly, before he vanished completely."

"Has it worked?" Clara said into the bracelet he'd left her.

"Well, It's worked in that it's moved me from one place to another." His voice replied.

"Doctor, where are you?"

"Up a tree somewhere. Wait, I can see you below me."

Willow picked up her own radio and contacted Sharpe, in the lead truck. "Could we stop for a bit? I need to rescue someone from a tree."

"Something else you need to stop for." The Doctor added. "There's some people up ahead."

From within a bush, the groups probe droid took a look over the villain's camp.

In the back of one of the trucks, the whole of Platoon A, about 40 people in total, were watching the videos remotely.

"About 60 of 'em." Said Sharpe. "They're trying to use the gulley for concealment. Good thing you spotted them Doctor."

"You don't have to kill them then." Said The Doctor. "You could just leave each other be."

"I do that and they'll attack us as we pass. I can't risk it." He pointed to a small hillock, which overlooked the gulley, on which a couple of Klingons were guarding the camp. "If we get some men up here, most of 'em'll lay down their arms."

"That's a rather optimistic approach." Said Avon. "They have at least one Terminator in their group, I understand they fight to the death."

"Well, we'll simply target anyone who tries that first then. Can anyone else spot characters with no sense to give up?"

"I believe so." Said Thor, pointing. "Undead creatures. And a Nazgaul."

"Type 3 zombies, I believe." Said Elizabeth Benet. "Killing the controller stops them dead. Unfortunately, it appears that the controller is the Nazgaul."

"Perfect." Said Sharpe. "The one bloody creature no man can kill."

"Don't you just need to stab them in the face?" Said Clara.

"Ah no, Tolkein told me about this." Said The Doctor. "He said that no man can kill him, but a woman can."

"No shortage of women here." Said Harper. "If we can kill it, it'll send a message to the others. Take them without another shot."

"I could do that." River offered suddenly.

"I'd rather you didn't." Said Sharpe. He was still uncertain as to this girl's combat abilities. "You come with me, so I can see if you're as good as Harper says. Faith, Peel. Take half a dozen men with you. Use the bushes as cover. Get close to him. Wait for the opportune moment then burst out at him."

"Perhaps someone could attack from the far side. Draw their attention. We attack as soon as they move." Suggested Emma Peel.

"Good idea." Said Sharpe. "Sergeant Thor, your section attacks from these bushes here. I'll lead the main group against the hillock. Harper, keep ten men in reserve in case anything goes wrong."

"I'd like to volunteer for the reserves." Said Villa.

"Suit yourself." Said Sharpe. "I imagine our Doctor's going to be sitting out too."

The team moved out, leaving Harper with a group of mostly new recruits, leaning against some trees.

"They think we're cowards, don't they?" Said Villa.

"Never let them get to you, Villa." Said The Doctor. "Some people think it's brave to go around starting fights. It takes a lot more courage to back out whenever you can."

The Doctor was clearly uncomfortable with what was happening. Clara decided she needed to reassure him.

"We're not part of their army." She said. "We're just along for the ride, like always. Maybe we can help them keep casualties down later."

At the same time, Thor's group was crawling up through the bushes. They found a couple of sentries on guard but Arnold promptly clubbed them over the head. His orders not to kill, still held sway. It didn't take long for them to reach their target. All that remained was to look at their watches and await the moment they'd been told to spring.

The moment came and those with guns opened fire, bringing down two villains and sending the rest sprawling for cover.

A Sith among the group rallied a handful of orcs, zombies and pirates for a charge at their position. He led the way, deflecting anything the heroes launched at his men.

Before they could reach the lines, however, Thor led his own handful of hand-to-hand combat specialists out to meet them, while the rest kept up covering fire. He swiped three or so of the enemy away with a single blow.

The Sith turned to chop through his hammer, but the Asgardian responded to this by leaping away and launching lightning at the man, which the sith caught on his light sabre. He shot electricity back from his fingertips, which Thor caught on the hammer. The spectacular stalemate continued for the remainder of the battle, with neither man daring to move from the spot.

Up on the ridge, the Kilngons had been exchanging fire with the heroes down below. They were brought to a halt as the butts of several guns slammed into the backs of their heads.

Sharpe dragged their unconscious forms aside and took up position, overlooking the gulley. He was rather alarmed to find that there were far fewer people below him than expected. Just in time, he spotted the tail of a GELF disappearing up a slope they hadn't noticed earlier.

"Pat." He said into his radio. "Ten or so of 'em near you. I think they're flanking."

"Right." Said Harper. "You lot, with me!"

Harper's group rushed forward. By pure luck, they ran headlong into the flanking party, and both sides promptly scattered for cover.

What followed next was difficult for either side to piece together. Each man suddenly found himself fighting on his own resources. From their vantage point at the rear, The Doctor and Clara could just see a lot of people running around trees and bushes and things, shouting and shooting like mad.

They ducked back, behind the tree as Guy and the generic guard broke away from the fight and came running their way in panic. A gunshot rang out and the guard collapsed to the ground. The bare metal Terminator that had been chasing him marched over his body.

"You see?" Guy shouted from the tree he'd taken cover behind. "We're going to die now!"

The machine unleashed a hail of AK-47 fire at them, missing by millimetres.

Before it could reload, Villa emerged from a bush he'd been shooting from and proceeded to shoot the Terminator's gun, twisting it out of shape and rendering it useless. The thief was promptly forced to abandon his assault on the robot as a GELF crossbow bolt sailed past his ear, forcing him to dive for cover.

The machine proceeded forward anyway. Its heat sensors picked up the most heat coming from The Doctor and Clara's tree.

As its heavy footsteps drew closer, the girl was finally spurred into action. She swung around her cover, brought her gun to bear and fired. Having not fired a shotgun in about 100,000 years, she had forgotten how they kick. She was promptly thrown backwards, into the undergrowth, her shot travelling wild.

As she fell in the leaves, her mind abruptly flashed back. She was back in the Everglades, fighting with her redneck friends, who were under siege by swamp monsters. Firing the gun had felt so natural then...

She dragged her mind back to the present and the death machine advancing on her.

The machine made to stamp on her ankle so she hurriedly yanked it away and scrambled to her feet.

With her weapons experience back in her head, she took aim once more. This time, she held it and blasted the Terminator's CPU free from its head.

The Doctor decided not to ask about her mental state, instead he went to check the redshirt who'd been shot. He was dead of course. People were rarely wounded in this world, unless it moved the plot along.

Clara had a thought. She wasn't proud of it but she had to ask. "Doctor. If it's always the redshirts who get killed, doesn't that mean that everyone else is safe?"

They heard a gasp up ahead and looked up to see Elizabeth Bennet collapse from behind a tree, an arrow in her neck.

"This is fan fiction." The Doctor said solemnly. "Anyone can die. Including us."

The moment Sharpe had taken the ridge, Emma and Faith had taken it as a cue to charge.

A startled wild west outlaw tried to turn his gun on them but they responded by kigking the gun from his hand, followed by a kick to the face.

Several more villains tried to turn and shoot her but a volley of surpressing fire from the ridge forced them to bury themselves deeper into the undergrowth, where they couldn't line up a shot.

Up on the ridge, a very excited police officer called Danny Butterman was marking a stormtrooper, shouting "Bang! Bang! Bang!" As he fired.

Next to him, River was taking shots at the Nazgaul. The frustrated wraith was trying to use the black breath on the heroes but Willow was reciting an incantation to cancel out his magic. He could have broken through it, but River's shots were keeping him from concentrating.

"I don't think he likes it." She grinned. Mid sentence, she swung her gun round to shoot something over her shoulder, without looking. A muffled cry sounded from the bushes. "Predator." She explained.

"OK, Now you're just showing off." Said Danny.

"You go to his left, I'll go to his right." Said Faith. The two women had reached their target.

The Nazgul spun round, and was briefly able to hold off both of their sword strokes. But everyone with a gun or a bow had taken this as their cue to bombard the wraith, the pain incapacitated it long enough for Faith to move in for the kill.

She stabbed it hard in the face. With a wailing cry, which echoed throughout the area, the Nazgaul fell.

The villains promptly dropped their weapons. The skirmish had lasted all of a minute.

"Well that was surprisingly easy." Said Faith.

Harper finished his roll call. "Four dead on our side. About 15 on theirs." He said. "That leaves 35 prisoners."

"Should have been another way." Said The Doctor.

"And you would know. You had a good view from the back." Said Sharpe. The Major looked around his men. "We're still quite close to the lines. Guy, take a handful of redshirts and escort the prisoners back."

"But what if something really ironic happens?" Said Guy. "Like the Sith guy getting enough strength to use his mind tricks to turn us on each other."

"Good point." Said Sharpe. "Thor, you're powerful enough. You take them instead. Try to catch up with us at the checkpoint."

"Back to the trucks. We're still 10 miles from the campsite." Harper called. "Come on, do you want to have your supper before midnight?"

Clara was shaking slightly as she watched Arnold shovelling some leaves to cover the bodies. Up 'till now it had been quite fun meeting all these fictional characters and going on adventures with them. Somehow, it hadn't registered that people were in constant danger, and so was she. She could very well soon be dying for the last time.

Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who's posted reviews so far. It helps keep me writing.