Chapter 4

Lauren

I sat cross legged on the floor, eyes closed, new bandages wrapped around my torso, focusing only on how I was breathing. I'd taken myself off morphine and only had transfusions at night to allow my body to rest without working overtime to clean the blood. Meditation had been something I'd practiced on and off for some time. Mostly when I was under the direct control of the Ash, it was just a form of release or escape. A way of letting myself focus and calm down. But now, now it was about healing.

I'd read studies on meditation; allegedly, it calmed the heart rate, slowed the breathing and increased the blood flow to the brain. A slowed heart rate would stop any poison flowing into my system from spreading too quickly.

Bo had left me with Trick yesterday, hesitantly, but she'd agreed to come back the next day. It was about four in the morning now. I couldn't sleep. I needed answers. I needed the information this attack could give me. The science behind it was incredible. Granted, the attack nearly killed me, but now that I wasn't dead, I could learn a lot.

"What're you doing up?" Trick asked, walking into the room. I didn't open my eyes.

"Couldn't sleep." I murmured, otherwise not moving. Trick's presence didn't disturb me. With a being so wise and almost mystical as he in the room, it wasn't a problem.

"Too many questions?"

"Something like that."

"About the Manticore, or Bo?" That's when I opened my eyes and saw him sitting across from me, a serious look on his face. I sighed and pushed myself to my knees.

"Trick, you've done enough for me already. Allowing me to stay here, helping me with the bandages and treatment, I don't want to bother you with relationships. Especially my own." He chuckled softly and I looked at my hands in my lap, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Lauren, all you do is help other people. But never have I seen you let someone else lend a hand when you needed it." I didn't say anything. Being helped was far harder than helping. Or rather, allowing someone to help me was harder for me than actually helping someone else. "a blind man could see the way you look at her, Lauren. What are you so afraid of?" I raked my fingers through my hair and refused to answer. We sat in silence for a few long moments until he stood up, brushing off his slacks. "When you want to talk, you know where to find me." I nodded and he left for the tavern floor. I folded my legs and relaxed on the floor again, though it took longer this time to find peace.

+/+\+

The gang had gathered on the main level, talking about some kind of mission or location they were gunning for. By now it was almost nine am and I hadn't moved from meditation since earlier, only to allow Trick to change the bandages and apply more salve to the spines. Meditation was easier than worrying or lying on the couch. At least then I knew I was doing something for my body.

And my heart.

"Do you guys sense that?" Bo asked suddenly, loud enough for me to hear. With muttered negatives, Bo's heels tapped on the floor, heading in my direction.

"Where're you going!" Kenzi called after her.

"Keep talking, I'll be right back!" her footsteps echoed down the stairs and stopped. "Whoa." She mumbled, "Lauren?" I didn't move, just took a long deep breath. The raspy edge to her voice wasn't helping my relaxation. I concentrated more on my breathing. She walked around until she was in front of me. I heard her kneel down and I opened my eyes.

"Hey." I said softly. Her face was slightly twisted into a look of confusion and almost pain.

"Hey." She muttered, her eyes tracing me. A long cut showed on the side of her left arm, it appeared old, maybe a few hours, but it wasn't something that she would've left untreated. The skin around it was red and inflamed from possible infection.

"You're hurt." I murmured and she barely looked at the cut, eyes transfixed on me.

"Yeah, it's…it's nothing." She murmured, "you're um…your aura is…" her fingers touched my hair gently, her eyes slowly turning the brilliant blue colour I found so fascinating. So beautiful.

"You haven't fed." I said observantly but with an even tone, letting her think…or not think.

"No, I didn't have time…" She touched my face and I felt the familiar surge of her power racing through me. I grasped her hand gently and kissed the knuckles on it. She seemed transfixed on me, another, far more interesting experiment. The succubus touch would normally have rendered me a blithering blob of puddy for Bo to manipulate, especially if she was as hungry as she appeared to be. I pressed her hand to the bandages, over my heart.

"Take it from me, Bo." I told her softly and her entire body trembled, "heal." She looked like she was losing herself. I was hurt, true, but meditation eased it. Maybe, by centring my chi, I had conjured some sort of succubus feeding ground or something of that nature.

"I could hurt you." She said, her eyes glowing like neon sapphires. "I can feed somewhere else…" I cupped her cheek gently. She moved closer, one leg moving to a side of my hip, her foot hooking around my back, pulling herself more towards me.

"I want to help you." I said softly, feeling her tense and her fingers clench my hair, her breathing coming in shallow gasps. "I want to be the one you come to when you need…" a low, almost growl emitted from her throat and she smirked, her hands tracing my face.

"Bo!" Kenzi yelped, suddenly her and the rest of them were standing at the entrance. Bo looked up at them, her eyes shining brighter than I'd ever seen before. "Bo don't!" Kenzi warned her, holding her hand out in a cautionary way. Bo looked from me to Kenzi and the group, her hand caressing my face tenderly.

"It's her aura, Kenzi, it's intoxicating."

"Why is she so out of it?" Dyson demanded from someone, I didn't notice who.

"She hasn't fed for days." Kenzi said, grudgingly

"That and Lauren's been centring herself all morning, all that chi circling in her for hours without any wandering focus…"

"Bo stop!" Dyson growled, "you could kill her in her weakened state."

"It's so pure…" she whispered, her fingers locking under my jaw, pulling my face up to hers, her bright eyes looking down into mine. I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to be what Bo needed in that moment and instead leaned my head into her chest, wrapping my arms around her loosely as the pain started coming back. I couldn't let her lose it. I couldn't let her succumb to her impulse to feed because I wanted to feel special. Because I wanted to feel like she could take everything from me and it would be fine. I felt her relax slowly, a shuddering breath escaping her lungs and she clutched me to her in shock. "oh god, Lauren" I looked up at her, feeling the tears roll down my face. Her thumbs brushed them away. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I just…your aura was so strong…I haven't fed in days…" I nodded and moved to get up, forcing her off.

"Yeah, yeah I get it." I said, shoving my hands in the pockets of my sweater. "I'm just gonna go for a walk, I'll be back later."

"Should you really be walking outside by yourself?" She asked and I looked back at her, seeing the confusion and shock on her face.

"I'll be back later."

"Why don't you, uh, why don't you stop by the club house when you're done walking. If I'm not there, just let yourself in." I nodded and walked through the group, who parted for me, their eyes following me out of the tavern.

+/+\+

I walked into Bo's house, hands in my pockets. She was waiting for me in the front room, two glasses of wine poured. I felt sick. Like really sick. My stomach was clenched and my heart was pounding in my chest. Something was definitely wrong. The poison was seeping into my body far faster than I'd expected. By this rate, I probably wouldn't make it much past tomorrow morning. Bo and the others hadn't found the herbs for what I needed yet, that much I knew for sure. And I wouldn't make it without it. But, if I were to die tonight, I'd just want one more moment alone with Bo. After that, it wouldn't matter. "hey" she said, leaping to her feet when she saw me, nervously smoothing her clothing. "I uh, how are you?"

"fine." I lied, she was in too much of a nervous flurry to notice. "You?"

"Good, I'm good." She said, before flopping back down on the couch. "No, I'm not, actually." She looked from the glass of wine to me. "Before, at Trick's place…it was-"

"My fault."

"No, Lauren it wasn't—"

"I encouraged you." I said softly, "I wanted it, I wanted…I wanted…" I looked away from her and sat on the arm of the chair. "It's stupid, really."

"No, no" she laughed lightly at the blush I felt lighting up my face. "Nothing you say is stupid, Lauren." She moved closer to me, taking my hand in her own. "Why did you want me to feed from you?" She asked and I looked at her briefly before looking back to my lap.

"I wanted to feel like you needed me. Like I could be…everything you needed." She was silent for a long while. Suddenly, regret filled me. I shouldn't have told her that. I shouldn't have said anything. This would undoubtedly lead to her thinking I was jealous, which, mind you, wasn't exactly untrue. But I couldn't let her think it was her fault either. When did I get so sappy?

"Lauren," she said, keeping her eyes on the coffee table. "You know that, if I was able to, I would come to you to heal. But you're—"

"Human." I finished her sentence for her "and fragile."

"I could kill you if I lose control, like I almost did at the Doll."

"I know." Did it make me a freak that I didn't care? That I saw she was hurt and I wanted her to take what life force she needed to heal herself? I wanted to make her feel better? Make her wound go away? This is moronic, Lauren, I scolded myself I thought you wanted to take it slow. "And I'm sorry. Should it happen again…it won't happen again." I stood up and walked towards the door, stopping halfway. I'd already screwed things up, might as well throw more shit into the mix. "And, just for the record, when I saw it, saw the real you…" she played with her hands, expecting the worse "I thought you were beautiful." I turned towards the door again and suddenly, her hand was around my wrist.

"wait." She breathed, forcing me to turn to her. "Stay with me, tonight." I opened my mouth to say something and she cut me off "no hanky-panky, just with me. Sleeping in the same bed." I took a moment to think it over. Being with Bo was something that had become like a new dream for me. Something I strived for everyday. Something that I tried for. But I hurt her; she had a fair reason for keeping me at arm's length.

I slowed myself down when I came here for Bo's help after I ran from the Ash. I didn't want to push, swore to myself that I'd let Bo make the decisions, let her set the pace.

Now, she was inviting me into her bed.

Need I say more?

I nodded and couldn't keep the moronic smile off my face. Suddenly, the pain in my stomach and overall feeling of illness didn't seem so bad.

I let her lead me into the bedroom, let her pull my sweater off, revealing my bandaged chest and the spines. Bo helped me strip off the bloodied dressings and wrap me in a new set. I felt her eyes on every inch of my body as she wrapped, her fingers grazing my skin gently here and there. Even I could feel her and the tension she was creating between us. I knew she wouldn't do anything…compromising. So, instead, when she finished wrapping and I came face to face with blue eyes again, I gently ran my fingers along her hair line, my other hand holding her bicep. "Hey." She laughed once

"Hi." She said bashfully, though her eyes didn't fade.

"You alright?" she nodded and I leaned my forehead to hers. "I've got so much to tell you, Bo, so many stories and things to share with you."

"And you'll have plenty of time to do that." She said gently, her hand resting on my waist. "Now, come to bed, you look like you could use some rest." In that moment, I looked at Bo's face and tried to memorise every cell, every microscopic part of her. So, should tomorrow come without me, I'd have no regrets.

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