Thanks to everyone who's reviewed - all comments are really appreciated. Whirlgirl - I can't reply to your reviews, so just wanted to say thanks for all the support.
Chapter Four
Until news of Luke Redman's death arrived, Virgil's sessions with Antonia had followed the same routine. The first few minutes would be taken up with general conversation, just to get him settled. Then he'd talk about school and how he was coping. Later, he might touch upon something connected with his experience in the summer, though he'd been reluctant to pursue this. This time however, it was different. For a start he'd missed most of that week in school, Jeff agreeing with Mrs Bourne that perhaps it was best to keep him at home, just in case someone said the wrong thing about Luke. The nightmares had been bad again and Jeff was worried about the setback to his son's recovery. After his outburst the night of Luke's death he'd refused to talk about it again, but he was obviously still troubled, clashing with Alan and Gordon – which was normal - but also with Scott and Grandma, which certainly wasn't.
He'd been quiet at the start of the session and Antonia had waited for him to speak. She could see that he was in turmoil, obviously wanting to talk about the kidnapping, but unsure whether he could bring himself to do so. Finally he had looked up at her with an expression of such anxiety that she'd had to fight the impulse to give him a hug. She simply smiled at him encouragingly.
"You know you can talk to me, don't you? Nothing you say here goes back to your family, Virgil. I only give your father a general report on your progress."
He nodded, looking down at the floor again, biting his lip nervously. Come on, Virgil, she thought. You're so close. Let it out.
Finally he looked at her and said tentatively,
"Can I tell you about it?"
Hiding her feeling of triumph at the breakthrough she simply nodded.
"Whenever you're ready, Virgil."
Then he'd talked, working his way through every moment of his ordeal. To his surprise he hadn't broken down or got angry, he'd just been able to explain quite objectively what he'd gone through, only faltering when he confessed to the guilt he felt over Mike's death and the humiliation he'd experienced after recording the tape. When he'd come to a stop after explaining how he'd woken up in hospital, safely back with his father, he could tell Antonia thought he'd finished. He'd been silent for a moment, gazing thoughtfully at the floor, wondering whether to tell her the rest. She'd just been about to say something when he'd looked up at her and come to his decision. He started off again, his voice little more than a whisper this time, recounting those dark feelings of resentment towards his father which he hadn't even been able to discuss with Scott. When he'd finished he felt exhausted but relieved, almost cleansed, as if a splinter had been drawn from deep inside.
Antonia finally understood just why he'd been so reluctant to talk. It certainly gave her plenty to work on over the coming weeks.
And work they did. Now that she'd gained his trust Antonia began to talk through all Virgil's anxieties. Whilst she mainly focused on helping him cope with his fear of strangers and of going out on his own, she touched on his relationship with his father whenever Virgil was willing to discuss it. As she'd expected, he'd been evasive in later sessions, feeling guilty about his comments, obviously seeing them as some sort of betrayal or criticism of his father. She didn't push it, leaving it to him to bring the matter up again.
"Dad's different now," he said during one session.
"In what way?"
"Afterwards... everyone else reacted like I'd expected them to. Grandma fussed all the time, Scott wanted to hurt anyone who hurt me, John was fascinated – he always wants to know what we talk about here. I don't tell him, though. Gordon and Alan still don't really get it.
"But Dad ... he's always been tough, you know. He never showed his feelings and he expected us to be the same. If one of us got upset he'd just tell us to stop complaining and get on with it – we'd end up going to Grandma instead if we needed a hug. But now... he's all emotional himself. He even cried at the hospital. It was kind of nice at the time because it proved he cared, but it was scary as well. He's turned into Grandma, always fussing – with me anyway.
"It's just confusing – he wanted me to be more grown up before it happened and now he treats me like a baby again. I was glad at first – I just wanted to hide away in the house where it was safe, where no one was looking at me and talking about me. But I kept expecting him to tell me to pull myself together. But he didn't – he still hasn't. And he's always checking up on Scott and John. It's like he's scared of what might happen to us. And if Dad's scared... well, it has to be dangerous out there, doesn't it? That's why I'm afraid to go out."
Antonia wished she could have a few sessions with Jeff Tracy. She was intrigued by the way his usual no-nonsense approach to life had been shaken by the kidnapping and his own uncharacteristic emotional reaction. She wondered if Jeff realised just how much Virgil's suspicion of the outside world was a reflection of his own fears. It was time for a discussion with Jeff, she thought.
"Is your dad picking you up tonight?" she asked.
Virgil looked panic-stricken. "You're not going to tell him what I said, are you?" he asked.
"Of course not. But I think he needs some help in helping you. Would you mind if I had a chat with him?"
Virgil couldn't exactly say no. He wanted to get on with his life and he knew the issue had to be faced. But the thought of his father knowing what he'd said about him...
"He won't admit he cried," he said finally.
"I wouldn't expect him to. Don't worry, Virgil. I just want to give him some advice, okay?"
"Okay," he said reluctantly.
He was on edge for the rest of the session. When Antonia's secretary buzzed her to let her know that Jeff had arrived he had to fight back the urge to make a run for it, dragging his father with him.
"Why don't you wait outside and I'll call you in when we've finished," Antonia suggested. "And don't worry. I'm not going to tell him anything he doesn't already know."
A nervous Virgil left and a minute later an equally nervous Jeff appeared. As much as he appreciated Antonia for the help she was giving Virgil, he'd never felt at ease in her office.
"Is there a problem?" he asked. "I thought Virgil was doing well."
"He's doing brilliantly," she smiled. "You've said yourself that he's a lot happier now."
"Yes," Jeff relaxed a little. "He could teach the other four a few things about staying calm and keeping their tempers. He seems to have come to terms with what happened to him. Now if he could only find the nerve to go out alone, face strangers..."
"He wants to try. But it's going to be hard – for both of you."
Jeff looked at her suspiciously. The last thing he wanted was to talk about his own feelings.
"Well, it's bound to be difficult – I almost lost him in the summer. But it's not about my feelings, is it?"
"Actually, your feelings might be part of the problem."
"What do you mean?"
"Virgil's picked up on your fears. He knows you're worried about him being out by himself so now he thinks there's really something to be worried about. He's seeing danger where there isn't any. He's become too reliant on you and the rest of his family."
Jeff stared at her, always defensive when he felt his parenting skills were being called into question.
"Are you saying it's my fault he won't go out? What should I do? Lock him out of the house? Take him somewhere and abandon him for a few hours?"
She looked at him steadily, not bothering to respond.
Finally Jeff sighed. He knew what she was saying made sense.
"I couldn't face anything else happening to him – or to any of my boys," he said quietly. "I know the odds are against it, but even so..."
"Virgil needs you to put those feelings aside – or at least to keep them hidden. He's a brave kid – he tried to escape, remember. Once he takes the first step he'll quickly get his confidence back. And you'll start to feel better too."
"I suppose so," Jeff admitted. "What should I do?"
"Start encouraging him to face strangers again. Take him to the movies, go to a baseball game. Don't give in if he tries to back out. When he's comfortable facing new people and places, then you can start encouraging him to do it alone. "
When Virgil was called back into the office he looked apprehensively at the two adults. Both were smiling, though his father looked thoughtful as he indicated the seat next to him.
"Ready to go out and face the world?" he asked.
Virgil nodded. "I think so."
"I think so too. And it's time I let you. How about a trip into town tomorrow? All of us?"
"Okay." For the first time in months Virgil sounded genuinely enthusiastic at the prospect of a day out.
The expedition to town was a great success. Virgil had been nervous but had coped well, though he'd become frustrated when Alan had offered to hold his hand and look after him. Scott and John had smiled at this, thinking that if anything was going to get Virgil to take those first few steps out alone, being shown up by his little brother might just do it. For Jeff however, it was just another indication of how his own fears were being picked up by his younger sons. He kept praising Virgil for his composure in the face of so many unknown people, promising him that in time he'd be able to face them alone.
As the next couple of weeks passed, Virgil ventured outside more often, going to the movies with Scott and joining in a school trip to the theatre. He was feeling proud of himself, no longer panicking or wondering if people were talking about him. Jeff was delighted to see Virgil becoming more confident. This in turn was helping him – his own nightmares were few and far between now and he was beginning to relax his tight controls on his eldest sons, much to Scott and John's relief.
Grandma sometimes wondered just what her life would have been like if she hadn't had to take charge of her grandsons. She sometimes dreamed of a quiet life where she could please herself, meeting friends for coffee or lunch on the spur of the moment, taking trips to those far-off places she'd always wanted to visit, or, most precious of all, just being able to enjoy a few uninterrupted hours of peace and quiet with no meals to prepare, no arguments to settle, no bruises or scrapes to fuss over. Instead she found herself with the day to day responsibility for five boys whilst their father worked away from home. Jeff did his best and was running himself ragged flying between New York and Kansas as often as he could, but Grandma felt the pressure the most. Not that she would change anything, of course.
This past couple of weeks had been hard. A nasty flu bug was working its way through the local schools and the boys had been taking it in turns to go down with it. Gordon had caught it first, then Alan, then John. As soon as one would recover and return to school, the next would fall sick. Now it was Virgil's turn. Only Scott remained fit and he was convinced that he'd get it next and so be forced to miss his new girlfriend's birthday the following Friday. Grandma really hoped he didn't catch it – she was worn out with looking after the others and Scott was a particularly uncooperative patient. At least the younger ones were content to lie on the couch, cosily wrapped up in a blanket, happy to be fussed over. That was where Virgil was now, dozing fitfully, thankfully over the worst of the sickness, but still tired and feverish.
Leaving the lounge she decided it was time to give the kitchen cupboards a good clearout. The cleaning materials she needed were stored in the cellar, but when she reached for the light switch nothing happened. She frowned in annoyance. The bulb was a nuisance to replace – whoever designed the house had obviously not expected anyone less than six feet tall to take responsibility for replacing it – the light hung at the very edge of the stairs and even Jeff had to reach for it when he changed the bulb, leaning precariously over the top stair. She would have to stand on a chair. She wondered whether to put off the cleaning until another day. Scott could easily change the bulb for her when he came home from school. But then what else could she do? Two weeks of being stuck in the house with various sick children had seen her clean every other inch of the house. It was the cupboards or nothing and she wasn't the kind of woman to sit around doing nothing. Nor was she the type to admit defeat!
Carrying over a chair from the kitchen table she debated whether to get Virgil to steady it for her, then decided to leave him to sleep. She found a new bulb then climbed onto the chair. It was quite a reach for her, but she managed to remove the old bulb easily enough. Fitting the new one was less easy and took several attempts. She couldn't quite seem to get it lined up straight and she swung further out, the chair shifting slightly. In her frustration she didn't realise just how close the leg was getting to the edge of the stairs. Determined to get the thing fitted, she kept trying, finally giving an exclamation of satisfaction as she slotted the bulb in and twisted it into place. She started to step down, only for the shift in her weight to finally edge the chair leg over the top step. She made a desperate grab for the light cable to try to save herself but she didn't stand a chance. Her fingers brushed against it but she couldn't catch hold and she felt herself start to fall.
Virgil awoke with a start. He wasn't sure why, but he immediately felt uneasy, wondering just what had woken him so suddenly. Everything seemed normal enough. Glancing up at the clock he realized it was time for another dose of medicine. Coughing a little as he got up, he wandered into the kitchen, fully expecting to find his grandmother there.
He knew something was wrong as soon as he got there. The cellar door was open, a sinister black hole marring the brightness of the kitchen. There was a sound too, coming from the cellar, something he couldn't quite place, halfway between a moan and a cry. He knew it was Grandma and fear shot through him. Hesitantly he made his way towards the door and called out hoarsely,
"Grandma?"
Grandma lay at the bottom of the stairs amongst the shattered remains of the chair. She'd landed hard, briefly losing consciousness. When she awoke she knew at once that she'd broken something – quite a few things by the feel of it. The pain of trying to move had caused her to pass out again for a moment and she forced herself to keep still. Help would come soon, she thought – Virgil would wake up and come looking for her. She tried to call out, hoping he'd hear, but all that came out was a pain-filled moan. But the relief she felt when she heard her grandson's voice was immense and as she slipped back into oblivion she knew help was on its way.
Virgil stood at the cellar door staring into the darkness. Grandma was down there and something was very wrong. He knew he should go down and investigate, but still he hesitated. He hadn't been down to the cellar since his return home. He hadn't wanted to awaken the memories of his capture, so he'd always managed to find some excuse when anyone asked him to fetch something, usually sending Alan, who found the cellar incredibly exciting, convinced that there was treasure buried down there somewhere. But Alan wasn't here – no one was, it was all down to him.
Shaking a little, he thought about all the things he'd learned about controlling his fears. It was hard. He knew his panic about the cellar was unfounded, but his fears for Grandma were very real. The moaning had stopped now and he knew the silence was bad. He reached out for the light switch and to his relief the cellar flooded with light. Stepping forward he looked down the stairs.
Any thoughts he might have had about his own fears vanished as he saw his grandmother lying brokenly at the foot of the stairs. He suddenly found himself running down to her, calling out for her at the top of his voice, ignoring the soreness of his throat. He knew enough not to move her, but he shook her shoulder gently. There was no response, but he could see she was breathing and that reassured him a little.
"Grandma, I'm going to call an ambulance," he whispered. "It's going to be alright."
The call took a few minutes then he ran back to his grandmother, stopping to pick up his blanket from the lounge, practical as always. Carefully covering her, he held her hand, pleading with her to wake up. Her painful moaning had been terrifying but the silence was worse. She didn't respond to his desperate calls and he became increasingly anxious, convinced that at any minute she'd simply give up and die. His voice had almost gone, the words now coming out in a barely audible whisper, but still he kept talking.
Even though he was waiting for it, the loud knock at the front door made him jump. Running back upstairs, he couldn't help but check through the window first, hating himself for doing it, but needing to reassure himself that it really was the paramedics, not some random stranger with evil intentions.
The next ten minutes were a blur as the paramedics brought their equipment and a stretcher and tended to Grandma. Virgil sat at the top of the stairs, trembling a little now with the shock. He should call his father, he thought, Scott too, but he didn't know what to say, so he waited until the paramedics could give him some more news. Finally the woman - Jess, according to her name badge, came up the stairs. She went to put a comforting hand on Virgil's shoulder and was a little surprised when he shied away.
"Okay, we're going to get your grandma to the hospital. She's broken a few bones and hurt her head, but she's going to be fine, I promise you. Is there someone we can call to look after you? You can't stay here by yourself."
Virgil stared at her. Grandma was going to be okay, that was good. But he'd assumed he could stay with her or at least stay in the house. Anyway, there wasn't anyone to look after him right now. His father was in New York, Scott and John were in school, and the neighbour who sometimes looked after the younger ones was away visiting her daughter.
"Can't I go with Grandma?" he asked. "There's no one who can come here. I can call my brother and get him to come to the hospital."
Jess looked at him. She was sure this was the boy who'd been all over the news the previous summer. The wary look in his eyes as he watched her suggested someone who wasn't too keen on strangers. She frowned. She really needed to get the woman to hospital quickly but she couldn't leave the boy on his own, so she nodded in agreement.
"Okay, but you call your brother before we go."
She turned back to her partner who was calling her to help manoeuvre the stretcher up the stairs.
Virgil called Scott, knowing that he would be in class and his phone would be turned off. Trying to think of a gentle way to break the news was beyond him and he ended up leaving a short message which he feared would panic his brother but which would at least have him dashing to the hospital as quickly as he could. He had the presence of mind to lock the house up before climbing into the ambulance with his grandmother, watching Jess anxiously as she worked.
When they arrived at the hospital Grandma was rushed off to the care of the doctors. Jess took Virgil to the waiting room. He walked in, suddenly filled with apprehension as he realised that for the first time since the kidnapping he was in a strange place all by himself.
"You stay here, okay. How long will your brother be?"
"Not long."
Virgil hoped not, anyway. Even though she'd been unconscious he'd felt safe beside his grandmother. The waiting room, quiet as it was on a Wednesday morning, filled him with terror. He sat down on one of the hard chairs close to the receptionist, thinking that this was probably the safest place. Jess looked at him in some concern.
"Are you sure you're alright? You've had a bit of a shock and you don't look very well."
"I'm alright. Just worried about Grandma." Virgil couldn't tell her what the problem really was, and anyway, it was Grandma who was in trouble, not him.
"Well she's being taken care of. You just tell Susie if you need anything." She indicated the receptionist before leaving him alone.
He called his father in New York, dreading his reaction but needing to hear his voice. Sure enough Jeff was panic-stricken at first, but, having assured himself that his mother was in good hands and that Scott would be with Virgil soon, he ended the call in order to get himself home as quickly as he could. A call to John to let him know what was going on and to make sure he collected Gordon and Alan from school followed, then Virgil had nothing but his thoughts to occupy himself.
He sat nervously, feeling tired and weak. His throat burned and he wished he'd thought to take some more medicine before he'd left the house. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep, but he was just too scared of what might happen if he let his guard down. Forcing himself to run through the various coping strategies he'd learned with Antonia, he tried to calm himself. He wasn't doing too badly until a young blood-stained man staggered in and collapsed right in front of him. Several medics rushed to help and the close proximity of so many people left him shaking. It was a relief when the man was taken away. He sat back once more, this time humming a song to calm himself. He wasn't at his most tuneful due to the flu and he got a few strange looks, but he didn't care. He forced himself to think of Grandma, not of his own problems. This didn't exactly comfort him – she'd looked so... broken, but it stopped him panicking. Gradually he began to feel a little more secure.
Scott didn't arrive for another hour and a half. He'd been too busy chatting to Ella, his girlfriend, to bother checking his phone between classes, so it was lunchtime before he'd picked up Virgil's message. He'd made a frantic dash for his car and broken every speed limit to get to the hospital, worrying not just about Grandma but about his brother too. Parking the car hurriedly he'd raced into the hospital and charged into the waiting room, scanning the rows of seats anxiously for Virgil. When he finally saw him sitting near the receptionist's desk, Scott could tell that the long wait hadn't been easy. Virgil's tension was obvious as he sat upright in the chair, his fists clenched nervously. He was pale, with dark smudges beneath his eyes and Scott felt a pang of guilt for leaving him here for so long. He could only guess at the stress his brother must be under, surrounded by strangers in a place which would surely bring back memories of his ordeal. He came to a breathless halt in front of his brother.
"Virgil? It's okay, I'm here."
He expected his brother to break down, but Virgil just breathed a sigh of relief and managed a smile.
"Hi, Scott. You took your time."
"Sorry. I didn't get your message straightaway. How are you doing?"
"Me? I'm fine. It's Grandma who's hurt."
"Yes, I know, but you've been here on your own for ages. Are you okay?" Scott was surprised by Virgil's composure.
"I'm fine, really." Virgil felt a little guilty when he realised that Scott was more worried about him than Grandma. He really did feel fine – well, apart from the headache and sore throat. But he knew that wasn't what Scott meant.
"Don't worry about me. I'm still here – no one tried to kidnap me and I didn't start panicking. Guess the counselling's working."
Despite his worry for Grandma he was quite proud of himself – he'd got help, dealt with people he didn't know and faced a strange environment all by himself. It was nice when Scott had – finally – turned up, but in some ways he was glad he'd had the chance to prove himself. It would have taken him months to do something like this if he hadn't been forced into it.
Scott relaxed a little, pleased to see that Virgil really was okay, then remembered why they were both there.
"Have they said anything about Grandma?"
"Not much. The doctor told me she broke her leg and they need to operate. But she got knocked out so they have to wait for her to wake up first. They think she'll be okay though. "
He told Scott all that had happened and the two of them continued to wait for news. It wasn't long before Virgil fell asleep, his head resting on Scott's shoulder. Scott didn't have the heart to move him, though he was more certain than ever that he was going to get this bug next, missing Ella's birthday. Then it struck him that even if Grandma wasn't kept in hospital for long, she'd be unable to drive or get around very well and he'd have to help out more with the boys. It looked as if his social life was going to be limited for the next few weeks at least.
Jeff Tracy ran into the waiting room of the ER, looking around frantically until he spotted Scott and Virgil sitting at the far end.
"Boys, I got here as soon as I could. Virgil, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Dad." Virgil was determined to show his father how well he was coping. Once again he felt a little ashamed that his family seemed more concerned about him than about his injured grandmother.
Jeff nodded approvingly at him, knowing how hard this must have been for Virgil. Although he appreciated the effort Virgil was making to be strong, he suddenly realised that even though Virgil might not need comforting, he himself certainly did. He pulled his son into a tight hug. After a moment he reached out for Scott too. The display of emotion no longer surprised Virgil, but the fact that it was happening in a public place did.
But Jeff was soon back to his usual self: demanding to see a doctor and pacing the waiting room as he waited for news.
It was another half an hour before a doctor approached them.
"Mr Tracy?"
"Yes. Do you have news of my mother?"
"Your mother's going to be okay. She's awake now, though she has quite a nasty concussion. We're just preparing her for surgery – her leg is badly broken and we need to pin it."
"Can I see her?"
"Not until she's out of surgery. That might not be for a few hours yet."
Jeff wouldn't feel truly relieved until he'd seen his mother, but he made himself smile across at Scott and Virgil who had been listening anxiously. He shook hands with the doctor then returned to his sons.
"I want you two to go home. John will have his hands full with Gordon and Alan."
"But Dad..." Jeff didn't expect Scott to agree. Not wanting a prolonged argument he immediately played his ace.
"Virgil's exhausted. You need to get him home."
Scott might have been swayed by this argument as he turned to look at his brother. Virgil, however, was having none of it.
"No!" he said. "I'm not going!" His case might have been a little more convincing if he hadn't broken into another coughing fit, but he still glared defiantly at his father.
"Virgil. You –"
"Please, Dad. The last time I saw Grandma she was all... bleeding and... broken. I don't want to think of her like that. I want to see her tonight. I need to know she's okay."
Damn artist's imagination, thought Jeff, well aware that his son could create the most vivid pictures in his mind, especially those where he had a real-life image to base them upon. It might be better for Virgil to see his grandmother in order to put his mind at ease. But he thought he'd better make one more effort to send him home, for form's sake, if nothing else.
"Look, Virgil, it could be hours yet. Anyway, Grandma might not look much better when you do see her. She's been badly hurt, you know."
"I don't care."
"I'd like to see Grandma too," Scott said. Virgil moved closer to his older brother and stared at his father determinedly.
"Two against one, is it?" Jeff couldn't hide a smile. "You know, I think I preferred it when you two were arguing. Okay, we'll see what the doctors say when she gets out of surgery. But I expect you to try to get some rest, Virgil. You're still not well."
Sure enough, it wasn't much longer before Virgil fell asleep in his chair again, leaving Scott and his father to chat quietly for the next couple of hours until a doctor arrived with news of Grandma.
Jeff shook Virgil awake.
"Come on, wake up."
Virgil looked up at him in bewilderment. Then he remembered what had happened.
"Grandma?"
"She's fine. We can see her for a few minutes, then you and Scott are going home. I'll stay here tonight."
Jeff felt like a scared little boy as he stood outside his mother's room. He'd been strong whenever his boys were sick or hurt because he was their father and that was his job, but this... he hadn't realised just how much he depended on his mother for security and reassurance. He didn't want to see her hurt and vulnerable. He didn't quite trust himself not to break down.
"Come on, Dad," Virgil pulled at his arm as Scott pushed the door open.
It wasn't as bad as Jeff had feared. His mother was sleepy and obviously in pain, but she didn't look too bad. Typically, she scolded him for making a fuss and for letting the boys stay up so late. He took the scolding gratefully, a sign that his mother was really okay. Virgil and Scott had laughed and hugged her, happy to have just a few minutes with her before heading home.
"How are you?" Jeff asked when they'd gone, knowing she'd put on a brave face in front of them.
"Not so good," she admitted. "How's Virgil holding up?"
"Good," Jeff told her. "He did well. He really is getting better. Now you're the one we need to worry about."
"I don't know how we're going to manage..." she began before Jeff cut her off.
"We'll be fine. Don't worry. Just get some rest."
He watched as she drifted off to sleep. She was right, he thought. Organising five boys was like a military operation. The next few weeks were going to be quite a challenge.