Adena
Same Day, Hour Previously
I had all of my things packed. I couldn't do this anymore. I was tired of feeling everything to feeling nothing. Coco and I were at the end of our rope, and I couldn't continue to hold on.
Therapy, talking in the apartment, years of make-up sex and telling each other empty promises that things would get better. I could no longer endure the heartache. I had to rip off the bandaid, now or never.
Looking at the picture on the nightstand of us from two years ago, I feel tears well to my eyes. I blink them back. I would cry tomorrow, not today. If she saw me crying, she'd know just how to comfort me.
I needed to be strong enough to make sure she knew that this would be the last goodbye.
I wouldn't let her touch me, or I'd feel myself begin to stay. Right in this apartment until we self destructed together.
I heard the door to the apartment open, I glanced at the clock, she came home from work an hour early. There's silence as I listen for her footsteps into the apartment.
She must have seen my bags near the door by now. With a large breath, I walk out of the bedroom, walking slowly to the living room. My feet shuffle against the carpet.
When I come out from the hallway, I see she is sitting on the island in the kitchen. With a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, she looks up at me.
I can see that her eyes look tired, mirroring mine as we had our final argument last night. I hear her sighing as she lights a cigarette.
"So you are leaving then?", she takes a drag of her cigarette, eyes leaving mine.
"I'll stay in an hotel until all my business here is done in a couple of days, and then Friday I am leaving.", I move over to the table by the door where a bowl of keys is.
She nods. "Where will you after that then?", I avoid her eyes, looking only at the keys.
"Go back to New York, renew my work visa, maybe move there permanently", I shrug, feeling the weight of my decisions on my chest, weighing heavy.
I hear her sniffle before taking another drag from her cigarette.
I pick up my keychain, beginning to unwind the key to the apartment off of it. I look at the key once it's finally off, sniffling as I realize there is no turning back after this moment. I wouldn't allow myself to look back.
"This will be our last goodbye", I put the key next to the bowl. She stays silent, throwing her cigarette in the sink. Looking down at my phone, checking for the time I walk up to my bags and begin to move them to the door.
She chugs back the rest of her wine, a knock at the door makes her shoot me a look.
"That must be the front desk to tell me that my ride is here to take me to the hotel", I open the door, giving the front desk clerk a smile as she tells me what I already know.
Once she leaves, I turn around looking at Coco. Tears are running down her face, I feel myself struggling to hold back the tears.
"You will always hold a special place in my heart, but I need to make room before it breaks and you are no longer able to fix it", I say searching her eyes. I am hoping to see understanding in her eyes, but I only see hurt.
Coco nods, wiping away at her cheeks. "I won't be home much tomorrow, so feel free to come get the last of your things. I don't…. I uh don't want to get in the way of your happiness anymore", she chokes out the last part.
And then I walk out of the door. Closing it behind me, I hear her begin to sob against the door. I breathe out heavily, wiping away a tear that has escaped.
As I'm stepping out of the building, beginning to greet my driver who comes to take my bags, I hear running footsteps from inside the building.
Just as I put my hand on the door handle, Coco comes running out of the building yelling my name.
"You can't go Adena. We have history", she comes up to me taking my arms firmly.
I pry them away, feeling shock set in. I thought she had understood what I was saying.
"Coco, no amount of history changes how I feel. I'm hurting, I've been hurting. So I'm leaving because that's what is best for the both of us", I look at her, pleading as I look around to the people now staring at the spectacle in front of them.
"We had plans for kids, does that not mean anything to you anymore?" Tears are streaming down her face and she steps forward.
I shake my head backing away from her. "You have to let me go, this is what's necessary", a look of betrayal crosses her face and she is angry now.
"What about me? What about my happiness? I love you damn it", she raises her voice. I feel myself tense.
I open the car door and tell my driver I'm ready to go. "This is goodbye Coco, I won't forget you, but I have to let you go", I slide into the car and I feel myself sink in the backseat of the taxi.
My driver doesn't say anything, but he hands me a box of tissues as I start to cry.
He sends me a curt nod as he sees me sobbing.
I manage to pull myself together as we pull up to the hotel I'm staying at until I leave France.
My voice is rasp as I thank my driver and check into my suite. I leave my bags next to my bed as I lie back.
I feel the weight of stress, a broken heart, and overall exhaustion slowly lifting from my shoulders.
I feel myself begin to drift off to sleep, but am interrupted when a notification chime goes off on my phone. I look down and see that the Scarlet instagram page added a new photo.
I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say that I had been checking up on Kat through her postings for Scarlet's social media pages. She was enjoying her time in France and she deserved it.
I swiped on the notification and saw that she was eating lunch with Sutton at one of my favorite cafes to visit on this side of Paris.
But then a light went off in my head. I wanted to see her. I sit up, and grab my purse, making sure to put my room key in it.
Heading out of the door I text her to meet me at the park. I feel my head begin to spin as I wonder if she will be there when I get there. If she'll even respond to my text.
She was hurting still, I knew she had to have been hurting. But I kept my head held high as I made my way to the park.
It was beautiful out. Couples and tourists were out and about. Taking pictures and enjoying the weather.
I thankfully found a bench that wasn't occupied and sat down. My nerves making me check my phone for any sign that Kat was coming.
"She isn't coming", I feel tears spring to my eyes. I lean against the bench, looking up at the sky and allowing my tears to fall.
A breeze kicks up as I begin to wipe my eyes and cheeks. I feel as though they won't stop coming down. But then something in me tells me to raise my head.
When I do, I see Kat not that far away from me. She gives me a tentative as she gets closer to the bench.
"Hey", I only hope that it doesn't come out as a whisper as she sits next to me.
"Would it be too much of a stretch to say that something is wrong?" she looks at me and I want to avoid her eyes, afraid to see the pain I caused in her eyes. But when I look into them, I see only a kindness.
"Me and Coco are no longer together, and she didn't take it so well once I told her that I'm leaving Paris", I sniffle and she rubs my back, cautiously at first, but I feel myself lean into it. Which gives her permission to rub my back with more intent.
"Do you know where you are going?", she looks at me with worry and I sigh. Biting my lip before I inhale and exhale deeply.
"I'm going to New York. Maybe try to extend my visa, if all goes well, maybe just move there for good.", Kat stops rubbing my back and her eyes have gone big, mouth agape.
"Oh, well if you need any help, just tell me", she says finally after a moment of silence.
"Of course, I'll finally get more decorations for my apartment there and make it look more homely. I need more consistency in my life ya know?", she simply nods in response.
"I'm sorry about Coco though, I know that you two had-", I cut her off, trying not to laugh.
"You don't have to tell me that Kat, I think you are only slightly sorry", she pouts but then chuckles.
"Okay yes, that is true, but you are still hurting. And that sucks. I don't like seeing you.. Torn up like this", she looks down, moving a curly strand behind her ear.
"Well I appreciate you being here for me. I didn't think you'd come", I say as she meets my eyes.
"Of course, I mean.. You are still my friend and obviously I still have feelings for you, but I care about you", I look at her mouth for a split second. Letting her words wash over me.
She catches me looking at her lips and looks at mine. It feels like time freezes and it's just me and her. I don't know who leans in first, but our lips catch each others.
She hesitates at first, but then I feel her hand pressed against my cheek. But then it begins to not feel right anymore, so I pull back.
She starts to apologize, but I stop her. "No, no it's my fault. I'm sorry. I just got out of a relationship.", I stand to my feet grabbing my purse. She stands up as well.
"I like you a lot Kat-" she interjects to tell me that she feels the same. "But… I need some time for myself and my heart. So when I get back to New York, we can just be friends. I'm not ready to give myself to anyone just yet"
She gives me a small smile. "Then I'll be the best friend there's ever been"