The Art of War
Wanda: Whew! That took longer then I expected. I guess I hit burnout for a little. Well, either way I'm back. Quick update - I'm putting Huntress on temporary hold simply because I gave myself way too much to do; I'll go back to updating it once I've finished Finding or Wand. Also, let the Umbridge baiting commence! I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 4: First Blood
"The only thing that's on my mind, is who's gonna run this town tonight." -Rihanna, Run This Town
Harry had never held an AK-47 before.
The black metal in his hands felt heavier then he expected, somehow. All the movies and the books he had read had never conveyed the feeling of holding something that could end life in an instant. It was cold to the touch, as if in warning, and again a small voice in the back of Harry's head questioned whether or not this was the right way to approach the situation they were in.
But that could just be his nerves, which were still running rampant after he and Megan pillaged an army blockade. He had almost forgotten they were invisible for half the time they were there. They had done the raid at night, so there had only been two guards at the entrance. Protected by invisibility, Megan had stunned them and they had gotten in and out without the majors noticing.
So many weapons. Harry could close his eyes and see them, machine guns and sniper rifles lined up in neat rows, boxes of grenades sitting just below them. It had looked so clinical. Megan hadn't found it unsettling, so she had already picked up a gun before Harry snapped out of his daze and followed suit.
Getting them back to Hogwarts had taken a little inventiveness on Hermione's part. Hogwarts, while still not managing to keep child-killing dangers outside its walls, still maintained a good deal of security to keep students from doing anything stupid. Hermione had asked Fred and George to wait in the secret passageway to Hogsmeade before, after a lot of hard work and half the Ravenclaws in the Wolverines helping her, creating a portkey that lead to the small village. Once Harry and Megan had cleared out the barracks, they portkeyed the weapons straight into the sweetshop, and box by box the twins carefully took them into the school and straight to the Room of Requirement.
"Be careful with those," Hermione had emphasized over and over as Fred and George sent the boxes down the path. "Tell Cho and Hestia to make it absolutely clear that no one is to point their guns at another person, even in jest."
"But even if one of them did go off, we can heal with magic, can't we?" George asked curiously.
Hermione shook her head vehemently. "It's beyond even Poppy's skill to dig shrapnel out of someone's chest before they die with a long delay. If a vital point is hit you have thirty seconds to bleed before you die."
The twins looked stunned at this information, and immediately nodded in understanding.
"We can't afford to have anyone shoot themselves or their friends by accident." Hermione finished, making a cutting gesture with one hand for emphasis. She thought for a moment, and then added, "In fact, keep the grenades packed away until we get back."
"Yes, ma'am," The twins said, with only a flash of their usual cheekiness.
"Harry?" Megan's whisper brought Harry out of his thoughts. She was holding a shotgun; it was the first thing she had picked off the wall. She had clipped her wand to it.
"We're almost there," Harry said. He didn't blame Megan for being uncomfortable; using the invisibility cloak required them to stand very close together, which had been awkward enough when it had been him and Ron or Hermione.
Megan was nearly a stranger to him, and she was growing up, so the closeness required was more pronounced. Inwardly, Harry was relieved when he caught sight of the street corner Mr. Weasley had taken him down. "This way."
It was around two in the morning when he and Megan rejoined Hermione, Ginny, Flora and Ron in front of the red booth that had brought him into the Ministry for his trial what felt like an eternity ago. Only this time, they were going in armed and unannounced.
Megan had practically begged to come with them after giving them the directions to the barracks. Harry had been uncertain at first, wanting to test the waters with his immediate friends before they started bringing others around. But Megan had looked so determined and pleading that he had caved in. Ron had also been uncertain, but Hermione had agreed wholeheartedly. Ginny and Flora had been fine either way, so Megan came along.
Hermione was whispering something to Ron when he and Megan slipped off the cloak. Ron's eyes immediately fell on the machine gun.
"It's a little big," Harry said, feeling self conscious.
"Got something for us?" Flora asked. Megan smiled and opened the bag slung around her shoulder. At first glance, it was an ordinary handbag, but Megan was good at Charms and she had made it bigger on the inside. She pulled out a long black gun and handed it to Flora.
"Sharpshooter," Megan pronounced, her grin twisting a bit and reminding Harry of the Cheshire Cat. Harry remembered beginning to give her the speech about dangers and potential death before being brushed off and fixed with a look as frigid as the Arctic Winter. Megan was bent on seeing the cause through, and Harry counted himself lucky that he found someone so dedicated, but sometimes he found her a bit unsettling.
Flora took the gun in both hands and ran her fingers along the barrel, fascinated. "Muggles made these?" She murmured, before lifting the barrel and looking down the target sighting. She gasped. "Its vision goes so far."
"It's a sniper rifle." Megan explained. "The non-magicals use it to kill from long distances. Snipers are placed in high areas and take down important opponents before they have the chance to do anything."
Flora lowered the sniper's muzzle again and pressed her finger against the top of the handle.
Ginny wordlessly took a shotgun herself, cracked it open to check for ammo, and clicked her tongue. "If I aim this at someone's leg, it's going to tear it clean off." She said bluntly.
"I know," Harry said, taking the next items from Megan's waiting hands and taking Hermione's handgun. The sickly feeling rose in his stomach again, but he pushed it down easily enough.
"I thought we didn't have to kill these two."
"We're not going to."
"Then what's my job?"
"If someone happens across us, fire down the hall at anything inanimate. The force of the explosion should convince anyone that there's some sort of duel going on." Harry explained.
He let go of the barrel and gestured to Hermione's gun. "This is how we're going to take care of the moles."
Flora and Ron peered curiously as he took a smaller barrel and attached it to the end. "What's that do?" Ron asked.
"This is a silencer." Hermione explained calmly. "It muffles the noise of a gunshot from a crack to a cough. It will keep the blasts from setting off any alarms."
Flora was also handed a silencer, which she carefully screwed on. She still seemed like she was adjusting to having the sleek muggle weapon in her hands.
"So when we get into the room," Hermione went over the plan for the fifth time since the group had set out, "I'll set up a silencing ward just to be on the safe side. We'll take out the two moles and convince them to stay quiet." Megan smirked.
"Then," She lifted her handbag, which held the wands of everyone in the Wolverines. The group had placed a huge amount of trust in Hermione by giving her their wands, assured that she would remove the trace and bring them back in one piece. Hermione had been rendered speechless for a minute when she realized this, before sobbing at bit to the surprise of her two guy friends. Ginny had said that Hermione was so used to being treated like a shrewish know-it-all that the fact they trusted her was something she hadn't thought possible. "We remove the Trace on our wands. Lift our names out of the surveillance pool. Finally, we make it absolutely clear that those two are to keep their mouths shut."
Ginny punched her first into her open hand and nodded.
"That shouldn't be a problem," Ron said with grim satisfaction.
"We better get going," Harry said. "We're loosing moonlight, and we still have to get back to Hogwarts before dawn."
The group nodded as one, and stepped into the elevator.
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"First Floor, Ministry Atrium...Third Floor, Records...Fifth Floor, Department of Mysteries."
Ron's eyebrows migrated north. "What's that? I think I heard Percy talk about it once..." He frowned at the memory of his brother, who had spurned his family to join the carrion-ridden Ministry. Whether or not Percy was aware that it was full of Voldemort's moles Ron didn't know, but the new knowledge he possessed made him all the more frustrated with his older brother. "But I don't know what its for."
"It's where the Unspeakables work," Flora explained. Harry glanced over at her. Flora had opted to dress entirely in black, which made her still-pale skin and scars more obvious. "They take care of the things considered 'mysteries' by the general public. Prophecies. Stonework. Studying potential Higher Magics. The works."
"I didn't know about that," Hermione said, brow furrowing.
"No one's really supposed to." Flora said, rolling her eyes. "It's long been the opinion of the Ministry that the information is 'too sensitive' and 'potentially dangerous'. That's why they're called the Unspeakables."
"I take it You-Know-Who knows about them?" Harry asks meaningfully. Blaise had told them before they left that Voldemort had once had the power to make his name taboo, allowing him to instantly find his enemies. Harry decided, just to be safe, to say 'Voldemort' within Hogwarts but not outside until such time as they were ready.
"Yes," Flora responded tightly. "Mother mentioned that there's something down there that he's interested in. That's what he's been doing, outside of rebuilding his forces."
Ginny frowned. "Should we do something about that?"
Harry glanced over at Hermione, who tapped her fingers rhythmically against her arm after she set the elevator to go to the Records floor. "For now, no." Hermione said. "We should keep it in mind, but I bet that that's one of the things that Dumbledore's been trying to hard to keep under wraps. With him and the Ministry stalling him, we can focus on the grunts and his followers, which are the more immediate problem."
Harry nodded. "Right. Good point."
The doors slid open. Megan tensed, and Flora shifted her grip on her gun.
The hallways were deserted as the group walked down them. There were lots of papers and desks on either side of the pathway. At the end of the hall there was a door that was open a crack, and glowing blue light signaled that there was something different inside.
Harry's hands tightened on the AK-47. He gestured to the right and to the left, causing his friends to split up and approach the door as a wall. As he approached it, Harry realized the people inside were talking loudly.
"...won't we get in trouble?" One asked uncertainly.
"Come on! The Undersecretary of the Minister has enough clout to keep us above water even if someone does find out." The other guy said dismissively. "Besides, if it shuts up the brat-who-lied, everyone should be happy."
"I know, but the Dementors?" The first one asked, shuddering. "I mean...he's just a fifteen year old boy..."
"Miss Umbridge told us it was negligible." The second man responded pointedly. "In exchange for peace and stability, you have to give a few things up. It's just one boy, anyway."
"So she tried to feed him to a Dementor. But what if that gets out?" The first asked.
Harry felt the ground lurch beneath his feet. He had wondered where the Dementors had come from, had suspected Voldemort...and it was Umbridge? The monsters that had tortured him with his mother's dying moments were under the control of people who had no compunction against using them against children.
A potential child-murderer was working as a teacher back at the closest he had to a home. She was around first years.
Megan was looking the calmest at that moment. She simply walked up to the door, glanced between Hermione and Flora, and kicked the door wide open.
The two Aurors in the room turned around and saw three girls standing in the doorway, all holding long black weapons. They didn't have any time to shout or even raise their wands before a horrible tearing agony took hold of their legs, sending them to the ground. Blood splattered the stone floor as they collapsed in agony. The second one couldn't imagine what could cause this kind of pain.
A few other kids poured into the room, all holding these black objects. The second one made a choking noise when he realized that Harry Potter was one of them! He was about to call out and ask what the hell this brat thought he was doing when something hard and cold pressed against the back of his skull.
"This is a gun." One of the girls crooned. "that's what tore open your legs. Say a single word and I'll blow your skull open."
The man choked and looked around frantically. His wand had clattered to the ground too far away for him to grab, and his companion was in equally dire straights. They were all wearing sweaters with hoods, mostly obscuring their faces given their positions.
Harry stepped over to the glowing desk and then nodded to one of the girls. The only other boy in the group took the first man from the girl, who walked over to Potter and muttered something. She ran her hands over the desk, made a noise of understanding and pulled a handful of wands out of her seemingly innocuous purse.
"Here's what the two of you are going to do," The girl on the man's far right said. "You will continue your jobs. You will not tell anyone that you saw us or that there was an intrusion tonight, or else all of Britain will know that you are a party to unleashing Dementors on a muggle neighborhood and a minor."
"Unless we decide you'll squeal anyway, and kill you first." The one holding him down said. Her voice was filled with a sort of malicious amusement. "Don't think we won't."
The man choked again, this time in fear. What is going on? He twisted his head as far as he dared, because he didn't doubt her promise to kill him. He realized that Harry and his friends were removing the underage magic charm from the wands.
What are they doing?
The barrel of the gun pressed harder against his skull. "You understand, though. You're not a squealer." Her eyes narrowed. "Right?"
The man whimpered and pressed his forehead against the floor. He was ready to bully and stand idly while a boy was harassed and put in danger, because a boy wasn't dangerous. But now there are several armed and dangerous people with a deadly weapon, and the man's courage wilted.
"Good," the girl crooned, before an explosive crack of pain made the man's vision go dark.
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Hermione remained remarkably calm while they walked out of the Ministry. She was still calm when they portkeyed into Hogsmeade. Then they stepped into the Room of Requirement and she became significantly less calm.
"That BITCH!" Her voice was so loud it rang of the walls and caused virtually everyone milling around in the room to look up. Ron put a hand on her shoulder despite looking very pissed off himself, Ginny was pacing while Flora and Megan looked disgusted but unsurprised.
Cho hurried over from where she had been scolding Colin and Dennis about pointing their guns around wildly. "What happened?" She asked. "Were you seen?"
"No, they know to keep their mouths shut." Flora said with some satisfaction. "We just happened to overhear something... interesting."
"What kind of interesting?" Cho asked with a frown.
"Umbridge sent the Dementors that attacked me and my cousin during the summer," Harry explained shortly. Saying it out loud made a shiver go down his spine.
There was a great cacophony of noise when this declaration was made. Harry could vaguely make out people cursing, swearing, and promising all sorts of violence upon Umbridge's person. Fred and George exchanged ugly looks while Daphne and her younger sister put their heads together, muttering something.
Cho's fists clenched together until her fingers went white. "Okay." She said with strained calm. "Okay, fine. If that's how she wants to play it."
She drew her wand and turned towards one of the practice dummies. In an instant, it was reduced to sawdust. "If its a war she wants," Cho said through gritted teeth. "It's a war she'll get."
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Umbridge woke up covered in slime.
The woman sat up with a shriek of disgust, looking around wildly to see that her entire room was covered with slime, because it was infested with toads! They were hopping on every surface, spilling her bags, covering the entire floor.
There was a note tacked onto the wall directly above her head.
Your extended family came to visit, Professor! There weren't any other dorms, so we told them they could stay in yours.
PS – get out, you child torturer and attempted murderess.
Umbridge choked in rage, wondering what student had the audacity to attack the Minister's representative in their school! The Minister would hear about this...undoubtedly it was Dumbledore telling his lackeys to undermine his attempts to restore order and common sense in this establishment.
Umbridge shot up, meaning to immediately march to Dumbledore's office, and promptly slipped on the slimy floor and slammed her head against the rail of her bed.
Sitting up, hand pressed against the back of her head, Umbridge began to hear something in the distance, just barely above the croaking and ribbiting of the frogs.
Something was banging off the walls, crackling and popping. Something headed directly for her. Umbridge hardly had the time to right herself before fireworks burst into her room, bouncing off the walls and setting most of the objects in the room on fire.
And that was the start of her day.
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The day proved very chaotic.
Hogwarts – already a 'quirky' school – had turned into a veritable obstacle course. There were fireworks, cursed books that chased after people, supersized spirders, and flying disco balls running rampant, making teaching all but impossible and all centered on one teacher, though the others certainly suffered some from the onslaught.
The History of Magic classroom had been transformed into an impromptu paintball arena – Umbridge had walked out of her inspection covered in paint and fleeing from animated paint guns, from which she had to be rescued by Professor McGonagall, who had taken to looking around like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Malfoy had been shot so many times that he had to be carried up to the Hospital Wing, his body riddled with blue and purple bruises cunningly disguised as paint.
The hallways were being stalked by the supersized ruby spiders, which took to chasing after random students only to be mowed down by a giant yellow sphere with a mouth which made one noise continuously - "waka waka waka waka." Given that Dean Thomas had taken to laughing his gut off whenever he saw it, it could only be assumed that it was a muggle joke of some sort.
Dean was seen giving an enthusiastic high five to Carol Duchannes, who he had never spoken to before, before running into his common room that night.
Students ran from one class to the next, not sure whether to scream in fear or hurt their guts laughing at the insanity surrounding them.
Certain purebloods were certainly having a day in hell – aside from Malfoy, Parkinson had quickly been cornered by spiders and elaborately webbed to the ceiling, where she remained for several hours before Dumbledore could spare a teacher to cut her down.
Crabbe and Goyle had been cornered by the disco balls, which compelled them to do a wild out of style dance until they collapsed from exhaustion – Heather Campbell nearly fainted when Fred and George slipped her a paper in class calling her a natural prankster.
The high point of the day, however, was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Or at least, what happened during the class.
A very frazzled, slimy, burnt and soot-covered Umbridge stalked into class, a huge fake smile plastered all over her face. Robotically, she called out attendance, looking one step away from a screaming breakdown.
She faced a combined class of Gryffindors and Slytherins, and she had just started a lecture on one of the Ministry approved books when noise blared from the walls. And what a noise it was; everyone slammed their hands over their ears as an electric guitar roared through the air with the force of a dragon's roar.
It was a drumbeat, vibrating so fiercely the desks felt it. Following it, a voice so loud it might have been the voice of god bellowed, "YOU READY STEVE? UH-HUH. ANDY? YEAH. MICK? OKAY! ALRIGHT FELLAS! LET'S GO!"
"Oh my god, it's The Sweet!" One muggleborn said excitedly. Music filled the halls, the classroom, and it was so loud it might as well have been a rock concert.
Umbridge screamed for order and for everyone to remain where they were, but her voice was lost in the music. She tried to cast a silencing ward but shockingly it bounced ineffectively off the walls.
And then one particularly brave muggleborn started tap dancing.
The professors lined up against the head table and stared as dancing students poured into the great hall, where the music was the clearest. One girl hopped up on the desk and began doing a particularly complicated routine to the hooting of nearby males. Others grabbed a partner and swished them around the room. Then, as the music reached its crescendo, more fireworks went off and flared near the ceiling like strobe lights.
"Albus!" Minerva used a sonorus charm to make herself heard. "What the devil is going on?!"
Albus Dumbledore, for the first time in nearly a hundred years, was at a loss for words.
End Chapter
(cackles manically) Oh Umbridge, I'm not even done with you yet. I figured the kids would be a bit comedic in what their Umbridge torture plans - they are still young, and it would get tiring for it to be uber-serious all the time. Also, yes - the Sweet. I love Ballroom Blitz, and in case I didn't mention it before I moved the timeline up a decade because I fail at writing the ninties.
Read and Review please!