Part I: Luffy and Chopper = "Don't get me killed asshole!"
11 p.m. Tuesday
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUT OF GA-HA-HAS!?!?!?!?!" Chopper was lividly panicked, what else is new. "Geez, reindeer, chill out. We'll be fine." "FINE!?!?! How are we going to be fine!?!?! Wait, I thought all the cars were solar powered!?! WHY IS THIS ONE RUN BY GAS!?!?" Luffy blew off this extremely odd and true statement, "Pff, I guess I jacked a poor dude's car that ran on gas. Not my fault." "YES IT IS!!" Luffy started walking towards their still destination of London, England, AWAY from the much closer CITY of Japan, NewChina.
The island and country of Japan was considered uninhabited 5 years after the nuclear attack in The Philippines as the radioactivity spread by water, easily infecting an island such as Japan. The government of Japan quickly evacuated all its people as fast as possible to the nearest safe haven, China. During the 'invasion' as most Chinese called it, the radiation from Afghanistan was causing problems too, spreading throughout Africa, as the radiation in Kenya did as well, and now headed towards China. All the nations with power used as many resources at their disposal to contain the spread, diseases may be gone, but radiation is still deadly. As the epidemic died down after 20 years of fighting it, the world's population dwindled to just under 300 million. The Japanese and Chinese government joined together to preserve their cultures and created NewChina, with its capital being NewJapan, mostly called Japan by the people. The city itself became the largest and most populated city with 18 million and increasing until it now stands tall with over 30 million, almost the entire population of NewChina in that one city.
"HELLO!! JAPAN IS THE OTHER WAY!!" Luffy looked back at the shaky Chopper, "So... We're suppose to be going to London, that's where we're suppose to go kid. What does Japan offer us?" "FOOD! SHELTER! SAFETY!!!" Luffy rolled his eyes, "What does it offer us that is IMPORTANT?"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOOOOUUUTTT!?!?!??!" Luffy took an annoyed huff and explained, "Hirulock wanted you in England by fucking Thursday, you complaining is pissing me off, I'm doing what he asked and all this bitching is in my way as I take you to YOUR destination,.... and MY titties, hehehehehe," Luffy giggled pervertedly as he mumbled the last part to himself.
"But-but-but-but-....." Chopper hated how right Luffy was,... Not about the boobs, but that to Hirulock, HIS FATHER, they HAD to be in England at least by the end of the week. For whatever the reason...... Wait a minute... "I..... I-I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!!!"
Luffy was walking again when Chopper blurted this out and spun around facing him once more, "What?" Chopper was spastic again, "In England! I don't know what we're doing there or where we go from there or even who to contact."
Luffy lost it, "WHAT!?!?" Somewhere, a dead Hirulock's ghost smacked his for head, ~"Damn it!"~.
"Oh... This is SHIT!" Luffy, in anger and annoyance, stormed continually towards the aimless desert towards England. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW!??!" Chopper's whininess was getting very annoying. "At this point!??.... I have to see a dick about helping me with a pussy." "YOU ARE SO PERVERTED!!!"
"Hey! Shut up! It's a metaphor, an arguably vulgar metaphor but when you meet this guy you'll understand why he's a dick!"
"AGRUBLY VULGAR!?!? IT'S COMPLETELY VULGAR! Wait... If this guy is the dick,... who's the p-p-p... um, the other one."
Luffy looked at Chopper, "Really... You have to ask?" Chopper's eyes widened, "I AM NOT!" he began to whine again, "Hmp, could have fooled me."
"YOU ARE SO MEAN!"
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He stood directly on the line that the people used to define Japan and the Desert apart, "I wonder how far the Reindeer Kid and his 'hired' help have gotten. Heh. Hopefully they didn't use a car, this job will be so much easier if I can catch up with them in the desert." He held his large full-bodied sniper rifle tight and slicked back his nonexistent hair as he rubbed the top of his bald head, his natural hair color you could barely see as it began to quietly grow back.
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("DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT. I HATE you so much Luffy! Knowing him he'll stop at that DICK'S house through the desert. ...... Good.") The female mercenary smirked evilly as she rode through the desert on her solar powered motorcycle, "...I'll shoot Luffy in the face. And HIM, I'll slit his throat for screwing me in New York and leaving while I slept! Those two bastards are so alike! God! UGH! I hate them!")
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"Saaaaaaaaarge! This is crap!" Jeff huffed as he clung to Lenny, "Get off me fatty." Lenny moved and Jeff fell to the ground that was sand.
"QUIT BITCHIN LAKIE!" Srg. grunted vigorously, "This here mercenary hunt makes me feel ten years younger! HAHA! I feel like Teddy Roosevelt as he killed over 10,000 animals in Africa just for fun after opening over 300 national parks in America! God, that man is my hero. Saving his own country, then stripping another of its naturally beautiful creatures! I LOVE IT!"
Bobby rolled his eyes, "Yeah, that's what got him on Mt. Rushmore. Nothing else he did." Lenny chuckled in agreement, "Dude, if that's all it takes to get you face on a gaint ass rock, where's George Bush's tribute? What, no monument for a C average coke snorting president?"
Jeff still laid in the stand, "It's. So. Hot. I can't go on..."
Bobby looked back at him, "Dude, it's the dead of fucking night, it's not hot. It's cold. MOTHERFUCKING cold. You say it's hot again and I'll shoot you in the balls."
Lenny: "Do it anyways. Lard-ass don't use'em as it is, he won t miss them. You really want to make him cry, blow his stomach away."
Jeff: "NO! DON'T SHOOT ME IN THE STOMACH!"
Lenny: "See. Balls - Nothing. Stomach - Practically craps himself in fear."
Srg. : "Will you fag mongers PLEASE! hurry the hell up, I need traveling companions....... and SHIELDS if we get attacked or ambushed."
Lenny: "What was that last part sir?"
Srg. : "Nothing! Come on! Let's go!"
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It has been 4 days since Luffy and Chopper had been in the desert, and they are failing very miserably to get through.
"FOOOODD!!!"
"I'M NOT FOOD YOU ASSHOLE!!"
Luffy ran after Chopper in circles as his hunger and sad little dilutions got the better of him. (Yeah, that sounds NOTHING like Luffy does it?)
Finally Luffy tripped and ate sand. Literally, dumbass swallowed it. "AUGASDVSKD!!! THAT IS NASTY!!!"
"DUH FUCK! IT'S SAND!" Chopper started slapping Luffy in the face while he sat there trying to get the taste out of his mouth.
~NiGhT FaLl~
Luffy and Chopper sit around a fire Luffy made. (In the desert, yes I know, bare with it, it IS anime for god sakes)
"So,...." Luffy looked at Chopper, who had been clutching and holding a cross that apparently belonged to Hirulock, "How are you and the doctor... 'related' as he put it?"
Chopper kept staring at the cross as if he didn't hear Luffy. Instead of getting mad or asking again he dropped it, then he spoke. "He made me...."
Luffy was bewildered, "WHAT??????"
Chopper looked up, "I'm..... artificially created."
MEGA FUCKING SILENCE followed.
"...................... How?"
Chopper took a deep sigh, "He took DNA samples of a human boy and different animals and kept trying to created the perfect hybrid. He researched all this so humans could evolve to fight the massive radiation in the "God Forsaken Zones" as he and others called it. Most called him a quack and a psycho, thought he would bring the end of the world, not the "salvation" as he said. Then he made me. I was the first successful creation, not sure why reindeer DNA worked. Then, just DAYS after I was 'born', a man who claim to be fellow scientist and "pursuer of the salvation of human kind' as well came to him and offered help with his research. In exchange, when Hirulock found a major breakthrough, we were to come to him so he could study me and together they would find the 'salvation' they were looking for. Dr. found something, something that changed everything he knew about his own research and that we had to go to England immediately an find the other doctor and tell him this new discovery that would DEFINATLY change the world."
Luffy sat there and took it all in, "..... That is so damn insane..... I believe it all but...... it's still freaking insane. ...... So how long have you been alive?"
Chopper went back to looking at the cross, "Even though my age is recorded as 15 if you were to test my human DNA, I've only been alive for 5 years. But I seem to learn and know SO much..... As if it's because I HAVE been alive for so long... Hirulock said it was because I was just so amazing and that I was the 'FUTURE'...... I don't know........ I-I-I'm kind of scared about it all."
Luffy stood up and smiled, Chopper looked at him with confusion, "Well,... I guess along this damn trip I'm going to have to show you that you are apparently important as hell and you shouldn't be scared huh?" Luffy stuck out his hand and smiled, "Something tells me this shit is going to get very real soon." Chopper smiled, "Right! Thanks!"
Luffy giggled, "Yeah...... I still want my sexy girls when I'm done with this!"
Chopper grinned cheesily as he sweat dropped, "rrrrRight......." ("So much for him seeming to care about something important.")
~NeXt DaY~
"So. Close... I can feel it... haa..." Luffy panted worse than a thirsty dog. And drooling twice as much. "We've. Been. Traveling. For. Ever. ... Haa, haa, haa..." Chopper too was dying.
"Hm..." Luffy heard a very strange noise, one too familiar, definitely for the desert........ unless....
"Ohhhhhhhh, boy." Luffy knew what that sound was, what it meant, and what was about to happen. And he HATED that he knew just too well how the next 20 minutes of his day were going to go. "This should be fun."
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As she sped up her bike, the female mercenary noticed something ahead. An ANNOYING something. "Perfect." She had an evil smirk of joy while at the same time you could tell she was full of anger. "DIE LUFFY!!!!!!!!" She punched it hard and the motorcycle bolted towards he much 'disliked' 'friend'.
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Luffy sighed, "I was hoping to talk to her later, not now, but it seems I don't get what I want." The female mercenary got closer and extremely closer with each passing nanosecond. Luffy sighed once more, "Hey, Na-"
*BBAAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!*
The front wheel of her bike hit Luffy directly in the face. "LUFFY YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Nami the mercenary jumped off the bike as it hit the sand, Luffy buried in sand.
Luffy wonkily got up, "Ok.... I~des~erve~tha~bu~...~can~we~jus~settle~this~normally? Lik~ra~tion~l~hu~mains~?"
*WHAM!*
Apparently not, as Name hit Luffy with the back side of her gun. Chopper gawked at the scene, and at the very hot, VERY tight clothed woman before him. "YOU!" she pointed her gun directly at his face, Luffy was uneasy about such a gesture, "Hey, hey, take it easy. Nothing I've done to you was that bad." Nami almost pulled the trigger, "NOTHING?!?! Oh so you just ALWAYS act like an insensitive dick and that jackass friend of yours like a man-whore!?!"
Luffy stood there, hands in the air, ".......... Uh, yeah pretty much."
*BANG!*
She missed, meant to, as the bullet went right between Luffy's head and his left arm, "CHILL OUT NAMI! You want to kill HIM, he lives out here you know, go to him-"
"I KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES OUT HERE YOU JACKASS!!! AND I'M GOING TO SHOOT HIS ASS TOO!"
"But what the hell did I do!? I never slept with you like HE did!"
"BUT YOU COULD HAVE AND ALMOST DID BEFORE YOU LEFT ME!"
Chopper's gawking expression turned to Luffy, as if he was watching a "good" soap opera and was being revealed to all the 'juicy parts' of the show.
".......... Nami, that's not what this is really about is it?"
Tears in her eyes, yet NO trace of sadness, only anger and hate. "You're right." she turned to Chopper, "There was a worldwide merc call for this little guy, and I happened to know WHO had him." She looked at Luffy with a smirk.
Luffy realized something very important, and as a keen mercenary he caught on to it quickly, "... You were there in the bar weren t you."
"Damn straight. I was and I just HAPPEN to see a StrawHat dick, an old man, and a little deer boy while I was there." She inched closer to Luffy, the gun only centimeters from his face, "Now,... I'll take the kid now,.... and KILL you."
Luffy looked behind her. He smirked, "Heh,.. No you won't."
Nami's curiosity got the best of her. She raised a disbelieving eyebrow and turned around.
"Christ..... a fucking sand storm!?!"
It was blowing hard and coming straight for them.
Luffy grabbed Nami's gun, grabbed Chopper and ran like hell......... INTO the sand storm.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!??!" both Nami and Chopper yelled as the seemingly idiotic merc was diving into a SANDSTORM. What part of that does he not get? The sand or the storm part?
The storm now engulfed him, Chopper, and Nami.
"YOU BASTARD! WHERE ARE YOU!"
"LUFFY! HELP!"
"CHOPPER!?! WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?"
"HOLD STILL KID!"
A fourth voice was in the mix. Another mercenary most likely, his voice too seemed familiar to Luffy, VERY familiar, as if he knew the mercenary all his life, which he almost did.
"WAIT! IS THAT YOU ntzxy-....!!!!"
His voice was carried away in the storm, as was Chopper and the man who seemed to have been prepared for this sand attack, almost as if he created it. Such timing indeed.
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It had been 2 hours now, Luffy woke up as he heard a gun click.
"Great...... I'm stuck with YOU."
He saw Nami, once again pointing a gun right between his eyes.
To be continued...