Happy April 1st! While I don't enjoy the cruel pranks that some people come up with, a good sense of humor is always great.
Special thanks to museoforpheus for helping me out with this and providing some of the jokes!
It is a perfectly average March day, and all the recruits are bored out of their minds. It's a rare day when they have time for themselves, but it's not particularly sunny outside (everyone's expecting it to rain) and they're all feeling lazy. But still bored.
"Guys, I have the perfect April Fools Prank!" The doors burst open, a bundle of energy flying through.
"Connie, if your idea turns out like the last one, I will personally make you clean the dining hall by yourself," Jean growls.
"No, this one is brilliant, I swear," Connie says. "And we can kind of make it into a sort of competition!"
"Sounds great," Sasha says, grinning. "What's the plan?"
"This." Connie holds up a pad of paper. "Basically, we'll put these everywhere – mirrors, doors, cabinets – and each one will have a Levi Heichou joke on it."
Silence. Making jokes about Levi is always hilarious, but they risk the wrath of their Captain.
"Making fun of Heichou sounds like a really bad idea," Eren says. "Especially because most of the stuff people will come up with will be about his height."
"No, we're going to compliment him, actually," Connie explains, grinning. "He'll expect us to be making fun of him, but instead, we'll be complimenting him."
"Wait, what?"
"Listen to this one that I came up with." Connie clears his throat dramatically. "Levi Heichou was born with a blade in one hand and a broom in the other."
Someone snickers. "Fine, let's do it," Jean says, smirking. "I can't wait to see his face when he reads that."
"Great," Connie grins, passing out pieces out paper out to everyone. "Whoever comes up with the best joke is exempt from cleaning duty!"
Which is enough incentive for anyone.
A few days later, Levi walks down to the kitchen to grab another cup of tea. Unfortunately, his box of tea isn't where he last left it. "Braus," he growls, searching fervently for his missing tea. Instead of tea, he finds a piece of paper taped to the cupboard door.
"Tea was made when Levi Heichou scared leaves into being delicious."
He wanted to assign the little punks all garbage duty until he could find the culprit, but what could he say as the reasoning behind the punishment? That they were unexpectedly complimenting him? No, that wouldn't do at all.
In the end he decided he was more confused than angry, so he let it slide.
Later in the day, when Levi walks into the bathroom, and taped on the mirror is yet another piece of paper.
"The source of the Walls' longevity and protection comes from Levi Heichou's cravat."
While filing his daily reports, he found yet another note placed in the windowsill of his office. This one reads: "A 30 meter class titan stepped on Levi Heichou. One emerged from the confrontation shorter, and the other dead."
Apparently these notes have infiltrated every aspect of his life. While going through his daily cleaning ritual, Levi grabs a box of bleach, and there is a paper stuck inside saying, "Levi Heichou blinds the titans with his sparkliness."
Someone really went overboard and folded their paper into a fortune cookie and put it on Levi's desk. There is also a folded origami cup next to it. The fortune cookie says: "When life gives Levi Heichou lemons, he feeds them to the titans." Levi almost doesn't bother unfolding the cup, but when he does, it reveals the message: "Levi Heichou doesn't have to eat food (which furthers our speculations that he is a mutated titan). He survives on tea and the sweat of his inferiors."
"Fear of Levi Heichou is not called achondroplasiaphobia. It's called logic." This one is located on one of the bookshelves and no one understand it except Armin (who made it up) and he cracks up everytime he walks by.
When Connie said that they would put jokes everywhere, he really meant everywhere.
There's even one on one of the lamps in the main hallway ("Levi Heichou is faster than the speed of light. You're dead before you see him."), and Hanji doubles over in laughter when she sees it.
Later that week, Eren and Mikasa walk by the front door to head to the stables and are surprised to see Bertholdt practically rolling on the ground in laughter. Reiner is kneeling next to him, muttering something that sounds like, "Conceal it. Don't feel it. Don't let them know."
"Um, Bert? Are you okay?" Eren asks, walking up. He's concerned – Bertholdt looks like he might die.
"He's fine," Reiner replies, trying (unsuccessfully) to get his friend to stop laughing.
"Uh, okay then," Eren says, and he and Mikasa walk away.
Bertholdt is still laughing when Annie walks by. "What the heck is going on?" she asks.
Reiner says nothing, only points at the piece of paper that is taped to the doorway.
"Levi Heichou could make the Colossal Titan do the laundry."
Annie rolls her eyes, slaps Reiner upside the head, and drags Bertholdt away by the ear. "Idiots," she mutters.
But Bertholdt continues to laugh whenever he does the laundry, and no one understands why.
Everytime Levi opens a drawer or walks through a door, there is another piece of paper. One is stuck to the top of a hallway closet. Who knows what that person was thinking, because Levi can barely reach that high.
It says: "It's a good thing Levi Heichou is so short. If he was taller, no man would get any of the ladies." When Mikasa sees this, she feels a great desire to comment, so when no one is around, she writes: "If he was taller then more people would tell him how ugly he is."
Jean, Armin, and Connie walk by to see what it says.
"Oh dear," Armin says. "I hope Heichou hasn't seen that yet."
"Quick, erase it," Jean says.
"Dang, it would have been funny," Connie grumbles. "We haven't had an Ackerman vs. Rivaille fight in so long. And I'm running out of money! I need something to bet on!"
"Connie, you don't have money because you bet on stuff," Jean says. Meanwhile, Armin has erased Mikasa's comment and is standing on his tiptoes to put it back in its place.
"Armin, you're so short," Jean comments.
"You can't be short unless you're shorter than Levi Heichou," Armin responds, grinning.
"Hey!" Connie protests.
Meanwhile Eren spots another one: "Once, Levi Heichou leaned against Wall Rose. It took five months to repair the damage."
"Wait, is it saying that Levi is fat?" he asks, confused.
"No, idiot, it means he's strong," Jean says, giving Eren a look like "Fat? Really?"
"Who are you calling an idiot?" Eren growls, grabbing Jean's shirt.
Connie holds out a hand and Sasha sighs, putting some cash in his hand. Sasha bet that it would take Eren and Jean five minutes to get into a fight. Connie bet two.
During dinner that evening, everyone is giggling about their favorite Levi Heichou jokes when the devil himself burst into the room, holding a piece of paper in his hand.
"Alright, you brats have been sticking these things everywhere. Don't even try to deny it. I want it all cleaned up by tomorrow morning."
"But Heeeeeeiiiiiiccchhhhooooou!" they protest in unison.
"Don't 'but Heichou' me." Levi gives them the glare of the century.
Later that night one very brave soul sneaks into Levi's room. They freeze for a minute when a floorboard creaks. Levi is known to to be a very light sleeper, one who keeps a dagger under his pillow. Still, they manage to stick a note to his face: "A glare from Levi Heichou once froze the sun for two weeks."
"Ackerman, I know it was you." Levi and Mikasa are locked in an intense staring contest during a breakfast of pancakes the next morning.
"It was Sasha," Mikasa replies.
"Mikasa! It wasn't me!" Sasha protests.
"Braus has the grace of an elephant. It was obviously you," Levi repeats.
"If it was me then that means that I could kill you in your sleep, which I would gladly do," Mikasa counters.
Levi remains unfazed. "Then I guess you wouldn't mind signing papers in my office all day. That's an order, Ackerman."
Mikasa mutters a few choice words but can't go against orders.
"Whoever did that totally won," Connie says, grinning. But no one knows who exactly went all ninja and stuck that paper on Levi's face, and no one was willing to admit they were the one.
A couple days later, Hanji bursts into Levi's office angrily. "What is the meaning of this?" she shouts, dragging in a terrified and bedraggled Armin. Hanji found him outside running laps but hadn't gotten to him until he resembled a wet dog. One that fell in a muddy hole and couldn't get out.
"They were undermining my authority so I'm punishing them until I find out who did it," Levi explains. "Sticking those ridiculous notes everywhere, sneaking into my room…"
Hanji doesn't say anything, but suddenly she bursts into laughter. The shift in emotion is like falling off a cliff. She has to grab the edge of Levi's desk to keep from doubling over in laughter. Armin stares at her with wide eyes, while Levi mentally shoots himself.
Once she calms down a little, she says, "Armin, go down and get yourself some tea. Sasha has some good stuff stashed and I'm sure she'd give you some," and pats him on the head. Armin scurries the heck out of there, anime style.
"What exactly is so funny?" Levi growls, annoyed. He's had enough of Hanji's insanity to last a lifetime.
"I was the one who snuck into your room," Hanji declares with a smirk. "And I got away with it pretty easily."
Levi's mouth dropped through the ground (and possibly dug a hole all the way to the other side of the world).
Should he be relieved or horrified? It means that none of those runts were the ones who were able to sneak in on him.
On the other hand, it's Hanji.
Levi's frustration level has reached its peak, so he really just explodes.
Yet somehow Hanji manages to survive.
Levi Rivaille jokes! Because Chuck Norris jokes are way overdone!