Muppet Love 4: The Thunder Thief
Long before anyone's time, there lived two muppets sharing a basement apartment at 123 Sesame Street.
No, their ceiling doesn't suffer from any leaks, but these two muppets often get into a quick fix.
So now is the time for us to go on to Ernie and Bert next adventure, that happened late in the month of December...
"Bert! Oh Bert! Have you seen my rubber duckie?", asked Ernie impatiently.
"OUCH! Ernie! Stop throwing your toys out of your toy chest just to look for your rubber duckie! It's making a mess out of our room! And one of your toy fire engine just hit me on the head!", said Bert querulously. There was a visible bruise starting to purple on the left side of his head.
"Oh sorry, Bert. But I just can't live without my dear rubber duckie...", moaned Ernie in a lifeless voice.
"Well, if it consoles you, I haven't seen my pigeon for an hour now. I wondered where she's gone. The website said Bernice is a pedigree homing pigeon! I sent her on an errand to the NASA Satellite to convey a message to one of the Martians and she's still not back yet! I miss her..", groaned Bert in an equally despondent voice.
Ernie leaned onto Bert's downward-sloping shoulder while looking at photographs of their beloved pet and toy.
"Look at my rubber duckie, always such a faithful buddy during my baths. He always gave me company when you weren't in the bath with me, Bert.", said Ernie dreamily.
"And look at Bernice, my favourite pigeon of them all. She even learnt the secret art of giving off dung-missiles on Elmo's head when I told her about him being so mean to you..", Bert whispered in a woebegone voice.
Suddenly, outside Ernie and Bert's apartment came a POOF! sound and a quick KNOCK! KNOCK! on their door.
Because Ernie and Bert's door had no peepholes, Bert went to listen at the door for a sign of their unknown visitor.
"Who is that??", asked Bert.
"It iz I, z Count von Count! Open oop, my 'ear moopets(dear muppets)!", came a heavily accented voice from behind the door.
Bert slowly opened the door despite Ernie's vigorous shaking of his head and waving of arms. Bert blew a fly-away kiss to Ernie as he thought Ernie was doing his usual dance routine at the Sesame Club. In truth Ernie was told he danced like a witch shaman on Ecstasy but Bert loved everything about Ernie and could even overlook this fatal flaw of his.
He stood back to admire the chubby form that was Ernie, whose head was an orange and black blur from all that shaking. Bert's heart melted and somewhere in his belly there was the usual fluttering flip.
However, once the door opened Ernie's four-fingered hands flopped downwards like a chicken and his head stopped shaking. This time, there was no mistaking what Ernie meant before from his expression now.
"Ernie, why didn't you want me to open the door?", asked Bert.
"Because it's the Count! And whenever there is 'z Count von Count involved, noothing good ever 'appens!", imitated Ernie perfectly.
Bert immediately felt very defensive about his position and took in a huge breath with his arms akimbo to snapped back something when, "Ooh fer goodnez zakez, why are you two alwayz arguin'!?", the Count interrupted.
"You purple-!", shouted Ernie and when Bert saw what was coming and he quickly interrupted with, "So Count, why are you here?"
"I em zure you two 'ave nooticed that your daarling roober dookie and peegeon haz vanished? 'Ell, I 'ave taken them hoostage!!", said the Count in a melodramatic voice.
Adding to the effect was that there was lightning nearby but the sound of an accompanying thunder was noticeably absent.
"W-what!?", choked Ernie.
"W-wh-why?", completed Bert.
"Beecauze! Soom-one haz stoolen my thunder eeffect! I 'ave waatched you two on your preeviouz add-venture zark-zestfully fee-nding z Footain of Fairness and I think you will zark-zestfully fee-nd my thunder eeffect too!", the Count exclaimed theatrically.
"Do you actually understand what this guy is saying here, Bert?", said Ernie impolitely.
"Er, Ernie. I think what the Count meant is that he saw us finding the Fountain of Fairness when no one else did and he wants us to help him find his thunder effect.", came Bert's nasal know-it-all voice.
"Yez!! And 'ithout my thunder eeffect I cannot annoonce my total count finale that iz uzually acoompanied with my crazh oof thunder and flazh oof lightning! Zee?", and with that the Count clapped his hands and there came only the flash of lightning.
"Well, it does seems a lot less impressive...", said Ernie with a little chuckle.
"'RGH!!! Juust fee-nd my thunder eeffect by niightfall! Oor you zhall neever geet your beeloved thingz baack!", shouted the Count and with that, he vanished with a turn of his black cape and a POOF!
"What now, Bert?", asked Ernie dishearteningly.
Bert could almost see Ernie's orange lips pouting and nearly gave it a kiss when he managed to control himself and instead cleared his throat.
"ACK-HEM! Sorry, dry throat. Well Ernie, looks like we've got to find the Count's thunder effect then, in order to get Bernice and your rubber duckie back."
"Okay, I'll go pack our bags. Think I should bring my spare rubber duckie along?", said Ernie.
"WHAT!!? YOU HAVE A SPARE RUBBER DUCKIE!? Oh Ernie, then why were you pining for your old one!?!", asked Bert exasperatedly.
"Well, the spare is only for emergency use, Bert. Now hurry along and make some numerical cookies for our trip.", Ernie said with quiet glee.
"ARGH!!!", shouted Bert while smacking his hand on his forehead, with his other hand pulling at what was left of his already little tuft of hair.
Ernie and Bert didn't know who exactly was the Thunder Thief and where the Thunder Effect could be, so they resorted to going door to door to ask their neighbours if anyone had seen any trace of the Thunder.
After knocking on several doors, Bert came up with the suggestion to go to Elmo, since he had a lot of connections and could probably give them a clue. But Ernie was against the idea and they got into a quarrel.
It seemed inevitable that they would have to ask Elmo for help so Ernie gave in to Bert and by this time it was already mid-afternoon. When they finally reached Elmo's house, the red nudist opened the door with a sneer at Ernie and Bert.
"Yes? What can I help you with? Oh wait, I don't think I will help you. HA HA HA!", laughed Elmo in his husky high-pitched voice and started to slam the door shut in their faces.
Bert knew that time was running out for Bernice's feeding time and Ernie's rubber duckie so he decided to implement the salesman's foot-in-the-door technique and literally put it to the test.
"OUCH!", shouted Bert in an even more nasal voice than usual.
"HA HA HA HA HA! Bert please move away your foot! I'd like to close my door.", said Elmo unpleasantly.
"Elmo! Stop being so mean! Just tell us if you saw anyone with a Thunder effect! If you help us, I'll give you my Cup of Coldness trophy I won in the Wintry Jokes Competition! Can't you see how much pain my Bertie is in? ", plead Ernie.
True to his word, Bert's foot remained lodged between the door jamb and the door determinedly and Bert's mouth was in a painful normal distribution bell-curved shape.
In other words, an upside down 'U'.
"All right, all right. You can hand the Cup of Coldness to me tomorrow. But I'll go ask Dorothy.", said Elmo.
"Not that goldfish again!!!", groaned Ernie.
"Uh uh uh! Dorothy is not just a goldfish. She is a know-it-all goldfish. Just like your 'Bertie' over here.."
Bert quickly clapped his hands over Ernie's mouth and Elmo turned away to get his goldfish bowl with a satisfied smile.
After a while, Elmo returned to the door with a swagger and asked Dorothy if she knew where the Thunder Thief was. There was a miniature armchair in the middle of the fishbowl, although Bert thought it was quite impractical as goldfishes can't sit.
"Mmhmm... mmhmm... ...mmhmm! All right, here goes, Dorothy says you can find the Thunder Thief by looking for a Monster who has watched every episode of my show, Elmo's World.", said Elmo finally, after mmhmm-ing for about 5 minutes.
"What kind of clue is that!? How would we know who watches your show?! I don't even like you!", complained Ernie.
Bert meanwhile, was thinking really hard. So hard that his brow-gina furrowed into a tight 'V' and all of a sudden, he shouted, "AHA!"
Ernie nearly jumped out of his orange skin from Bert's sudden exclamation and he wanted to ask Bert what happened when Bert continued with, "Think, Ernie. The only knuckle-brained muppet who would watch every episode of Elmo's show must be obsessed with TV, because no normal monster muppet would watch such a stupid TV programme!"
"Uh-huh.", said Ernie while nodding slowly.
"And, who do we know is obsessed with TV??"
"Er, the TV repairman?", guessed Ernie.
"No Ernie! The Telly Monster!", shouted Bert irritatedly, who had the sudden thought that he had made a doubtful choice in his soul-mate, who was sometimes quite thick in the head, literally and non-literally.
"AH-HA! That was my second answer, Bert! Let's go find that Telly Monster now. You still remember his address?", replied Ernie guilty, who was quick to change the subject.
"I think it's 1304 Sesame Street, Erns. It's not too far from here!", said Bert excitedly.
They walked on for about five minutes when they arrived at Telly Monster's door. They knocked on the purple monster's door and the minute it opened, Ernie and Bert rugby-tackled the blue-lidded monster to the floor.
"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!? LET ME GO, I SAY!", shouted Telly.
"Not until you tell us where you hid the Thunder effect, you Thunder Thief!", said Ernie with effort from pinning the Monster's arms to his sides.
"Why do you want to know where is it! I won't tell you!", shouted Telly back.
"The Count needs it back! And Elmo's stupid goldfish led us to you! We took a really long time trying to find you. The Count has got my beloved pigeon and Ernie's rubber duckie as hostage! Just tell us where you hid it, will you?!", asked Bert through clenched jaws. His foot was still hurting from his zark-zestfully executed salesman technique from before.
"All right, all right. I didn't know I caused you so much problems, okay?", said Telly.
"I stole it for my best friend, Baby Bear. He needed it to scare away that hateful Goldilocks! She's not afraid of their roars anymore. She's stealing their porridge and sleeping in their beds and breaking their chairs more often now!", explained Telly.
Bert and Ernie released Telly and Telly rubbed his sides painfully.
"All right, we believe you, but you'll have to come with us or Baby Bear won't give up the Thunder Effect so easily!", reasoned Ernie.
Bert and Ernie then frog-marched Telly out to the street towards Baby Bear's house.
When they reached Baby Bear's house, Ernie started to rap insistently on the door.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Er, Ernie? There's actually a doorbell here..", started Telly.
"He knows, but it's just something he likes to do to annoy people.", said Bert a-matter-of-factly.
"Okay! Okay! I'm coming! Who's that knocking on our doow(door)!?", shouted a voice from behind the door.
The door opened and there was Baby Bear.
"Look, Baby Bear! We've got your best friend Telly here hostage, the Count wants his Thunder Effect back so hand it over to us! The Count has our beloved things hostage too and if you don't give it to us by nightfall, which is in an hour's time, we'll never get them back!", rushed Bert in one breath.
"But Goldilocks is so persistent nowadays! She's not sca-wed of us anymowe! I'm just about to sca-we hewr with the Thundewr, she's sleeping in my bed right now!", replied Baby Bear.
"What's with his pronunciation? Why are his 'Rs' pronounced as 'Ws'?", whispered Ernie to Telly.
"Shh! Don't tell Baby Bear I told you, but he's got a bit of a speech impediment!", answered Telly conspiratorially.
Ernie started giggling maniacally with his head pitched backward and his four-fingered hands grabbing his chubby tummy.
"What? What's so funny, Ewr-nie?", asked Baby Bear puzzledly.
Ernie laughed even harder and even Telly managed to sneak a chuckle.
Bert quickly diverted the topic and said, "So, where's the Thunder Effect?"
Suddenly, there was a POOF! behind them and all four of them turned around to look.
"Yez! Zo where iz my thunder eeffect, Baby Bear?", said the Count while stroking his goatee.
"Not on your widow's peak I'll give it back! I'm sowwy, Count, but I need it to sca-wre Goldilocks away.", replied Baby Bear with passion.
"Aah, I have an iidea to zcare away Goldilocks foor you. 'Ill you giive mee back the eeffect if I 'elp you?", asked the Count.
"Al-all wight. Show it to me now?", demanded Baby Bear.
There was another POOF!, a silent flash of lightning and a nasal "OUCH!!" followed from Bert.
A loudspeaker had just bounced off the right side of Bert's head from nowhere.
"Oh, zorry Bert. My 'eleportation zkill iz a bit ruzty.", murmured the Count.
Ernie was rubbing the two bruises on Bert's head and was saying how irresponsible the Count was when Bert complained that one of the bruises was caused by Ernie's flying fire engine too.
"But you've got to admit the purple bruises match your yellow skin perfectly, Bert love.", commented Ernie with misty eyes.
"RGH!!! You two loovebirds are incorrigible!", exclaimed the Count.
Ernie quickly stopped what he was doing and turned to see the Telly Monster and Baby Bear gone.
The walked into Baby Bear's living room to see a strange sight.
It was the Telly Monster going crazy with Baby Bear's new television set. 'Elmo's World' was on at the moment.
"I guess what Elmo said was right, Telly does watch every show there is!", said Bert with amazement at Telly's crazy whirling eyes.
Suddenly, there was a loud "RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" that echoed for miles around Sesame Street and a screeching girl with curly golden hair ran out from the bedroom to their right and out of the door. The blanket was still on her front when she ran out.
"HAHAHA! It wowrked! It wowrked! Thank you, Count! Although my blanket's missing but the look on Goldie's face when I rawred was so funny! Hewre's youwr Thundewr effect!", gasped Baby Bear from non-stop laughing.
The Thunder effect looked like an ordinary piece of aluminum sheet. The Count test-waved it and there was a deafening rumble of thunder that came from it.
"Lookz like itz beeen in good 'ands! All right, moopets, gooodbye! And 'eres your pigeon and roober dookie!", said the Count dramatically. He extracted a pigeon and rubber duckie from inside his cape and he vanished again with a POOF!
Ernie caught Bert's pigeon and Bert caught Ernie's rubber duckie which emitted a squeak when he grabbed it. Both of them gave a sigh of relief and handed them across to one another.
They happily walked home, knowing that nothing could ever go wrong again with their beloved toy and pet with them.
That night, the whole of Sesame Street was quiet except for a basement apartment at 123 Sesame Street. Ernie was talking to his rubber duckie which replied with constant high-pitched squeaks and Bert didn't mind at all. Bernice the Pigeon was cooing a lot too.
So we end this long story with a happy ending with Bert not at all mindful of Ernie's noise-making. Erratic echoes of a 'RAWR' could once in a while be heard, which drove Goldilocks and the inhabitants of Sesame Street berserk.