Why tell them all the old things

They're buried under the snow

Whispering grass, don't tell the trees

'cause the trees don't need to know

Kaidan reads her first letter from the rocking bow of a ship off Portsmouth. He wants to vomit. He's exhausted, he knows what's coming. They've been drilling all day. He's seen the floating docks; he's seen the massive flotilla of warships.

The Allies are going to stand together, fool and take the fight to the enemy. They're going to shock them. They're going to fight on the beaches. It's the beginning of the end.

Dearest Soldier-Boy,

I miss you. I love you. I miss you. I miss dancing; I miss being held by you. I miss your smile and your eyes and your kisses.

I hate this war. They found an unexploded bomb in the garden of the house down the street and for a moment I was terrified it was going to explode. It turned out to be a dud, but I spent all morning throwing up over it. I hate Jerry, I feel sick every time I listen to Lord Haw-Haw on the radio but I still tune in, hoping for even a snatch of news. Ash tells me just to shut him off but I can't stand not knowing. I keep scanning the lists of those KIA for your name. I feel so sick every time. I wish I knew where you are.

I hope you're not in the Pacific. Ash says you could just be stationed in Australia but I'm not that naïve…

There's something else. My skirts won't fit anymore. I had to sell my earrings to afford more material to make new ones. Ash gave me some of her mother's old clothes…She's been very kind, taking care of me even though I complain.

I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you would be unhappy or it would distract you but I can't hide it anymore. I think everyone has noticed my belly. The looks...

I'm having a baby. I'm having your baby.

I'm still scared over it.

I love you. This is wrong but it feels right. I'm unwed; the older nurses keep giving me filthy looks and saying bad things about you. I want to scream at them. It's not fair. They don't know what a good man you are. You're so far from home. They're talking about taking me off duty at the hospital. It's not fair but I have no choice.

I'm really scared. I just want you to come back and take me dancing.

But…I'm happy too. I don't feel so alone. I hope you're happy too.

Forever yours,

Lamb.

Kaidan reads her letter and sits bolt upright in his bunk. Suddenly, he's on his feet, tearing through the cramped quarters, screaming for Jimmy.

Soldiers have to lunge out of his way and he even thinks he accidentally knocks a few over.

He finds Jimmy in the mess and hauls him out of his seat.

"Jimmy, you son of a bitch! Guess what?"

The larger man looks like Kaidan has finally snapped. "Easy there Loco, who put ants in your pants?"

"It's Shepard! I'm gonna be a dad!"

The mess explodes around him, soldiers crowding around to pat him on the back. Jimmy is the one hugging him tightest of all and Kaidan thinks he has tears in his eyes.

Even his hardass Commander presents him with a cigar.

That night, he writes back to her, Jimmy and Cortez sharing a bottle of contraband whiskey with him.

My dearest Lamb,

I love you. I can't believe you were afraid to tell me. I'm so happy, I can't stop grinning. This letter feels like poor celebration. You deserve far better than this. I would I would give you...

I would give you everything.

I'm so sorry. I asked for leave but we're [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS.] soon for something big but they say I can't come to London. Maybe when the [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS.] is over they'll let me back. The boys are getting nervous. I think the bulldog and Teddy have a plan for France. I can't say much. The ships [REDACTED BY THE U.S ARMY CORPS]

I'm frightened.

Oh god. I just want this war over. I can't believe I was ever eager for it. This is killing me.

A baby! That's wonderful. I'm sitting here with Jimmy and Cortez, I started writing back as soon as I got your letter, and you will probably see the tears marks on it (they are mostly Jimmy's har har). He says there was something in his eye and tells me to tell you - 'You better take care of my nephew, Lola.'

He swears it's a boy. He has bet me a whole carton of cigarettes. I guess we'll see, right? A son would be nice but so would a little girl for me to spoil. One with your fire.

The boys keep laughing that out of all the people in the company I'm the one who got a gal in trouble. I'm a little drunk actually; they keep shoving liquor at me. The boys are happy for us, they keep telling me to send you a big kiss from them.

I have to confess, I told them to go kiss their mothers instead.

I dream about you. I dream about a child with your lips and your smiles. I want to be home with you, dancing in the streets, hugging and kissing. This war has to end and when it does I'm going to be back at your side. We'll teach the kid how to shoot a gun together. Or maybe you can and I'll teach him how to swing a bat.

It's stupid, but do you think it was that night in the barn? It was magical. I'm being a sentimental fool, but I kind of hope it was. That night was perfect and pure and I hope we made a perfect little proof of our love.

I know it can't be easy for you. I am so sorry. I want to be there, I want to be your husband. I am so sorry, Shepard.

My heart stopped when I read about the bomb. It kills me not being there with you. Please, please stay safe. I couldn't bear to lose you. Either of you.

I wish we had gotten married before I shipped out. Are you alright? I'll send you my pay packet directly, along with all the cigarettes Jimmy can get his hands on.

Stay safe. I'll be home before you know it.

Your husband,

Kaidan.