Couragepaw stood on the edge of the sheer cliff towering above the lake far below. It would be so easy to just fall, to leave his fucked up clan behind forever. He liked how it felt, standing on the edge of death. Here he had power over his life. He could choose to end everything, all it would take is was single step.
"Couragepaw?" Ravenpaws soft voice broke into his dark thoughts. He turned around, backing away from the edge.
"You.. you weren't gonna jump, right?"
"No, of course not." Couragepaw reassured. "Why would I do that?" He gave the younger apprentice a smile but Ravenpaw knew it was fake and Couragepaw could tell.
"Lets go back to camp." Couragepaw said, wanting to distract him.
Ravenpaw gave him a doubtful look but followed him back to camp anyways, still looking troubled.
"Was Ashtail looking for me?' Couragepaw asked, ignoring the younger apprentices obvious concern.
"Yeah, he's really mad." Ravenpaw replied.
Couragepaw sighed inwardly. He had hoped that his mentor was havingone of his good days today.
He noticed Ravenpaw shivering as he walked beside him. The sky was a depressing gray color and the air was cold as dark clouds hung heavily above them. Earlier it had been raining a lot harder and Couragpaws golden brown tabby fur was soaked with the frigid water. Still though, his fur was a lot longer and thicker than Ravenpaws was.
When they finally got to camp most of their clan was still huddled in any decent shelter they could find form the rain. Most of them had managed to stay relatively dry.
Couragepaw cast an agitated glance at the empty space where the fresh kill pile was supposed to be. He wondered if Iceclan would honestly rather go hungry all day than go out in the rain. "Where's Hailstar?" Couragepaw asked his sister, a young green eyed tabby she cat.
"Likely sleeping somewhere warm." She scoffed, eyes flashing towards the shape of one of the caves on the other side of the clearing.
"That damn bastard, while his clan is out freezing and starving he's well fed and sleeping in his den." Couragepaw growled.
"Couragepaw you moron, where the hell were you? Your clan is hungry. You should be hunting." A dark gray and white tabby tom snapped, stalking up to where Couragepaw stood with Ravenpaw and Dawnpaw.
"They know how to hunt Ashtail. Instead of sleeping all day maybe they should be at least attempting to take care of themselves." Couragepaw snapped
"Or, maybe instead of wandering around uselessly doing Starclan knows what that's what you should have been doing Couragepaw,"
"I'm going to." Couragepaw hissed "But why don't you hunt for your clan too? Maybe that might be more useful than standing there bitching at me."
"I have to wait for Shadesong!" Ashtail hissed, anger blazing in his dark blue hues. "She's coming back today."
Couragepaw just stared at him.
Really? Is he really back to this again? He knew Ashtail had never really fully accepted her death, but he thought his father had finally gotten over this.
Beside him Ravenpaw and Dawnpaw fell eerily silent.
Ashtail didn't seem to notice though. "Well?" He hissed.
"Yeah, I'm going." Couragepaw growled, though without the same malice as before. "Dawnpaw do you want to come with me?" He didn't ask Ravenpaw, he knew the young midnight apprentice was already cold and tired. Besides, he didn't want to have to deal with the worry for him he saw in his friends eyes.
Dawnpaw nodded and followed him silently out of camp.. Her golden brown fur was soon as drenched with water as Couragepaw's was. For a moment Couragepaw regretted asking her to leave the shelter of camp, but he knew she would be better off cold than hungry with the others back at camp.
His thoughts went back to his useless leader, who let his clan starve away. The only cats he cared about were Dawnpaw and Ravenpaw; the rest could rot with Hailstar in hell for all he cared.
"Is something wrong?" Dawnpaw suddenly asked.
"No, why?'
"Its just that you seem really… distant lately."
"Have you ever thought about leaving Dawnpaw?"
"I wish we could I guess, but we don't really have anywhere else to go."
Yes we do Couragepaw thought, but he didn't tell her, not yet.
They had got lucky today and had caught more than expected despite the bad weather.
He noticed his sister gazing hungrily at the drenched sparrow she had just caught.
"Eat it, Dawnpaw. You're half starved to death."
"But the warrior code…"
"How can anyone expect you to be able to defend and hunt for your clan when you haven't ate in the last three days?"
Dawnpaw hesitated
"Do you think Hailstar or Ashtail honestly hunt for the clan first?"
"Alright, but you have to have some too. You're probably hungrier than I am."
"Whatever." Couragepaw could deal with his own hunger, he just hated seeing Dawnpaw wasting away like this.