Community Psychology: A Study Of Arrested Development.
Chapter 4: TBA
The study group members (sans Pierce) sat around their table.
"After Michael announced his intention to leave, it became clear that the group was running out of options."
"I think we really Britta'd this situation." said Jeff. "Sorry."
"No, we did Britta this situation." said Britta.
"Does anybody have any other ideas?" asked Shirley.
"Nothing comes to mind." said Abed.
"I'm also at a loss." said Jeff.
"Maybe we could release Troy's monkey into the vents and get the health department on them." said Britta.
"Britta!" said Annie. "That's not a good idea. The ruling of 'People vs. June Bauer' stated that an investigation would have to be started."
"That's right." said Jeff. "And the investigation would most likey...wait, how would you know that?"
Annie suddenly looked worried and said "No reason."
Britta grabbed one of the folders on Annie's pile of books and looked at the title. "'Barry Zuckercorn vs. State of...' Annie, these are court documents!"
"Those are legal!" yelled Jeff. "Where did you get these?"
"The...law office?" said Annie quietly.
"That thing you had to do?" asked Britta. "You were working as a lawyer and you didn't tell us!"
"Well, what do you want me to do?" yelled Annie. "I'm not a real lawyer! I'm only pretending to be one for...I don't know anymore!"
"You could turn the firm's attention to the frat house or Pierce!" yelled Britta.
"Britta, would you please stop it with the frat house already?" yelled Jeff.
"How can you not take my side?" yelled Britta. "She's got your old job and she's succeeding where you should be!"
"Well, at least I'm not going after some lost cause!" yelled Annie.
"Would all of you just shut the (bleep) up!" yelled Shirley. "We are in the middle of a (bleep)ing crisis here and you (bleep)ing idiots are yelling at each other like (bleep)ing children! If we want to (bleep)ing do something to help Pierce or stop this (bleep)ing frat house, we can't fall the (bleep) apart!"
Everybody stared at her in shock.
"And Shirley realized that Michael had a point about his workers."
Shirley suddenly looked scared and ran from the study room.
"Look, guys." said Jeff. "Sorry. It's just that this whole thing with Pierce has me on edge. I've tried my best legal maneuvering and it's not working."
"I could try what Britta suggested." said Annie. "But I'm afraid it might look suspicious. If they notice that I'm looking into a case that came up just before I got there, I might be shown the door and then I can't help anybody."
"We could have gotten Michael to help." said Jeff. "Unfortunately, our bickering pretty much sent him back to California."
"He's not leaving until he delivers his speech for the frat house." said Abed. "You could go after him at his hotel and beg him to help."
"He's not going to help us." said Jeff. "In fact, I don't think he wants anything more to do with us."
"The least you can do is apologize." said Troy.
"And Jeff realized that he did owe Michael an apology."
Jeff went over to Michael's hotel room and sat facing him. "I'm sorry." he said.
"That is literally the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." said Michael.
"Michael." said Jeff. "You come across as a very giving guy. You single-handedly handled your dad's trial and your relatives' personal issues. You had this house built on Greendale's campus, which is something not every graduate would do. So, it hurts me that you just pack up and run when we need you the most."
"There's a lot about my dad's case you don't know." said Michael. "It's true that I single-handedly handled the case and my family's personal issues, but that was because I had to. Most of them were unwilling to help me with dad's case or their problems. I'm always seen as the go-to guy for solving problems. After all the taking and taking, I finally got fed up and left. I thought that if I helped them out, they'd be moved to be more generous and helpful, but it didn't work out that way. It's like they're in a state of prolonged adolescence. You know, 'arrested development'."
"Hey! That's the name of his show!"
"And when you and Britta started with your demands, I thought that you were becoming just like them and it scared me." said Michael. "You and your study group, you're practically a family. In fact, you're more of a family than my own family."
"Well, we're more like a community." said Jeff.
"And that's the name of HIS show!"
"We have our issues." said Jeff. "We have our problems. We also have each other. Maybe we are more of a family than yours."
Jeff's cell phone rang. He answered.
"This is Jeff."
"Jeff!" said Annie on the other end. "Did you take any of my legal briefs?"
"What? No!" said Jeff. "I came right here after I found out about those."
"Oh God." said Annie. "Britta must have taken it."
"Wait, what's going on?" asked Jeff.
"I was getting ready to return to the office and I found that one of my legal briefs was missing."
"So, just call Britta and ask for it back." said Jeff.
"She's not answering her cell phone." said Annie. "But that's not important. The missing brief was about an arson case. It contained details that could give Britta the means to cause serious destruction. Serious destruction, Jeff."
Jeff quietly hung up. "I have to get back to college." he said.
"I have to give the speech." said Michael. "Maybe you can give me a lift."
"Jeff returned to the college campus as soon as he could. Along the way, he reasoned that Britta would try to use her ill-gotten information on the house itself and decided to concentrate his search there."
Jeff ran over behind the house. He found Britta trying to pry open a box on the back wall. "Britta, what are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm taking a stand, Jeff." said Britta. "I can't let the Nu Beta's succeed."
"Stop." said Jeff. "Getting caught could get you into serious trouble."
"This college is already in serious trouble." said Britta as she turned to face him.
"Yes, I know you're willing to sacrifice yourself for what you believe in." said Jeff. "But are you willing to make this big a sacrifice? Don't you know what the penalty for what you're doing is?"
"First time!" said Britta.
"I've never heard of a second." said Jeff.
He let that sink in before continuing.
"Look, Britta." said Jeff. "I know I make a lot of speeches. Maybe I'm making this one just to make you feel better. Maybe no one else will hear this. Maybe it won't change anything. But I need you to realize that you may be going too far this time. Britta, sometimes you just can't win.
"It's true the Nu Beta's are bullies, but they're bullies with authority. Pierce is already paying the price for their boorishness. For once, he's an innocent victim. I'm sure the Nu Beta's have no shortage of those in their wake. Someday, the people will band together and rise up against them. But that's not today. You can't take them on all by yourself and neither can I. So, what do you say? Leave this for another day?"
Britta set down her knife and walked over to Jeff. He hugged her.
"Come on." he said. "Let's try not to arrouse suspicions."
"Jeff did manage to calm Britta down, but he was wrong about two things..."
Michael watched them from behind a bulldozer.
"Someone else had heard the speech and it did end up changing everything."
A crowd of students gathered in front of the new frat house where Dean Pelton stood on a stage.
"Greetings, students." he said. "You can see before you the new frat house for the Ypsilon Nu Beta fraternity. Let's have a big round of applause for this new establishment."
The students all applauded while Michael walked out on stage.
"And here is the man behind the house's construction, Mr. Michael Bluth!" said Pelton.
Michael faced the crowd and said "You know, a lot has changed since I went to Greendale. Since I graduated, I see you've added a new school flag, a statue of Luis Guzman, and a new mascot."
He looked to the ethnicly neutral humanoid figure and shuddered.
"Anyway," he continued "I came here to congratulate the Nu Beta's on their new frat house and take pride in a job well done...but I'm not going to."
Everyone (including Jeff and Britta) looked at him in confusion.
"It has come to my attention that someone initially suggested a psych center for Greendale's students." said Michael. "However, the bullies at Nu Beta have forced the board of directors to grant them a new house instead. It was the words of a man named Jeff Winger that pointed me in the right direction as he was willing to go the extra mile to save a friend from the bullies.
"In my opinion, a psych center would be better used to help the Greendale student body, not just a gang of bullies looking to assert their power over the innocents. All in all, you probably should have made this a frat house since you've openly rejected mental health. Thank you."
He stepped off of the stage amidst the roar of the students discussing what had just happened.
"Wow." said Troy.
"Cool." said Abed. "Twist ending."
Michael walked over to Jeff and Britta.
"Mr. Bluth, that was a rather stirring speech." said Jeff.
"I was inspired by one of the best." said Michael.
"It's nice to see whose side you're on." said Britta.
"I meant every word I said." said Michael.
"Ah, Michael." said Pelton as he walked over. "It turns out that the board of directors was in the audience and they really enjoyed your speech. They had an emergency session and I have both good news and bad news."
"Yes?" asked Michael.
"The good news is that they had an emergency vote and decided that the Nu Beta's have overstepped their authority." said Pelton. "So, they've suspended the fraternity's charter until they can decide how to proceed. And since they can't give a house to a fraternity without a charter, they've decided to designate the house as a psych center for the time being."
"Yes!" cheered Britta. "People can make a difference!"
"What's the bad news?" asked Jeff.
"The bad news is that the Nu Beta's on the security detail aren't too thrilled with you two." said Pelton. "Since they've just lost their frat house, they've announced they are going to imprison the men responsible, you and Michael."
"Wait, whoa!" said Michael. "They can't detain me. I graduated twenty years ago."
"I know." said Pelton. "When I told them that, they just decided to lock up Jeff instead."
Two men in security guard uniforms marched over and started to handcuff Jeff.
"Jeff!" gasped Britta.
"Relax." said Jeff. "I'll be out by midnight."
"Yes, right." said Michael. "I'm sure that calmer heads will prevail and they'll release Jeff when their charter is restored."
"The charter was revoked two hours later and Jeff spent the next day in the security group's holding cell."
A sign reading "Star-Burns Memorial Psych Center" was unveiled in front of the frat house.
"Meanwhile, the board of directors made good on their promise to redesignate the house as a psych center. In return for her work in lobbying for it, Britta was given an internship there."
Britta sat and watched as a psychology professor psychoanalyzed Garrett.
"And how long have you had these hallucinations?" asked the professor.
"Over the past month." said Garrett. "Last week, I saw a doctor...there was no doctor."
In the security center, a guard shoved Jeff into the same cell as Pierce and slammed the door. Jeff turned around and faced the guards.
"Mission accomplished."
"On the next 'Arrested Development'...or 'Community'..."
The personnel at the lawyer's office gathered around Annie and applauded.
"Annie finds her legal career going places."
"We have an opening in the corner office." said Taylor. "And on the short list for that office is our newest star...Annie Edison!"
"It's like all of my dreams are coming true!" gushed Annie as the phone rang.
"But then the truth catches up to her."
The receptionist held out the phone and said "Annie, you have a phone call from a Craig Pelton. He wants to know if you're going to register for classes next semester."
Annie looked at him in shock as everyone else looked at her with suspicion.
Shirley sat in a church confessional.
"Bothered by her more colorful language, Shirley seeks absolution."
"Some of the stuff that's been coming out of my mouth." she said. "Those are things I never thought I would say to anyone."
"Look." said the priest. "A lot of people get mad sometimes. Sometimes, you just want to say '(bleep) it' and go off on those (bleep)s."
"She finds herself in good company."
Troy and Abed sat in chairs in front of a desk.
"And Troy and Abed go to a Greendale notable for their documentary."
On the other side of the desk sat an Asian man named Ben Chang.
"Hmmm, I don't know about making a guest appearance." he said. "Maybe a cameo."
AN: I just want to acknowledge that Garrett's line comes from Erik Charles Neilsen's actual stand-up routine. There's just one more (brief) chapter left.