Author's Note – Hey guys sorry about the long wait!! It wasn't intentional. I started a new part time job this month and all my time just disappeared.
I also want to say a special thank you to my sister Sarah. We got together and co wrote the lullaby, "My Wish Is True" which is featured in the chapter.
Here it is, the conclusion. Thanks so much to everyone for reading and all. Enjoy!
Where I Stood
Chapter 4 – The Way We Are
Peyton sat in the rocking chair with baby Anna cradled delicately in her embrace. The sun's young rays filtered through the pink nursery as a new day had barely begun, marking three months since Anna was born. The time passing had just flown by as both Peyton and Lucas slowly adjusted to life as parents.
Her eyes trailed over her daughter's sweet profile; Anna lay sleeping contently as the light morning's breeze played at Peyton's dishevelled curls. Throughout the previous night Anna had kept Lucas and Peyton up with intermittent bursts of crying and Peyton had been exhausted and had truly felt the toll of a new baby. Now however as she watched over the perfect bundle she held in her arms she couldn't think of anything more perfect or soothing.
At times Peyton felt so out of her depth as a new mother; she was so scared of doing something wrong. She found herself questioning each and every action she took and every decision she made; as if she couldn't do anything right. But other times taking care of Anna was just so innate and she felt so ready for this whole new chapter of life as a mother.
Karen and Haley had both been great with all of their tips and words of wisdom. Both had assured Peyton that she was doing fine; in fact she was a natural and was doing better than fine even if it was a fact she found difficult to believe. They both would tell her repeatedly it was to be expected for to feel that way, and strangely enough it was that fact that made her such a great mother.
Peyton let her head rest against the back of her chair; she felt a wave of contentment flow through her. With Anna's tiny frame resting against her and her delicate eye lids pressed gently shut Peyton felt all her confusion and doubt over her new role disappear. Her own lids were so heavy and she could so easily have given in to sleep then and there.
"Good morning ladies," Brooke Davis called as she breezed through into Anna's new nursery and Peyton snapped back into full consciousness. Brooke sashayed confidently across the room despite the large number of bags full of gifts she was carrying. She deposited them onto the table and whipped around with a broad smile on her face as she smoothed out her sleek chestnut hair.
"Morning," Peyton said through a hushed smile as she indicated to a still silent Anna nestled in her arms.
Brooke smiled warmly taking in the tender scene. "Sorry," she whispered back.
"More gifts?" Peyton enquired jokingly. True to form Brooke had taken to lavishing the little girl with gifts even before Peyton had been discharged from the hospital.
"I just couldn't resist," Brooke smirked as she pulled a little pink one-set with the flaming heart design that had very first been the inspiration for "Clothes over Bro's" from one of her bags. She added proudly. "And besides your gorgeous little Anna inspired me to start a fabulous baby line for the company. These are just some of my ideas."
"Wow," Peyton said running her fingertips over the soft fabric as she inspected the designs more closely, "they're really great Brooke."
"Thank you. Oh and I got her this," Brooke brandished the purple monkey and a large grin appeared on both of the girls' faces. Brooke had owned a very similar stuffed monkey; one with only one eye that she had loved and carried everywhere with her when she was little.
"Brooke you didn't have to..." Peyton began as her little Anna started to stir. Anna's pale blue eyes fixed immediately on the stuffed animal Brooke was holding and she reached out with a gurgle; her tiny fingers curling tightly around the monkey's arm.
"Aw look she loves the monkey," Brooke gushed before requesting excitedly. "Can I hold her?"
Peyton nodded and gently shifted her daughter from her own hold and into Brooke's.
"Hello precious girl. Oh look at her. She's so cute," Brooke giggled before lifting up the little girl and holding her close. She traced her eyes slowly over the tiny girl's profile. "She's so got Luke's eyes."
"Yeah she does," Peyton ran her fingers over Anna's soft cheek. She was all Peyton from her sweet delicate features to her stubborn and wily temperament; everyone had said so. But her eyes were those of her father.
"Those big broody and soulful eyes," Brooke drawled silkily, rocking the little girl against her chest and giving the blonde a knowing sideways glance. "She's going to be all broody just like her mommy and her daddy."
Peyton giggled at her friend's teasing. "Yeah," Peyton captured her daughter's tiny little hand between her finger and thumb. "She's my little miracle Brooke."
"Yeah. She sure is that," Brooke agreed. "Being a mom really suits you," Brooke said that in all honesty, as truthfully she had never seen her friend look so happy and smile so widely. She and Peyton had weathered good and bad times together; she'd seen Peyton both happy and sad in equal measures. However this was different; being a mother had changed Peyton in so many ways even it was only subtly.
"Yeah?" the blonde ran a hand through her tangled hair and frowned slightly. "Sometimes I feel like I have no idea how I make it from one day to the next; you know when I'm tired and Luke's tired and she is never tired. And other days she just makes it so easy like today and just sleeps and is perfect."
"Children do that. And trust me you're doing amazing, P Scott," Brooke uttered and watched as Peyton's emerald eyes clouded at the brunette's slip of the tongue. Brooke knew Peyton desperately wanted to be the next Mrs Scott and Brooke knew all too well that Lucas wanted the exact same thing. However the next logic step of marriage seemed to be the one thing the brunette's two friends seemed to be tentative to acknowledge and discuss. She figured they of course would in time; Brooke believed firmly that the people that were meant to be would always find their way back together and achieve their dreams.
"But you don't regret it?" Brooke enquired then. "Moving from L.A to be with Lucas and Anna?"
Peyton shook her head. She missed the dazzling pursuit of the dream of career in music and the exhilaration wanting to discover brand new artists. "I was so lost in L.A without Luke. And I want my dreams. Someday. But I'm really happy and I wouldn't change this feeling. Not for the world."
"There's more to life than money and success that's for sure," Brooke stated truthfully.
Peyton turned to regard her oldest friend. Brooke had thrown herself into her now flourishing clothing company and had gone into business with her mother. She'd become a huge success in just a couple of short years after High School but had confided in Peyton that her glitzy lifestyle left her little time for herself. And even less time for a relationship, which saddened her a little.
"I see how happy you are with Lucas and Anna," Brooke admitted then. "And then I see Haley with Nathan and Jamie. I love my job and my company is doing so well but....then I go back to my apartment in New York and it's just me. Me alone without the success and celebrity and without the family.....I don't know," the brunette's eyes fell to regard Anna as she gurgled quietly. "I want a family Peyton. I want to be part of a family."
Peyton smiled gently and placed a hand of comfort on Brooke shoulders. "You'll always be part of the family Brooke," she reminded her. "I love you. We all love you."
"Thank you Peyton."
Both girls had grown up without a stable family unit and both could identify how hard and lonely that could be. "You'll always have me," Peyton assured her friend further. "No matter what."
"So anyway, and speaking of love", the brunette turned a delicate shade of pink and uttered. "You should go change into something fabulous and go spend some time away with your boy. That is after all the main reason I'm here this early in the morning and not tucked up in bed where I should be."
Peyton tried to push out the thoughts of reluctance that flowed through her at Brooke's instructions. Brooke had agreed to take Anna for the day the week before so Peyton could enjoy some much needed couple time with Lucas. Peyton had been so eager at the offer as for the past months both she and Lucas had been solely focused on their daughter, but now found it hard to let go.
"I don't know......" Peyton's voice trailed off. She was on heightened alert even if Anna was simply in a different room from her let alone in a different part of town. "I don't know if I can leave her and relax for the afternoon."
"Peyton," Brooke said gently and reassuringly. "Anna's going to be absolutely fine with me. And I'll be on the cell as long as you don't call every five minutes. Go have some fun. You and Lucas deserve a break."
Peyton nodded in agreement. As reluctant as she was to leave Anna for the first time and as exhausted as she might be she knew that she and Lucas had very few opportunities to just be alone together. "Ok," she conceded. "But what am I going to wear?" she added as an afterthought. This was the first "real" date they had been on since Anna had been in their lives. Laundry, other than baby clothes, had not been a priority for her and she began to doubt if anything was clean let along suitable.
"All ready covered," Brooke's manicured hand pointed to the bags she had brought with her, to one bag slightly less brightly coloured and more sophisticated looking.
--x--x--x--
"You look amazing," Lucas told her as he navigated the mustang along Tree Hill's winding roads later that morning. His eyes continued to stray to his girlfriend's pretty pink dress as she sat in the passenger's seat.
Peyton felt a blush colour her face as she smoothed a hand over her newly washed and styled curls and mentally thanked her best friend.
"Here we are", Lucas announced and stopped the car outside Tric. Peyton turned to regard him quizzically. A trip to the club where she used to work wasn't exactly how she had planned on spending their first afternoon together away from Anna, especially at this time of day.
"Luke?" Peyton turned to face him with a look of furrowed curiosity. "What's going on?"
Lucas didn't utter another word and simply moved swiftly out of the driver's seat and opened her door. He held out a hand to help her up; he was still ravishing her with special attention and treating her like she was delicate. She hated to admit it being the independent girl she had always been but at the same time she relished the attention he'd been bestowing upon her since the arrival of their daughter.
"Come with me," he encouraged and she took his hand with a slight grin. She let him lead her into the club that was almost deserted aside from the local band that was performing a sound check.
"Luke you know I don't like surprises," she reminded him. The band's base thrummed in the background and Peyton couldn't help but smile as she saw the potential in the undiscovered talent on stage.
"You'll like this one. I promise." He guided her up the stairs and pulled aside the heavy sliding doors to unveil the large unoccupied space his mother had always intended as using as office space but had never got around to doing it.
"Ok?" Peyton placed her hands on her hips and Lucas moved to the centre of the room. He looked both excited and proud of himself. "What's going on Luke?"
"I talked to my mom and to Brooke and we decided that this would be a great space for an office. Your office," he finished.
"Except I don't need an office," she informed him.
"You would if you set up your own record label here in Tree Hill," he stated in a leading way.
"Luke..." she felt a surge of panicked uncertainty and she wasn't even sure why.
"You could do that Peyt," he caught her hands up in his own firm yet gentle grip. "I know you can. And so do you."
Peyton's mind whirled rapidly. The idea sounded so very perfect when he spoke but she couldn't help but think of all the practicalities involved. Building a new company would take work and she'd just had a baby and now with Lucas back from the book tour she wanted to spend every minute with him. Not to mention she was hesitant to the whole venture not working out, feeling the disappointment and her temples tingled with the threat of a headache at the thought.
"Luke...I love the idea," she began shakily. "I do. And I love that you'd do all of this for me. But we have Anna and I don't even know if I can do this."
"I know that you can," he confirmed for her with a strong and unshakable belief. "You're destined for greatness, Peyton Sawyer."
She moved into him then and threaded her arms around his neck. "You know I love you right? And I'm going to be in love with you no matter what I do."
"I just want you to be happy Peyt," he reasoned as his arms encircled themselves around her waist tightly.
"I am happy. I'm really happy," she told him sincerely. She had a baby that she'd loved and cherished more than anything from the first moment she'd laid eyes on her. She had a boyfriend that she could actually understood her, someone who even now managed to make her heart race and ache in all the best possible ways. Peyton Sawyer was happy and there was no denying it. She was happier than she thought to be possible.
Lucas stroked back her stray curls and let his gaze trace over her expression. Despite the fact that both of them were exhausted from three months of sleepless nights Peyton still glowed. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so completely happy. He realised then how much he loved that look about her and the fact it was there because of their new little family. He wanted to keep it that way forever now.
"I know you are Peyt. It's just that...." he voice trailed off as he was reminded of all the shadows of doubt that had haunted him when he was on his tour.
"It's just what?" She lifted her face to gaze at his own.
He avoided eye contact with her. Ever since they had got back together and she'd moved back home all he could think about was the fact one day she may wish she had done things differently. She'd sacrificed her career to be with him and have the baby. Now that Anna was born he felt that she still needed to chase her dreams. Even if it was on a different path; a better path.
"It's just that I want you to have your dreams; all of them. You can do this Peyton. I talked to Brooke and she's more than happy to invest in you. I know Haley wants to make another record and she'd love to work with you." He knew everyone around her believed in her; now it was time to make her believe in herself.
Peyton smiled, "is there anyone who isn't in on this? This little plan of yours?" She loved him for believing in her, for wanting to help her. And from past experience; when he'd taken her own artwork to Thud Magazine she knew he was quite happy to give her the first push when she was reluctant to take that risk to put herself out there.
"Just think about it ok," he let his fingers graze over her knuckles. "When Lindsey and I were in New York the one thing she told me was that it's important not to give up hope that you can achieve everything you want."
"I'll think about it," she told him before rising up on her toes to kiss him.
--x--x--x--
Late that night Lucas finally finished preparing Anna's bottles for the next day and stifled a yawn as parenthood once again raised up to show its mark of exhaustion. He'd volunteered to do the tasks for the following day knowing how tired Peyton became during the late hours of the evening. He mentally checked off all the tasks that had needed to be done before rubbing a hand against his tired eyes. Satisfied that nothing had been forgotten he flicked off the kitchen lights and crept upstairs along the darkened corridors.
He manoeuvred silently along the darkened hall way as he made for their bedroom, guessing Peyton would be lost to sleep by now. However as he came to Anna's nursery he heard Peyton's soft hushed voice as she sung a lullaby. He stood for a moment, resting his frame in the entrance and watched Peyton's darkened silhouette against the gold of the night light;
"Make a wish
And hold it tight
Wish upon
A star so bright
A story of old
A love to hold
My prince became
My wish come true
Make a wish
And hold it tight
Wish upon
The snow so white
A love to mend
My once sad heart
His blue eyes shone
Promised we'd never part
A story of old
A love to hold
My prince became
My wish come true
Tears from a dream
A wish come true
It brought me him
It brought me you
My prince he came
By water we stood
Where we locked eyes
He caught my heart
A story of old
A love to hold
My prince became
My wish come true…"
"Peyt," Lucas said in a quiet whisper and he eventually entered the nursery. It was enough to stir her and Peyton turned to face him and smiled almost guiltily.
"I thought you were sleeping," Lucas said coming up behind her and encircling his arms around her slim waist. The pregnancy weight had almost all but disappeared by now and his hand brushed against the silk of her nightgown and rested on her flat stomach.
"I know but I love to watch her. I miss having her in the room with us.........." Both knew how overly protective Peyton was toward Anna. It had been difficult for the mother of his child to adjust to not sleeping in the same room as her daughter. Lucas teased her as she would throw off the comforter in the middle of the night and would be instantly ready for protective action when Anna so much as gurgled or coughed. But as much he as he might tease her he knew that she was she everything he could ask for in the mother of his new baby girl. And he adored how attentive she was to their child.
"My mom used to sing to me," Peyton betrayed the painful hurt that still swelled at her soul despite the years that had passed. "It's one of the earliest memories I have of her."
Lucas gave a small smile as Peyton's green eyes clouded in hidden sadness. She'd told him during the pregnancy that she was determined for Anna to have the stable childhood that both of them had lacked themselves. He pressed a kiss to her temple. "You're amazing you know that."
"You're not so bad yourself Lucas Scott," she let her body rest against his own. They stood for a moment in a soothing silence watching over the infant lying in the crib.
"So," Peyton said turning to face him again. "I've been thinking about your offer earlier. And I want to take it."
"That's great Peyton," he couldn't stop the grinning that readily traced across his mouth as she accepted the offer.
"I mean it'll be hard," Peyton went on to say. "I mean what with setting up a new company, your writing career and Anna."
"Peyt..."he murmured.
"And you have college and coaching the team," she reminded him. She'd seen how hard Nathan and Haley worked to juggle bringing up Jamie with college and basketball. She truly wanted to believe that they could do the same, even if it was with just a fraction of their friends' success.
Lucas pressed his index finger lightly to her lips to stop her nagging train of doubts, "we can make it work Peyt. I know we can."
Peyton smiled at his certainty. She didn't know how he could be so unquestionably sure at the fact. But then they balanced each other out; her with her various and building concerns, and his belief they could do this.
"Come on. We should try and get some sleep," Lucas said knowing Peyton should have been in bed hours ago and they should really be taking advantage of the fact that their daughter was still dreaming contently.
"Yeah I guess so," her weary body cried out for a good night's rest. She bent over the rails of Anna's crib to check that she was alright and adjusted the covers so they stopped at her daughter's tightly clenched fists. "Good night Anna," she whispered brushing a hand over the child's tufts of blonde hair.
"Night little girl," Lucas murmured to the peaceful form wrapped under the swaths of pink blanket. He picked up the baby monitor before following Peyton to their bedroom. She slipped the dressing gown down off shoulders and looked back nervously. She was still a little self conscious over her body since she'd given birth. She had no reason to be; she slipped beneath the satin bedspread and Lucas felt the same swells of love and desire that he had always held for her.
Lucas quickly shrugged off his jeans and shirt and pulled on a t-shirt and sweats before climbing into bed alongside Peyton. He pulled her close to him and she rested her head against his chest. She snuggled in close to the warmth of his body whispering "I love you," like she did every night since they had got back together.
"I love you too Peyt," he whispered into her tousled curls. They settled beneath the covers but despite being over tired from looking after their daughter both stared quietly into the blanketed darkness of the room.
"Just so you know," Lucas said as lightly and casually as he could but felt his nerves rise as he chanced the words that had burned at his heart and at his lips for the past year. He confided in Brooke, Haley and Nathan about how he wanted to ask her but still felt reluctant to do so. However now laying in the darkness he finally found the confidence to risk his heart again. "Someday soon I plan on asking you to be my wife."
Peyton snuggled in closer to his embrace. There had been so many nights when she'd not been able to sleep and she'd wished to hear those words again. To be able to hear them from him and to have the chance to say yes. "Well just so you know this time I'm planning on saying yes."
Lucas tightened his hold around her before he gave into his exhaustion; while Peyton allowed herself to drift often in the knowledge that someday was a real possibility. That someday was a certainty.
We make our mark upon the world; whether it is through the success of our talent and career or whether it is through the life we create and the children we influence.
-Fin-