This chapter contains the Teachy T.V guy from the Fire Red/Leaf Green games (who we will conveniently call 'Dud'), breaching the contract due to a high financial status, and card games.

© Satoshi Tajiri, T.V. Tokyo, The Pokémon Company...and stuff.

[Crack Lectures][3]-THIS CARD GAME SUCKS

"I play the nine in defense mode!" cried Dud.

"For the seventh fucking time! This is NOT Yu-Gi-Oh!" retaliated Max, who was currently going through his man-period.

Gary sighed. He went through a painful, boring and tedious process just so he could be written back into the Kanto area for this?!

It seemed like he was the only sane person in this lab. His grandfather was bordering on senile, Tracey had a big man crush on said grandfather and was constantly fading in and out of existence, Max had the potential to be sane but was going through the state of mental and hormonal instability that was puberty so he didn't count, that freaky Asian girl seemed to finally be gone, and every single pokémon that arrived in the lab every Thursday seemed to have some sort of problem and would try to kill, rape and/or eat someone (usually the professor). Gary made a mental note to try and petition the freaky flash girl taking up residence in the basement to try and add Misty to the cast as she seemed to be the only one exempt from these retarded weekly TV lectures and the freaky flash girl seemed to have some form of control over what happened.

'It almost seems like she's the one writing this crap', Gary thought.

She sat cross-legged in front of her gigantic computer screen, thinking of what to write. She had just overdosed on chocolate but she would have to wait a while before the sugar would kick in.

Drew kicked away one of the empty wrappers littering the ground as May drooled at the scent of chocolate chip lingering in the air.

"I'd kill for something sweet to eat right about now..." she mumbled, her voice barely coherent at this point.

"This is why this bitch is a diabetic", ranted Drew. "She just scarfs down sugar like it's the stuff keeping her alive and won't share." He completely disregarded how out of character he was behaving, but Harley didn't.

"Ooh, I just love it when you act like a seme!" cooed Harley. "It turns me on!"

"Someone please kill this flaming son of a bitch before I do..."

May was rapidly losing her mind. She began chanting in a sing song voice, "Chocolate treats. Sweet to eat. Chocolate treats. Yum yum sweet." This went on for a while.

"What are we supposed to call you anyway, Freaky Flash Girl?" asked Drew.

The girl smirked. "You can call me Charm."

"Charm?! The hell kind of name is--" he suddenly shut up even though he really wanted to finish that statement. He found himself mentally unable to continue. This inability pissed him off even more.

"Yes, Charm." She gently brushed May's glaceon until it began purring. "Oh, and I should probably mention that all your pokémon are belong to me in this sub-dimension. Well, all of them except Harley's. They freak me out." She shuddered at the thought of his Wigglytuff actually moving.

Glaceon then grew bored, and hopped off of Charm's lap and quietly laughed to itself at the sorry state Conway was in; Charm was pinning him down with her bare feet. He would have gotten a gratuitous view up her dress had he not been unconscious and frankly, unwilling to look as he was much more afraid of her than he was attracted.

Glaceon took a comfortable seat in an open drawer, and would occasionally poke Conway to see if he was awake. It was amusing. Glaceon took his glasses, froze them with an ice beam, and put them back on his face.

"Now that I think of it, things would probably be a lot more fun with Misty around...I should probably begin the arrangements."

"I play the six in attack mode!"

Max face palmed. He didn't even bother: this guy was a loon.

It was a relatively slow day today, considering that lectures were only given after every Pokémon episode. This was a break week however, so today everyone was just massively bored, playing games to pass the time. Usually they would be doing much more colorful things over the week, but for some reason Thursday breaks were terribly boring. Professor Oak had caught wind of this years ago and simply asked that nobody wake him up on break days.

He had failed to inform his subordinates about this, and now they were all very awake and very bored.

However, not everything went too bad. Apparently in the alternate sub-dimension that was the basement/Control Room, today was a homework-free weekend so Charm got off her face high on those $1.99 multi-grain chocolate chip bars they sell in CVS and decided that she would report the status of the Pokémon world away from the main characters on a slow day. Why not the main characters, you may ask? Because everyone and their mothers wrote about them, and gave no love to the ones that had been Oaked.

"Do you have any queens?" asked Tracey. He was currently translucent and fading away in the form of orbs of light. Think Sailor Moon here.

"Go fish and bring back your dead grandmother if you can. I'm not done with her."

"Yawls wanna knows how to catch water pokeymans?" shouted Dud.

"NO!" That outside voice sounded strangely like Dr. Robotnik.

What was scary about this card game, besides the fact that they were actually pieces of paper with the card details copied onto them due to the recent budget cut, was that everyone was epically cheating...and Dud was winning.

Tracey drew the last card. He now had about 35 cards; everyone else had 5. The players were Tracey, Max, Gary, Dud and the Bad Egg from the last lecture. Turns out she wasn't so bad after all--she just smelled terrible (something that could be easily solved with some apple-scented Febreze) and was sick of being referred to as a male. She took great pride in being almost born a rare female Eevee, after all. She also came up with the ideas of printing out the cards from the internet.

Bad Egg put down one slimy black tentacle on the table (the scentless one) as she was about to pick up a card, but realized there were none.

"What the hell?" she asked telepathically. Having an Espeon for a mother had its advantages. "Tracey? Why the fuck do you have 35 cards? Are you sure you know how to play this game?"

Tracey was about to answer, but he finally disappeared at that moment.

"Damn. We lost Tracey again," said Max in a monotone voice, eying the cards in his hand.

"Those bastards," replied Gary in the same tone.

"Good riddance. We need those cards. Someone needs to beat this hickory nut sandwich."

"I actervate my ace card! That means yer ace is mined now!"

"Someone please kill him," pleaded Max. "Before I have to."

"I would but that goes against my standards."

"You're...a personified stillbirth resulting from a game glitch," Gary pointed out. "What standards?"

"The ones where I should be a fluffy white puffball that sweats glitter and either licks peoples' noses or tries to shatter their skulls with shadow balls. Now shut up and make your move before I shove this 20 foot tentacle up your arse."

Her statement made no sense, but Gary got the idea and said no more. He decided to pick out any card he needed from Tracey's deck, and declared victory. Max and Bad Egg would have declared foul had that not been the entire premise of the game. Dud didn't really care; he was just excited to teach.

"Aw dang, I lost all my life points! I should have used the queen of hearts! She purdy--"

Max beat Dud down with an old frying pan until he was sure he had left some severe head trauma. His man-period had now progressed to level 2.

"THIS CARD GAME SUCKS!"

Charm saved and closed the file, smiling in self-satisfaction. She had decided to be nice and gave everyone free chocolate bar boxes to last them a week tops if they were responsible enough to save. Charm scooped up glaceon.

"Time for dinner, baby. Say bye-bye to May now. We'll be seeing them all tomorrow!" she cooed. Glaceon fell asleep in her arms. It liked Charm. She and Conway were much smarter than these other nit-wits. Unfortunately Charm was also a dominatrix with a nerd fetish so she dragged Conway around like a 5-year-old girl would drag around her favorite plush toy.

"As for YOU." Charm turned to Conway, who turned blue again. "You're sleeping with me tonight!"

Being the very classification of a nerd, Conway was not used to receiving any sort of positive attention from women; much less obsession. However, that last thing Charm said turned him on just a little. She was almost as hot as Dawn; her skirt was just longer, and her hair was much frizzier.

Author's Note: Hooray for no visible plot!

Well, we got a name for the freaky flash girl if that counts.

Next time we should be back on track for a lecture!

Here's a hint: This pokémon is a major slut.