DISCLAIMERS: I wish 'Castle' belonged to me. But, no. They're still the property of AWM.

SUMMARY: An important part of Kate's past history has a possible impact on hers' and Rick's future.

A/N #1: As you can tell from my previous chapter, what I'm watching on TV can impact what I'm writing. I'm a fan of both 'Lost' and 'The Walking Dead.'

Chapter 4: You Keep Me Grounded

It was just beginning to get light in the bedroom when Kate opened her eyes. She brought her hand up to her throat, wincing when she felt the bruises under her fingertips. She rolled over and smiled at the sight of Rick curled on up his side facing her, his eyes still closed in sleep, soft snores emitting from his slightly parted lips.

She could never imagine loving one human being as much as she loved the man sleeping by her side. As a young girl, she could remember watching her parents and wishing that she could find someone to love her as much as her parents loved each other. But then her mother was murdered and any hope of that type of love died with her.

Then along had come Richard Castle and that hope was reborn. He'd been more than her partner over the years. He was her best friend. He was the one who knew her better than anyone had ever known her. He held her through nightmares and panic attacks. He made her laugh when he knew that she needed to and he held her when she cried. Like she'd told him in her wedding vows; when she was vulnerable, he was strong.

As if sensing that he was being watched, his eyes fluttered opened and he greeted her with a sleepy smile. "Hey," he whispered, his voice still rough with sleep.

"Hey," she whispered back, moving into the warmth of his embrace.

"What time is your appointment?" He let his hands slip under the t-shirt that she was wearing.

"Two o'clock," she shivered at the feel of his warm hands on her bare back. "What're you doing?"

"Oh Kate, how many times have I told you that if you have to ask, then I'm not doing it right," he smiled as she moved closer, rubbing her nose against his.

"Oh, you're doing everything right," her lips closed over his.

After they made love, Castle let his fingers trail over Kate's bare stomach, causing her to giggle. "You're so cute when you giggle like that," his lips pressed against her neck. "I hope that you get good news today. Because I can't wait to see you all blown up and fat with our child inside of you."

"You'll love me even when I'm fat?" She rolled over and propped her elbows on his chest.

"I'll love you fat, thin, old and gray. You're going to make a fantastic mom."

"Well, let's make sure that I can get pregnant, first."

"Kate, it's going to work out."

"What if it doesn't? What if either my gynecologist or my cardiologist think it's too dangerous? I don't want to die, Rick. I've already almost left you once."

"Kate, right now, let's just put one foot in front of the other. Have you had any problems since your recovery? I mean, we've never really discussed much about what happened that morning."

"Every once in a while, my heart feels like it skips a beat. But my cardiologist had told me that would happen."

"What about pain? Does it still hurt?"

"Sometimes. Especially when it's cold or damp. But it's nothing like it was during that summer after it happened. Back then, I couldn't take two steps without feeling like I was going to die."

"Kate, if they tell you that it's too dangerous, then we'll find another way. There are a lot of ways to have a baby."

"Rick, I want it to be ours."

"And it will be. Hey, like I said a minute ago, let's take this one step at a time. Okay?"

"Okay," she nodded as she kissed him once again. "I'm glad that you're a glass half full kind of guy."

"Hey, you need someone who can balance you out," he teased, bringing her down so that her head rested on his chest.

***CCC***

At a quarter to two, Kate and Rick found themselves sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Elizabeth Caldwell, OB/GYN. Kate was leafing through a magazine, but occasionally she'd lift her eyes up to take a look at the other women in the room with them. A few were quite obviously pregnant. But she noticed that there wasn't another man in sight. "Can I ask you a question?" She whispered to Rick, who was looking through a Parent's magazine. "Did you ever go to the doctor with Meredith?"

"Only to see the ultrasound when we found out that we were having a girl," he smiled at the memory. "Other than that, she didn't want me around."

"I'll bring you to every appointment, if that's all right with you," she smiled.

"That's perfectly all right with me," he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Kate Castle," the receptionist called her name.

"Let me talk to my doctor and then I'll see about bringing you back."

The receptionist led Kate back to a room and took her vital signs. "Dr. Caldwell will be just a few minutes," she said as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Kate rubbed her arms in the chilly room, looking around at the posters on the wall. One of them was a chart showing how much each centimeter was for a woman in labor. Kate gasped when she saw how big 10 centimeters really was. "Yes, you will really stretch that much," Kate turned when she heard the door open.

Dr. Caldwell was in her early 40's. Her blonde hair was tied back in a neat ponytail. She was wearing a white lab coat over black slacks and a striped shirt. "I've always heard 10 centimeters in every medical show I've ever watched. I just never realized how big that really was," Kate inwardly shuddered at the thought.

"I guess that we should get to know each other before we focus on the hard questions like how big a newborn's head really is," the doctor held out her hand. "I'm Dr. Elizabeth Caldwell."

"Kate Castle," Kate smiled as she shook the doctor's hand.

"Please, have a seat, Mrs. Castle."

"Please call me Kate."

"Okay, Kate. I see that you visited Dr. Isaac back in May. What brings you back so soon after your last visit?"

"I just got married. My husband has a grown daughter, but we've been talking about having a baby of our own."

"Well, you're 35 and according to Dr. Isaac's notes, you seem to be in perfect health. All systems should be go. Are you using contraceptives?"

"I was on the pill, but I stopped using it on our wedding day. There's something that I'm concerned about. I was shot in the heart four and a half years ago. My husband is concerned about the effect that it could have on me carrying a baby. He's out in the waiting room right now."

"Do you mind if I ask how you came to get shot in the heart?"

"Let's just call it an occupational hazard. I'm a homicide detective."

"The red eyes and the bruises on your neck? Are they part of your so-called 'occupational hazard,' as you call it?"

"Yeah. We both just need our minds set at ease."

"What's your husband's name?"

"Rick."

"I'll have my receptionist bring him back to my office. Come on," the doctor stood up and left the examining room with Kate right behind her. They walked into Dr. Caldwell's wood-paneled office. "Please have a seat," she sat behind her desk and picked up her phone. "Danielle, can you bring Mr. Castle back here to my office? Thank you."

A few minutes later, the receptionist lightly tapped on the office door, opening it for Rick, who walked in rather tentatively. "It's okay, Castle. If she was doing a pelvic, she wouldn't have called you back," Kate teased. "Dr. Caldwell, this is my husband, Rick."

"You're the mystery writer," the doctor smiled, shaking his hand. "I should've put two and two together. Please have a seat. Kate was voicing her concerns about carrying a child because of the gunshot wound she received. I can tell you that from a physical standpoint, Kate seems to be in perfect health. However, I'm not a cardiologist. What I would suggest is that you make an appointment with a cardiologist to see what he or she might recommend."

"But you do think that I could carry a baby to term?" Kate reached for Castle's hand, her fingers tangling with his.

"From where I sit, I don't see why not. But again, I'm not a cardiologist. Are you still seeing the one who treated you after you were shot?"

"I haven't seen him in about 18 months. On my last visit, he told me that he didn't need to see me again unless I started having problems."

"Then I would suggest making an appointment since he knows your history. After you see him to see what he thinks, then make another appointment with me and we'll discuss your options."

"Thank you," Kate stood up and shook the doctors' hand.

"You're welcome, Kate. I hope that the next time I see you, you'll be injury free," she smiled.

"That makes two of us," Kate said.

"Make that three," Castle chimed in.

"I'll talk to you soon, Kate."

It was bitterly cold when they walked out of the medical building and down the street to where Rick had parked his Mercedes. "I didn't like him," Kate blurted out after Rick had unlocked her door.

"Who?" He asked after he got behind the wheel.

"Dr. Rykov, my cardiologist. He was always in a hurry and he acted like my questions annoyed him. Plus, his hands were always so cold," she shuddered at the memory.

"I think that's some kind of a requirement for doctors. That they have to have cold hands," he added when Kate gave him a puzzled look.

"Not like this guy, Castle. I swear that he plunged his hands into a bowl of ice water before he came in to examine me."

"What else?"

"What do you mean 'what else?'"

"Oh, I don't know. There just seemed like there should be a 'and' at the end of that sentence."

"I just don't want to go back to that time in my life. I've worked so hard to put it behind me."

"I thought you were ready to have a baby," he reminded her. "I know that time was painful, Kate, but this doctor is the one who can give you the green light."

"Okay," she took a deep breath and let it out.

"Okay," he repeated.

Fortunately Kate was able to book an appointment with the cardiologist for the end of the week. After cooking dinner, she followed Castle into his office and watched him as he worked on his newest Nikki Heat novel. She loved watching him write; the way that his brow would furrow as he recorded his thoughts to laptop, his fingers skipping over the keyboard. Every once in a while, he'd look at her sitting on the small sofa and flash her a smile. Shortly after 11, she got up and walked behind his chair, squeezing his shoulders and kissing the top of his head. "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. Are you coming?"

"Let me just finish this chapter and send it off to Gina," he kissed her hand.

"Okay."

By the time Castle finished what he was doing and came into their bedroom, Kate was sitting on the bed, applying lotion to her legs. "I'd be more than happy to do that," his voice was rough as he approached the bed.

Kate smiled before handing him the tube of vanilla scented lotion. She lay back against the headboard, watching Castle bring her right leg onto his lap, kneading the lotion into her damp skin. "I bet you used to have dreams about doing this," she bit her lip, grinning at him.

"I used to have dreams about doing a lot of things to you," he switched legs, rubbing lotion into her left leg, kneading her calf before moving his hands higher up. "I still wake up sometimes and want to pinch myself when I look at you sound asleep at my side. Sometimes I still don't think that I deserve you."

"Rick, don't," she sat up, resting her forehead against his. "You're a much better man than you give yourself credit for. Any woman would be so lucky to have you. And I thank god that I happen to be that woman," she smiled. "You're a wonderful son and father. You've been my best friend and my partner in crime. I can't wait to experience being a parent with you."

"Are you scared?"

"A little," she admitted. "Were you scared when you found out about Alexis?"

"Terrified."

"Then we'll be terrified together."

"Yes, we will."

Friday morning, Kate found herself sitting on the examination table in Dr. Abraham Rykov's office. She swung her legs back and forth while she waited for the doctor. This time she'd come alone, since Castle had a meeting at Black Pawn. She'd told him before leaving the loft that she'd text him when she was done.

She looked toward the door when she heard it open. "Good morning, Ms. Beckett," Dr. Rykov's thickly accented voice greeted her. "I have not seen you in quite some time. What brings you here today? I thought that I had cleared you medically."

"I recently got married," she looked toward the floor. "We want to have a baby and were wondering if it would be dangerous for me to get pregnant."

"Your condition was quite critical for a long time. Actually I'm surprised that you recovered as fully as you did."

"Yeah, I heard that a lot. So, are you saying that I shouldn't get pregnant?"

"I am not a gynecologist, but every pregnancy is different as every cardiac patient is different. I truly can't say how your body will react to a baby. I don't know how your heart will handle the stress. Are you still working as a . . . homicide detective?" He asked, consulting his notes.

"Yes."

"I think the stress of your job in combination with what happened to your heart might not be a good thing. Your job is very high stress."

"Yeah, I'm aware of that. Would you recommend seeing a high risk specialist if I do get pregnant?"

"That would probably not be a bad idea. I wish that I could give you more hopeful news, Ms. Beckett, but as I said, every situation is different."

Kate texted Castle when she left the doctor's office, letting him know that she'd meet him at the loft later that afternoon. She didn't say anything about her appointment, preferring to talk to him about it in person when he arrived home.

When she walked into the apartment, Alexis was in the kitchen. "Hey, Kate," she greeted her. "I stopped by the deli and picked up some of that chicken salad that you like. The one with tarragon and grapes."

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry," Kate shed her coat and scarf before walking over and sitting on one of the barstools. "I thought you had class today."

"Not until this afternoon. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. You just seem a little down."

"Alexis, have you ever not really realized how badly that you wanted something until you were told that you might not be able to have it?"

"When I initially got turned down by Stanford, I was crushed. At first, I only wanted to go because Ashley was going to be there. But when they turned me down, I was so upset. Like I told my dad, I had never not gotten something that I wanted before. Can I ask a personal question?" She looked at Kate, who slowly nodded. "Does it have anything to do with having a baby with dad? I don't want all of the details. That's between you and dad."

"I never thought about being a mom," Kate smiled. "Not even when my mother was alive. I was such a different person then. All that I cared about was finding new and more inventive ways of sneaking out of the house and getting back in without getting caught. A few of my friends had babies and I thought that they were cute, but it wasn't for me. Then I met your dad. I'd see how he was with you and how his face would light up every time he talked about you. But I still never thought about having one of my own. And then we took care of Cosmo and I started thinking that maybe I could do this. Your dad is amazing, Alexis, and he did all of it on his own. I keep thinking about how amazing he could be doing it with a partner. I have nothing against your mother—"

"It's okay, Kate. I realized how my mother was when I was still a little girl. I love her, but she is what she is. I've made my peace with that. You and my dad are going to be great parents. I can't wait to be a big sister."

"I'll be in your dad's office," Kate got up and made her way to Castle's office, sitting in his huge leather chair and smiling at the screensaver on his laptop. Pictures of their wedding in the Hamptons dominated his computer screen. She turned and picked up the picture frame on the table behind her. It had been taken after their first dance together. Their smiles were so radiant. It had definitely been the happiest day of her life.

She heard the front door open, followed by the sounds of Castle and Alexis talking back and forth. A minute later, his broad frame appeared in the doorway. "Hey," he walked over and knelt down in front of the chair. "Alexis mentioned that you seemed a little down."

Instead of answering, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate. It's going to work out." He became concerned when he felt her body shaking with sobs. "Kate?" He disentangled her arms and pulled her back, forcing her to look at him. "There's nothing so bad that we can't fix it. Come on; let's go in the bedroom so that you can tell me about your appointment with your cardiologist."

He led her by the hand into their bedroom where he sat on the end of the bed and motioned for her to join him. "I know that there's more than one way to have a baby, Rick. But I love you and I want to experience all of that stuff that I've read about and seen in movies."

"Even morning sickness?" He flashed her a wry smile. "Because when Meredith was pregnant with Alexis, there were mornings when I expected her head to start spinning around. What did your doctor say?"

"That he doesn't really know if I can carry a child because every pregnancy is different, just like every heart patient is different. He reminded me that on top of receiving a gunshot wound to my heart, that I also have a high stress job. He said that if I were to get pregnant, he would recommend that I see an OB/GYN who specializes in high risk pregnancies."

"Then I suggest that you make another appointment with Dr. Caldwell to see what she recommends. Kate, it doesn't sound like this doctor exactly told you no. He has concerns, as do I. But these are concerns that we can work with. Call Dr. Caldwell and we'll take it from there. Okay?" She nodded before pressing her lips into his neck. "So, what else do you want to experience besides morning sickness?"

"All of it," she smiled at him. "Seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy test, feeling the baby move for the first time, having you sitting there beside me when he makes his debut in the world."

"He, huh? Wow, it sounds like you've really been thinking about this a lot."

"I want this more than I've wanted anything in my life."

"Then let's take the next step."

A/N #2: My thinking is this story has at least 2 more chapters.

Follow me:

Twitter: at Caskett1960

Tumblr: Caskett1960

Facebook: Cindy Wylie or RkieFan1960