Ch. 3
"Fenris?" wondered Merrill curiously.
"What is it?" asked Fenris annoyed.
The two allies had been traveling together for nearly three days with barely anything said between them. From their silence, they both had an unspoken understanding with each other. Despite this understanding, a strong tension could still be felt amongst the two elves. Merrill would occasionally allow her curious eyes to wander off and stare at Fenris and the warrior elf would sometimes do the same. Things felt somewhat different between them but neither one would admit it. As they traveled, the elven companions would be soon coming upon the city of Val Chevin.
"Where do you plan on going exactly?" questioned Merrill interested.
"I already told you where I was headed." replied Fenris.
"No, I mean where do you plan to hide from the Templars?"
"The Wilds."
"The Wilds? Why would you go to such a place?" asked the Dalish mage concerned.
"Because it is one of the few places Templars will go."
"I understand that, but it is dangerous there, are you not afraid?"
"Afraid?" spoke Fenris who then stopped walking to look directly at Merrill. "I stopped being afraid the day I escaped from Tevinter and the magisters."
"There's nothing wrong with being afraid if you are." added Merrill who had also stopped with Fenris. "I am."
"You should be, you're a mage." remarked the white-haired elf who had already started walking again.
"What is that supposed to mean?" questioned Merrill as she followed right behind him.
"They will be after you more so than me."
"What makes you think so?" inquired the elf girl assertively.
"I'm just stating a fact." replied Fenris apathetically.
"What's to say they don't go after you first?" supposed Merrill almost in a teasing manner.
"And why would they make such an idiotic decision?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you're always by yourself and you would be easier for them to capture." suggested Merrill innocently.
"I'm better off traveling alone." responded Fenris annoyed. "Besides, I would kill any who found me."
"And what if you needed help?" asked the elven mage.
"I don't need any help."
"What about when you needed help from Hawke?"
"I needed Hawke's help then, but not now. I can handle myself."
"Are you sure about that?"
"And who is to help you when you are by yourself?"
"Well… oh look, we are coming upon a river." stated Merrill as she pointed to the waterway.
Fenris had also noticed the river and stopped to scan for any nearby crossings. Seeing as there were none, the white-haired elf looked at the distance from bank to bank and estimated about 50 meters of water between them. "We'll have to cross it."
"All right." responded Merrill who had also been observing the river.
The two elf companions then began to make their way across the large river. After about a fourth of the way there, the ground level dropped off causing the two allies to start swimming in order to reach the other side. Fenris reached the other bank first and quickly got back to his feet with Merrill arriving soon after. As the Dalish mage attempted to get to her feet, she slipped from some mud along the shore and before Merrill could fall Fenris caught her.
"Fenris." spoke Merrill kindly as she gently looked up at him.
"Are you all right?" questioned the warrior elf as he held Merrill.
"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." replied Merrill as she regained her balance. "I really should wear shoes with soles."
"We should hurry and reach the city before dusk sets in." said Fenris as he quickly removed his hands away from Merrill.
"Agreed." responded the elven mage with a slight blush from embarrassment.
Merrill and Fenris continued to venture forth and eventually entered into the city of Val Chevin as the sun was beginning to set. The city was like any other Orlesian city; it was filled with wealthy, snobbish citizens who believed themselves better than everyone else and were always vying for power. Like Cumberland and Kirkwall, Val Chevin was also a port city so it thrived and flourished considerably. With any city of Orlais, the streets and buildings were lined with unique Orlesian culture. Signs of the Chantry scattered all about as well as displays of fortune shown all throughout the city. As the two elves walked through the city, a feeling of revulsion came upon Fenris.
"These people with their wealth and possessions disgust me." stated Fenris aloud.
"I know what you mean." remarked Merrill feeling uneasy as well. "I feel so out of place here, even more than when we were in Kirkwall."
"Let's just hurry and find somewhere to stay." declared Fenris as he pulled more of his hood over his head. The elves continued to walk through the city with people staring at the two of them causing an agitated Fenris to give intimidating glares back at them. The sun had set and night had now taken over. Despite this, Fenris and Merrill finally found a possible place to stay near the docks. The lodging was called the Soft Shores Inn. As they wandered in closer to the establishment, a smell entered Fenris' senses that caused him displeasure. "I hate fish."
"Oh come now, Fenris." spoke Merrill optimistically. "It's better than sleeping outside and it is only for one night."
Fenris merely grunted in response and then headed towards the inn. With Merrill right next to him, the two elves made their way into the building. As they entered, Merrill and Fenris were met by, surprisingly enough, another elf. The female elf innkeeper was elderly with long gray hair and deep wrinkles all throughout her aged face. Looking upon the two of them, the older elf gave a smile then greeted them.
"Hello there, and welcome to the Soft Shores Inn." spoke the elven woman kindly. "I'm Lorrah, how may I help you?"
"We would like a room please, hahren." requested Merrill politely.
"Ah, you are Dalish." responded Lorrah as she adjusted her worn eyes to look at Merrill. "My husband was Dalish. Maker bless his soul. Tell me child, which clan are you from?"
"From Alerion, taken then to Sabrae." responded the elven mage.
"I see, my husband was from Alerion. The clan is northwest of here." spoke Lorrah nicely. "Are you two heading there?"
"Yes." replied Merrill truthfully.
"No." answered Fenris at the same time. The two companions looked at each other for a moment before Merrill finally responded.
"I'm sorry, I mean I am." clarified the Dalish girl.
"Oh, and why not you, young man?" questioned Lorrah curiously.
"That is none of your concern." responded Fenris rudely.
"You should teach your husband to have some respect for his elders." stated the innkeeper irritated with Fenris.
"I'm not her husband."
"He's not my husband."
Both Fenris and Merrill had replied quickly when Lorrah made her statement about them.
"Are you sure you two aren't together?" asked the elderly woman as she eyed the two of them. "You look together."
"I can assure you, hahren, we are not together." answered Merrill feeling slightly flustered and her face beginning to turn red.
"Then you are lovers then." spoke Lorrah suggestively.
"No, we are n…"
Before Merrill could finish her sentence, Lorrah interjected and began speaking again. "There is nothing to be ashamed of, child."
"But…"
"I used to be like you, running around and consorting with whomever I wanted to."
"I'm not…"
"But then I found my husband and I knew he was the one."
"That's nice."
"And we settled down here." spoke Lorrah warmly as she reminisced the fond memories with her husband.
"Could we just have a room." declared Fenris annoyed and tired of standing there listening to the old woman speak.
"Calm yourself, boy." responded Lorrah aggressively as she reached out and grabbed Fenris by the collar of his cloak. Surprisingly, Lorrah forcefully pulled in Fenris and stared him down. "Now you be nice and treat this young lady good, you hear?"
"Release me, hag." demanded Fenris angrily as he was about to rip the elderly woman's hand away from his cloak. However, before he could, Merrill gently placed her hands on Fenris' arm and shoulder.
"Fenris, it's all right." stated Merrill calmly.
Fenris looked at her for a moment before allowing his temper to settle. Calmer, the white-haired elf simply pulled himself away from Lorrah and looked over to another part of the room.
"I'm sorry about that, but could we just rent a room please?" asked Merrill nicely.
"Oh of course, I'm sure you two will be wanting some alone time." replied Lorrah in an evocative tone. "How long will you be staying?"
"Just for tonight."
"All right then, that will be 10 pieces."
Reaching into their coin pouches, Fenris and Merrill both pulled out 5 pieces of silver and handed them to Lorrah. With a glare towards Fenris, the old elven woman commented on him. "You're going to make her pay for half the room! What kind of lover are you?"
"We're not…" started Fenris aggravated.
"I hope you chose him for his body and not his attitude." interrupted the innkeeper once more as she looked to Merrill with the key to their room in her old worn, hand.
"Forget it." remarked Fenris with an annoyed scoff as he looked away.
"Ma serannas, hahren." spoke Merrill with a blush as she took the key. "Where is our room?"
"Down the hall." stated Lorrah as she pointed. "First room on the left."
"Thank you again." responded Merrill with a nod.
"You two don't get too loud now, goodnight." spoke Lorrah with a mischievous wink to Merrill before turning and heading back to her quarters. "Oh, and make sure to get some sleep and not stay up all night."
The two companions stood together in the room for a short moment with the awkwardness still remaining. Fenris soon headed towards their place of residence for the night while saying something under his breath. "Senile old woman." As he walked a few steps, the warrior elf stopped and looked back to Merrill. "Are you coming or not?"
"Oh right, I have the key." answered Merrill slightly embarrassed about her forgetfulness.
Merrill made her way over to Fenris where the two elves then headed toward their room. After Merrill unlocked the door, Fenris cautiously went in first glancing over the area as he entered. He observed for any possible escape routes should they be discovered as well as making sure the room was secure. While he did so, the Dalish mage locked their door then began examining the furnishings of the nice little room. Their lodging had the basic accommodations of a bed, a dresser, a nightstand with an oil lamp that was lighting the room, a wardrobe closet, a single wooden chair, and a few throw rugs. After looking around, the white-haired elf walked over to the window next to the bed and opened the blinds to see what lied beyond it. The clear window displayed a picturesque image of a beautiful shoreline lit up by an almost full moon with a few ships resting on the waters of the Waking Sea. Merrill saw the view of the coastline and her amber eyes became affixed onto the beauty that was before her until Fenris abruptly closed the curtains.
"We can escape through the window should anyone find us." stated the warrior elf as he walked back over to Merrill.
"That is good to know." responded the elven girl who then realized something about their accommodations. "Fenris?"
"What is it?"
"There is only one bed."
"You take it, I will sleep on the floor." replied the white-haired elf as he removed his hood and cloak. Making his way over to the dresser, Fenris set his pack, sword, and cloak onto the wooden furniture piece then went over to the closet.
Merrill walked over to the bed and placed her traveling sack and staff against the wall next to the nightstand. The Dalish girl then sat down on the bed and patiently watched Fenris as he pulled out a pillow and a couple of blankets from the closet.
"Fenris?"
"What is it now?" questioned the elven warrior annoyed as he was preparing his area of sleep.
"Are you sure you will be all right with sleeping on the floor?" asked Merrill innocently.
"I will be fine." answered Fenris as he laid out a thick wool blanket a few feet away from the bed.
"It seems very uncomfortable down there."
"I said I will be fine." spoke Fenris once more as he threw his pillow over to the far end of the blanket.
"You know, we could share the bed. It has more than enough room for the two of us." suggested Merrill kindly.
"I'd rather sleep in one of the 'special' rooms of the Blooming Rose after it's been used." replied the white-haired elf as he lied down onto his makeshift bed and closed his eyes.
"Oh you don't mean that." teased the Dalish mage as she playfully started poking Fenris in the head.
"And what if I did?" answered back Fenris as he knocked the elf girl's hand away as if he was swatting an insect.
"Why would you go there anyways?" wondered Merrill as she continued to poke and question the white-haired elf.
"Maybe to get away from annoying Dalish mages who won't stop irritating me." responded the elven warrior aggressively as he reached out and yanked Merrill's hand bringing her down to the ground.
"Ow." declared the elf girl shocked as she lied on her side on the wooden floor next to Fenris. "Why would you do that?"
"To stop your incessant prodding, and it worked." spoke Fenris with a satisfied smirk. "Now stop talking, get back on the bed, and go to sleep." ordered the white-haired elf assertively as he pulled his other blanket over him and turned away from Merrill.
Merrill looked over to Fenris with an aggravated stare. "Fine, I will then." said the Dalish elf in an agitated tone as she stood back up, turned off the lamp, and got on the bed. "You know you don't have to be so serious and broody all the time." added Merrill as she wrapped herself up in the covers. "Maybe you would actually have some friends other than Hawke."
"I don't care." spat back Fenris coldly.
The two companions simply lied on their beds in silence until they both eventually faded to sleep.
Blood.
The dark crimson fluid was the only thing in Fenris' vision.
He wiped the blinding red away from his sight and found himself in a familiar place, a place that haunted him.
The white-haired elf was on his knees completely drenched in blood.
He was surrounded by people he knew, people he cared about… people he had come to know as friends.
Seeing them, Fenris was overcome with vast sorrow and regret.
He did not have the strength to stand or even move, only look.
The elven warrior was at a village on the island of Seheron.
The corpses of slain Fog Warriors lay scattered all over the scorched earth of the ruined village.
All of them killed by Fenris.
The macabre memories forcefully flooded into Fenris' mind causing him to relive every death he created.
He had slaughtered them, massacred an entire village of people all because his master ordered him to.
He gazed at the motionless dead, and they stared back at him in unnerving silence.
Fenris felt cold tears begin to form in his bloodshot eyes.
The icy liquid slowly ran across his raw face feeling like razor-sharp blades as they poured down.
The faces of the deceased with their pained expressions continued to watch a grief-stricken Fenris, a constant reminder of his betrayal.
Fenris did not know what he could, he just knew he did not want to be here any longer.
Then the elven warrior heard footsteps approaching from behind him. When the outsider was close enough, he spoke to the white-haired elf. "Well done, my little wolf."
"No." spoke Fenris in surprise.
"Yes." replied Danarius smugly as he walked to stand in front of Fenris. "You killed all of them. Very good, Fenris. Now it is time for you to return, my pet."
"Never." snarled Fenris as he attempted to strike out at the Tevinter magister. As he tried, the white-haired elf found himself bound tightly by an unknown force. He looked down to see his arms shackled together and kept down by massive iron weights. Panicked, Fenris looked around and saw that his legs were also restrained.
"You will always be a slave, Fenris." declared Danarius as he placed his left hand on Fenris' shoulder.
"No! I killed you, I am free!" shouted back Fenris as he struggled in vain against the chains that constricted him.
"Free? You will never be free." replied the elf's former master as he placed his right hand on Fenris' other shoulder. "Even in my death, you will always be a slave to the fate that binds you." With that said, Danarius simply began laughing madly as he stared at Fenris.
The white-haired elf continued to fight against Danarius with all his strength until he finally felt the power from his lyrium markings burst forth. An obscuring blue light from his own energy was all Fenris could see as he charged the mage standing before him. The elven warrior tackled his assailant and pinned the mage up against a solid structure. He brought his hands around the mage's neck preparing to choke the life out of his prey. As he was about to do so, Fenris heard a familiar voice.
The voice. It was Merrill.
"Fenris." spoke Merrill's voice weakly.
Fenris suddenly found himself brought back to reality. He was no longer in the decimated Fog Warriors' village, he was in the room at the inn. The room was now dimly lit by the soft moonlight coming in from the window. And Fenris wasn't strangling Danarius as he had thought, he instead had his hands wrapped tightly around Merrill.
"Merrill." stated Fenris when he realized what he was doing. Fenris immediately let go of the Dalish mage and she slid down against the wardrobe closet coughing as she tried to catch her breath. The elven warrior felt himself grow weak as he allowed his body to drop to its knees.
After rubbing her throat gingerly, Merrill looked back to the white-haired elf sympathetically. "Fenris." said Merrill kindly as she gently placed her right hand on Fenris' left cheek.
"I'm sorry." responded Fenris as he slowly removed the elf's girl hand from his face. "I should leave." As he stood up to go, Merrill stood up with him. She brought herself into Fenris' path blocking him from leaving.
"Oh Fenris." spoke Merrill concerned as she took her left hand and placed it against Fenris' right cheek. She then used her hand to direct his face to look at her. "Come on." stated Merrill as she grabbed Fenris' left arm with her other hand and began leading him over to the bed. At the bed, the Dalish mage took her arms and placed them on Fenris' shoulders and gently forced him to sit down on the mattress with his back on a pillow against the headboard. The elf girl then went over and grabbed her waterskin and a clean rag. Merrill got up on the other side of the bed and handed the container to Fenris. "Here, drink this."
Fenris was unsure how to react. Merrill was being so kind to him even after what he had done to her. He gazed at her for a brief moment then reached out and took the waterskin. As he drank the refreshing cool liquid, the white-haired elf could feel his nerves starting to calm down. After drinking nearly half of the waterskin, he replaced the seal and set it on the nightstand. When he turned his head back to look at Merrill, she was reaching out with the piece of cloth to his face. The Dalish elf began lightly rubbing off the sweat that had accumulated on Fenris' face. The elven warrior had not even noticed he was covered in perspiration until she started removing it from him. He watched her as she did this.
While she gently removed the sweat from the white-haired elf, Merrill's eyes gradually traced the vallaslin, the tattoos, on Fenris' face and neck. She was always captivated with the unique design and beauty of his markings but she also knew the dark history and pain connected to them. The Dalish elf moved in a little closer to Fenris and began to the work the sweat away from his neck. For some reason, Merrill felt her heart begin to speed up as she moved in even closer. Then his gaze captured her and they both froze as they looked at one another. With slowed breaths, the two elves stared at each other for a long moment in time like statues sculpted into the positions they were in.
"Thank you." stated Fenris kindly as he broke the silence. "I think I will be fine now."
Merrill blinked a few times before she realized what he had said. She lingered for a second longer before returning to her spot on the bed. "You're welcome." replied the Dalish girl sweetly as she put away the rag. "Are you sure you will be all right?"
"Yes." responded Fenris in a calm tone. "We should get some rest." added the elven warrior trying to change the subject.
"Fenris?" asked Merrill worried.
"Yes?"
"What happened?"
"It was just a nightmare."
"No, it wasn't just a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. I don't."
"It might make you feel better."
"It won't."
"I'm just trying to help, Fenris." spoke Merrill as she placed a hand on his left shoulder.
"I know you are." replied Fenris as he gently held the arm she placed on his shoulder. "But this is not something you can help with."
"You never know until you try." suggested the elf girl hopefully.
Letting out a sigh, Fenris removed Merrill's arm from his shoulder. The white-haired elf knew she was right in that he could try but he still felt he wasn't ready to tell her, at least not yet.
Seeing his hesitation, Merrill came up with a plan and decided to attempt it. "If I tell you the nightmare that happened to me, will you at least tell me something?"
Fenris thought about what she said for a moment then answered. "Possibly, but I make no obligations."
"At least you're open to it." spoke Merrill with a smile.
"What happened to you?"
"It started with me daydreaming and seeing images from my past whenever I first came to Cumberland. As the days passed, I continued to see more and more of them. I thought nothing of it except that I was missing my old clan and home. And then you showed up. That night we stayed together at the house, I had the nightmare."
"I remember." interjected Fenris. "Whenever I heard the bounty hunters coming, I came into your room. You looked as if you were in pain."
"Yes, I was… having an awful nightmare." answered back Merrill despairingly as she recalled the dream with vivid detail. "It was a memory from when I was beginning my duties as the First to Keeper Marethari. The dream looked and felt exactly like a real moment from my life but then… it became the nightmare that actually happened to me. Marethari… she… turned into the terrible demon that came from Sundermount. The creature was about to kill me, then you woke me up."
"Have you seen any images since then? Or any more nightmares?"
"Surprisingly, no. I was hesitant to sleep at first, but after that night I haven't seen anything at all. And no more nightmares either." Merrill then focused on what she was trying to do with Fenris. "Did anything similar happen to you?"
Fenris looked away for a moment, hesitant at what to say, and then he returned his attention to Merrill. "Yes… I began seeing images as well. Of course, this was nothing new to me. I would occasionally recall certain remnants of my past, or what I thought was my past. For someone who can't remember who he is, new memories suddenly entering their mind seem more like a miracle than an ill omen."
"I can understand why you would think that." stated Merrill.
"I thought I would finally know my true origin and who I really am… but the images I saw held no meaning." explained Fenris sorrowfully. "Then I started recollecting my enslavement and the Tevinter ritual that carved into my flesh… I desired to see nothing else. And then, the torturous nightmare." the white-haired elf had stopped and looked away from Merrill to the window. "I… wish to speak no more of it."
"But Fenris…"
"No… Merrill, please understand." interrupted Fenris almost pleadingly as he returned his face to focus on her with a deep penetrating stare.
"I understand, Fenris." spoke Merrill kindly with a nod.
He looked away again contemplating a thought in his head. "Perhaps, I will tell you it one day, but not now."
"Maybe if we ever meet up again, you can tell me then." suggested the hopeful Dalish mage.
"Maybe, but I usually don't keep promises." answered back Fenris with a smirk to Merrill.
"I didn't expect you to." responded Merrill smiling.
Another moment of silence formed between them and the two elves sat there on the bed pondering what to say or do next.
"I'm sorry." stated both elves at the same time.
"Um." spoke Fenris.
"Oh." said Merrill.
"I'll go first." declared the white-haired elf.
"You go ahead." remarked Merrill at the same time.
"You were right, what you said about me earlier. And I apologize if I come off as being somber. I… don't interact well with most people."
Merrill simply smiled at first then began to laugh.
"Did I say something funny?" questioned Fenris annoyed.
"No, not at all." answered Merrill as she stopped her laughter. "Just the way you explained and worded your apology was funny."
"How so?"
"Oh don't worry about it, and I forgive you."
"Right." spoke Fenris as he rolled his eyes. "So what exactly did you want to say?"
"Well, I wanted to say, I'm sorry too. I was acting childish and I shouldn't have bothered you."
"Yes you were." stated Fenris bluntly. "And I accept your apology."
"I'm glad we got that worked out."
"Agreed."
"Now I believe you should get some sleep." spoke Merrill sweetly.
"Why would you think that?" asked Fenris almost in a joking manner.
"Because I wasn't the one thrashing about in my sleep." answered the Dalish mage innocently.
"True but you should get to bed as well."
"I will, but not until I make sure you're comfortable." replied Merrill as she got off the bed and went over to Fenris' side. "And don't even think about sleeping on the floor."
"Merrill…" started the elven warrior but then stopped. He wasn't sure how to respond to the compassion she was showing him.
"Shh." shushed the Dalish girl gently. "Lie down, please." As Fenris did what he was instructed, Merrill readjusted the pillow he had used then placed another one for him.
"You know you would be much more comfortable if you slept without your armor on." stated the elf mage as her hands began making their way to the latches on Fenris' armor. Before they could reach, Fenris caught them with his own hands.
"I would prefer to leave it on." declared the white-haired elf who could feel a hint of warmth rising up in his face.
"Are you sure? Because you might hurt yourself with those spikes." replied a concerned Merrill who attempted to go for his latches again.
"Merrill." stated Fenris trying to not look embarrassed. "I will be fine."
"All right then." responded the Dalish mage kindly as she stopped herself and instead took the back of her hand to Fenris' forehead.
"What are you doing?"
"Making sure you don't have a fever."
While she examined Fenris, Merrill began humming as the back of her hand moved from his forehead to his cheeks.
"That's good, you don't have a fever." declared the elf girl happily. "But your face is a little warm, I wonder why?"
"I'm sure it's nothing."
"Do you need any more water?"
"No, I'm all right."
"Is there anything else you need?" questioned Merrill as she grabbed the covers and began bringing them up to Fenris.
"No, you've done enough, Merrill. Thank you." replied Fenris sincerely.
"You're welcome." answered back the Dalish elf with a smile. Merrill then turned away and went over to Fenris' sweat covered blanket he had slept on.
"Wait, where are you sleeping?" asked Fenris when he came to this realization.
"Oh, well, I was going to flip over your blanket and sleep on your bed."
"Merrill… you don't need to do that."
"Why?"
"Because… you can still sleep on the bed."
"With you? But earlier you said…"
"I know." interrupted Fenris trying to sound like he did not care. "But I suppose I could tolerate your presence sleeping next to me."
"Really?" wondered Merrill in an almost surprised tone.
"Yes, really." answered Fenris calmly.
"Well then." said Merrill kindly as she walked back to her side of the bed. "I will." Slipping into the bed, the Dalish mage quickly made herself comfortable next to the white-haired elf. The two elven companions laid there not saying a word or even looking at each other until Merrill spoke.
"Fenris?" wondered the elf girl who turned her head to look at Fenris.
"Yes?" asked Fenris who had also rotated his head to look at Merrill.
"Goodnight." replied Merrill sweetly with a smile before turning away her body in the direction of the window.
Fenris lingered and continued to gaze at her for a brief moment before also turning away.
The two elves slept soundly as the rest of the night passed them by.