If You Stay: Chapter 4
A Hidashi (Hiro x Tadashi Fanfiction)
!Warning!: May contain offensive language, sexual interactions, triggers such as hospitalization, burn scars, age difference, and incest between two brothers in later chapters...
THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN TRIGGERS SUCH AS SELF HARM AND INCEST!
A Note from the Writer: Sorry for the late update, but I finally was able to find the time to write more of this! Don't worry, there WILL be more to come soon!~
Hiro was fast asleep while Tadashi still drew under the light of the moon shining though his window. He tried to keep his mind occupied as long as possible to get those terrible thoughts out of his brain, but it wasn't working. Exhausted, Tadashi stopped and started to get ready to go to bed as well. He got up from his bed and started to get undressed now; he took off his shirt as he normally did, but as he looked down to undo his pants, the sight of his chest and arms caught his eye as it was illuminated in the moonlight.
Tadashi: As he looked at the burn marks that covered his chest, he started to trace parts of them with his fingers. But soon...these simple traces started to press harder and harder against his skin...he couldn't stop himself from leaving long scratch marks where the burns were; some of the marks even started to bleed as he did them. "...I'm a monster...a hideous...monster..." he kept repeating over and over again in his head as he remembered the girls face when she looked at him. Suddenly though, his whole body froze as he heard Hiro shift his body weight in the other room. After a couple moments, Tadashi took a deep breath before looking down at what he had done to his own body. The tears soon started to run down his cheeks and he started to shake. He started to walk backwards now until his back met one of the walls in his room; he slid down the wall until he was able to sit down. "...wh...why am I still...why am I still alive..." he repeated in his mind as he started to scratch his arms now. His fingertips scratched until they met the bandages on his injured hand; he promptly took that off and looked at his hands that were also shaking as well as his body. "ww...why...w...w..." his mind slowly stopped processing information as the tears started to flow more heavily now. He kept his crying though quiet enough so Hiro couldn't hear; he didn't want his little brother to see him like this. Soon, Tadashi had cried so much that he had fallen to sleep like this from sheer emotional exhaustion.
Hiro was awake bright and early that morning; he was already dressed and had even brushed his hair for once before it was even eight in the morning. But when Hiro looked over at his brother's bed, he noticed that his brother wasn't asleep in it. So, being a little bit curious, he called out Tadashi's name a little bit as he entered Tadashi's part of the room and looked around. It was only a few moments before Hiro had founded his big brother curled up against one of the walls.
Hiro: "T...Tadashi?" he said as he knelt down near his big brother who was still fast asleep. As he tried to uncurl him from his awkward sleeping position, he unwrapped his brother's arms that were covering his face. When he did this, he could seen the full extent of his brother's scars along with newly fresh scratches that had been added to it; even his fingernails had a little bit of blood on them from scratching too hard as well. "T...T...Tad..." he tried to say his brother's name but could only sputter out a few parts of his actual name. He had never seen his brother like this before and it terrified him. As he inspected his brother closer, he looked and saw that the scratches had covered most of his burn areas and a couple of spots on his sides that hadn't been burned; he also looked at his injured hand as well. But what really terrified him the most was that his brother's face was streaked with dried tears; he had never in his whole life seen Tadashi cry... "D...Dashi..." he said quietly as he brushed the hair out of his brother's face. He was still fast asleep.
Hiro decided to move Tadashi into bed, so he tried to lift him up enough to lead him to bed. As he did this, Tadashi's eyes fluttered a little, but he didn't fully wake up. As Hiro got him on the bed, he covered up his big brother and shut the curtains in his room so he could sleep. When he did this, he passed by the mirror and accidentally uncovered it. When Hiro looked at the mirror, he could tell right away that it was incredibly broken, but also that some of the pieces of the mirror that were still intact had a little bit of dried blood on them. He then looked over at Tadashi sleeping, then at the mirror again, and suddenly realized what had really happened to Tadashi's hand.
Hiro: "D...Dashi...wh...what's going on with you..." he said in a whisper although he knew that Tadashi was asleep. He let out a sigh and walked back into his own section of his room. He paused there for a moment before walking downstairs into the bathroom.
Hiro returned back upstairs a couple moments later with some gauze, cotton balls, and some disinfecting cream. He walked into his brother's room, set the things down on his nightstand, and sat down on one side of Tadashi's bed. Hiro uncovered the upper part of Tadashi and scooted closer grabbing the cotton balls and the cream; he put the cream on the cotton balls and started to gently dab some of the scratches that were bleeding a little bit.
Tadashi: Slowly, he started to wake up feeling the sting of the cream on his chest. His eyes fluttered open and closed for a little bit before opening a little bit bigger; his head moved a little as well as he could see the outline of someone laying next to him putting something on his chest. "...mmmhhh..." he groaned as the cream started to sting a little bit as the figure applied the cream to his chest.
Hiro: "...Sorry. It stings a little bit." he said while concentrating on cleaning up the rest of his wounds.
Tadashi: He started to sit up a bit saying in a little groggy voice, "H...Hiro...n...no..."
Hiro: Pressing on his brother's chest, he made him lay back down again as he said forcefully, "Dashi lay down. I'm not done yet." After saying this, he took his brother's injured hand and started to apply the cream to it.
Tadashi: "Nnnnnnhhhh!" he let out a wince and tired to jerk his hand away, but Hiro wouldn't let him. His little brother kept cleaning the wound before wrapping it up in more bandages and setting his hand down on his chest.
Tadashi and Hiro both stayed silent for a couple of moments unable to speak. Tadashi was the first one to say anything.
Tadashi: "L...Let me explain" he started before he was cut off by Hiro.
Hiro: "Oh r...really? You want to explain the broken mirror as well?" he said in a sort of pissed off, yet caring voice that sounded hurt all at the same time.
Tadashi: "Hiro, it's not that ba..." he started to speak again before Hiro cut him off again.
Hiro: "N...Not that bad? 'Dashi, look at your chest! Look at your hand!" he said it in a hushed, restrained voice so Aunt Cass couldn't hear from downstairs. "You're doing these things to YOURSELF 'Dashi. Something is obviously wrong..." he paused for a moment so that he could choke back the emotions that he was holding back, "Tadashi...what's going on?..." he said in a choked up voice holding back tears that wanted to flow from his eyes.
Tadashi: He turned his head off to the other side; he couldn't bare to see his little brother holding back tears like this...it hurt him too much because he was the one who was causing them. He let out a sigh and looked back at Hiro and saw one, then two tears start to come from his little brother's eyes.
Hiro: "D...Dashi...w" as he tried to say something, Tadashi was the one who cut him off.
Tadashi: "Hiro, look at me...look at what I've become. I'm a monster..." he trailed off.
Hiro: "W...what are you talking a..." he was cut off again.
Tadashi: "When I go outside people stare at me like I'm sort of freak, Hiro! I can't even go anywhere without someone staring at me! These scars...they're a curse! I...I...I wish I had died in that fire!" he let out a constrained yell.
Hiro: More tears started to roll down his face as his brother yelled at him; he finally understood why his brother had been acting this way and why he hadn't even bothered to talk to his friends since he got out of the hospital...his brother was afraid that he had turned into some sort of deformed freak that nobody would care to talk to nor love anymore. "D...Don't you say that 'Dashi..." he said it in a choked up voice that was overpowered by his brother's yelling.
Tadashi: "Y...You probably think I'm a freak too! Y...You've been acting differently ever since I got out of the hospital..." when he said this he started to choke up as well as he continued, "...I'm a twisted fucking freak Hiro...just face it already...I...I can't even..." he started to trail off as he thought of all the wrong feelings he had developed for his brother.
They sat in silence together for a moment before Hiro spoke up again.
Hiro: "...Y...You can't w...what?" he asked looking at his brother.
Tadashi: Seeing Hiro's teary eyes, he looked away closing his own while letting his own tears run down his face. "Y...You wouldn't understand Hiro...you're too young to know..."
Hiro: "...To know what, 'Dashi?" he started to sound a little bit pissed against that his brother was hiding something from him. "W...What is it?" he asked again when he got just a blank face from his brother.
Tadashi: Frustrated, he sat up in his bed and brushed the hair out of his eyes. He just couldn't admit to the feelings he was feeling for his little brother; it was too wrong for him to even acknowledge. He sat there for a while in silence before he heard his brother ask another time.
Hiro: "What is it 'Dashi?!" he almost yelled before he was silenced by Tadashi yelling back at him.
Tadashi: "Alright already! Calm the fuck down Hiro!" he yelled in an extremely angry tone of voice.
Tadashi whipped his head around to look at his brother's face. Hiro sat there silently and so did Tadashi; Hiro was about to break the silence again when suddenly Tadashi leaned in incredibly fast and silenced him with a long, forceful, yet gentle kiss. Hiro's eyes were extremely wide, and he tried to squirm out of it, but Tadashi had wrapped one of his arms around Hiro so that he couldn't break out of it. After a couple of moments into the kiss, Hiro slowly stopped struggling almost to the point where it seemed like he was passive about the kiss before Tadashi pulled away for a moment and whispered in a hushed, raspy voice.
Tadashi: "Hiro...I...I...I can't face the fact that...I...I have feelings for you...not...not good feelings...dark, deep, twisted fantasies that should never happen between us."
Tadashi said this extremely close to Hiro's face almost to the point of their noses touching. Soon more silence invaded the moments to follow before Hiro tried to form words; he looked extremely shocked and very embarrassed that his own brother WILLINGLY had kissed him. When he tried to form words though, he tripped over them.
Hiro: "T...T...T...Tada...Tadashi...I...I...I...I..." he said while he took very frantic breaths in between each letter. He was so frazzled after the kiss that soon he stopped even trying to form words at all but only stared at his brother.
Tadashi: Backing away from his brother's face a little to give him time to breathe, he said in a very sad tone of voice, "...do you see now?...I'm a distorted freak of nature Hiro that shouldn't exist..." he trailed off noticing how his brother's face changed of one of shock to one of slight anger.
Hiro: "D...Don't say those things about yourself Tad...Tadashi!" he yelled a little while one of his fists pounded against his brother's chest softly. Closing his eyes, he yelled at Tadashi saying, "You're my brother...and I love you!...I love you so much..." he trailed off now as tears started to poar out of his eyes as he started to cry again.
Tadashi: "How can you say that...Hiro...I...I have these awful f...feel..." he was cut off by Hiro again.
Hiro: "I love you so much more Tadashi!...so much more than a brother..." he trailed off looking up at his brother's face that looked slightly confused as he had said his last sentence. To end the confusion, Hiro took one of his hands and pressed the back of Tadashi's head with it to bring his brother closer to him as he came closer with his own face...
In a sudden motion, before Tadashi could react, he pressed his own lips willfully against his brother's lips in a passionate, forced kiss. His eyes were closed this time as he did this and, to his surprise, he didn't feel any restraint from his brother at all. Once he had finished the kiss, he pulled a little bit away and said to his brother, "...I love you...T...Tadashi..."
Tadashi: "H...Hiro..." he said heavily under his breath while staring at his brother completely shocked at what he had done. He reached his hand up to his lips and touched them almost if he was making sure it wasn't another one of his fantasies that he had dreamed about. He couldn't believe that his little brother felt the same about him; he started to feel a little bit hysterical as he chuckled under his breath as he looked away at the broken mirror with his reflection staring back at him. "T...This is just another one of my dreams again...you didn't really kiss me at all...you're laying in bed over there right now...I'm still asleep...I...I need to wake up..." he said while talking to himself and curling over.
Hiro: Looking at his brother who was slowly having a panic attack, he could never truly understand how much pain his brother was in physically and mentally. But what he did understand was that his brother was in pain and he needed to help him. Placing a hand on Tadashi's bare shoulder, he looked at his brother and said in a quiet tone, "Tadashi, I'm here..."
Tadashi: Mumbling to himself, he could barely hear his brother with all the voices that were racing through his mind. His whole body was panicking; his head was curled almost into his chest, his arms were holding his sides, and his whole body was starting to shake.
Hiro: "Tadashi...p...please...I'm here..." he said over and over again to no use. Soon he leaned over and rested his head against one of his brother's shoulders. Then he started to whisper quietly into his brother's ear, "T...Tadashi...st...stay with me...okay?...I'm here..." Soon after repeating this for a while, his emotions started to get the better of him. All of his memories from the explosion, the hospital, and all of the new scars that Tadashi was dealing with started to cause a massive pain in his heart. Slowly, tears started to run down his cheeks as he kept repeating, "Stay with me...please Tadashi...please..."
Somehow these words and the sound of Hiro's crying got to Tadashi. As if he awoke from a spell, Tadashi placed one of his shaking hands on Hiro's chest and started to feel his heart beat. Hiro closed his eyes for a few moments and rested on his brother's shoulder as he kept crying. Tadashi on the other hand started to sit up again; Hiro's head slowly slid down to his chest.
Tadashi: As he wrapped his other arm around his brother's body, he slowly started to come out of his paniced state of mind. Soon he could hear the sound of Hiro's plea and the faint sobs that went along with it. Looking down at his brother, who was now resting against his bandaged chest, he whispered back to his brother saying, "I'm here Hiro..."
Hiro: Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, he started to feel quite faint being curled up in Tadashi's chest. Slowly, he felt himself falling asleep and he couldn't stop it even if he tried to. He faintly whispered, "Tadashi..." before his body and his mind fell into a deep slumber.
Tadashi figured once Hiro stopped crying that he was calm, but he didn't expect his brother to be asleep. But, knowing his own body was going to do the same as well, he started to shift his body back down onto the bed with Hiro curled up against his chest. As he covered both him and Hiro up, Tadashi kept his eyesight on his brother before kissing Hiro's forehead and falling asleep as well.