A/N: Welcome, new readers (and old ones too)! I hope you enjoy this chapter . . . and that it tides you over for a bit, because next one probably won't be posted for at least a week (unless I get a sudden desire to drop everything else and post).
This is the chapter that, by virtue of the premise of the story, differs the most from cannon . . . but I did try to make it as close as possible
Year 3: The Prisoner of Azkaban
September 1, 1993
Dear Harry,
I hate to start off your school year with bad news, but … I just got an urgent letter from a contact at the Ministry of Magic. Apparently a few weeks ago there was a small breakout from Azkaban that was kept quiet. Peter Pettigrew escaped. So far they've had no luck finding him, so they broke the news to the Daily Prophet today, and someone at the ministry thought it would be a good idea to inform us, and then passed the message along until they found someone who was still in touch with us. Why nobody thought we should know this earlier is a little disconcerting, but anyway …
The impression I get is that people who know the circumstances of his escape think he may be looking for the Potters. Your mum and I think he's probably trying to come after you (if he was just looking for the family, he knows where we are, so we think he may be looking to get you when you're "less protected"). We don't know if he's trying to lure you to Voldemort or if he has plans to harm you in some way. Either way, you need to be extra careful. I will talk to Professor Dumbledore to see if he thinks we need to set up any new rules or safety precautions, but I hope we don't.
Have a great term at school. We miss you already and look forward to seeing you at Christmas.
Love,
Dad
September 1, 1993
Dear Dad,
Thanks for the info about Pettigrew. I'm sure I'll be safe at school, but I promise not to go looking for trouble.
I just got back from the welcoming feast. As usual, the food was great, although I do miss Mum's cooking. There are two new teachers this year. Just like every other year, we have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher – Professor Remus Lupin. Why didn't you tell me he was going to be teaching? I'm really excited for his class – I know he's going to be a great teacher! The other new teacher is Hagrid, who is teaching Care of Magical Creatures – did you know about that?
Ron found a rat wandering around our dorm, and adopted it – he named is Scabbers. When we took Scabbers downstairs, Hermione's new cat, Crookshanks (who might be the ugliest orange furball I've ever seen), did not really like him very much. I guess that's to be expected … rats and cats don't normally get along, do they?
Ron says Dementors searched the Hogwarts Express – probably something related to Pettigrew. Apparently Remus did something to get rid of the Dementors on the train, so Ron and Hermione and a few other people are already really impressed with him. I told them that I know him and he's pretty great. We're all looking forward to our first class with him.
Send my best to Mum and Sirius. I miss you and I'm looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.
Love,
Harry
September 2, 1993
Dear Harry,
I figured I'd leave Remus as a surprise. Besides, I only found out last week … bastard kept it from us because he didn't think we'd be able to keep it a secret. You're right, he will be a great teacher. Just remember that in school, he's "Professor Lupin," not Remus (even though you've known him your whole life).
I should have guessed Hagrid … who else would assign a biting book? He will certainly be an enthusiastic teacher.
I've never had a rat, but I know cats can be temperamental sometimes. I don't know if you remember this, but we had a cat when you were younger, she died when you were about 2. Did you want a pet for school? We never thought about getting you one, but could if you wanted.
I'm not thrilled to hear that there were Dementors on the Hogwarts Express, but I did hear that they will be stationed around Hogwarts and in Hogsmeade. I'm sure Professor Dumbledore won't allow them inside the castle, but be careful when you're out on the grounds. Dementors are not fun creatures, and you do not want to encounter them. Not if you can help it. Please be extra careful.
We all love you and miss you.
Love,
Dad
September 3, 1993
Dear Dad,
We had our first Divination class yesterday. It took us forever to find the classroom … who knew the castle was so big and confusing? We read tea leaves in class – and Professor Trelawney said she saw the Grim in my cup, which means I'm going to die (I thought it looked more like Padfoot, but she's the expert, not me).
Do you think I should be worried? Professor McGonagall didn't seem to take it seriously (we had Transfiguration after Divination, and McGonagall asked why we were all so freaked). But one of the reasons why I wanted to take Divination was to see if it could help me understand the prophecy and my future with Voldemort – do you think this could be related to that?
I'm trying not to take it too seriously – it's just tea leaves, after all – but I am a little worried. What do you think?
Send my love to Mum and Sirius.
Love,
Harry
September 4, 1993
Dear Harry,
I wish you had told me that the prophecy was a part of your decision to take Divination – I would have told you not to. The prophecy is really a non-issue for now – you don't need to worry about it for at least another 4 years, if not longer.
Divination can be a very imprecise science sometimes. While it's always a good idea to be careful, there's really no reason to be worried about tea leaves. Sirius is very honored that you saw him in your tea leaves, but seemed offended by the Grim comparison. Hopefully future Divination classes will be less death-filled (really, the idea of a teacher telling a student that he's going to die seems pretty unorthodox to me … but what do I know about teaching).
Mum and Sirius send their best. We all love and miss you and can't wait to see you at Christmas.
Love,
Dad
October 15, 1993
Dear Dad,
Classes are going okay, mostly, other than Divination, which is pretty bad. Professor Trelawney is still predicting my death every class. Care of Magical Creatures has been a little subdued since Malfoy provoked a Hippogriff (whose name is Buckbeak, by the way) and was attacked. He clearly wasn't following instructions, but certain influential people (aka Malfoy's father) don't see it that way, and Hagrid has kind of lost his nerve since then. Defense Against the Dark Arts is awesome – Remus (I know, I know, Professor Lupin) is incredible! He's shown us some great stuff (we've been focusing on Dark creatures so far), and he's definitely the best Defense teacher we've ever had.
The first Hogsmeade trip is coming up soon, and I was wondering if I could get a permission slip to go. I know Professor Dumbledore said I shouldn't be allowed to go, but that was before anyone knew that there would be Dementors all over the place – with the Dementors there, it has to be safe, right?
Send my love to Mum and Sirius. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Love,
Harry
October 16, 1993
Dear Harry,
Under no circumstances will I allow you to go to Hogsmeade. That rule was made for your protection, and the Dementors don't change that. Pettigrew knows the secrets of Hogsmeade a lot better than any Dementor – I know because I've been there with him many times. I absolutely will not sign a Hogsmeade permission slip, and I am confident that you will not be allowed to go to Hogsmeade without one. I'm also writing a separate letter to Professor Dumbledore informing him that you absolutely do not have my permission to go – so don't even try to forge my signature on the permission slip.
In happier news, Professor Lupin will be very glad to hear that you're enjoying his class. I know he's enjoyed planning what to teach you guys, and I'm sure he'll appreciate knowing that you're enjoying the curriculum. I'll make sure to mention what you said when he's over here for tea on Saturday.
Mum and Sirius send their love. We all miss you and want you to behave yourself and stay safe.
Love,
Dad
November 6, 1993
Dear Dad,
There were Dementors at the Quidditch match! All of the sudden everything got really cold and I felt like I'd never be happy again, and in my head I started replaying that day when I was 7 … it's like I was there, and we thought Voldemort was coming and Mum took me to hide in a closet while you and Sirius worked on trying to shield the house and went out to fight him … it was like I was there and it was happening, and I was terrified.
I guess I must have passed out, and I fell off my broom. According to Ron and Hermione, my broom was carried off by the wind and found Moony's old friend the Whomping Willow … so I'm now officially broomless. And we lost! This is the first time I played in a Quidditch match and didn't catch the snitch. It sucks.
I wish I could do something about the Dementors. What if they show up at the next match? I can't keep falling off my broom, there's no way Gryffindor can win the Quidditch Cup if our seeker keeps fainting any time a Dementor is nearby!
Send my love to Mum and Sirius. I miss you guys tons.
Love,
Harry
November 7, 1993
Dear Harry,
I remember that day … I was ready to kill Dumbledore. He knew that he wasn't supposed to show up unannounced … Sirius and I nearly did kill him. That was the last time he came over without warning us first. We were all pretty terrified that day … but it was a long time ago, and we're okay now. Remember that – nothing happened and we're all okay.
In terms of the Dementors – talk to Professor Lupin. It's his subject, and he may have some ideas for what can help you.
We'll send along a new broom soon. I heard that the Firebolt is out, and it's supposed to be the new international standard, so I think we'll get you that one – should make the Slytherins jealous.
Mum and Sirius send their love. We all miss you.
Love,
Dad
December 18, 1993
Dear Dad,
Fred and George Weasley just handed me something interesting – the Marauder's Map, a map of Hogwarts that shows the mischief maker vital information, such as the location of secret passages and of people throughout the castle … written by Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. The Weasley twins don't know who they are … but I certainly do (don't worry, I didn't tell them).
So, Prongs, how come I've never heard of this map before, and why am I getting it from them, not you or Padfoot?
Love,
Harry
December 18, 1993
Dear Harry,
Let's see, why didn't I give you a map that would help you sneak around? Maybe because I didn't want you out of bed after hours? Or maybe I didn't want you sneaking out to Hogsmeade? If I find out that you've been using the map to sneak out of school, I will have Dumbledore lock you in your dorm room (or if he won't, I'll have Remus lock you in his office … he'll do me the favor).
Besides, Filch confiscated it in our 7th year and we never got it back. Honestly, I'm a little surprised it was never destroyed.
Mum and Sirius send their love and we're all looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
Love,
Dad
January 6, 1994
Dear Dad,
I just finished my first anti-Dementor lesson with Professor Lupin – and I'm exhausted! It was pretty draining and I haven't managed to make a full patronus yet, but Remus says I'm doing very well and learning fast. We've been using a boggart instead of a dementor – it turns into a dementor when it sees me. Remus says that means my greatest fear is fear itself – apparently that's very mature of me.
The hardest part about the lessons is reliving the bad memories. I'm doing okay with thinking up good memories. I thought it might be hard because I've spent most of my life in hiding, but thankfully you guys have provided me with lots of happy memories. They just don't seem to be happy enough to counteract some of the bad memories.
I keep reliving the same Voldemort scare that I had to relive when the Dementors were at the Quidditch match. I also had one memory of someone that I think might have been Pettigrew coming to visit us when I was little – when I described the person in my dream, Remus turned white and didn't say anything. I think that confirms my suspicion – I know Pettigrew used to visit us, and I can't imagine anyone else that would make Remus react like that.
I love and miss you guys, and I kinda wished you were here while I was having my lesson … Remus is great, but I could have used the extra support. Send my love to Mum and Sirius.
Love,
Harry
January 7, 1994
Dear Harry,
You're right – it was Pettigrew. Remus told me what you told him, he was pretty freaked – I don't think either of us realized that you remembered Pettigrew at all or that he would show up in your Dementor-induced bad memories. Peter was our friend for a long time … learning that he had turned Death Eater was very hard for us. It's especially hard for Remus to think about Pettigrew – he still feels guilty and thinks that he should have somehow known, should have picked up on some signs. I've told him a million times that I know he doesn't have it in him to mistrust a friend (it's why he never found out that Sirius and I stole three pairs of his shoes in Fourth Year … he didn't believe we would do it, even after we confessed).
Do me a favor – try not to mention those memories to Remus. If you see another one of those memories, either refuse to say anything or make something up. Remus will probably know that you're hiding something, but hopefully he won't ask. If you want to talk about those memories, you can send a letter to Sirius or me – either one of us will gladly talk it out with you, it's just pretty painful for Remus and I don't want to expose him to that. Those memories are probably even harder for him to relive than they are for you.
In terms of the Patronus – keep trying, you'll get the hang of it eventually. Remus told me you're making incredible progress. It's very advanced magic and hard for a lot of grown wizards, and it's very impressive that you've been able to do what you've done so far. And make sure you eat lots of chocolate after each session!
Mum and Sirius send their love. We all miss you and can't wait to see you again (Sirius asked Remus the other day if he needed a dog to help out in lessons, specifically the third year lesson … Remus said no, but if you see a dog follow him to class one day, you'll know who it is).
Love,
Dad
February 4, 1994
Dear Dad,
Yesterday, Ron discovered that Scabbers was missing, and he found sheets with blood, and hairs from Hermione's cat on the floor. Ron is convinced that Crookshanks ate Scabbers. Hermione believes that Crookshanks is completely innocent. They're currently not speaking. Personally, I think Ron's right, but when I told Hermione that, she got mad at me too. I hate being in the middle of this.
Love,
Harry
February 5, 1994
Dear Harry,
Fights between friends are always the worst. I remember once Sirius and I got into a bit of a thing because he said he was going to ask your Mum to go to Hogsmeade with him … and this was in sixth year, before I got her to agree to go out with me. We had a terrible row about it, didn't speak for a week … Remus kept complaining that he hated being in the middle of it. Of course, Sirius was just joking and trying to get me riled up … stupid prat.
In terms of Ron and Hermione – all you can do is try to listen to both of them and keep your opinions to yourself. Whatever you say, it will offend someone, so just don't say anything (your Mum says that's terrible advice, but I disagree).
We all love and miss you.
Love,
Dad
April 14, 1994
Dear Dad,
First things first: Buckbeak lost his trial. Hagrid is very upset (understandably). Hermione and Ron are working together on his appeal, although Ron is doing most of the work.
Hermione has been acting very weird lately. First she slapped Malfoy (which was great, but out of character), and then she missed a class. And the weirdest part was in Divination – she yelled at Trelawney and stomped out of class. Hermione yelled at a teacher and dropped a class! Something must be really wrong, I'm actually pretty worried about her.
I'm also worried about the final Quidditch match – if we win by more than 200 points, then we win the cup. There's a lot of pressure on me to catch the snitch, but not too early … it's a lot to worry about and I'm pretty nervous. I really don't want to disappoint the team, especially because we're only in this situation because I fell off my broom in the first match, but I'm terrified that we won't win.
Any advice for calming my pre-Quidditch nerves?
I love you and miss you. Send my love to Mum and Sirius.
Love,
Harry
April 15, 1994
Dear Harry,
How's Hermione doing? Have you spoken to her about what's going on? Ask her if anything's wrong – she may just need someone to talk to. Sometimes people seem like they're acting weird because they just have something they need to let out, and they don't know who to talk to about it. Make sure she knows that if she wants to talk, you're available to listen.
About Quidditch – don't stress it too much. Just go out there and do your best. You're an incredible seeker riding the fastest broom that exists – you can do this. Just catch the snitch, and leave the scoring up to the rest of the team. Take it from a former chaser – when you've got a great seeker, the team knows how to get into position to allow the seeker to win you the game.
Good luck! Sirius and I are sitting here rooting for you and waiting for good news!
Love,
Dad
April 16, 1994
Dear Dad,
WE WON!
Love,
Harry
April 17, 1994
Dear Harry,
Congrats on winning the Quidditch Cup! I am so unbelievably proud of you. This year you've shown yourself to be a fine young man and a fine athlete, and come out on top despite lingering worries and adversity, and it makes me very proud to have you as my son. Your Mum and Sirius feel the same way – we had a mini-celebration here when I got your letter! We'll have a bigger one in a few months when you're home.
I only wish I could have been at the game to see you win (stupid Quidditch ban!)
We all love you and miss you and are incredibly proud of all you have accomplished, both on the Quidditch pitch and off it.
Love,
Dad
June 7, 1994
Dear Dad,
A lot happened today that I want to tell you about, but it's a little hard for me to put it all on paper … I tried to write this letter without rambling too much, but I'm sorry if there are any sections that don't make sense.
Today was supposed to be Buckbeak's execution. We went down to see Hagrid – he wasn't doing very well. We stayed with him until shortly before the execution (by the way, it turns out that Buckbeak got away somehow … who would have guessed?)
While we were at Hagrid's, we found Scabbers. Ron grabbed him, but once we were outside, Scabbers got away. We chased him to the Whomping Willow, and when he immobilized the tree and went through the tunnel, we decided to go through after him … but once we got to the end of the tunnel, it wasn't Scabbers that was there, it was Pettigrew. He surprised us and grabbed Ron's wand, and disarmed and immobilized all of us … but before he could do anything else, Remus showed up (he says he saw us on the map, and when he saw Pettigrew with us, he knew something was wrong … did I mention that he confiscated the map from me a few months ago?). Remus immobilized Pettigrew and released us and gave us our wands back. Remus was going to kill Pettigrew, but I begged him not to – I don't want him to go to Azkaban; I would have rather just sent Pettigrew to Azkaban.
At some point during the discussion about what to do with Pettigrew, Snape came in. He kept telling us that Remus was in league with Pettigrew, and we couldn't trust him. I knew that he was wrong, but Ron and Hermione were doubting me … and Hermione brought up Remus's furry little problem as proof that he was evil (apparently she figured it out when Snape gave us an assignment on werewolves a few months ago) … so I stunned Snape. I know I shouldn't have attacked a teacher, I just needed to do something to make him stop … I couldn't let Ron and Hermione believe that Remus would ever try to hurt me or them.
Remus finally agreed to tie Pettigrew up so that we could take him to the Dementors. We got out of the Shrieking Shack and were headed back to the castle … when we realized that it was the full moon and Remus had forgotten to take his Wolfsbane potion. When he started to transform, I told Ron and Hermione that we had to run for it, so we did. I told Ron to grab Snape (who was still stunned), but before I could grab Pettigrew, he transformed and escaped as a rat. Once we got up to the school, we were attacked by a whole bunch of Dementors … I managed to get rid of them (I'll tell you more about that when I see you), but I passed out afterwards because I was so drained … and woke up in the hospital wing. By the time I told them that Pettigrew had escaped as a rat and they were able to send out a search party, he was already gone.
I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let Pettigrew go. I should have let Remus kill him. He's out there now. He can join back up with the Death Eaters. And he knows where we live, so by letting him live, I put us in more danger! I'm so sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry.
Love,
Harry
PS – Remus quit! Apparently Snape let slip about his furry little problem at breakfast this morning, allegedly as revenge for my stunning him. I can't believe he's resigning just because of that. He's the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!
June 7, 1994
Dear Harry,
It's great to hear that Buckbeak got away – Hagrid must be thrilled.
What are you sorry for? That you didn't allow someone as gentle and kind-hearted as Remus to become a murderer just to get rid of a lying piece of scum? There's nothing to be sorry about – you did the right thing. I just wish I had made the connection between Scabbers and Pettigrew earlier … I knew that Pettigrew was a rat animagus, it just didn't occur to me that he could be living in the castle as a rat.
Don't worry about Pettigrew knowing where we live. He's not the secret-keeper, so he can't tell anyone or bring anyone who doesn't already know to the house. And I don't think he'd show up at the house; I'm sure the little rat knows what Sirius and I would do to him if we ever saw him again … not to mention your Mum.
I get why Remus quit. He's had a lot of difficulties because of his furry little problem … not everyone is as understanding as we are. Parents who don't know him might not want him teaching their kids. Don't worry, you'll still see him – I've made it very clear to him that he is expected to come here at least once a week this summer to continue your anti-Dementor lessons (and possible some general Defense lessons).
We all love you and miss you and can't wait to see you.
Love,
Dad