this is the end of 'The Ministry Hires a Salesman' subplotline. the next one is called 'This Cytobrush Costs How Much?' and will hopefully involve the introduction of Penelope Clearwater (i haven't written it yet!). feel free to speculate this medical-related prompt, though it is sort of hinted when Percy says the hospitals don't have enough equipment!
for this subplots, it's kind of like how each episode of a show is like... there's a bigger plot, but it's sort of expanded on by these small subplots.
i have forgotten to write this in my other fanfiction, i.e. Muggle Me, but i have updated the poll on the top of on my profile. i removed both ideas that are already posted and put two more. i don't know if you could re-vote. i changed my multi-select option to include 3 options instead of 2. hopefully, that'll allow you to at least pick one more! one of them is a 'Percy is a product of rape' plotline (i can't believe this hasn't been written before to be honest!) and the twins being a reason for the Percy/Arthur fight (this one i've posted before but took down because i had very little reception... but i think i have 4-5 chapters of that already written.)
comment replies:
Phoenixx Rising: i feel so bad for Arthur. i always have to make him a villain. but this fanfiction IS called 'The Devil Wears Second-Hand Robes.' he can't be nice if he's the devil.
Nx: thank you so much. i am so glad that you enjoyed my fanfictions! as for the kids being spoiled, it is thoroughly Percy's own fault. he obeys their every single whim because he wants them to have what he didn't. it's why Molly got shocked in the previous chapter that he was in such a state. because he is neglecting himself for his children (i am not sure if i made this clear). this whole 4-chapter plotline happened because his daughter couldn't deal with the fact that they discontinued a food product she liked! hopefully, as time goes on, they get better. i know baby Molly is a little better.
IfILeaveMyGrinBehind: i think i mentally lost it when Arthur dumped Percy's work in the rubbish bin. cold! but i also got a kick out of writing it. i love the fact that Percy named his kid after her - and that it's canon! that's so wonderful. it says so much in just a few sentences. i also love that he has two girls... i always imagine that that helps melt some of his colder exterior. i cannot wait to write Molly meeting Molly. it hopefully is going to be iconic! thank you about your words about my writing! i try to formulate every single sentence carefully so it has a specific feel to it. and it feel like sometimes, it isn't much appreciated but seeing comments like this brighten my day.
The Devil Wears Second-Hand Robes
Chapter Four: The Ministry Hires a Salesman – Part 4
After he made four batches of ice lollies that even a wandering house-elf refused to taste, Percy collapsed on the chair in the ice lolly booth at the play. Daphne took over and made a batch that didn't look like Dementor bollocks.
Their had a sign taped to their booth: saying HOMEMADE HONEYDUKE'S PIXIE PUFF ICE LOLLIES: NEW AND IMPROVED. TRY IT BEFORE WE LAUNCH IT EXCLUSIVELY IN ALL HONEYDUKE'S STORES!
"I'm not going to ask how you did that," Percy mumbled. "I used Felix Felicis and I still couldn't."
"Wait, THAT—" Daphne pointed a finger towards a package of burned ice lollies (yes, he'd manage to burn something that was frozen. Well done, Percival) that made Hagrid's rock cakes look to die for, "was WITH Felix Felicis?"
Well, the ingredients to his Felix Felicis were on discount… Molly wanted a new toy boat that day!
Percy's ears went red. "Nobody in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes got involved, did they?" He'd only managed to burn off part of his finger, but he believed that without the liquid luck, he'd be nursing full-body wounds in St Mungo's. He ate baked beans out of a CAN for Merlin's sake. The only time he entertained the notion of cooking was to bring his father over for a dinner party. "And that glumbumble looked interested in it before."
He was wondering whether an Ashwinder would form from the flame of your FROZEN dairy product, Percy thought bitterly.
Mr Flume tasted an ice lolly a while back and thought that it was sweeter than a diabetic's breath in the emergency unit in St Mungo's. Then he told her to make more because he thought it really was new and improved!
Daphne turned to see Percy start to doze off in the chair whilst she prepared another ice lolly. "You DID sleep on the floor last night! I can't believe you! I seriously can't! It's like that time a manticore chased me around in London when I was out clubbing and having a good time because even a raging beast couldn't get enough of me!" Daphne dipped the stick into her Pixie-Puff-ice-lolly-filled mould—which immediately solidified. "Merlin, why did you bother turning up at all? You look like you've just popped a few bottles of Dreamless Sleep and then tried to tape your eyes open for the rest of the day. Merlin, Percy, you make Nearly Headless Nick look alive!"
Percy tried to keep his eyes open. "I'm fine," he mumbled. "I'm not tired." No, he was thoroughly exhausted.
Daphne rolled her eyes and stuffed a blanket towards him. "You're right. You can't be tired if you're comatose."
Percy rolled his eyes. "I'm not tired," he repeated, but curled up in the blanket. "I have a job to do here."
"Percy, you can't help me here. You can't make anything to save your life. You have no artistic talent. You tried to decorate one of these ice-lollies and it looked like I've flung them at the wall because I was on a diet and didn't want to be tempted!" Daphne yelled at him, and then sucked on one of the ice lollies, shuddering. "Now, SLEEP!"
The play was more crowded than the Burrow in Christmas. They could barely see anything from the booth!
"I can't. I have this…" Percy's eyes lit up when he finally spotted Lucy and Molly, "intractable urge to see this play!"
Lucy and Molly had already ruined the pink dress robes that he stitched up yesterday. Their bright red hair was surprisingly intact, and they looked deceptively angelic in their long white tights and pale Mary Janes.
His daughters threw themselves at him the second that they could.
Percy buried his head into Molly's hair, their heads were pressed up against his chest. Percy was starting to doze off before he felt Molly tug at his arm and say, "Which one of the tales of Beedle of the Bard is that one?"
Percy's eyes snapped open. "THAT IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!" he shrieked. Not that one! That one wasn't!
Lucy laughed, like it was the funniest thing that she'd heard in the whole world. "I want one of the Pixie Puff ice lollies," she said to Percy in a soft voice, looking over at the stand where Daphne was at. She leaned against the stand and was intently watching the play. "They're homemade! It probably has MORE than twelve vitamins and minerals!"
They were almost vegetarian too, Percy thought with an eye roll as he closed his eyes falling right back asleep—
"The last thing that fat baby needs is an ice lolly," Percy heard a voice. "She should leave some for everyone else!"
"Pardon me?" Percy's eyes suddenly snapped wide open. He looked at the bloke that said that about his daughter. He was blonde and looked like he hadn't had a shave since the first wizarding war. He also looked like he could knock out Charlie for the remainder of the year with a swift look at him. "WHAT did you just say about her, you blathering imbecile? She is FOUR years old! She doesn't need dietary advice from a mountain troll on steroidal potions!"
Mrs Rosenstein looked exasperated. Percy didn't know why—his health insurance was up to date!
Percy placed his two daughters down and he felt Molly's arms wrap around Lucy, who was sobbing.
"I left some!" Lucy told Molly. "I left someone for everyone else! There was a lot of ice lollies!"
"I hope you haven't grown attached to your glasses, freak!" Freak! How original! Percy thought to himself. At least Marcus Flint was creative enough to call him a 'half-off Cornish pasty' before he sent him to the infirmary.
"Bernard, son… is that anyone bothering you?" Percy's eyes nearly popped out of its skull when this… gargantuan thing… stand up from his seat. He looked like a half-giant but reeked like a troll. And he named his son Bernard! Percy personally thought that that was an insult to the dog! Percy closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. That really was his SON? "What do you get off! Pushing around little kids! I think I'm going to teach you a lesson!"
LITTLE! Percy's eyes were about to pop. Bernard's arm weighed as much as the whole of Percy did!
"One moment, please!" Percy said, when he watched Bernard's father pull his arm up to swing him. "MRS ROSENSTEIN!" he yelled. He heard her sigh and then rummage through her bottomless handbag.
"Where did I keep that emergency Floo powder?!" she looked excited when she pulled it out. "Come on, girls!"
Molly was clinging onto Lucy, and Percy felt his resolve weaken. "I WANT TO DIE!" Lucy cried into her hands.
"LUCILLE, GO HOME!" Percy said anxiously, trying to prod his daughter along to Mrs Rosenstein's grasp. Molly looked like she was going to cry too, but she seemed more concerned for Percy as she eyed up Bernard's father.
Percy supposed that the play was for suitable for children compared to what that mongrel did to him!
On the outside, the bloke looked like he just thrashed him around a few times around the chairs and kicked him with his elephantine boot for good measure. On the inside of Percy's fragile body, this equated to three sore ribs, a bleeding mouth, a thumping headache, a swollen jaw and stomach cramps that made Percy thinking that he might be going into labour soon. The bloke even told him he'd do more but he was on probation! Percy was glad for the Dementors in Azkaban—if this bloke was at full strength, Percy supposed he'd be in the hospital now with lockjaw.
Daphne ran towards him at some point, leaving their booth empty. "Percy!" she grabbed his arm. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Percy replied sarcastically and spat out what he looked like a tooth. It was covered in pink froth to match his underpants—well, it used to match his underpants before he wet himself in his fear. He looked up at Daphne, feeling like he was bleeding from every orifice. "I've just always wanted to test a vampire's patience!"
Daphne helped him up. "What did you say to him? Did you ask how many O.W.L's he had in school?"
Percy knew from the booth she could barely see the play, much less his two little girls. He only groaned in reply.
Daphne rolled her eyes. "I think your Felix Felicis wore off!" she said. She stuck ice cubes to his swollen cheek.
After a successful day of selling ice lollies to children and a trip to the hospital, Percy went to Honeyduke's with three fractured ribs diagnosed and treated (they should be fine tomorrow), a potion for his facial swelling and pain and a nurse's invitation for a Floo call whenever he liked. Percy took extra pain potion just to forget what the nurse told him.
At two in the afternoon, Percy was due to do a photo op with some of the reporters from The Daily Prophet!
They told him to hold a box of the 'new and improved' ice lollies as they took a few pictures. Percy wanted to refuse because he looked awful and had just been out of the hospital. He barely had time to fix himself up.
"Don't worry," Daphne said, smirking towards him. "A few ribbons in your hair will brighten you up."
"Your future won't be so bright if you decide to take that route, Miss Greengrass," Percy replied apathetically.
In about twenty minutes, he was made up enough to look presentable (almost by his mother's standards too!) and was wearing Daphne's beautifully pressed Ministry robes, whilst holding a gigantic box in front of his not-really-white-but-it-was-once-white shirt. He smiled into the camera and hoped that he didn't look too like the twat he felt like.
"Would you eat one of the ice lollies?" one of the reporters asked. "It'll make for a great photo."
Percy's ears went red. "Of course not!" he said. "They're riddled with peanuts, which I am deadly allergic to and they're made with beef gelatine… I'm a vegetarian!" He realised that he shouldn't have said that because they were jotting down something and all he could think of was that they were probably writing down how the junior assistant to the Minister for Magic refused to eat the ice lolly that he was endorsing.
And he bet that they also mentioned that he was an extremist that wanted to fight for the right of Whomping Willows.
Mr Flume started to look woozy and red-faced afterwards, but Percy didn't know why! He knew Percy had a deadly peanut allergy—well, after what happened on that Halloween in 1994, he knew.
"Why is the Minister for Magic focusing so much on a frozen dairy product?" Rita Skeeter suddenly thrusted herself towards him and Percy himself was starting to feel woozy. "What about those that are facing the repercussions after the war? Is the Minister blind to others' suffering and continues to bask in his status as a hero of the war because his son is associated with Harry Potter? What are the Minister's future plans for the wizarding world?"
Percy felt like he was about to suffocate—and there were no asphodels in sight either! Daphne looked horrified.
"What do you think about your father becoming the Minister for Magic?" suddenly, the topic shifted.
Percy felt like he'd been smacked with a stone. They took more pictures. "Pardon?" he wheezed.
"Didn't you leave your family four years ago because you did not agree with their practices? How does it feel to be serving your father now as the Minister for Magic?" Rita Skeeter asked him, with her acid green Quick-Quotes Quill jotting down something. Probably how he kept on wetting the bed until he was fourteen. "I heard you married a muggle and that she died during the Battle of Hogwarts defending herself! Can you comment on that?"
"That is absolute rubbish!" Percy replied before he could even think about what he just said. He was clutching tightly onto the box of ice lollies, feeling his fingers freeze off. "Audrey died FOUR YEARS before the war!"
Percy froze afterwards. Nobody in his family knew that he got married—AND he didn't go to Bill's wedding!
"What is your father's idea of his son dating a muggle?" a blond bloke asked.
"Although your father is known to fraternise with muggle objects, is he tolerant of the muggle lifestyle? Was the fight four years ago regarding his opposition to you marrying a muggle?" a broomstick-thin female added on. She had hair that was big enough to register for its own status in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. "Do you think that it is uncanny that the Minister for Magic can run the wizarding world if he is not even able to keep his house under control? Do you believe that he has the capability to provide it with what it needs?"
They went around in more circles than a drunken Chaser and Percy refused to answer anymore questions.
After they had left the building, Percy felt very defeated and Daphne looked pale when Percy gave her those Ministry robes back to her. Daphne looked at him with confused eyes but nodded solemnly towards his direction.
"I'll see you in the office later today," Daphne said. Her voice was colder than the ice lollies they'd been selling today.
She turned to leave but paused. "You really are married?" she sounded wounded, staring at him with big blue eyes. "And-and you didn't trust ME enough to tell me that? Because I was under the impression that we're good friends!"
"Was," Percy corrected, his heart sinking into his chest. She raised an eyebrow. "I was married."
"Four years ago," Daphne said. He nodded his head. "And then she died before knowing the real Percy Weasley!"
"She had an eclamptic fit after she gave birth to my daughters," Percy whispered softly.
"DAUGHTERS!" Daphne now looked disgusted as she stared at him. "No wonder your family hates you so much! If you wouldn't tell anyone that you got married and have children and-and… how could you keep something that big from-from… HOW COULD YOU? From your FAMILY? From your workplace? Are you THAT insecure that you're afraid to bring other people into your children's lives? What am I going to do to your babies, Percy? Am I, the big bad Slytherin, going to slit to their pretty throats in their sleep?" he winced at the thought. "Oh no, you're afraid that other people might taint what you've already taught them! You're afraid they'd find out how much of a prat you are!"
Percy just stared at Daphne's long blonde hair fly in all directions as she spoke. Even unkempt, she looked perfect.
"No wonder that people think so poorly of you!" Daphne hissed under her breath. "No bloody wonder!"
Percy felt his heart ache the more that Daphne talked. He didn't mind what she said about him, but it destroyed him the way she criticised his parenting… which she had no right to. He was absolutely floored—and stunned speechless!
"Don't you have anything to say?" Daphne asked coldly, looking that she was going to cry. "Do you want to tell me more about how you hate Harry Potter, because obviously, he DESERVES all that hate after he saved the whole world from extinction? Do you want to convince me otherwise—give me an excuse and tell me how you kept something that big to yourself for a GOOD reason and that you aren't a MASSIVE, SELF-CENTERED GIT either?"
"Yes, I've something to say." Percy's voice was emotionless. "You've been making my coffee wrong for six months."
Daphne collapsed into laughter. "You're hilarious, Percy!" she said. "That had to be a JOKE, wasn't it?"
When she stormed off, he turned to Mr Flume, who was red-faced because he'd obviously listened in.
"I'll buy off the rest of the cases of the Pixie Puff ice lollies off you, Mr Flume," Percy said.
"ALL of it?" Mr Flume looked shocked. Both knew that he wouldn't have much reception after whatever the Daily Prophet would do to the article tomorrow. "Well… um… I'll give you a discount."
He would need that discount. Percy believed that when the Daily Prophet article would run tomorrow, he'd have no job and he'd be permanently thrown out of his family. Daphne was sure to be thrilled!
By the time that he came home that night, he sighed in desperation. He had enough time to wash up and try to—he couldn't believe that he was saying this—do his mum's laundry. All twenty-bloody-six loads of it. Percy barely did his own laundry as it was! His father was supposed to be taking the laundry down to the shops today because his mum had been feeling ill and that was what she came to see him about in the Ministry. Percy was also told that he had to do engaging presentations to boost the department's morale… for each Ministry department. What about Percy's bloody morale? He had been to the hospital today. The twins also told their father that they wanted their shop cleaned tomorrow!
"LUCY!" Percy yelled from the kitchen. He had a hole in his chest. He had shrunk down seventy-eight cases of Pixie Puff ice lollies into a bag and he was going to stick them into the freezer. "I bought you PIXIE PUFF ICE LOLLIES!"
Lucy screamed from the couch. "I HATE PIXIE PUFF ICE LOLLIES!"