Note:
+ Hey everyone, here's another Touken Week fic (despite the fact that I'm not sure Tousaki can really count as Touken just yet…). I think of the stories each day so I'm not sure yet if I'm going to write anything for the remaining days. But for now, I just wanna say thank you so much for your faves/comments/support. They really make my day.
+ This one is meant as an insert (between parts 7 and 8) into my previous post-TG AU fic, "Backburner." (aka chapter 3 of this fic. Whoops, guess it wasn't a oneshot after all.) Prompt: Keychain.
+ Chapter Blurb: "Oh," he says, pointing. "What?" Did something fall out? She scans the ground, but he shakes his head. "No, I was just surprised that you…have so many keychains. They're all…rabbits?" (AU-y post-TG oneshot)
+Hope you enjoy~
Usagisland
"So how are things going with Sa-sa-ki-san?" Yoriko asks in sing-song.
Touka's eyes narrow; she sighs, shrugs. Yoriko gasps.
"Oh no! Did something happen?"
:::
After the movie, he exhales a pale plume of breath into the chilly air and rearranges his scarf. Regards the rain with a wrinkled nose. Touka tugs her cellphone out of her pocket and checks the time.
"Oh," Sasaki says, pointing.
"What?" Did something fall out? She scans the ground, but he shakes his head.
"No, I was just surprised that you…have so many keychains. They're all…rabbits?"
She stiffens, but not visibly enough for Sasaki to take notice. He reaches toward them, holds them up. Dangling alongside her apartment keys are half a dozen rabbits of various shades and magnitudes of fluffiness.
He smiles at them faintly. She holds her breath. And then he says, "You must really like rabbits, huh?"
Her heart pounds in her ears. Sasaki isn't — him — she knows that. She knows that.
So why does it hurt so much to be reminded of it?
It takes all her effort not to snatch the keychains back and out of his sight. Instead, she gives him the kind of smile a calm, normal, human woman would, and replies, "Yeah."
But Sasaki's smile wavers.
"Are you alright?" he asks. "Kirishima-san?"
"Dammit," she snaps, before she can stop herself. "Didn't I just say that I'm fine?!"
He blinks, startled by her tone. Great, just what she needs — to get mad at him for not being — him. Just fucking great. She reaches for her keychains and yanks them back, but he isn't expecting it — he's still gripping them — and her keychains are old, so many years old, and threadbare from where she's worried them between fidgeting fingers. One snaps off, flies, lands into a deep, muddy puddle. She makes a choked noise and Sasaki quickly bends into the water, fishing for it with his bare hands.
"K-Kirishima-san — I'm — I'm so, so sorry —"
"Stop," she tells him, and her voice raises again as he looks up at her in shock. "I said, leave it!"
"I — there's no way I could possibly —"
"I d-don't need it," she says, and is horrified to hear in her voice a wet stutter. A hint of her shaking throat.
"Seriously," she says, "don't worry about it, it's not like it — like it — means anything."
And she starts walking away, before either of them can say anything else.
:::
"No," Touka says. "Nothing happened."
Yoriko frowns. And, thankfully, drops the subject, and remains silent when Touka presses a hand against her forehead.
She can't do this. Keychain aside, it really had been a pleasant date. Almost too pleasant, really, given that he was just some random human with weird hair and even weirder humor.
Be honest with yourself. Why is it so nice to be around him?It's not because Sasaki himself is anything interesting.
It's because his face is so familiar. His face, and his polite way of speaking, and his kindness. It's because the paleness of his hair makes her heart ache. It's because every time his hand moves, she holds her breath to see if it will scratch his chin.
I can't do this.
:::
That night, her phone rings. The screen reads Sasaki Haise, and she inhales deeply. She rehearses it once, softly, quickly: "I don't want to see you anymore." She picks up.
"Kirishima-san," Sasaki says excitedly, "do you want to go to Usagisland?"
"I…what?"
"U-sag-island!"
"Usa…" Her brows furrow. "Where? Is this some kind of pun?"
"Aha — yeah. It's alright, it's not that good." He clears his throat. "Anyway, what I'm talking about is…Rabbit Island! That island that has all the rabbits running around on it! You can buy food and they'll come over in droves. There's tons of pictures online, of people completely buried in fluffy rabbits. So, do you want to go this weekend?"
Dammit. She does.
:::
It takes two hours by train and ferry to get there, and Touka tries to maintain her composure as Sasaki immediately runs off to find someone selling rabbit food. She gazes around, and realizes that a low clump of bushes nearby are actually a bunch of rabbits, crouched and lounging together. Her mittened gloves fist in her pocket. They're so cute. They are. So. Cute.
She kneels, waving at them hopefully. Maybe they'll come over? But then someone grabs her hand and turns it over and dumps into it a mound of pellets, and a carrot.
"Here," Sasaki says. His hand stays with hers, holding it out. His breath is warm in her ear. He kneels beside her, legs bent and on either side, and she feels heat rising to her face. In her periphery, all she can see clearly are the white hairs. This close, the soft scent coming off him makes her heart ache.
Some of the rabbits are braver than the rest and make their way toward her. Their noses quiver on her gloves. Once a couple of them have started eating without being attacked, the rest begin hopping over enthusiastically.
"They really don't carrot all unless you have food, huh," Sasaski whispers, and Touka groans. That when one of the rabbits makes its move.
"Hey — hey!" Sasaki yells as it grabs the carrot in its teeth and begins to hop away with it. Touka yells too and tries to snatch it back, but only succeeds in dropping all the food she has. Hearing it all scatter, more rabbits appear from nowhere, and soon they are totally overrun in fuzzy faces and fuzzy bodies, and Touka is laughing in delight, and she doesn't see Sasaki watching her with a smile that is both bewildered and helplessly warm.
:::
They don't have the money to persuade the rabbits to stay forever, and soon the rabbits move on to bob and hop en mass at the ankles of tourists with fresh food. She sighs wistfully as they go, and Sasaki chuckles.
"Kirishima-san," he asks, "have you ever had a rabbit?"
"No," she replies, with another sigh.
"Oh? Why not? It's clear they make you really hoppy." When she glares at him, he coughs. "Uh, happy. Really happy."
"I'd want to be able to provide a good home," she explains as they continue walking along the shore. There's a pier nearby, with lights strung up between the storefronts, glowing appealingly in the dimming evening.
"And? You don't think you'd be able to give one a good home?"
"Well, my apartment is too small. They need a lot of space, if you want to make them hop…happy. And they also need a partner, or they'll die of loneliness."
A rabbit could also probably use an owner who might not be hunted down by Doves at any time.
"Is that so," he says thoughtfully. They make it to the pier, where there are stalls selling soup and roasted fish and rabbit-shaped cakes and cookies.
"Hungry?" he asks, and doesn't press when she shakes her head. Everything smells foul; she can't even bring herself to pretend. She draws the lapels of her coat up against the odor, but makes her body shake and gives a small "brrr" noise just in case.
"Cold?" he tries next, and when she nods he unravels his scarf and wraps it around her neck.
"How's that?" he asks, smiling. And she looks up at him.
Really looks.
Sasaki is so like him. The cut of his hair. The nervous smile. The smell of his stupid scarf. He raises his hand and scratches — the back of his head, nervously.
"W-what is it, Kirishima-san?"
Going on trips, seeing new things, walking along together as the sun sets — these are all the quiet dreams that she had had. But in them, it was not Sasaki, but him that had been by her side. And no matter how similar they look…it's unfair. Disingenuous. To both her, and Sasaki. The ache that he left in her is the only thing that allows her to feel anything at all for Sasaki. She still believes, after all.
He will come back. And Sasaki isn't…even if he's just as kind, he…just isn't…
I can't do this.
"I should head back soon," Touka says, looking back toward the ferry terminal. "I only came to see the rabbits. And if I wait too much longer I'll miss the train back."
"W-wait," he says. "I — um — wanted to do one last thing here."
"That's fine," Touka says with a shrug, and uncoils his scarf to hand it back to him. "I can go back on my own."
"Wait! I mean — please wait?" He doesn't take his scarf from her when she holds it out to him. "The, um — the last train won't leave for a while — I checked. I'll go back with you. Just wait a few minutes. You can get coffee!" he suggests, pointing at a stand not far away. "To keep you warm. Just don't leave yet."
Don't leave.
Touka bites her lip.
"Five minutes," she hears herself agreeing.
"Alright," he says in relief. "I'll meet you at that stand."
She orders an americano, still wrapped in his scarf, and leans against the storefront with a huge sigh. This is ridiculous. She's partway to deciding to leave his scarf on the counter and just go when he comes back, running, panting.
"Back," he gasps, hands on his thighs. "Thanks for waiting."
"You're late," she tells him.
"Yeah, I…I had to check a couple stores, because they were out. But, I finally found one." He straightens, holds out a bag to her, wrapped prettily in purple paper. It's taped shut with a sticker of the island's smiling mascot, a puffy brown rabbit.
Great. A gift. Just what she needs when she's trying to move on from him.
"You can open it now," he says, "if you want," and though she doesn't want to, she tears back the tape, keeping her face composed. If she's going to give it back, it might as well be sooner rather than later.
She reaches in. Pulls it out. Rolls it over in her palm so it faces her. She shouldn't be surprised, but is.
It's a keychain with a plush rabbit on it — the island mascot.
"Because your previous keychain went — haha, um — down the drain," Sasaki says cheerfully, and with a snicker. "I guess these things are really popular, they were sold out everywhere and this was the last one left. Honestly, it's probably good that I found it for you, right? Since this way it can be with your other rabbits. And not be alone."
And not be alone.
Touka stares at its smiling face until it begins to blur. Before she can hide it, before she even realizes it's there, a tear slides down her cheek.
"K — Kirishima-san?" Sasaki stammers. "Are you alright?"
Her fingers clench, hiding the keychain from view.
"I…I'm fine."
"But you're —" He's pale, suddenly. He holds his hands out like he wants to comfort her, but hangs back. "Kirishima-san, I'm sorry, I — I just thought — I mean, if you don't like it —"
She holds up a hand. Places it on his shoulder.
"I like it," she reassures him, and before her hand can cover it she knows that he sees her uncontrollable smile.
Together, they open up the ring of her keychain and soon the rabbit is dangling with the rest. Its bright, brand-new fur sticks out against the worn-down plush of the others. But somehow it fits in just right.
:::
(The trains are crowded with tourists on the way back, and it takes forever to finally get seats on one. By the time they do, it's so late they've exhausted all conversation, and sit side-by-side in comfortable silence.)
(He thinks for a moment that she's just lost in thought, looking out the window, but then he feels a weight on his shoulder. Blinking, he looks down.)
(She's fallen asleep. Her hair sweeps forward over her face, over his collar.)
(He nudges her, discreetly. Whispers.)
("Kirishima-san.")
(She doesn't respond. He swallows.)
("Kirishima," he tries. And then, more quietly, "Touka-san. Touka.")
(No, not that, that definitely feels weird. With a self-mocking smile, he says, "Touka-chan," and when she shifts he blushes furiously. Oh no.)
(Her mouth moves. Mumbles. "Kaneki?")
(He goes still. Very still.)
(But she's still asleep. Her eyebrows knit; her fingers tighten, still coiled on her rabbits. He doesn't dare move until she settles again, with a sigh. Her head nestles closer, against his neck.)
(After some time, he feels drowsy enough that his head tips onto hers too, and he falls asleep.)
End notes:
+ One day I really desire to visit the real Okunoshima I think that would just be sooo tight -happy sigh-
+ THIS IS ALSO SILLY, but Haise's joke about "other keychain went down the drain" is, in my mind, from a Japanese pun you could make with "kiihorudaa" (keyholder, aka keychain) and "horu" (to abandon, to give up on).
+ Thanks for reading!