Locke and Key: A Nuzlocke Story
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
-Fulton Oursler
Caterpie's not very tough, right? I wasn't stupid – well, I didn't think I was, anyway. It's usually not a good idea to cling to Bug types throughout your Pokemon journey.
But I was enamored with Grigori, his big, beautifully watering eyes, his little pink horn, the plushy, firm green feel of him in my arms. I couldn't wait until I went to face Brock – Leaf Brannigan, the girl with the Butterfree, the Rattata, and the Charmander.
The girl who would kick Brock's ass without breaking a sweat.
My infatuation with Grigori was my first mistake.
With hopes of a Butterfree in mind, I released Grigori from his Poke Ball after a run to the Center in Viridian. He emerged in a flash of white, eyes soulful.
"Hi, Grigori," I said, my voice turning noticeably softer. I felt like I was talking to a baby, really. It wasn't like me to have this gentle side – and maybe Grigori realized that his trainer was favoring him right now. I was sure the other Pokemon felt it – Tobias and Kashen were both sealed tight in their Balls.
"Priiii," Grigori said, sounding happy.
"I'm gonna train you down here in Route 1, okay? When you're a big, strong Butterfree, you'll be ready for the forest again. And then…" my voice got dramatic, "…Brock."
"Pipi." Grigori nodded as if he understood.
We strolled into the grass, noticing a Rattata right away, chattering uselessly and gnawing on a random Berry.
"Okay, use String Shot, Grigori," I ordered.
He crawled forward slowly, aimed his little pale mouth at the Rattata, and spit a white, frothy string at it – the rat was tangled and began to move slower and clumsier. I took the chance.
"Get it, Grigori! Tackle!"
He shot forward, barely hurting the Rattata. It merely licked its barely-bruised shoulder.
The battle went on for awhile, but Grigori wasn't going anywhere. The Rattata had almost full health, and Grigori was panting and looking sort of pained.
I sighed, loathe to do what I had to do. I returned my Caterpie, and sent out Tobias.
"Quick Attack!"
Tobias shot forward, a lightning blur compared to the slowness of Grigori. My Rattata took the wild Rattata's remaining health down, and it collapsed feebly.
Despite the victory, I was in a sour mood after that.
I never wanted to do the "switch out" method of training – it just bothered me to share experience, you know? Grigori had done most of the work. He earned all of that experience. Angrily, I hiked up to the Pokemon Center again.
When I came out, Grigori was ready for battle again, shiny-eyed and making those cute little "priii" sounds. I lost some of my bitter attitude, smiling down at him.
"Okay. Let's try this again."
Another Rattata – a higher-leveled one – came out of the grass, baring teeth at us, and I used the opportunity.
"Okay, Grigori, String Shot!"
He slowed the little fucker down, then Tackle'd it mercilessly. I was impressed – he was much fiercer than Kashen, although perhaps not as manic as Tobias.
"Great job! You only have two more levels until evolution, Grigori," I purred, satisfied with the way things were going.
The sun was nigh when our luck ran out. Instead of a Rattata, a Pidgey came at us from the grass, pecking the ground loosely.
The sharp, hawklike eyes of the Flying type met my Caterpie's enormous, liquid eyes, and I knew the battle was on. Grigori shot a String Shot at the clawed feet of the bird, but it dodged it deftly, sending sand flying towards Grigori's eyes.
"No! Ugh, damn it!"
Switch out, Leaf, I heard a voice nag me from the shadows, the crevices of my mind where only nightmares lurked. Don't take any stupid chances.
"Life's all about taking chances," I argued angrily, then shouted: "Tackle! Come on, ram that fucker into an early grave, Grigori!"
After spamming Tackle like mad, I thought we had it.
I really did.
But the tawny-feathered fiend made a quick come back after a missed Tackle from Grigori – as my little worm was turned around, confused at having missed his target, the Pidgey hit him with its own, slightly stronger Tackle, and Grigori fell, exhausted and weakened.
I fought against the urge to recall him. The Pidgey was close to death, and Grigori's Speed was higher after the String Shot I'd used. I wanted him to have this experience, really.
So I made the first big mistake I'd ever make as a trainer.
I risked my Pokemon's life.
"Grigori, Tackle!"
With narrowed eyes, he lunged, but the Pidgey hovered over him; blinded by sand, Grigori had missed his target once again.
Turning back around, the Pidgey used Tackle – and it was a fucking critical hit.
Grigori let out a shriek of pain – "Priiiiiiii!" – and then collapsed, skidding in the dirt towards my feet.
Shock traveled through me, nailing my feet to the ground.
What… what just happened? What's wrong? What... what did I do?
"Grigori?" I said, appalled to find my voice trembling.
No. I will not cry. That's not going to help anything. I… won't… cry.
I knelt by the little body of my third friend, noticing the labored breathing of an injured Pokemon wasn't there. His plump green abdomen was still. And his eyes were half-closed, glazed instead of sparkling and liquid.
I reached out to touch him, and there was no response.
Furious, with slightly blurred vision, I glanced up, seeing the bastard bird that killed him – Grigori, my Caterpie – and fury crawled over me like hot little spiders.
"You motherfucker," I shouted, and I cringed at the crack in my voice.
Without any further words, I fumbled for a Poke Ball clipped to my hip – any of them would do – and released Kashen in a brilliant flash of white light. He seemed confused, at first, standing there with a weakened Pidgey before him, but when he turned around, he saw his master, kneeling on the ground with a dead Caterpie cradled in her arms.
Pain shot through my Charmander's eyes. "Chaaar," he murmured, and I swear I heard sympathy in his soft voice.
"Kill that bastard," I said, broken. "Kill him, Kashen. Please. For Grigori."
But it wasn't for Grigori. I know that now. It was for me.
For my mistake, and my fury that burned away trust, leaving ashes of guilt.
Kashen turned back to the Pidgey, struggling to flap its wings, and rushed it, his claws slick and white – amazed, I watched them dig into the Pidgey's throat and emerge, stained with blood, but shiny like blades.
Kashen's Metal Claw left the killer in ruins, but he looked at me gravely when I lifted Caterpie up. Grigori.
"I'm sorry, Kashen," I told him, and he wiped the Pidgey's blood from his sharpened nails. Kashen walked to me then, touching Grigori's face lightly.
"Charmander, char," he mourned. Looking at him, I had to struggle to hold the tears back.
We – Tobias, Kashen and I, that is – buried Grigori in the forest where I'd caught him.
I still didn't cry, though my Pokemon mourned.
In my heart, I knew whose fault it was that Grigori died. Not the Pidgey's. Not his.
It was my fucking fault.
If I hadn't taken that risk… he'd still be with us, cute and ready to become an ugly Metapod, then a lustrous Butterfree.
But no.
I had to risk his life.
And now, in my heart's darkest realms, I was paying the price.
"Come on, team," I said, my voice firm. "Let's go."
Surprised at my tone, they looked up – I know they did – but I was already walking out of the forest.
There was lost training to be made up.
We couldn't sit around all day crying for a dead bug.
I stayed one more day in Viridian City after Grigori's death. Tobias learned Hyper Fang, and Kashen's Metal Claw was perfected.
While training west of the city, I also came across Green, who was boasting about how amazing he was… and blah, blah, blah.
"Let's go, Leaf. Let's see if you can beat me this time!"
He sent out a Pidgey – and was I surprised? Not really. Naturally, the fucker had to be carrying around one of those murderous, pissy birds, and as soon as I saw the cold, predatory eyes of the pigeon, I immediately thought of the broken body of Grigori.
"Go, Tobias!"
My Rattata narrowed his eyes – was he thinking what I was? Or was he just prepared to kick Green's ass? Whatever it was, I felt battle fire sizzling from his purple fur, and his Hyper Fang latched onto the Pidgey's wing, taking him down and nearly tearing it off.
"Get your demon off of my bird!" Green cried, running over.
I smirked, wanting to laugh, but it just wasn't in me today.
"Okay, Tobias, teeth out of the bird. Let him send out his other loser."
Green narrowed his blue eyes.
"Go, Squirtle!"
I pulled a foolish move and withdrew Tobias, bringing out Kashen.
I was a sucker for dramatic rival battles, and, hey, Kashen and Squirtle were just as much rivals as Green and I were, right?
Kashen lifted a claw to the sunlight, and it glinted like the clean blade of a warrior's sword.
Squirtle narrowed his eyes and drew himself into his shell, hoping to protect himself from Kashen.
Swiping hard at the shell, Kashen sent Squirtle flying near Green's ankles, where he emerged, looking a bit beat up.
"Squirtle, Bubble!"
Shit. Little bubbles streamed from Squirtle's mouth, popping on Kashen's tender, fiery skin and making him wince.
"Kashen, Ember!"
I was hoping for Squirtle to get burned, and luckily, he did. Wincing at the flames eating at his wet flesh, Squirtle was weak when Kashen attacked him with Metal Claw once again. It wasn't very effective, but still sent him reeling, staggering, and then collapsing by Green.
Green lost again.
Surprise.
"Well, Leaf, I guess you'd better stop sucking," he called as he walked off.
Was he blind…?
Viridian Forest, the second time around, wasn't tough.
Kashen and Tobias handled the Bug Catchers with finesse, and when we saw the exit, we all looked at each other with slight smiles.
"Grigori, I wish you had made it with us," I said quietly, not looking into my Pokemon's eyes. What would I see there? Disappointment, sorrow?
Maybe I was just afraid I'd see blame.
I blamed myself, deep inside – but I didn't want to face the guilt of Grigori's death.
Instead, I charged ahead, ready for Pewter City – ready to take on Brock with my remaining team.
But the carefree shine was taken off of my journey.
Doubt was clouding my mind - and it would cost me again.
Current Team:
Charmander: "Kashen" - Male, Level 14
Rattata: "Tobias" - Male, Level 14
- R.I.P "Grigori" the Caterpie: 4-5