Chapter Four: Lost in Thoughts

Edward

Never, had I seen them this distant with one another. Usually when the two were together they always seemed to like to be touching in some way. Even if it was a simple brush of their hands, but ever since Jasper came back five days ago they weren't caught even three feet near the other. Alice and Jasper were always a private couple, and hardly ever openly showed their affection towards each other. It was the same way when they fought. It was very hard to tell when they were fighting, just like it was with Esme and Carlisle. They could be arguing right before you and you would never know, unless you were like me of course. With both their gifts neither of them really had much use for words when in an argument.

Unlike Emmett and Rosalie, they used their body language and emotions when fighting more than they did screaming at one another. I could see the silent words passing between them in their minds, even when I didn't really want to sometimes. And right now was one of the times I wish I couldn't hear them. The hurt in Alice's thoughts making me want to rip Jasper apart until he was nothing more than stone like strips of flesh, and Jasper's random thoughts making that urge stronger. I didn't truly want to kill him by any means. I knew that would only bring Alice more pain, but I still wanted to hurt him for his foolishness right now. He was pushing Alice farther away as the days went by, cracking her little heart more each time.

Despite him coming home, Alice had not returned to her normal self yet. She had in fact retreated more into herself. Jasper saw this, felt it, but still wouldn't do anything about it. It was as if he didn't care anymore. Even his thoughts showed that. Not one of them dwelled on her pain. They were always about meaningless things, like he was trying to keep something hidden from my sight or hers. I tried to look through his mind to find out if he indeed was, but came out with nothing. Whatever it was he was hiding was hidden so deep that even I couldn't touch it. Usually I wasn't one to pry into my family's minds, but he was causing Alice pain and I could not stand for that.

I sat on the couch next to Emmett, whose eyes were fixed on the TV. I glanced up at Alice as she sat on the top of the stairs, gazing down at her feet blankly. She looked so miserable. Her eyes were a light honey gold now since Emmett and I talked her into going hunting three days ago, but they seemed dimmer than they usually. Her hair had even lost its spunk. It no longer was spiked in every direction possible, but instead now laid flat and lifelessly. It was as if she was a completely different Alice, but I suppose this was better than the way she was before he left. She never came out of her room, nor really spoke to any of us.

Jasper was in their room of course. Somewhere that wasn't anywhere near her. He wouldn't let her get within a few feet of him, and he hadn't really spoken a word to her since that first night he came home. Alice could handle the not talking fairly well, but the distance was what was bothering her the most. She always hated any kind of distance set between them. Feeling her pain over it made me even sorrier for setting one between Bella and I after her last human birthday. I always regretted doing that. Sooner or later Jasper would feel the same way, or at least I hoped he would, for Alice's sake.

"Alice." I heard Bella's infectious voice call out quietly.

I glanced away from Alice to see Bella and Nessie standing at the foot of the stairs, gazing up at Alice hopefully. They were going to ask Alice to go out with them from what I could hear from Nessie's thoughts. They thought maybe getting her out of this house for a while would help her come back to us. The house wasn't the same, and that was due to her not being the same. Esme stood next to Rose over by the mouth of the kitchen, dressed in white and black coats, looking ready to go somewhere. Their thoughts were just as hopeful as my mate and daughter's were.
Alice slowly lifted her head to look at them, with a blank expression, her eyes showing that she knew what they wanted already."We're going shopping in Seattle. Jake has ruined all the clothes we bought him by phasing so much, so Nessie has to buy him new ones. We thought we would make a day of it." Bella said, smiling up at our sister with a small smile, trying to sound as truthful as possible. Jake had ruined most of his clothes, but that wasn't the reason they were going out.

"It would be lovely if you came, dear." Esme spoke this time, looking up at Alice hopefully.
Alice looked between them, with a sullen face. She glanced over her shoulder, down the hall to where her room was before dropping her eyes back down sadly. It stung to see that pain in my sister's eyes. Turning her head forward once more, Alice stood and slowly began to descend the stairs. I smiled a little, finding it good that she even considered going with them. We wouldn't have gotten her to do that three days ago.

"I'll drive." Alice said as the corners of her lips turned up slightly, it was more for our benefit though.

I could tell that much from her thoughts. On the inside she was still the same broken Alice she was a few moments ago. Esme walked up to her and put an arm around her waist as she started to lead Alice towards the door, Rose and Nessie in tow behind them.

"Does she really want to go, or is she just doing it for our sake?"

The feeling of Bella's lips against my skin alerted me to the fact she was standing behind me, her cold breath blowing against my ear. I tilted my head back and was met with her liquid gold gaze.

"She's going. That is all that matters." I told her.

She raised a perfectly defined eye brow at me, though, didn't push it any further. She knew why Alice was going. She nodded, running her hands through my hair as she stared down at me. Before I knew it, her lips were pressed against mine hungrily. Her sweet red velvet like taste seeped into my mouth as her tongue traced my bottom lip, my lips quickly giving her what she wanted. My hands ran through her thick hair and knotted themselves in it. I tried to pull her closer as she leaned over the back of the couch, her hands running down my chest.

"Get a room you two. That's more than I'd like to see." Emmett chuckled beside us.

A smile stretched across my lips when Bella broke our kiss to hiss viciously at Emmett, her eyes turning to burn holes into him. He quickly held his hands up in surrender and leaned away from us with a grin.

"So touchy...I was just kidding."

She bared her teeth at him playfully before looking back down at me. I didn't want her to leave, but I knew she needed to. I would just have to survive her absence from my side for a few hours. Her head bent down to brush her lips softly against mine, teasing my lips and making them want more. I tried to deepen the kiss a little, but she quickly pulled away with a smile.

"I'll be back. Love you." Her soft hands lightly raked down either side of my face slowly, her eyes showing her reluctance to leave. She planted one last torturous kiss on my lips then broke away, a small groan slipping from her.
"And I you." I said back knowing she would hear.

Alice

"It won't happen again. You know that, right?"

"No, it won't."

Those words went round and round in my head, picking at my mind irritatingly. There was something behind what he'd said. Something that brought fear to me to my very core. I couldn't decode his cryptic words, but I wouldn't give up trying. Jasper was my entire life, and I was now on the brink of losing him. I couldn't let that happen. Without him I was nothing.

The others talked about meaningless things around me, trying their best to bring me in the conversation. I stayed quiet though, preferring silence. For the first time in almost a century and a half, I didn't even feel like muttering a word. Not unless it was to Jasper, but I stopped trying that all together the first night he came home. It was evident he wanted nothing to do with me. It was no secret to me and was seen by the others as well. I knew that's why they had suggested this shopping trip. It was to get me out of the house, away from the sadness I'd been wallowing in for just a little. It wasn't going to work though. There wasn't even an ounce of want in me to go shopping right now. I only came to keep their minds at ease.

"We're very glad you decided to come, dear." Esme said to me, patting the hand I was keeping on the shifter of my car. A smile lit up her face as she looked at me, but I couldn't muster another one up for her. My joy and ability to smile left me weeks ago. I used the last of it back at the house earlier. My eyes stared at the road blankly, nodding my head just slightly at her words. I could see her disappointment at my lack of response when she looked away from me, making guilt well up in my chest. I didn't like upsetting them, even with the way I felt. That was my reasoning for coming in the first place. Heaving a low sigh, I reached over and half heartedly squeezed her hand, feeling the other's eyes on me.

"I am as well." I tried to say without the flat tone in my voice. I didn't do too well at hiding it. There was a distant sound of her answering me, of my name being screamed, but then everything was black. For a moment I stayed in the darkness before slowly another scene broke through the dark.

"What are you doing?"

The voices were starting to become clearer as the vision did. Edward was standing at the bottom of the stair case gripping the guard rail tightly. The rail was beginning to break with the pressure he was putting on it, brown pieces of wood crumbling at his feet. His buttery gold eyes were almost feral looking and were burning into a figure at the top of the stairs. The figure at the top slowly started to descend with his head turned down, blonde locks of hair swinging in front of his scarred features. Jasper's face was utterly blank. A mask that couldn't be seen through no matter who tried to, his dark eyes much the same as his face. He looked as if he was leaving to go somewhere. A long black jacket hung loosely on his shoulders and a pair of boots that had long been buried in his closet was now on his feet.

"I'm leaving." Was his answer.

Edward's hand shot out suddenly and slammed into his chest, quickly bringing him to a stop. Both men stared at each other for a moment. One seeking to leave while the other aimed to stop him. Growls started to seep from Jasper's throat as he looked down at the hand restraining him.
"You can't." Edward half whispered. He looked as if he was trying to keep himself in control, though, didn't back down to Jasper's warning growls.

"I don't belong here." Jasper's voice held an edge to it that hadn't been there in a long while. Since he'd first been found. "I never have."

Edward shook his head furiously, closing his eyes out of frustration, still refusing to move his hand yet. Re-opening them, a determined look was in his eyes, but also a look of restraint. Like he wanted him to stay but also wanted to slaughter the vampire before him. Standing straighter, he finally removed his hand from Jasper's chest and looked him in the eye.

"You'll break her…" He said through slightly clenched teeth. "Her heart will crumble to pieces the moment she sees you're gone…Do you not care about that at all anymore?" His eyes bored into Jasper harshly, trying to break through the hard mask. An uncomfortable silence then took over the room, neither stopping in their stare down match. Jasper's hard look never faltered and didn't even soften a bit at the mention of his mate, which only enraged his brother. Like he felt nothing but numbness.

"Her heart will heal in time." He said, brushing past his brother to the kitchen door. Edward did nothing to stop him this time, but instead only stared after him, stunned. Within seconds the blonde vampire disappeared out the door.
"No!" My heart broken scream rang through the air as my foot slammed down on the brake, my hands unconsciously taking control over the wheel once again. I pushed away Esme's, who had taken over the wheel when my vision came, and I quickly jerked it to the right causing the car to spin around. I heard Nessie let out a scream as we were whipped around, but I paid no attention to it.

"Alice! What is wrong?" I heard one of them ask, but I never answered. As a dry sob passed through my lips, the wheels of the car spun as I pushed down on the gas.

"No…no…no..please no." I kept muttering to myself as I sped down the road as fast as the car would allow me. I had to get back. I had to stop him before he left me. My life, my soul, my heart was nothing without him with me.

"What's wrong with her?" I could tell it was Rose who spoke out this time, knowing I wouldn't answer if she asked me. I was too caught up in my crazed state to say much of anything but no. I felt Esme's hand come to rest on my shoulder as more sobs started to rack through my body. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Esme look back at the others and exchange silent words before she looked back to me. Her thumb started rubbing small circles on my back as I drove, my heart breaking the closer I came to home. His words to Edward still echoed in my head. They hurt so much to hear, but he was wrong…My heart would never heal if he left.

Just that thought made my foot push down even harder on the gas, willing Carlisle's car to go even faster.