Chapter 4

I'm Sorry I Am…

Amy pulled up to Ruiz and Ward and waited outside in her car with her window rolled down and her AC blasting at her. She'd been there so many times that the office parking lot just sort of felt casual and familiar like the outside of the Mcdonald's, where people hung-out and talked shit while eating cheap soft-serve on the hot days, two blocks from Hester High.

Amy let her arm hang out of her car as she put her feet up and leaned back with her sunglasses on and her eyes closed. She really missed summer. Not the heat. The event.

As a teen, summer used to mean something. Now that she was older summer simply meant hot and she wished just a bit that she could have some of her freedom back. It wasn't right for someone her age to spend entire months doing exactly what they wanted. No one ever told her that growing up meant losing your life. Well, if they did she didn't register it.

Anyway, she wasn't too upset with the way things had gone. In a way she really liked her life. But all these changes were risky.

A rumbling sound burst its way through the sounds of Amy's tunes. When the rumbling drew near Amy opened her eyes and let her head fall toward the person who she knew was outside.

"Hey sexy," Reagan said after pulling her motorcycle helmet off and smiling big at her wunderkind fling.

"Hey," Amy said. She was trying hard not to smile as much as she felt like smiling every time she met Reagan Ruiz like this. The guilt was trying to eat her alive.

"So, what's the big news," Reagan asked.

"I wanted to tell you together," Amy said.

"Come on, shrimps, what is it?" When Amy kept on with her emotionless stare, Reagan sighed in part joy and walked around to Amy's passenger-side door, ripping it open and plopping herself inside. "I'm not leaving 'til you tell me," Reagan teased. She put her feet up on the dash and crossed her ankles. She did everything she wanted except for the last thing which would've been to hold Amy's hand.

"Fine," Amy sighed. Reagan was good at getting her to break. "I got a job at a competing firm," Amy spat out. She said it just as casually as one my say, I lost a penny on the ground.

"What?" Reagan was actually surprised. "I.. I thought you liked it here," Reagan said sadly.

"I do like here," Amy said pitifully.

"Then, why?" Reagan asked. She looked up at Amy and tried to keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. Amy noticed and felt stupid.

"My sister convinced me," Amy said. "I didn't even want to but she tricked me into this meeting with Harvey and-"

"HARVEY?!" Reagan stressed, her anger winning. "SHANE HARVEY?!" Her voice grew at least 4 times in volume.

"Yeah," Amy said. She hadn't anticipated that things would go THIS bad.

"Oh my- UN!" Reagan said, taking her feet down and slamming her palm on Amy's dash to release her instant frustration. "SHANE HARVEY OF HARVEY, ASHCROFT, AND BOOKER?!" She yelled again. She really wanted to MAKE SURE.

"Yea," Amy said, a little annoyed by Reagan's unprofessional temper.

"Amy, why?!" Reagan huffed.

"I'm trying to tell you," Amy said. "It was an accident."

"So, say no," Reagan said, her voice lowering just a bit. "You can say no, you don't have to do it," Reagan felt justified. "You're not some stupid kid," she bruised.

"I was going to…" Amy said truthfully, ignoring that hurtful last bit.

"And?"

"And when I checked my atm this morning I found a surplus in my account to the tune of $100,000," she spoke bitterly as if it were a curse instead of a blessing. "A welcome gift from my new pals."

"Holy shit," Reagan sighed. She rolled her eyes and held at her head with two fingers on her forehead and a thumb near her temple. That changed things a bit. "K, well, I'm not gonna lie, this is really disappointing, Amy. I thought we had something here."

"Yeah, about that," Amy postured.

"What? What is it now? What other catastrophic secrets could you be hiding?!"

"What am I to you?" Amy asked, feeling bold at once like she had somehow grown some cajones.

"What are you talking about?"

"Christmas," Amy said shortly.

"Christmas?" Reagan remembered. A sense of calm seemed to wash over her as she lay back in her chair and just thought to herself about their one sweet affair. To Reagan it was perfect. The most perfect hook-up she had ever had. Whenever she saw Amy it made her smile. And at times, if it was a slow day and they were alone or sitting next to each other in court, Reagan would catch a glimpse of Amy's calm expression and she would just remember every little thing about that night and it would fix whatever seemed to be going wrong in her life.

Reagan was more than ready to talk about Christmas. Well... Until Amy opened her mouth again, that is, and said something insanely off-base.

"Was that just some trick to get me to stay?" Amy asked. She had been watching her with tenseness in her stare.

"WHAT?!" Reagan sat up, instantly angered by the thought. It was like Amy had taken a hilt-less ice-cold daggar and used magic to insert it down Reagan's throat. She was choked in that instant and ready to cry because something in her hurt more than she could ever explain.

"Lauren said-"

"WHO GIVES A FUCK- WHAT LAUREN SAID?!" Reagan yelled, slow and controlled as if knowing that the daggar could only shrink a little and yelling would cause permanent damage. Her fuze had been lit and she felt a fire within her growing steady and about to burst. It melted the daggar in her throat but she could still taste that tainted thing.

"I, I just want to know," Amy said in panic.

Reagan stared at Amy a moment and thought about how to proceed. Tears welled up in her eyes but she wasn't about to cry in front of Amy so she scoffed instead and tried not to blink.

"You know what Amy. Have a good life," she said, getting out of the car and walking away strong.

"REAGAN! COME ON!" Amy yelled from inside the car.

"No. Ya know what?" Reagan asked bitterly. "Oliver was the one who thought you were too young for this. I never did," Reagan said, her voice shaky as she was ready to break. "When you went out with him at first I just thought you were being sweet but then Christmas happened and.. I liked you Amy. I reeeally liked you." Reagan stressed, her eyes closing with how idiotic she felt. She couldn't take thinking that Amy could actually think that about her. And for how long had she been thinking it? Reagan never knew that Amy felt trapped or tricked or tired of Ruiz & Ward.

"Reagan, come on, I didn't mean it that way-"

"Yeah, well, you said it," Reagan pushed, "And you can't take that back." She turned from Amy, unlocked the door to her office and ducked right inside to hide herself from the girl she had once been crazy about.

Amy watched as the door slammed hard. She waited a minute and stared at the closed door and the closed blinds of the office that used to be her home. She never thought that maybe it had been her turn to make a move. She thought if Reagan wanted to date her she'd ask. But love's a two-way street, yeah?

She stared at the window, at those white blinds and waited for them to shift. It couldn't end like this. That couldn't be how they'd end.

As she waited outside feeling stupid for all of her choices, Amy wanted to hit herself.

What was the point in waiting for Oliver when things with Reagan had gone so fucking badly?

"Forget it," Amy huffed, wishing she could turn back the clock and keep herself from being stupid and meeting with Shane. Every time Lauren tried to help it stressed Amy out and things like this happened.

Amy switched the car into reverse, dropped the emergency brake and sped off.

Tears began to fall from her eyes before she could even make it out of the lot.

She had nowhere to go and no one to miss her. Somehow that hurt the most. At least before there was always the possibility that Reagan might feel the same. But she'd ruined that hope for herself by listening to her sister. And, again, by being too slow.

Right now, Amy had nothing.

Except 100,000 dollars and an unwelcome date with the devil.