Chapter 4

"So, Ma, why are you here? Do you really think you need to be here? Things are under control. You didn't have to come."

"Jane, why were you back there resting? You should be up and doing something. How could you lie down and take a nap at a time like this?"

Maura watched the play of emotions wash across Jane's face. She had no idea what Jane felt like, when all she ever heard from her mother was negativity. Now that she thought about it, that's probably why Jane was so detached. She never heard any words of praise. That would help Jane out tremendously. She needed someone to tell her what a great job she does, not catch grief all the time. How did Jane even turn out this good? With a psychopath as a mother.

"I knew this would be my fault. Everything is always Jane's fault. Never once have I heard you say anything positive towards me. Even when a psycho serial-killer had me spread out with scalpels in my hands. I never heard how worried you were or a thank God you're OK. Nothing, Ma, not a damn thing. Do you even care?"

Maura watched the scene play out between the two women. She hated that Jane was having this too. Losing her brother and now having a confrontation with her mother. This could be enough to put her over the edge. She knew Jane had had a lot going on lately and Jane never got anything off her chest. She always had a lot of emotions going on, just with her job alone. Maura knew it was hard for the both of them to open up and talk, but they always knew when they needed to, they were always there for each other.

"Jane, do you think of anyone but yourself? Are you always this selfish?"

Angela Rizzoli zeroed her stare in on Maura. "How do you stand it? How can you have a friend like this? Always thinking of herself."

"Mrs. Rizzoli, Jane is my best friend and she is very loyal to me. Yes, she does have lots of sarcasm and a bad attitude a lot but as for selfish- that would never be a word to describe her."

"Wow, she has you so fooled and that is a shame.."

"No, Mrs. Rizzoli, what the shame is is that you have a son that was killed. His body is still lying over there covered in a tarp and you haven't even acknowledged that. You came in looking for Jane, to blame her. You aren't even taking the time to grieve, all you want to do is blame your daughter. Do you even hear me when I say that? If you did you would know how ridiculous it sounds. You're blaming Jane for Frankie's death? Your daughter helps protect people like me and you from all the bad people out there that do not really care if they hurt or kill. She is a hero to me and she should be to you."

Jane was almost too out of it to know what her friend had just said about her. Almost. She had no clue that Maura felt that way. If she weren't so overwhelmed, she may have even smiled. That's if this were any ordinary day, not a day that her brother was lying in a pool of his own blood. Murdered. Oh, how she wished she were dreaming. Her baby brother, her heart and soul. And now he was gone. Forever. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, but didn't care enough to wipe them away.

"Jane, honestly, pull yourself together. This isn't the time to fall apart."

"When would you like me to fall apart? This seems like a good time, as good as any. I didn't know I needed permission to cry over my dead brother. What the fuck Ma, why are you standing there like this isn't even bothering you? Do you have a heart? Are there any feelings in there? I thought you loved Frankie more than this. I already know you loved him more than me."

"Jane, don't..."

"Don't what Maura? My mother never made a secret out of that. Just ask her, she'll tell you. She never kept it to herself, Maura. She always felt the need to tell me. Didn't you, Ma?"

Maura hoped that was just Jane's emotions playing out. Surely this woman had not told her daughter that she loved her sons more than her. That would be preposterous. How could a mother love one child more than the other? And even if that were the case, how could you make it so obvious? And then tell your child your true feelings? Poor Jane.

"Well, Ma, you don't want to share with Dr. Isles what you really think of your daughter? I never knew you wanted to keep it a secret."

Maura, in that moment, had an even greater respect for her friend. She knew Jane had not had a picture perfect childhood or even a close relationship with her mother, but this was almost too much. Maura felt the overwhelming urge to go to Jane and comfort her. This woman that she called her friend was a true warrior.

"So, Ma, no more digs? You don't feel that urge to get a few more in? I feel cheated if that's all you got."

Maura watched as Jane tried to stay strong and in control. She was trying to will herself not to cry. Why was this time a family war? They should be comforting each other, not this. She didn't want Jane to feel like she had to hold her heartbreak inside. She knew if her friend tried to hold anything else in, she would have to end up seeing the department psychologist. She needed to let her know that it was OK.

Maura crossed the room and put her arm around Jane. She really hated to see her like this.

"Jane, please don't hold your grief in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting it out. You have to, Jane. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of sadness, anger or desperation- never weakness. Please remember that. And remember that I'm here. I'm always going to be here, Jane."

Jane let her sadness consume her, once again. She knew Maura was right, she could not hold it in. This pain would consume her. She turned her body into Maura's and buried her face into her friend's shoulder. She needed her friend, right now, more than she had ever needed anyone.

"Let it out, Jane. I'm here for as long as you need me. I never want you to feel alone. I will always be here."