"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism."
"Hey, Taichō?" Matsumoto waited until she had Tōshirō's attention before continuing, "How did you even know about flash mobs anyway?"
Tōshirō rolled his shoulder, having just popped it back into place after dispatching the Hallow he had been sent after, as he walked towards where he had left his gigai. Upon finding it he stopped and stared. His gigai was literally rolling on the floor laughing. What's more, there was a sea of people doing the same exact thing, taking up practically all the space in the large, outdoor shopping center. Wearily, he rubbed his eyes to check that this wasn't some illusion, when he found that it wasn't he turned and left.
He suddenly had the urge to kill something, surely the shinigami stationed in the area wouldn't mind him lightening their workload.
Tōshirō blinked away the memory and answered calmly, "I read about it- I tend to like to know what is going on when I'm assigned a mission in the world of the living."
"You can be so boring Taichō," She complained, "I was hoping for a story."
Three weeks after the flash mob incident, and after the Tenth Division's punishment of taking over the Fourth's sewer cleaning duties, found Tōshirō staring down the Soutaichō with a calm expression to counter the irritable head-captains'.
"Well," The Soutaichō demanded. "Do you have any explanation for this?"
'This' was a group of shinigami that were considered the 'kids' of the Gotei 13 being forcibly held down by several captains and lieutenants, even with kido binding them- Yachiru Kusajishi appeared to be gnawing on Kenpachi in her effort to get free.
Entirely undisturbed by the chaos behind him, or the destruction he spied through the windows, he answered with a calm seriousness that matched his expression. "I am a drug dealer," He smothered a smirk at how he felt everyone but the 'kids' freeze. "They are my clients and..." He paused almost dramatically, although he was the picture of disinterest as he flicked off imaginary lint from his uniform. "Ukitake is my provider."
"T-Taichō!" He heard Matsumoto exclaim, scandalized before apparently coming to the conclusion that it wasn't his fault and snarled "Ukitake!" like a furious mother bear whose cubs were threatened.
"I am a drug dealer, they are my clients and Ukitake is my provider."
- this is honestly what inspired this story because I had a weird dream that Tōshirō treated the candy Ukitake gave him like drugs and sold it to the other shinigami kids.
To Kiku-Goldenflower I love you, in a completely platonic, non-creepy way.