A/N: Whoop, Whoop! Summer vacation! Whoop! Happy times.I never want to go to school again.But I wanna see my friends...The struggle is real.Everyone in our year was getting emotional at the end. Haha. (Not gonna lie, so was I.)Quick message to my buddies:Hey Nemmie. *Waving* Hope you're having a shitty holiday like I am.Meshie. I know you're reading, you inconsiderate asshole. Kms, respond to my messages you darn dweeb.
Ok enough personal messages to my racist friends who refuse to reply to my messages for unknown reasons. (Maybe I rambled on about my boyfriend for too long, who knows. Nemmie: He doesn't exist!... This is a story for another time.)
How are your holidays going so far, everyone? Going/gone anywhere?
Disclaimer:Look, I can dream, OK? OK?
Warning: Dark Themes in this chapter.
oOaoOo
After two days I went out with Lee, Angelina and George. When I came back, I spilt the beans to Phoenix and Cristal because I couldn't take it anymore."He kissed me!" I told them as I threw my heels at the wall whilst walking into the living room where the duo were watching Beauty and the beast."She looks like Hermione, a bit. Maybe that's her doppelganger." I hummed. "Anyways, he kissed me! Fred Weasley kissed me!"
"Did you kiss him back?" Phoenix asked, pausing the movie and turning her head around from the sofa.
"Yes... I didn't know what to do! I just... I dunno!" I slumped onto the grey velvet armchair next to me, burying my face in the cushion.
"I knew this was going to happen! What did I tell you?! You were going to get hurt because of them!" Phoenix stood up, yelling at me.
"Phoenix..."
"No. Don't 'Phoenix' me! What did I say back in 6th year!" I could see tears in her eyes and it broke my heart. The memory of the day flashed before me.
"The Weasley twins? Are you feeling alright? You're both going to get in a load of trouble because of them. They're the biggest troublemakers in school and probably the best pranksters of all time in Hogwarts!" Phoenix barked at me and Cristal.
"You worry too much Phoen. We'll be alright." I rolled my eyes. Why did she treat me like I was still a child?"Yeah, you're just prejudging them. They're great people. We don't need your permission anyways. They're not like Mel." Cristal sighed."Damn it Audrey! Can't you see I'm doing this for your own good?! I don't want to see you hurt again... Not after what happened with Rudolf." She told me and I snarled at her."Don't. Tell me what to do. Don't bring him into this. Don't you fucking dare. They're nothing like him." I turned on my heels and hastily walked to the lake.
"You told me not to be their friends... Because I'd get hurt." I quietly whispered.
"Phoenix, don't do that to-"
"Shut up Cris." She yelled.
"Hey, leave her out of this! It's not her fault. It's no one's fault alright?" I yelled back.
"I can't do this Audrey. I can't bare to see you get hurt again."
"I'm not a little fucking girl anymore! Stop treating me like one! You're not my mum! You're not the boss of me!" I argued at her, standing up to meet her height.
"I wouldn't treat you like a child if you didn't act like one!" She said to me and suddenly I remember Rudolf saying the same words to me. I silently walked out of the door, put on my trainers and grabbed my black waterproof jacket from the stand we had in the small front room.
"Where're you going?" Cristal asked me, worry visible in her face.
"Somewhere away from here. I can't be here, not now. I need to go somewhere. Anywhere, until this cools off." She nodded at me, as I shut the door I heard Phoenix murmur to herself.
"It's alright Phoenix. She'll be back. She'll be back."
oOoOo
Whenever I felt sad I would go for a jog or a walk. It was a known psychological fact that going for a walk would generally lighten your mood. I liked strolls, especially during sunset when the hues of colours would paint a beautiful background behind me. I always felt the need to paint it but I would never be able to capture the moment in the short amount of time. A shame really.
Drawing was a small hobby of mines, as was it for my two best friends. Cristal was undoubtedly the best artist out of the three of us, ideas would come alive on a piece of paper in a matter of minutes. I always envied her for taking less time than I did and somehow her art would come out better than mines. I would take a long time drawing something simple like an eye because I would worry about the details, Cristal would tell me to overlook them sometimes but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
One of my most favourite drawings has probably got to be the one of the black and white couloir (not a typo). I had spent roughly a week working on it, spending around 2 to 3 hours a day. I had done a great job with the shading in my opinion.
The stars above me twinkled but I saw grey clouds begin to cover them. Great, it was going to rain.
I didn't want to go home yet, I was still angry at Phoenix for acting like she could dictate my life. I balled my fists up and scowled as I recalled the memory of the event that occured roughly 20 minutes ago.
I didn't feel like going for the night.
But where else was I suppose to go?
I had no one else.
I put my hood over my head and walked through the light rain. I wasn't an idiot, though. This was England, the rain wasn't planning on getting lighter and lighter. Not for a long time.
It probably wasn't a good time to reminisce on my 5th year, when I was out in the rain with Rudolf, both of us outside the astronomy tower. That was the first time he revealed his other side to me. The memory burned inside my head and I felt myself shaking, it wasn't the time for this.
I began to tread on in the rain, humming a tune to myself, I was placed in Gryffindor for a reason. A little rain never did anyone any harm. I heard a cackle in the cloud, a bolt of lightening stuck a few steps in front of me, the blue lightening bolt leaving me stunned for a moment.
A little lightening can do harm however.
I didn't know what to do, so like any rational person I done the most obvious thing in the world.
I ran.
To no clear destination
Well down Audrey.
I don't know how long I was running for, the memory of the past haunting me, driving me crazy, making me run faster. I wanted to crumble to the floor and scream, yell out, let go of the agony. But I couldn't do that, not here. Not in this Muggle neighbourhood, they'd probably call the police. A thunderstorm could last for a long time but this one seemed like a short one, one of those storms where only 5 lightening bolts are let down and then the rain eases down.
My clothes were completely drenched, my hood had come down from the extreme running that I was continuing. I felt cold despite the sweater I was wearing, my light blue jeans wear wearing me down. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, ducking my head down in attempt to avoid attracting attention.
How far could the nearest forest be?
Apparently, it was a two minute run. Could've been worse.
I finally reached there, collapsing under the shade of the trees that sheltered me from everyone and everything else. I felt pain weighing in my heart, I felt like crumbing to the floor and cry my sorrows out.
And I did.
I also knew what was going to happen. But I didn't care, I couldn't care. Everything around me was just dragging me down, wait no. It was the other way around completely. I was dragging everyone else down. And it wasn't fair, it wasn't right. I screamed. For the first time since I left Hogwarts. I remember when my mother left me, the screams, the nightmares, the constant guilt, the sobs that wracked my body, the incurable pain eating away at me, the nights of endless insomnia.
I heard footsteps but didn't do anything, I felt like screaming again but held my breath, so many tears streaming out of my eyes that my eyes began to hurt, my cheeks began to burn. I pressed my lips as I heard the footsteps approach me.
"If you're going to kill me, just get it over with. At least I'll finally get to see dad." I murmured the last part to myself.
"I'm not planning on killing you love." The voice I immediately recognised, the person I least wanted to talk to, Fredrick Gideon Weasley. No doubt Phoenix or Cristal told him what had happened.
"What a shame. What do you want?" I spat at him, adjusting myself in a upright position and wiping away tears that kept on coming.
"Easy, easy. What's wrong?" He asked me, crouching down beside me and placed an arm around me bringing me closer. I leaned my head down his shoulder, completely forgetting what had happened 2 days ago.
"What isn't the problem, Fred? Everything. Everything is wrong." I cried. "I'm not interested in getting a relationship with anyone." I told him the last part because of what happened the other day.
"What about the other guys?" Fred asked quietly, as if it pained him to ask.
"That was fake. That was to make everyone think that I was alright again. Phoenix acts like I'm some sort of fragile child that could break when you lightly tap it where it was cracked before. I'm not. I don't want to be like that. I just... I don't want to lose in love again. Not after him. Not after Rudolf." I told him, wiping away more tears and attempting to calm myself down.
"You don't have to tell me. But... What happened with him?" His eyes gleaned with concern and I was almost fooled for a moment.
"Stop acting like you care. I've had enough of it, enough of you lot acting like you care about me at all." I yelled but stayed in his grip which tightened around me, I desperatedly tried to shake free of his grip but to no avail.
"Audrey Aoi Jayna Kushieda," I winced at the use of my full name, "We all care about you. I am so, so sorry if it doesn't seem that way at all but we really do. If I didn't care would I be here, would I have been there for you before?" He asked me, running a hand through his now wet hair. The rain has eased down a bit since before and there was no more lightening.
I sighed at what he said. I had to let it out, I hadn't even told anyone the real story. Not even Phoenix.
"You can't tell anyone. You can't. Not even Phoenix knows the whole story. I was afraid of what people would've thought of me because of what happened." I took a deep breath before starting to tell my tale. "I started going out with Rudolf halfway through 4th year, and we were just crazy in love I suppose. Well after my birthday in 5th year he... Changed." I pressed my lips and looked up at the sky before continuing, "He would always act like he owned me. He wouldn't let me talk to some people, he wouldn't let me spend time with Phoenix, Cristal and Meliá as much. He wouldn't let me wear certain things. He would just gaslight me sometimes. I haven't told anyone about this... But... One day he just... He... Did it..."
"Did what?" His voice came out uneasy as if he knew what I was going to say. I shook my head at him. "You don't have to say it."
I let out a deep breath. "I didn't know what to do. I told him not to, begged him even but he wouldn't listen. I screamed for help but no one came. I blamed everyone around me for a while before beginning to blame myself. Of course no one would come. No one cares about a stupid girl like me. The only ones who did were gone. I miss them so much, Freddie... I found out after 2 weeks that I was pregnant with his child. I was so sad, not that I had a child. I loved them, even though their father was a monster. I was sad because I knew we wouldn't be safe, not with him around. When I told him my worse nightmare came true. I shouldn't have told him, I regret it up to this day. He threatened me, told me to get rid of it or he would hurt everyone I loved. I just told him they'd already died, the ones that I loved, and he bought it. He then told me that if I didn't do it he would. I couldn't... I knew it. I loved this child, I didn't want to lose it. But... I lied to him, told him that I had got rid of it. I planned to go home for a while before they were born but... He found out. Meliá had betrayed me. The child was born, a boy. I named him Takashi Humfrey Kushieda. Maybe what I was feeling on the night he was killed was the same thing Lily Potter felt that night Voldemort came to her." I closed my eyes reminiscing on the night. "Brown hair, grey eyes. He was a carbon copy of the man I thought I loved. I loved Takashi though, he was my life. He gave me light when I was surrounded in darkness. Dumbledore knew what happened, wise man he was... One night he found me, Rudolf... He found me. It was night time and I had just put Takashi to bed by telling him a story that my mother had told me about my father. He was such an innocent boy... He didn't deserve it. He only lived for a month... Before that... that monster came and killed him, took my boy away from me... I knew he practised the dark arts but I never knew he would find me... I just... I never believed I deserved happiness after what happened to my son." I told him, tears flooding my eyes.
"Oh, Audrey. I'm so sorry..." He apologised and I shook my head, Fred began to cradle me in his arms and I sobbed.
"It's funny isn't it. The man who killed him walked off laughing while another, who wasn't even involved, apologised for his misdeed. He isn't coming back to me... An apology is useless. I hate it Fred, I hate this feeling. I hate him so much for doing this to me. I hate him for making me feel like this. Merlin knows I'm so pathetic. God, look at me crying and telling you all of this."
"It's not stupid. And you're certainly not pathetic." He shook his head at me. "I don't know what he's been saying to you but it's a load of bullshit."
"He called me names after what he did, like I had any choice. He'd call me a slut and things like that. He told me things like 'no one will ever love you'."
"That's not true." He shook his head.
"Yes it is! I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve love. I don't deserve it all!" I almost shrieked at him as more tears began rapidly falling down my cheeks.
"Audrey it's alright. It's alright. You're alright. Calm down."
"You're right. I'm sorry." I wiped a tear and smiled. The rain had turned very light and slowed down tremendously.
"Hey, that's the Audrey I know with her radiant smile." He smiled and I nudged himself softly.
"I didn't know you knew words like those." I teased.
"Well I make an effort for my smart arse Audrey. We still on for Sunday?" I could hear him laughing as he placed his chin on top of my head.
Sunday?
Oh. The dinner at the Burrow.
"Yeah. I plan on coming... Hey Freddie? Can I ask you a question?" I murmured against his chest.
"Hmm? Yeah sure, shoot."
"Why... Are you still here? With me. And don't you say it's because you're my friend, I know that's not the correct reason." I told him.
"You want to know the truth?" He asked and I hummed in approval.
"Yeah. The truth and nothing else." I added.
"I love you. I've loved you for a long time, I had a crush on you in 4th year and realised that I loved you in 7th year. Another reason why I left was because of you, I couldn't bare to see you everyday knowing that you only saw me as your friend."
"Fred..." I started but he placed a finger on my lips to silence me.
"And I know you'll never see me as anything else. I know you still see me as a friend. And it hurts, but it's better than never seeing you. After I left you... I realised that it didn't help. They say time heals like a potion but time only had me missing more and more of you." He ran a hand through his hair.
"I don't feel the same about you. I'm not ready for any sort of commitment." I told him, but... A part of me felt guilty. For lying to him.
"I know. I know you're not, love." He told me as he untangled himself from me and smiled at me.
"I'm sorry Freddie." I softly said.
"You've got nothing to apologise for. I knew what was coming. Make sure you go home safe." He told me as he walked off and apparated home.
I watched the rain stop with my head clouded with thoughts. A weight had been taken off my shoulders because of Fred, the burden of secrets that I carried on my shoulders was lighter. I smiled as I watched the clouds part for the moon, letting light seep into the world.
Just like the clouds let in the light, my darkness will make way for lightness. And it may be sooner than I expect.
oOoOo
A/N A confession and a backstory. Seems like enough for one chapter.
I'm planning on making the next few chapters less dark but with a bit more drama I suppose. I don't stick to my promises I presume.
I hope you enjoyed the story so far. I'm practically dying to keep writing.
Rate and review! -
- Leo
Next chapter:
"How did you know?" I asked her.
"That you fell in love with a certain someone named Fred Weasley? Please, I've heard you mumble in your sleep." She teased as I grew red.