I'm still totally out of it, so I don't know how this is going to turn out. But I figured it'd be best to write right now cause I'm in Eclare Land from Umbrella p 2. How did you guys like that episode? I don't wanna ramble so I won't express my love for it haha. But yeah, just to be clear: my story isn't going to follow like all of the storylines that are ...happening now. Couldn't like put together a sentence there, sorry haha. But yeah. Like, Clare's parents are still both getting condos and shit like that.

Eli walked up to Clare's apartment and knocked on the door. He took a deep breath, realizing that he had no idea what he was going to say to her.

A few seconds later, Clare opened the door. Eli noted her bloodshot eyes. "Hey," he said quietly.

"Hi," Clare said with a smile, attempting to feign happiness. But they both knew that she wasn't; Clare didn't know that Eli did, though. She opened the door wider so Eli could come in.

They sat down next to each other in the living room. Eli turned himself to face her, and then took her hands in his. "I'm... worried about you," he started. How the fuck do I confront a cutter? He mentally kicked himself for not googling it before he came.

"W-why?" Clare asked, afraid that she knew where this was going.

"Show me your arm," he said, watching her eyes widen in panic as she realized that there wasn't any way to get out of this.

Clare felt paralyzed as Eli picked up her arm. Pull your arm back, Clare. You can't let him find out. This is your secret, the one thing that you can control. Eli's going to take it away from you. And if he doesn't, it'll be because he will know that you're crazy, and then he'll leave you.

Even though Eli really didn't want to see the truth, his hands rolled Clare's sleeves up and gaped; he knew that cutting would be a scary sight, but he did not expect to see that many cuts. Clare's whole arm was covered in scars, scabs and new, bloody gashes. She's really hurting. She's hurting on the inside and out, and you didn't even know, Eli. What the fuck is wrong with you?

After taking a moment to take it in, Eli looked up at Clare. She was fighting back tears, and it made Eli feel even worse.

He reached out to touch a particularly nasty scar, but she flinched, trying to fight the instinct of pulling away when anything would come in contact with her arm.

"Why?" He asked.

"It helps me... forget. It's like a release," Clare answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Eli inspected her arm again. Some cuts looked deep enough for his finger to fit inside of it, and it scared the living hell out of him.

"You can't tell anyone," she demanded, her voice rising. She couldn't let anyone else know- it wouldn't help her; she knew that. Out of everyone that she was close with, she felt like Eli would be the one who was most likely to keep this secret- that gave her hope.

"Clare..." Eli started, sighing.

"Please," she begged, a needy tone in her voice. "I can't handle that, Eli. I... I can't. Please."

"Clare, you're hurting yourself. You're... you can't do this to yourself! If you cut too deep or get an infection, you could... you could die," he explained. He felt like he was going to lose her through this, like he would be experiencing Julia all over again.

"Get out, then," Clare said, unsure of what she was saying. "If you can't keep this secret, then don't talk to me ever again. Okay?"

"I'm not going, Clare. I won't tell anyone, okay? This... this can be our secret." Eli had no idea what to tell Clare, but he did know that some things just had to be kept as a secret. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, searching her eyes.

A tear slipped out of Clare's eye. "I didn't want you to know that... that I'm crazy," she whispered, looking down.

If Eli's heart wasn't broken earlier that day, it surely was now. He tilted her chin up with his thumb. "You're not crazy," he assured. "I promise."

"Yes I am!" She exclaimed, letting a few more tears fall down her cheeks. She moved her arm closer to Eli, practically shoving it in his face. "Do you really think that this is normal, Eli? I'm crazy! How could I not be? Eli, I slice my skin open with a razor blade when I'm upset! That is what crazy people do!"

Eli shook his head and took her arm. He tried to pull her closer to him, but she was averse to the idea and looked down. "Clare," Eli said, lowering his head to look up into Clare's eyes. "This doesn't make you crazy. I swear." He sighed and stood up when she shook her head.

See, Clare? He's leaving you because he knows you're crazy. You couldn't even just keep one secret.

Eli wasn't leaving, though. He headed towards Clare's bedroom and saw her razor blades sitting on her desk. He took them, then walked back out to Clare. "I'm going to take these, Clare," he said softly.

Clare looked up, silently crying, and shook her head. "No," she choked out. "Give them back to me."

"Do you trust me?" Eli asked.

Clare slowly nodded her head, knowing that Eli was the closest person to her. That meant she trusted him... right? She didn't know, but she hoped that it did.

"Then when you feel like you need to cut, I want you to call me, okay? Do that, instead of cutting." He sat down next to Clare. "I know you can do it," he murmured, determination in his eyes. He couldn't let her do this to herself. He wouldn't.

Clare didn't believe in herself, but if she did believe in anyone, it was Eli. "Okay," she whispered, not sure if she meant it or not. Her lower lip trembled as she held back a sob that was threatening to spill out of her.

Eli noticed this and moved closer to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He pressed her securely against him, rubbing her back and rocking her slowly as she let out her pain. Her body shook as her sobs racked her body, but Eli held onto her. He felt his own tears start to form in his eyes, but he blinked them back and held Clare tighter. Her sobs started to subside a bit, and Eli stroked her hair. "I'm here for you," he murmured.

This was kinda hard for me to write because i struggled with self mutilation for a really long time, and i can only write so much about it before it's too much for me to handle... so i ended this chapter sooner than i was planning on. buttttttttt, this story is not close to finished so expect more :)

and let me know what you think.