A/N: Hi everyone. I'm deeply sorry for the late update. There are two reasons to this: first, I've been quite busy. Second, this chapter was definitely hard to write. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing, but I felt this chapter was important and needed to be done correctly, which is why I decided to take my time and do my best instead of rushing it and make something awful. I think this chapter is the best thing I've ever made in English so far. Ever. I hope you will enjoy it, and if you don't, please tell me why so I could improve (I'm begging for critics here). Now, I wish you a good reading.

Chapter 4: Your worst enemy

The next three weeks had passed rather peacefully. The leader of the team and her partner had decided to meet up every Sundays and Wednesdays, when Ruby was free of her own singing lessons, and Weiss was not busy studying. However, despite the young girl's drastic method of teaching, Weiss had come to realize she was not as annoyed as she would appear to be. Or to put it in simpler words – she was enjoying it, but the gap between realization and acceptance seemed to grow larger and larger with each day spent by Ruby's side. Thanks to their "new musical bonding sessions", as the hooded girl liked to call it, the two of them had started spending a lot more time together, beyond studying, sparring and now singing.

It was Tuesday in the late afternoon, the sun was starting to fade, leaving an orange tainted sky on its way down the other side of the planet. Its departure caused the students to consume incredible amounts of hot drinks, trying to dismiss the freezing cold running through their bodies.

Weiss entered the dorms only to find Ruby sitting on her bed, her brows furrowing over narrowed eyes, staring at a single sheet of paper, pencil firmly in hand, her incisor slightly covering the right side of her lower lip. Such a serious facial expression was rarely seen on the young leader's features, and Weiss was so shocked by the sight it actually took her a couple of minutes to notice Blake was also present in the room. The latter was lying on her bed, quiet as ever while her amber eyes flew through the pages of a rather old thick book. More concerned about her partner, the heiress walked towards her, her eyes glaring at the paper balls surrounding the younger girl.

"Ruby?"

"Mh?" she answered, her eyes still firmly set at the end of her pencil.

"What are you doing?"

The little girl abruptly lifted her head up, her gaze meeting her partner's. "Weiss! Sorry, I didn't see you were there…"

"Yeah, I noticed." she answered coldly. "What are you so serious about?"

"I'm trying to write a song… but I can't seem the get the words right. I mean, I have them but I can't write them down, it's like something always get lost between my thoughts and my pen…"

Weiss raised a curious eyebrow, worried her leader might be insane, when Blake finally interfered, without breaking contact with her apparently captivating page.

"Do you want me to help?"

"No, I need to do this alone. I'll make it, it just needs some… time."

The younger girl then proceeded to continue her work, and Weiss sighed, seemingly displeased.

"Well, while you are so busy writing, I will study. Good evening, Ruby."

Ruby caught the accusative tone in her voice but decided to ignore her partner. She is just angry I'm not studying enough for her standards, she thought. She entirely missed the true reason behind this harsh tone, and Weiss, in all honesty, was not even sure herself.

She grabbed some textbooks and lied on her own bed, right underneath Ruby's. She rested on her back, her notes by her side, and stared at the top bed. Since her leader was already wearing her pajamas, Weiss could only deduct the younger girl had no intent of going out. She doesn't even care. Her heart skipped a beat, and she did not fail to notice. She is just writing a song, and it seems important to her. Why would she care about what I do? It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care. She is just… busy.

She was intrigued. I have no reason to believe she doesn't care about me, this is just plain stupid. Judging wise not to think about this matter too much, she picked up one textbook and started reading through it, even though all the written words just flew out of her mind as soon as they reached her eyes. She could hear the sound of a pencil sliding along a paper, then along what it just wrote, then a paper getting violently crushed in what could be a small hand. Weiss could feel Blake glaring at her, but decided to simply ignore that fact, as the opposite would lead to further interrogations and awkward situations.

A part of her was impatient to read or hear this song Ruby was so worked up about. This mere thought was not what Weiss was afraid of; she was afraid because she could feel it taking more place. These past three weeks, this part of her had kept growing bigger, noisier, bolder and Weiss was not sure how long she would be able to maintain it hidden, hidden from herself. She was well-aware that something about her feelings was going wrong. This was probably as much as she could admit to herself at the moment, but she was scared, terrified to look deeper. Sometimes, her thoughts would just go wild, muttering "I love her", and she could ignore it, as long as it remained a whisper, she could pretend it never happened. But these random thoughts were getting rather frequent, and more importantly, they were getting stronger. She could only fight back, find lame excuses and fall into a verbal internal war that would never be told in history books.

I love her – I don't – then why did I just thought I did? – I'm just tired – This is lame – Thoughts like this have no meaning – I only want to believe they don't – I would know if I loved her – Or I would stubbornly deny it – I don't even like girls – Which is why the only heterosexual relationship I've had was entirely platonic – But she's not attractive – So I'm admitting I like girls – … And that she is not attractive – So why am I always thinking about her? – I'm not in love with her – Or am I? – I'm not!

She absolutely had no control over it. The more she tried to hush these thoughts, the more they would appear, and it would only lead to more confusion. She could list a hundred reasons why falling for her partner was a horrible idea, but she could also list just as many reasons why it was silly to even try to rationalize feelings. She paid no attention to her erratic heartbeat when she heard the girl above her moving in her sheet, and as she grew tired of pretending to be studying, she got up. She started walking toward the bathroom's door when a voice reached her.

"Weiss? Where are you going?"

Said girl turned over to see Ruby, now laying down on her front, her elbows firmly place on the mattress to help her maintain her head up. Her black tank top was slightly falling down, hiding the beowolf pattern and revealing… a little bit more than it should. Weiss could feel the skin on her cheeks warming up as she cursed herself for having such indecent thoughts.

Not attractive uh?

She noticed Blake was grinning. Weiss felt a shiver run down her back, as her arms itched fiercely and her jaw tightened. That sly smile irritated her.

"Obviously, to the bathroom. Any other stupid questions?"

The angst she held against herself started affecting Ruby, which she only noticed when the younger girl twisted her mouth in a regretful grimace before she lowered her head, therefore hiding the view Weiss was starting to admire. Equally ashamed, the heiress continued her way to the smaller room, blinking a few times on the way just to push the tears away, and she locked herself in. Her back still leaning on the door, she held her left hand close to her breasts as she tried to slow her heartbeat down. What in the world am I doing? She let her body slid to the cold floor, the fast and powerful knocks inside her chest still refusing to decrease. She closed her eyes. It's not her fault I'm getting so… She could not find the right word to describe what she was becoming. Carefree? Reckless? Crazy? … Perverted? She gulped, her dry throat clearing not agreeing with the gesture. I cannot allow myself to ruin our team, our partnership.

I love her – Shut up.

She slowly got back on her feet, keeping one of her hand on the door to maintain her balance. Her body complained, sending a displeasing pain through each of her muscles. She felt exhausted. The fact she could see a headache coming from a mile away did not help, so she undressed, tossed her uniform aside and rushed into the shower as fast as her legs allowed her to. She closed her eyelids. She let the sound of the water dropping on the stoneware echo through her ears, she let it run down her bare body, she let the heat swallow her completely.

I love her – Shut up.

All her icy blue eyes could see when she opened them again was the steam taking over the entire room. She sighed heavily, reaching for her shampoo. She slowly proceeded to wash her hair, carefully listening to the water in order to keep her mind away from her leader. The task appeared harder than she thought, as Ruby's shampoo and shower gel seemed to look brighter than they used to. She grabbed her own product, now applying it to her body.

Damn you, Ruby. How in the world am I supposed to stop thinking about you when we share the same room, the same bedroom, the same bunk bed?

Her heart expressed itself again. It appeared to beat faster again, then slower. She felt a salty taste tickle her lips, invade her tongue. Instinctively, her fingers reached to her eyes. Am I crying? But I'm not even sad! But as the tears refused to stay in place, she let them roll down her cheeks, melting with the water. There, alone, in this shower, her leader in her mind, she silently cried. No sobbing, no sniffing. I'm a Schnee, after all. But she was still human, and her conflicted mind along with her confused feelings were too much for her to bear.

I love her – Shut up.

As she wondered when all these emotions appeared, she thought back to her first singing lesson. The freedom she felt when she started singing, the anxiety when she stopped, the relief when Ruby praised her. She remembered her warmth when she held her hand, when she wrapped her shoulders in a light hug, her breath tickling her neck as she spoke. She remembered her heart flinch at each of these. She remembered how bad she wanted to turn around and return the gesture, she remembered how her hand went to reach the little girl's arms when they were resting around her neck but stopped midway. She remembered feeling something hot spreading over her face when she tried to express herself, to ask for another lesson. She remembered how lightly her heart flew as she left the room.

I love her – Shut up.

She crossed her arms on her chest, grabbing her own shoulders, as if she were hugging herself. Ever since this day, she could not keep the small sign of affection out of head. What she felt when she sang was amazing, she had no doubt about it, no matter how hard she tried to deny it when her private teacher asked her. But slowly, the reason why she agreed to these lessons changed. Each time she reached for the handle of the music room's door, she hoped those same thin comfortable arms would wrap her again. Each time she had to sing, she tried to excel. She cursed herself whenever she missed a note, no matter how many times her leader would reassure her, telling her it was fine. But it was not a matter of being perfect anymore, she wanted Ruby to be proud of her, to praise her, to embrace her. She was now the one being judged, rather than the one judging, she was the weakest, the neediest, and this feeling of powerlessness drove her mad. The mere fact she did not know why she felt this way did not help her cause.

I love her – Shut up.

She stepped out of the shower, covered herself with the help of a clean white towel and walked to the mirror instantly. A faint red married the blue in her eyes. She looked at her reflection, half-sympathizing, half-judgmental. She proceeded to dry herself off as she tried to accept the fact she could not understand herself anymore.

I love her – Shut up.

She changed into her pajamas, grabbed her uniform and stared at the door. She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, filling her lungs entirely until she let finally let it out. When she opened her eyes again, she could feel a thin layer of courage surrounding her. She could not afford to show any sign of weakness, nor could she afford to hurt Ruby any more. She stepped out of the bathroom, determined to just go to bed as fast as possible in order to avoid any questioning look from Ruby, any sly grin from Blake. All I have to do is prepare my clothes for tomorrow, say 'good night' and go to bed, she told herself as she saw the dark sky through the red curtain.

As she walked to her dresser, she noticed two things. Firstly, Ruby had stopped writing and was now sitting and staring at the wall across Yang and Blake's bunk bed. Secondly, said bunk bed was empty. After glancing quickly around the room – carefully avoiding Ruby – Weiss decided to break the silence.

"Where is Blake?"

She could feel Ruby's eyes on her, but she pretended to be too busy folding her clothes to make eye contact.

"She went out to get Yang, she told me she would be back within an hour or so. Said something about privacy… I didn't really get it."

Weiss bit her tongue as she saw right through Blake's plan. The cat Faunus definitely sensed the tension between the heiress and the hooded girl.

"Weiss?" said girl called when she saw her partner laying on her own bed.

"Good night."

"What? But it's only seven, we haven't even eaten yet and…"

"I'm tired, and not hungry at all. So good night."

Ruby jumped out of her bed, stared at Weiss for a few seconds before sitting on the edge of the bed. She kept staring at the wall in front of her. Weiss tried to pretend to be asleep, but she knew she could not fool her leader.

"Weiss… is there something wrong?"

Oh please, don't ask that. Don't go down that path, Weiss immediately thought.

"Are you angry with me? Have I done something wrong?"

No you didn't, you never did, it's just me, it's my fault.

"If I have, please tell me…"

It's not you, it's me, I'm too cowardly to… to what exactly?

"Weiss?"

The heiress sat down, silently. She did not know at what point Ruby turned around, but she was facing her. They were so close. If she spread her arm, she would certainly be able to reach her and then she could… she could not. She could not allow herself to. Too bold. Too risky. No matter how hard her body wanted it, she couldn't. She is worried about me, and all I'm thinking about is hugging her. Goddamn it…

She stared at her hands, on her lap, avoiding Ruby's troubled look.

I love her – Shut up.

"I'm… fine. Just…" she paused involuntarily as a single word came out as difficultly as a tirade.

"Are you on your period?"

"What? N-No!" Weiss yelled, chocking and blushing violently as she didn't expect Ruby to make such a blunt comment.

I love her – Shut up.

"I just thought… it would explain why you're so… moody."

Weiss looked up to meet silver eyes but quickly turned back to avoiding her gaze, her cheeks still tainted red.

"Dunce…" she whispered, the edge of her lips rising up.

I love her – Shut up!

"You're finally smiling!"

Weiss glanced at her once again. Her eyes still full of concern, Ruby lifted her right arm up, brushing a strand of white hair off of the heiress's pinkish face, and she offered a light, warm smile. Her hand remained on the older girl's shoulder, stroking it gently.

"If you feel bad, you can talk to me you know. Don't shut yourself in. I'm here."

Weiss flinched.

Her heart squeezed, cringed, pinched.
It skipped a beat, or maybe it added one. Her lungs rejected any bit of air, or maybe she stopped breathing on her own. Ruby started stroking her more firmly, or maybe she was the one shaking violently. She could not find any words, or maybe there were too much of them. She could not tell.

I can't, I can't, I definitely can't, there is no way I can handle this, there is no way I can love her, I can't keep up this distance, I can't…

She had spent her whole life trying to meet up unreachable expectations she set for herself, aiming to be perfect, to excel in everything and anything, working hard, every second of her life, fighting her thoughts, her feelings, herself, denying her own being just to achieve the ideal she wanted to become, without ever coming close to it. She had fought these thoughts of hers with all her might, had tried to ignore them, to push them away, to turn them down, but what could she do when the girl she couldn't stop thinking about kept coming back at her, despite her flaws, her faults, her mistakes? How could she keep fighting for excellence when the exact same girl was sitting right next to her, glaring at her like she meant the world – like, she, Weiss Schnee, meant something, as imperfect as she was? How could she fight her desires when the girl she was longing for stayed so close, so caring, so loving, her innocence rubbing on the older girl as she caressed her shoulder ever so lightly? Oh, how she knew it was only an act of pure heroic naivety. And how she wished it would be more.

Her cheeks felt hot. Humid. The salty taste on her lips came back. It turned bitter.

"Weiss? What's wrong?" Ruby asked, her other hand reaching up to meet Weiss's left cheek, wiping a tear away.

I love her.

"Uh, Weiss, I don't know, what am I supposed to do?" she asked, but the other girl didn't seem able to formulate a proper answer, seemingly lost in a state of shock.

I'm gay.

"It's alright, i… it's gonna be alright, I'll help you with um whatever you have to deal with…" she continued while her hands slid down to the center of her back, pulling her closer, for an embrace the heiress never had the bravery to initiate herself. "I'm here, okay, no matter what, I'm your friend, well I think, but I'll make it better, somehow, so don't you worry about anything!"

I love her so much.

Ruby stayed silent at this point, only holding her friend tighter, stroking her hair and back more firmly, as if she wanted to make her presence known. Weiss returned the gesture, her arms shyly holding the younger girl's arms as she nuzzled into her neck. She cried on her shoulder, not caring if she were silent or sobbing.

There is no way I can help it.

She closed her eyes. She wanted to remember everything she felt in this moment. Everything. The salty taste, her muggy cheeks, the dark hair tickling her face, the knot in her stomach, the scent of roses – Ruby's shampoo. But most importantly, the warmth. The warmth of Ruby's body, the warmth of her fingers drawing circles on her back, the warmth of her upper arm brushing her cheek, the warmth of her breath on her neck, the warmth of the embrace.

I want her so badly.

They remained in this position for a few minutes, until Weiss's shaking body finally became calm. Weiss could have skipped hundreds of hours of lessons just to stay here, with her, but she knew that for Ruby's sake, she had to let it go. She put her left hand on her right shoulder, pushing her away slightly. She could not make her worried – more worried.

"Are you feeling better?"

Her voice was almost timid and she let her hands on Weiss's arms, as if she were afraid the older girl would break down again. But she didn't. Instead, she took a deep breath and locked eyes with her new love interest.

"Yes, I am. I'm… sorry about that."

She could not maintain eye contact for too long, but her partner did not seem to mind.

"It's fine! Don't worry! But do you want to talk about it? You know, I won't judge you, I promi-"

"I know. I would tell you, but there is nothing to say. I'm just tired, I didn't sleep well, and I… put a lot of stress on my shoulders. It'll be better after I get some rest."

"Mh… okay…" the younger girl finally gave in.

She seemed unconvinced, but she still straightened her back, distancing herself from her partner. When the latter laid back down, Ruby pulled the covers on her, her concerned look never fading.

"Ruby, you don't have to, really."

"I know. I'll go get something to eat, in case you're hungry during the night, okay?"

Weiss sighed. "Gosh, Ruby, I'm fine, I swear."

Stop being so adorable, geez.

"O-Okay… I'll let you sleep then. Good night."

"Good night."

The younger girl got up, turned off the lights, only leaving her own bedside lamp on. She glanced at Weiss but before she could jump onto her bed, Weiss caught her hand.

"What is it?"

"Thank you."

Ruby smiled brightly and grabbed Weiss's shoulder once again, pressing it gently. "Anytime."

As she withdrew her hand and got into her own bed, Weiss fought the urge to ask her to come back down and stay with her, but she knew there were still boundaries she could not step over.

Seriously, how stupid can I be, falling for my partner and leader?

She felt cold that night.