Disclaimer:
I do not own Bleach or any characters form Bleach. They belong to Tite Kubo. Also Dracula belongs to Bram Stoker (who is deceased :( ) .
Chapter 4:The FOOLISH Bloodsucker
On the Previous chapter Ichigo Holmes and Rukia were chasing after the murderer of Ichigo's pedophilic father DRACULA! He had turned into a bat and escaped into a dark alley.
Ichigo:Where did he go?
Rukia:I don't know but I want to know why did he suck your father's blood and kill him?
Ichigo:Probably because of my father being a pedo
Rukia:What's this got to do with being a pedo
Ichigo:I've heard that pedo blood is very tasty
Rukia:Why?
Ichigo:You don't want to know, anyway we should find Dracula and destroy him quickly
Rukia:How are you going to kill him?
Ichigo:I had a healthy breakfast of garloo's and Dracula should be no match for me
Rukia:Garloo's?
Ichigo:Garlic flavored cereal!
Rukia:Why do you eat garlic flavored cereal?
Ichigo:Just in case I have to fight a vampire who sucked my slave's blood and killed him
Rukia:Right, so what do we do now?
Ichigo:I'll use my magic magnifying glass to find some clues
Ichigo takes out his "magic" magnifying glass and starts searching for clues. Suddenly he finds a vampirish footprint.
Ichigo:AHA! I've found a trail
Rukia:Wait a second! Dracula transformed into a bat
Ichigo:Your point being?
Rukia:(mad) HE WAS FLYING!
Ichigo:So?
Rukia:(really mad) YOU IDIOT! HE DID NOT TOUCH THE GROUND!
Ichigo:(finally realizing it)OH! But whose footprints are these then?
Rukia:It doesn't matter! Let's just go further
Ichigo:But I'm sure these are these are Dracula's footprints
Rukia:How are you so sure?
Ichigo:Because these prints are left from leather boots and as you know vampires only wear leather
Rukia:It could have been an ordinary person and Dracula was FLYING! Not walking you FOOL!
As Ichigo is busy being stupid a moronic vampiric figure appears from the shadows.
Dracula(EVUL LAUGH)Bleh heh heh heh heh heh!
Ichigo:DRACULA! Why have chosen to show yourself?
Dracula:Because you are a FOOL! Those are the foot prints of a vampire but they are not mine!
Rukia:Whoose are they then?
Dracula:They are my minions foot prints and you will have to face him in a vampiric wrestling match to get to me!
Ichigo:Bring it on!
Dracula:VERY WELL! Come out minion and destroy this fool!
Suddenly a man with very pale skin and stupid brown hair also appears from the shadows next to Dracula. This stupid man is Edward Cullen from the even stupider novel Twilight.
Edward:You called lover?
Dracula:Yes dear! These bad people are bothering me please get rid of them
Edward:(looking at Ichigo and Rukia)Hey leave my beloved alone or I will kill you!
Ichigo(Shocked)HOLY SHIT! It's that stupid stalker vampire from that movie Toilet Light
Edward:IT'S TWILIGHT!
Ichigo:Yeah whatever, weren't you supposed to be in love with a human girl and not a male vampire?
Edward:(sad)That was a long time ago
Rukia:But why are you in love with Dracula?
Edward:(even sadder)Because Dracula is the only person in this world too truly understand me! Also he's much better looking than Bella!
Ichigo and Rukia both stare at Dracula who is extremely ugly and has unbrushed vampiric teeth!
Ichigo:Hey Dracula are you two really in love?
Dracula:Well, actually I don't really love him and I'm only using him bleh!
Ichigo:Why?
Edward:(In tears)Dracy what are you saying?
Dracula:Edward my love when I say "I don't really love him and I'm only using him" I mean I really like you bleh!
Edward:(Wipes his tears)Really?
Dracula:YES bleh!
Rukia:But why are you using him?
Dracula:Because I needed a minion and I don't have any of those because they all run away because of my foul breath bleh!
Ichigo:How foul?
Dracula blows on Ichigo's face and it melts away due to the foulness.
Ichigo:(With melted face)WOW! That's foul!
Edward:I think it's minty fresh!
Rukia:You use him only because of this?
Dracula:Well, there's also the fact that Edward is a moron and easily manipulated
Edward:(Beigns to cry again)What?
Dracula:When I say you're a moron I actually mean you're smart okay!
Edward:(Happy again)Really?
Dracula:YES bleh!
Ichigo:Okay stop this nonsense and LETS FIGHT!
Suddenly everyone is transported to a wrestling ring and there also a referee in the corner. The whole arena is empty.
Referee:Ladies and gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for in the corner to my left weighing ? pounds the gay vampire Edward Cullen!
Edward:(Vampiric roar)RRRRAAAAAAARRR
Referee: and in the corner to my right weighing 61 kg the crazy shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki!
Ichigo:You're going down you stupid bloodsucker
The bell rings and they both fight.
End of Chapter 4:
In the next chapter (The chapter that will come after this) find out how will Ichigo defeat the crazy vampire EDWARD!
P.S: Edward is shiny