It took a few days, but eventually Rick managed to find a rhythm in regards to Beth. It was still a struggle to walk through his door every night and see her sitting there with his son, but he was managing to grin and bear it. Not that he ever tolerated her presence for long, but just knowing she'd gotten her way in the end still drove him crazy. Usually he'd come home after job hunting the entire day, only breaking long enough to pick up Carl and drop him off at home, and not return until late in the evening when he knew Beth would be on her way out. He was always quick to dismiss her and to his surprise, she never fought him on it. She'd just nod, say goodnight to Carl, and went on her way.

He was starting to second guess his approach though. As soon as she left and it was just him and Carl left alone together, his son almost immediately shut down. It seemed no matter how hard Rick tried, Carl wasn't impressed. It didn't matter how clean the house was, how many dinners Rick actually cooked instead of ordering take out, how sober he was. None of it seemed to make a difference. Not that he blamed the kid, but a small part of Rick had hoped it wouldn't take so long for Carl to celebrate how hard he was trying.

It was self-centered, but Rick was only human. For the first time, he really was trying and it didn't seem to be making much of a difference on any front. He'd known it was going to be hard, he'd tried to prepare himself for it. But the damage he'd done was worse than he'd ever imagined. Still, he was trying to go easy on himself. When he'd forgotten to pick up Carl the day that Beth had came back, he'd refused to give up then and there like he usually would've. It was just a minor set back, he'd told himself. Perfection didn't come over night. Jumping back in the saddle was going to take time. Even if he was ready for healing to begin, he had to recognize that it might take longer for everyone else.

And it was the same thing he kept telling himself every time he got rejected for a job. People simply weren't ready to welcome him with open arms. It was justifiable. But still, each failed attempt was wearing on him. Wearing on him so much, that eventually he'd caved and decided to head to the one place he really didn't want to go.

He'd been avoiding the local shooting range every time he drove by, even despite the help wanted sign in the window. But finally, he was getting desperate enough to give it a shot. The work would be familiar, that was a plus. But the downside was that he knew he'd be seeing many of his old friends there, and the owner lived to bust his balls. But it'd been that way for as long as he'd known the man, even before everything went to hell. Rick just wasn't sure if he was up to having a pissing contest anymore.

"You didn't come here lookin' for something to blow your brains out with, did ya?"

It was the first words out of Abe's mouth as soon as Rick walked through the door, the question announcing his arrival to all the customers more than the tiny bell on the door ever would.

Rick let the it roll off his back, almost even smiled despite himself. As much as he'd been dreading the conversation, it felt good to have someone greet him with humor, even if it was harsh.

"No, could've done that already. Still have my Python." Rick told him as he approached the counter, surprised at how easily he fell back into rhythm of their familiar banter.

"I can't believe they let you lose on the streets with that thing."

That time Rick did smile, meeting the man's eyes who was grinning back at him. As much as he hated to admit it, it felt good to have someone joking with him for once. To have someone treat him the way they always had. Abe had always been an ass, and he was still an ass.

"You look good, Grimes."

Rick just nodded, not knowing how to accept the compliment. It'd been too long since anyone had said anything like that to him, he wasn't sure if he should be offended or grateful. But knowing he was about to ask for a job, he decided to go with the latter.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now tell me what I can help ya with."

Abe was never the type to beat around the bush and Rick knew it was best he didn't either. Plus, the sooner he got the humiliation over, the better.

"Actually came to talk to you about a job."

Rick watched as the man laughed and shook his head, clearly amused at even the idea.

"No damn way. You must really be out of your mind if you think I'm gonna be the one that's dumb enough to hire you. We ain't hiring anyway."

"That' not what the help wanted signs says." Rick told him, pushing a little harder.

"The sign's wrong."

They stood there for a moment, both sizing the other up, just like they always had. Rick knew Abe was putting him through the ringer, he tried not to take it personal. He'd embarrassed himself so much already that he figured he had nothing left to lose by begging. But before he had time to lose anymore dignity, Abraham spoke, his question so blunt Rick almost left.

"What is it, Lori's life insurance drying up on you?"

The money from her life insurance was quickly disappearing, pretty soon he'd writing Beth IOUs instead of checks. But Rick sure as the hell wasn't going to admit it.

"Ain't about money."

"Then what's it about? Tell me why I should take chance, embarrass myself in front of the whole town when they find out I hired you?"

Rick clenched his teeth, told himself he was wearing Abe down, that the harassment was worth it.

"It's for Carl."

"Bullshit. If it were for your boy, you'd never quit the force. Try again."

Running his hand over his beard, Rick considered his next words carefully. It was the make it or break it moment, and he couldn't afford to screw it up. Digging deep, he finally spit out the truth. One he hadn't quite admitted to himself yet.

"Tired of feeling like shit, Abe. That so hard to believe?"

Rick could feel everyone's eyes on him as soon as the words left his mouth, even the customers that had stood around to observe the exchange. It wasn't every day Rick Grimes showed up begging for a job, but at least this time they were staring for the right reasons. At least that's what the told himself as he fought to keep his head up, refusing to look at the floor.

He stared Abe down, watched as the other man slowly smiled, finally nodding his head.

"Alright. But you show up drunk and you're out on your ass."

Rick just nodded, not quite believing his luck. The relief washing through him, already making his body relax after the excruciating exchange.

"Come in tomorrow, we'll get you started. And Rick?"

Rick just raised his eyebrows, waiting for the man to go on.

"Good to see ya back."

For once, when Rick returned home, the sight of Beth in her customary spot in his floor didn't make his blood boil. To both of their astonishment, he even managed to say hello, even if he grimaced a little at the words. It was a small improvement, almost miniscule, but he still pat himself on the back for the small achievement. If he could get a job than surely he could learn to accept the fact that Beth was going to be a fixture in their lives until sumer school ended. She was only going to be around for a few weeks, he figured even he could manage to not make it any harder than it had be.

It was easy to be optimistic with the high that was coursing through his veins, one that wasn't chemically induced for once, one that had everything to do with finally getting hired somewhere. Even if he'd had to stand exposed in a room full of people he didn't much like, even though it wasn't nearly as noble as his last job, still, it was something. He'd practically sped home, ready to tell Carl the news, thought maybe it'd be the one thing that might finally warm his son up, even just a little. Rick was more than willing to accept little improvements, he knew little ones eventually added up, making it all worthwhile.

But it didn't take long for him to realize that no amount of accomplishments were going to make a difference.

"So, I got some news." He said, standing in front of Carl and Beth while they played video games in the living room.

Beth looked up at him expectantly, but Carl didn't even pause the game, just looked around Rick to see the screen better.

Rick had expected as much at first, but what he hadn't planned on was Carl's complete lack of interest once he actually announced his news.

"I got a job."

Spitting out the words, he felt Beth smiling at him but his eyes stayed fixed on his son. The boy didn't even acknowledge him, his eyes stayed fixed on the television, almost like he hadn't even heard what his dad had said.

"I said, I got a job."

His temper was rising at his son's nonchalance, harder to control with each passing second. The anger he was feeling was at himself though, anger at having been naive enough to think Carl might actually be proud.

Finally, Carl paused the game to look at Rick, his face void of any emotion when he spoke.

"Congratulations."

"That's it? That's all you go to say?"

Rick hadn't been expecting a party, not even a hug. But maybe at least a smile, anything positive. He'd put himself through hell to get the job and it made no difference to Carl. Feeling like an idiot, he wanted nothing more than to rip the controller out of his son's hand and send it flying across the room, just to let his aggression out on something.

He could feel Beth's eyes on him, watching the whole exchange. Even she was staring at Carl like she couldn't quite understand his demeanor and for once, he was grateful for her presence. It was just about the only thing stopping him, holding him back. From what exactly, he wasn't sure. Quite possibly from walking into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle he had tucked away in the back of a cabinet.

But having her there, an outsider watching a private moment forced him to behave, pushed him to keep his calm at his son's next words.

"What do you want me to say?" Carl finally asked, looking every bit as irritated with his dad as Rick was by him. "That now you have a way to embarrass yourself in public too? That I give it a week before you get fired? Because you will."

It was said with so much conviction that it sent a shiver down Rick's body as he stood there, speechless. He actually looked towards Beth, surprised to see the she was equally as baffled by his son's hostility. It was a small comfort, but not nearly enough.

"You don't care about anything except yourself. You don't even remember what day it is." Carl whispered.

And if looks could kill, Rick would've died twice over. In that moment his son looked at him with nothing but hatred in his eyes. Not even disappointment, almost as if he'd moved past it, and officially settled into loathing.

Rick just shook his head. Wasn't sure what he was trying to say, trying to deny what he felt or maybe even agreeing with his son that he didn't know what day it was. Didn't understand what the big deal was.

"It's a year, today. And you're still making everything about you."

The realization put goosebumps on Rick's flesh, he'd somehow managed to forget. It was the one year anniversary's of Lori's death. He'd been dreading it since the day she died, but with everything happening in the past week, he'd somehow let is slip his mind. He'd always expected to be three sheets to the wind when it finally rolled around, but instead it was furthest thing from his mind for once, had been at least. The guilt he felt for not remembering wasn't as strong at the relief he felt. Relief that the day had come and he was still standing.

But clearly Carl hadn't forgotten, not that Rick would ever expect him or want him to. He realized, standing there while his son shot daggers at him with his eyes, that he'd been set up for failure since the sun rose on that day. No job was going to repair the pain that his son was surely feeling at remembering his mother's death. Add it in with all of Rick's failures, it was no wonder the boy was so angry.

"I'm sorry." Rick said, mainly for his son's benefit.

It wasn't that he didn't care, he did. But he'd spent a year caring too much about that one thing, it was nice to finally be able to set it aside.

"No, you aren't. You aren't sorry about mom. You aren't sorry about anything. The only thing you're sorry for is that I don't give a fuck that you got a job."

Rick recoiled at the words, shocked to his hear such grown up words come from his son.

"Watch your language." Rick yelled, just needing something to yell, anyway to relieve the tension that was building.

"Since when did you care about anything I do? You only care about yourself. It doesn't matter how many jobs you get, how sober you are, you're selfish. It won't fix anything. It won't bring mom back."

Carl's voice was getting louder with each word, and Rick stood there accepting each blow, feeling a sick type of satisfaction at finally clearing the air. His son needed to get his feelings out, had been bottling them up for too long. And even if it hurt Rick, it didn't matter. It'd eventually help Carl heal.

"I know it won't bring mom back. But I'm still here."

It was all Rick could think to say, the only thing he was sure of.

"I don't care. I'd rather have mom. She wouldn't have kicked you out and gotten you killed. And she wouldn't have forgotten she had a kid if it'd been you that died. You think I didn't know about that?"

The words hit Rick harder than a ton of bricks, hearing Carl blame him for Lori's death. It was the very same thing he'd done and knowing his son agreed made the guilt feel fresh, reopening wounds that had just started to heal.

He just stood there, could feel Beth and Carl staring at him, waiting for a response. One he didn't have.

"I could always hear you and her arguing. But you were always too self centered to realize it. The world doesn't revolve around you." Carl spoke, on the verge of tears as the last sentence left his lips.

Before Rick could say anything, even manage a clear thought, he watched his son stomp to his room like a child half his age. Like a kid that was tired of playing the part of an adult.

Standing there for a moment, he just shuffled his feet. Not sure if he should chase after his son, or just collapse there on the spot. Collapsing seemed like the better option, the easier one. Taking the easy route again had never seemed more appealing, to do something for himself again. To just say screw it and throw in the towel. But he was too angry for that even. Angry at himself, at his son, angry at everything.

"You should let him cool off for a bit." Beth spoke, still sitting in the floor with the controller in her hand.

Rick had honestly forgotten she was there after Carl's accusation. Turning his head in her direction, he could already knew what was going to happen. Almost like he had no control. His jaws immediately clenched, his teeth gritting together.

"Don't tell me what he needs." Rick snapped, relieved to have someone to yell at. Not caring that for once, maybe Beth didn't deserve to be on the receiving end.

"I'm just trying to help you."

Her voice was strong, her eyes full of understanding for once, her tone matter-of-fact.

Beth had never looked at Rick that way, like for once, maybe he was the victim too. It only antagonized him more. A sick part of him wanted an excuse to relieve his frustration on anyone, and her sympathy wasn't helping him justify the rage he felt towards her. Towards everything.

"Let him cool off." She finally said, standing up. "You both need to. He was like that all day, even with me. It's been building and picking at it right now won't help either of you."

He hated getting advice from her. The idea that this girl knew his son better than he did, at least in that moment. It only fueled him on, even though he had no good come back, shouting the first thing that came to mind.

"Why are you always here?"

It was supposed to be an accusation, one that came out rough, but as soon as it was out, Rick knew it was a genuine question. Beth was always at his house, almost like she had no other place to be. Or at least, no better place to be. She wasn't getting paid for all the extra hours she spent there, but yet, every night when he came home there she was without fail. Carl was a good kid, but any normal person would've found an excuse to leave on time, at least once. Or would've had plans that forced them to.

And whatever the answer was, it seemed to make Beth uncomfortable.

She stood there for a second, for once at a loss for words. Her eyes searching for an answer that she didn't even seem to know yet. Seeing her squirm under the weight of his words made Rick forget his anger for once, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I get it, it's time for me to go."

He picked up on it as he followed her into the kitchen, watching as she collected her bag and books from the table in a hurried rush. For once, she was the angry one, the one on the defensive. He'd had no idea such a simple question would get under her skin so badly, that she'd have no answer for it.

"Didn't realize it such a sensitive topic." He said sarcastically, almost getting off on the fact that for the first time, her own demons were upsetting her more than his.

Still she didn't reply. With her back still to him, she started walking towards the door, about to take the answer away with her.

"Figured someone like you would have better places to be." Rick yelled, purposely sounding snarky, purposely making himself the bad guy, not that it was hard.

It was the role they were both comfortable with him playing, the only sure way to get a reaction out of her, to give her a reason to direct her anger on to him. Rick knew that. For once, he was glad to take advantage of it. And sure enough, she stopped in her tracks, turning to face him, her lips drawn so tight across her face he thought she might actually cry.

"Someone like me?"

She was waiting on it, for the insults. He could tell it was what she'd come to expect from him. And it was easy to deliver, each word spoken with cruelty, coming out like the backhanded compliments that they were. Every bit of resentment he had towards her uttered in one sentence. Made his eyes meet hers before speaking to make sure she felt the full effect of each blow, releasing the anger he'd had built up all day.

"Surely even someone as ignorant and self righteous as you has somewhere else better to be. Don't you have a family? Friends? Hell, even a boyfriend. You're almost pretty, in a plain type of way."

He seen the tears forming in her eyes, but instead of leaving this time she stood there, taking each insult he had under his belt, saying nothing.

"But no. You're here. Because you have no one else."

If he hadn't have been able to see the truth of the words on her face, Rick might not have suddenly felt so guilty for pushing her too far. He'd expected to force an answer out of her, not to hit the nail right on the head. Because he was right. Could tell in the way her eyes continue to stare into his, naked and exposed.

It wasn't a good feeling. Even after all the things Rick had done. Tearing down this girl that had never deserved it, had only tried to help him with Carl, was probably one of the worst. And realizing she had no one else made it worse. Beth was just as lonely as Rick, for whatever reasons. It was probably the only thing they had in common, but it was something he understood well.

"Beth..."

But before he could complete the sentence, give her the apology she deserved, she opened the door and walked out. Without a single word, not even the typical argument he'd come to expect.