"Sorry to come in… uninvited," he says through clenched teeth. "My name is Kuiper. Raven and I met while she was off in the woods." My heart catches. God, he's going to say something. I wait, but he doesn't speak another word.
"Well then," Mother tries to reply calmly, but I can tell she is unnerved with the unexpected visitor, "I guess you can stay here for a while, but I expect you to leave mid-afternoon and return to your pack. I don't want us to stir up any trouble."
"Ma," I say, my eyes a little wide with annoyance as I step forward. "He was kicked out of his pack," I whisper in her ear. "You have to let him stay." Why I want him to stay, I'm not sure. But I also don't want him to be out there. In the dark. And alone, or worse, not alone. Who knows where that maniac wolf is?
"I'll talk to your father. He can stay for now, but that is all I'm promising you. And stay out of trouble," she warns. "We will be talking about this fellow whether or not he stays." She turns away and strides towards the den, undoubtedly heading towards wherever Dad is. I turn around awkwardly and sit in front of Kuiper, waiting expectedly for something.
"So… you didn't say anything. Why?" I interrogate him, my eyes searching him, curious. I tilt my head minutely in questioning.
"I just met your mother. She wouldn't believe what I have to say if she doesn't know me. If—I have to get to know her before I tell her."
"You said 'if'," I smile at him as I get up and circle around him like a wolf around its challenger.
"No! Well, yes. But that doesn't mean anything. Words aren't always the truth," he barks. Something gleams in his eyes. They dart away, not meeting mine.
"I thought you were truthful," I try to coax the real answers out of him. I brush by him, letting my tail linger by his chin. He shakes his head and gets up.
"For now, I plan on telling them something and whatever you say won't change that. Only my thoughts will, so don't try any tricks. They won't help you." I can see a smile lingering on his muzzle.
"Tricks?" I ask. "I'd never do that. Whatever you do, do it. After all, I guess it won't matter."
"It won't?" he asks incredulously.
"Of course it will!" I yelp, my paws flying into the air in a dramatic motion. "How would it not? All they know is that I go to that clearing ever so often and that's basically all! Do you know what they would think if they heard what you have to say? Especially when you win them over, since I know that'll be easy since you've already done so with me?!" He steps back, a look of shock smeared across his face. "And my brothers! They would never live it down! They would always call me a 'psycho' or a 'mutant' or something." The realization of my words sears at my innards. I know every word is as truthful as it can be, but I don't want to believe it.
"I doubt they would," he says ambiguously.
"You just assume everything, don't you? First that my parents won't kill me and now that my brothers won't make fun of me? Maybe Orbit wouldn't, but Everest? He hates the both of us!" I'm almost yelling now, my hackles bristling ever so slightly.
"Shh! For someone not wanting everyone to know, you sure are making it easy for them to figure things out," he whispers. I groan and plop down on my back, my eyes taking in the large, fluffy white clouds above. They sprinkle the sky and cover the sun. What a great day this could be. But I have to be me, which means that I can't ever have a good day. I let out a blustery sigh to which Kuiper glances at me with a raised eyebrow. I shrug and roll over onto my side, studying the side of the hill speechlessly. "Maybe I ought to go. I'm causing everyone more trouble," he says softly. I get up on all four paws. Pain strikes at my heart. I feel hurt in a way I've never felt before.
"Don't," I plead, my voice wavering, on the verge of breaking.
"Why would you want me to stay?" he barks. I think about it for a while. Why do I want him to stay? All we've been doing is fighting it seems, or at least the past few hours we have. Why on Earth would I want him to stick around? I reel through my mind, I search through every possibility. Minutes pass, and he continues to wait for an answer. Finally I have one. But I'm not ready to admit it. I must come up with an excuse, or something to make him stay.
"I don't know." For once in my life, my lie is weak.
"You aren't telling the inside track," he says. "The truth," he clarifies after a second, making sure I understand what he's saying.
"I know… I'm not. But I can't tell you the truth," I bark, praying that he'll let it go. But once someone says something, you always want to know. I'm no different. Kuiper's no different. Everybody is no different, if that makes sense….
"Why can't you? Just tell me," he inquires. His voice is sturdy, and strong, and powerful. I sigh a little.
"I just can't!" I yap, my tail sinking towards the ground. I can't tell him, I just can't. And you shouldn't feel it, either; a hissing voice emerges into my head, clouding the rest of my thoughts. 'It' is back. I can think what I want! I don't need to let it control me—
I suddenly become convulsed with pain. I writhe around on the rich green grass, my legs tense one moment then lax the next. I can feel the warmth of a body. I can feel the softness of another wolf's fur against mine. A wet yet warm and comforting feeling is apparent on my muzzle. The 'it' is pressed out. It leaves. Gasping for air, I blink my eyes. Kuiper is above me, his eyes filled with fret and concern. Then I realize something.
He kissed me.
"Raven? You need help. This isn't good." I look up at him. He is helping me. Who else would I need?
"I," I say slowly, my heart beating a mile a minute, "love you." His eyes widen as the milliseconds drone on like hours. My lips begin to form a smile as my face heats up. "And you saved me. I could've died. Maybe not this time, but that—thing—is definitely after me. That's why I don't want you to leave… because I love you."
"I have to go," he barks and wheels around. "I'm not doing any good being here." His grey fur becomes drowned out by the shrubs' thick branches as he disappears too quickly for me to even move and go after him.
"Kuiper!" I howl. I can feel my heart literally breaking. I don't understand how or why I feel love for him, but I do. And now he's gone and I have no idea where. I make a move forward, but that's when I hear a voice.
"Raven?" Mother says. She comes up to my side. "What's happened? What's wrong? Did he hurt you?" Yes, he did. He has. I think—no, I know that he doesn't feel anything for me and doesn't want to feel anything like that about me. Who would like a maddened, annoying, bossy pup like me? Pup? Nobody. I look up with tear-filled eyes at my mother.
"I want to…." I trail off, not wanting to finish my sentence.
"To what?" she asks, wanting desperately to know. Die. I want to die. I'm so stupid for saying that. I don't even know what just happened it occurred so quickly. Why does everything have to go wrong?
"I want to go to bed." Sure, of course this time my lie sounds believable. "I'm tired." That part isn't a lie. I am exhausted, but I don't care about that. I want to find Kuiper and ask him why he left. I want to rewind to the minute I met him and I never want to be mad at him. Sinking hopelessly onto the ground, I become overwhelmed with exhaustion.
"Raven, answer me." Mother pushes at my side. Annoyed, I look up at her, my ears flat against my skull. "Tell me what happened."
"Everything?" I ask, hoping that I won't have to tell her everything. But even if she says I do, I don't have to, do I?
"Yes, everything." Groaning, I get up and meet her eyes, my head bowed with enmity.
"Kuiper left and I need to find him!" I shout, anger boiling within me. Adrenaline runs through my veins, cleansing me of the tiredness. I spin around on my hind legs and dart towards the bushes. The thorns rip at my fur, tearing tufts out left and right, but I don't care. The dry leaves send dust towards my nose, making breathing hard, but I won't stop. I cough as the particles flood my nose and swirl like eddies in my throat, causing pain to course through my neck. I grimace and slow down, but I need to find Kuiper, and I will not stop until I do.
My legs begin to burn with exhaustion, and my head throbs with pain. I finally give in and slow down into a brisk trot. And then a slow walk. I try to take in the fresh mountain air, but something chokes it out. I hack, my back arching as I cough violently. Kuiper's scent is in the air. He must be nearby. I lift my nose to the sky, taking whiffs of the air. Sharp scents of crisp autumn leaves blur all other scents except one. It's musky, and odd. Passing it as irrelevant, I lower my muzzle to the ground, searching desperately for Kuiper.
"Maybe I shouldn't have done that." I can hear a voice whisper. It sounds like Kuiper. "I'm such a fool!" Stones clack against each other. Leaves rustle. Then it is silent. The sound of delicate paw steps against the leaves is the only noise. It becomes louder. From behind a green, tangled bush, a wolf emerges. Its grey fur is tussled and matted from hard running.
"Why'd you leave?" Kuiper doesn't say anything. He just looks sullenly into my eyes. He seems lifeless…. He looks almost as if he's been betrayed. But how? "I answered you earlier. The least you can do is answer me."
"Because…" he pauses.
"Because…?" I urge him on, waiting impatiently for his answer. Waiting isn't going to make it easier for him to say anything.
"Because I feel like you're using me." I step back, aghast at his words.
"Using you? How?"
"You said that I saved you. And that's why you want me around. To be honest, Raven… I feel something for you. But what you said—or at least how you worded it—it changed everything instantly. I don't know how, but I just feel like you're using me." I shake my head. I can't believe this is happening.
"That is not what I meant!"
"Oh really? Well it seemed so." He glances away, not meeting my eyes. I look down at the shriveled leaves beneath my paws. They crunch and practically disintegrate beneath my small feet.
"I've," I drag out the word, wanting to just curl up like the leaves and never wake up again. I stop uttering the sentence as I realize it's just like what Kuiper said. I don't want to be the one to split our ways. I can't do it. I finally found a friend and now he's about to leave. Forever. "I don't understand this," I begin to raise my voice unwittingly. "Why can't we just be friends? Why did you have to run? Why is this happening?" I look up at him expectantly. The seconds tick by. A searing, painful buzzing fills the air from the strange silence.
"I don't know."
"Then why can't you just come back and we both forget everything?"
"It's not that simple."
"Why can't it be?" I gasp, my tongue tired of the 'why's coming from my mouth. He doesn't answer right away, his head turned to the right, not facing me.
"You should go back home. It's almost dusk. I'll think about what you said," he says slowly as he turns around and marches toward the other side of the bush.
"What is there to think about?" I call after him. There isn't a reply. Agitated, I walk away, my tail low and stiff with annoyance. My heart thumps louder and louder as I think back on the quick conversation. How am I supposed to get out of this? It's impossible. All I want is for Kuiper and I to be friends and then… I don't know what else. I just simply want us to be friends! I'm not—or wasn't—using him, was I? I slowly falter to the ground, my strength breaking. Warm water wells in my eyes. It drips onto my fur. It rolls down and then falls with a gentle plop onto my foreleg. Then it slides down and gives water to the leaves. More come. I can't hold back the liquid that forms swiftly in my eyes. More tears leak down onto my cheeks and splatter onto my paws. Thirstily, the silt and leaves absorb the salted liquid. I lay there for a long time, unmoving except for my chest which heaves as I try to catch my breath and keep myself from crying, although it's no use. I continue to weep as silently as I can.
The light dwindles and soon it's almost pitch dark. I dig into the Earth until I hit dirt that's just too hard to break. I curl up in the small indent and scoop some leaves around me. Mother and Dad won't find me. I'll have the whole night to think—and cry—to myself. Things have taken a turn for the worse so suddenly. What else could go wrong?
I let sleep overcome me as I think about my eternal pile of problems and mistakes.