Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold or Twilight, Fifty Shades of Grey, Hunger Games or Beautiful Creatures, Wicked, 311, Deerhunter or anything else that seems like it would be profitable.

Summary: After waking up to a bizarre series of events, Helga finds herself back in Hillwood, after a 3 year absence, and just in time for her senior year of high school. But maybe a particular, lovable, football headed guy can make her return worthwhile. Oh, if things were only that simple, and with Helga and Arnold, they never are.

A/N: Yay I'm back on this story! Had to wrap up my other one 'Clean' before I could fully concentrate on this one. Bouncing back and forth between drama and comedy was splitting me apart. Anyway, without further ado: Mean Girls

Mean Girls

After Arnold had dutifully escorted Ms. Helga Pataki to her last class of the day, he hustled to his own class where it sat at his desk, studiously penning down notes from the power point that the teacher was lecturing from. It wasn't until good guy Sid poked him in the shoulder that he realized that he'd been the only one unaware of the silent drama, in which he was unknowingly involved, playing out.

"Uh, Arnold…"

The blonde headed boy turned and looked at his friend nodding subtly in the direction of the class room door where the rest of his peer's attentions were gathered. That was when Arnold, for the first time, noticed the fiery red headed girl that looked a lot like his girlfriend, except meaner, glaring ominously through the sliver of rectangular window. The only problem was, it was his girlfriend, and he couldn't ever recall a time that he'd seen her look that furious.

10 Minutes Earlier

"He did… what?!" Lila furiously slammed the stall door open.

Rhonda had known immediately, upon seeing the looks on Nadine and Sheena's faces exactly who was in the stall, and being the gossip queen she was, she wasn't about to squander an opportunity to create a little drama, "Oh! Lila! Why dear, I didn't realize you were here!" She cooed sweetly and shoved off of the counter to draw closer to Lila.

The distressed teen lividly crossed her arms and glowered at her classmate, "What exactly did you hear Rhonda?"

Rhonda tightly smiled, "Just that, Arnold, apparently feeling super guilty over hitting Helga, agreed to be at her beck in call for 12 whole weeks," she finished and began examining at her nails again.

Lila blanched, "And…and she agreed?"

The raven haired girl shot her an absurd look from beneath her lashes, "Sweetheart, are my shoes Prada?"

Lila already knew the answer to that question. What she didn't know was why Arnold would concoct such an elaborate arrangement and not consult her first. That was when she felt the air deflate right out of her, leaving her drooped and rapidly boiling on the inside, "Why wouldn't he tell me about this?" She gritted her teeth.

Rhonda flipped her hair and placed a hand on Lila's shoulder, "Who can ever know the workings of a boy's mind, really. But, if I were you I'd go confront him about it."

The red head looked at Rhonda before taking a breath and nodding with resolve, "You're right. You're oh-so right Rhonda. That's what I'm going to go do." She hoisted her purse onto her shoulder and marched out of the bathroom.

"Girls," Rhonda spun around, looking very pleased with herself, "I have a feeling that I may have just made this an interesting year."

Present

Arnold gulped when he saw Lila point her index finger at him and then at herself and mouth the word 'now' while those infuriated little button eyes bored a hole through him. His own eyes immediately darted away and onto the teacher, his hand shooting into the air like his life depended on it. And maybe it did!

"Yes, Mr. Shortman," The teacher drawled.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"I suppose."

Arnold was out of his seat and out the door in a flash, surely setting some land speed record in the process. Lila said nothing until the classroom door clicked shut.

"Arnold Philip Shortman!" she hissed, backing him against the wall.

His hands shot up in defense, "What'd I do?!"

"Helga Pataki!"

"I didn't do her! Who said that, Rhonda? You know I ran over her but I certainly didn't—"

Lila slapped him in the chest, "You agreed to be at her disposal for 12 weeks?!"

"Oh…" Arnold's face instantly knitted into that of confusion, "You're…you're mad about that?"

Lila's eyebrows shot up her forehead, "Um, yes!"

"Lila, I hit her with my car! I broke her leg. She's hobbling around in a complete mess because of me. I can't just walk away from that. I have to make amends and it's the only way I know how."

Lila just shook her head and took a deep grounding breath, "Arnold I don't think it's a good idea."

The boy scowled, "Did you not just hear what I said?"

"I don't think it's such a good idea for my boyfriend to be spending that much time with another girl," Lila huffed.

The blonde sighed and fisted his hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head, "Lila, its fine." he then reached out and took hold of her shoulders. "Three years later and Helga still barely wants to tolerate me. I mean, I had to practically beg her to let me do this."

"That's even worse…" Lila muttered.

Arnold pulled her into his chest and softly stroked her hair, "There's nothing to worry about."

"And you aren't the slightest bit worried that having Arnold…waiting on your every need isn't going to reignite some old residual feelings."

Helga stared at Phoebe through slanted eyes as they drove through town, "Are you really asking me this?"

Phoebe half-nodded, "I think it begs asking, yes."

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm lactose intolerant," Helga smugly replied.

Phoebe slowed to a stop light and took the opportunity to glance over with a deadpanned expression, "Did you really just make that joke?"

"Yes I did. And no, you don't need to worry about my feelings so much. If anything you should be worried about Arnold. He's the one that falls in love at the drop of a hat," she pointed out, "Or at least he used to anyway..." she amended quickly when Phoebe gave her a funny look."Whatever, we'll see how the first week goes."

"So, if the arrangement was made today, then why isn't he taking you home?"

"Because I was afraid that if I rode with him I would end up an accomplice to a hit and run," Phoebe snapped her head toward Helga, who sighed, "I'm kidding! Sheesh…I told him to come over later tonight so we could work out the details of his…servitude before we officially kicked off."

"I see."

"Yeah, so anyway…" she trailed off as Phoebe pulled to the curb, "Looks like my stop." Helga opened the door and began heaving herself out of the car.

"Good luck with tonight, Helga."

Once the blonde had managed remove herself completely she turned and ducked her head back in the vehicle, "Thanks, I'll text you later or something."

"10-4."

Helga hobbled into the house to see Owen standing in the kitchen, munching on a sub sandwich that had all sorts of green, red, and yellow vegetables hanging out of it. "What are you doing home so early?" She crutched passed him and fished a bottled water from the refrigerator.

A brow on his forehead crept upward and he stopped chewing, "I felt like coming home. You look way too pleased with yourself," He suspiciously noted, "Whose day did you ruin?"

Helga rolled her eyes at him and took a seat at the kitchen table, "Nobody's. But, I did acquire a slave today."

"You are aware that that's illegal…"

"Not if he willingly volunteered."

"Who would do such a thing?" Owen asked, looking genuinely skeptical of such an occurrence happening.

"Arnold."

"Ohhh…that type of slave," he smirked, and propped against the counter, "This is one of those fifty shades of grey type arrangements, huh? I see. You know I always did peg you as a real freak." he took a bite of sandwich, amusedly watching Helga spit water across the table with a grin.

"Do what?!" she incredulously asked, wiping the dribble from her chin, "How do you even know about those books?"

Her brother-in-law shrugged, "I read them."

"What?"

"That's right, I read them. I read Twilight and The Hunger Games too and now I'm reading Beautiful Creatures, and you want to know why? Because I like guilty pleasure chick saga's that's why!"

For the moment, Helga could only stare at him in a way that suggested he'd grown a second head. It was only then that it occurred to Owen that he might have divulged too much information to his crippled sister-in-law, who may have still been looking for revenge for the plaster defacing. He nervously chucked before cautiously clearing his throat, "So, about that…" he tried to coolly play it off.

"Hmm, yeah I'm just going to let you think about what I'm going to do with that little nugget of information you just gave me," Helga replied with an air of evilness coating her voice.

Owen waved her off and continued eating his lunch, but inside he was still fearful of the ramifications, "So, if he isn't a labor slave or a sex slave, what is he?" he bluntly asked, leaving Helga's cheeks to tinge a slight rosy pink from her own mortification.

"He's going to be helping me out for the duration of my cast, crimeny!" she pointed to her leg in aggravation.

"Oh right," he chuckled, "Yes your accident, in which you clearly did not defy gravity, Elphaba"

Helga stood up and tossed her now empty water bottle into the recycle bin, "Listen Bella-anna McKatniss, he's coming over tonight and I'd appreciate if you kept your shenanigans to yourself and didn't embarrass me, okay?"

"Embarrass you?" Owen feigned offense, "I could never imagine such a thing."

"Yes you could…and you do," she narrowed her eyes at him, "Which is why I'm keeping my eye on you," she warned and crutched passed him, and out of the kitchen.

Four hours passed like no time for Helga, and before she knew it, it was a little after 7:00 p.m. and she'd be expecting Arnold at any minute. She was standing in the kitchen, loading the dish washer with dinner's dirty mess-because apparently, having a broken leg didn't exempt one from chores-when she heard the hearty dong of the door bell. In a hobbling flail of limbs, crutches and a pink cast, she scrambled to the front door before Owen could.

God forbid.

She yanked open the door, seeing Arnold well dressed with that ear-to-ear smile plastered on his face. "Hey," she said, somewhat out of breath from her Olympic 50-yard dash.

"Hey, Helg-ah! Oh geez, what is that!?" Zeus had bolted out of nowhere, like a flash of red and white and began trying to rip Arnold's pants leg to bits. The boy began hoping on one foot, trying to get the feisty little canine to let go, but to no avail. It was all teeth, growls and kakis.

"Zeus!" Helga scolded and yanked her pet up, giving him a pop on the snout, "No!" The dog just looked at her with big, baby eyes, appearing hurt by the punishment, but she knew better, "Sorry," she looked back at Arnold, "He sort of…hates people. You alright?"

"Like his owner!" Owen's voice echoed from the kitchen door. When Helga turned around to give him a well deserved glare, she saw that Olga had already gotten to him with a swat to the back of the head. She mentally made a note to high-five her sister later.

"Oh, well…ah, yeah I'm fine." Arnold straightened his pant leg. "Nice puppy," he patted the Jack Russell on the head. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"We can go to my room." Helga stepped to the side and let him in, closing the door behind him.

"Yeah sure." He nodded. Helga tossed Zeus over onto the couch and told him to stay before leading her guest off down the hallway and into her room.

"So…yeah anyway…" Helga began.

"It's actually a good thing you decided to ride home with Phoebe today. Lila was not a happy camper. Apparently she got some misinformation or something from Rhonda…I don't know, something but—"

"Lila?" Helga cut him off, having completely forgotten that little Miss Country Sunshine was in the picture, she was frozen. Of course, why should she care? She hadn't any quarrels with Lila, especially now that Arnold wasn't of common interest between the two.

Arnold nodded, "My girlfriend."

"Right. I completely forgot about her. Is…is she cool with you doing this?"

Arnold took a seat in a nearby chair and Helga flopped down on her bed to prop her leg up, "That's what I was getting to. She wasn't happy about it, but once I calmed her down she was more understanding of the whole situation."

Helga gave him a pointed look and folded her arms across her chest, "Look, I don't want to cause any more turmoil than I've already caused, all right? Helga Pataki don't do drama."

Arnold chuckled but vehemently shook his head, "There's no trouble, Helga. She's fine now. Honestly I think she was more upset that I didn't tell her first."

"Yeah, that'll do it, Football head." She rolled her eyes at him, "So, details…" She trailed off, eager for a change of subject.

"Well, what do you want them to be?"

Helga wanted to shake him for being so…reasonably accommodating, and then maybe kiss him for being so gentlemanly too. "Just so you know I'm not going to be this…wickedly needy individual. I'm sure you probably think that I'm going to be a total brat—"

"I don't think that."

Helga looked at him for a moment before pressing on, "It'd be great if you could just pick me up for school, take me home and help me get around to class and whatnot. That's where it's a pain with this thing."

Needing no time to ponder her requests, Arnold nodded in agreement, "All right. If that's what you want, that's what I'll do."

"Cool. I mean, I don't foresee myself having any other needs at the moment, but if I do I can always ask."

"When I said anything, I meant anything," Arnold assured. Helga was almost expecting Owen's head to slowly creep around the door frame of her room with a raised eyebrow and something embarrassing to say about her unintentionally suggestive statement, and Arnold's equally suggestive, however dense, response, but he didn't, and for that she was thankful.

But ever vigilant.

Realizing that she'd been quiet for way too long she quickly cleared her throat, "So…wow, yeah that was easy."

"Yeah, pretty easy." he nodded. She noticed that his eyes had wandered over the vast CD collection that she had racked on her desk. "CDs huh? That's pretty old school." He pointed.

"Don't hate."

With a grin, Arnold tilted his head back towards her, "What's your favorite band?"

"Of all time or current?" She sat up.

"Mmm…both."

"My all time favorite band is 311 and my current favorite band is Deerhunter."

Arnold's eyes had widened considerably, excited by something that she'd said, "Mine too! 311 that is. I love those guys."

A smirk drew out on Helga's lips despite the skeptical eyes she gave him, "Oh yeah? What's your favorite album then?" she decided to test him.

The young man rolled his eyes, and snorted, "Psht…that's easy. 'Grassroots'." He cocked back in the chair, looking like a know-it-all.

"Ah…" Helga drew back and nodded that she was impressed, "You know your 311 Shortman."

"That I do."

"So, you run over girls, and like awesome music, is there anything else I should know about you?" Helga teased. "I don't want any surprises now."

Arnold laughed, "No, I don't run over just any girls, only ones named Helga Pataki…while listening to awesome music."

"Fair enough, hair boy."

A split second of silence crept by before Arnold took a deep breath and stood up, "Well, I've still got some homework to finish up tonight…"

"Yeah me too."

"I guess I'll see you bright and early tomorrow then?" He smiled.

"Can't wait…oh, let me walk you out. I wouldn't want my people-hating-dog destroying your pants." She went to get up. Arnold quickly rushed over and lent her a hand, "Ow…" Helga strained when she felt the blood start rushing back into her leg, "Can't wait for that painkiller tonight either."

"Yeah. Good thing you're going to sleep." Arnold off handily mentioned and Helga felt the color drain from her face, suddenly remembering how embarrassing she'd probably been.

"So yeah, sorry if I…I don't know…said anything weird to you today."

Arnold waved it off, "Oh no, it's…its fine. I figured you that were on some medicine or something."

Helga nervously giggled, crutching ahead of him to hide her blush, "I say a lot of…crazy things on painkillers."

"You sing a lot too."

"Oh." They stopped at the front door.

Arnold half-nodded, "'It's Raining Men' to be specific."

"Huh…well imagine that."

"You also told me I had a nice face and called me Arnie."

With that, Helga dropped her head in her hand and sighed, only to illicit a chuckle from her companion, who placed his hand on her shoulder and patted her soothingly, "I bet you'd be good at karaoke."

"Can-it Football head!" She swatted his hand away.

The Following Day

Luckily for Helga, the ride to school with Arnold hadn't been awkward at all like she thought it would have been, neither one of them having much to say because neither one was really a morning person. It was a tidbit about him that sort of surprised Helga, seeing as he was forever chipper anytime she'd ever seen him, which later made her wonder if he'd been half asleep when he hit her.

The school day passed rather harmlessly with the two of them settling into a really comfortable after class routine that shocked the hell out of the both of them. Helga and Arnold…were getting along. For a moment, Helga hoped that it was a sign of a problem free 12 week period for the two.

"I need to make a stop by the bathroom," Helga said to him as she veered off into the opening.

"Sure thing!" He called back and proceeded to lean against the wall with their things.

She saw Sheena, Nadine and Rhonda making their exit as soon as she stepped into the stall. Something seemed off about it but for the moment, her only concern was emptying her bladder. Upon her exit, she realized then, what had been up.

Lila sat on the sink counter, legs crossed, clutching the ledge with her hands and giving Helga a rude look. And Helga had to admit, she was more than a little taken aback by it, "Hey Lila, what's up?" She began crutching to the sink. The disgruntled girl hopped off the counter and stepped in the blonde's path.

"Cut the crap, Helga. I'm going to tell you what's up and I'm only going to say it once."

Helga took a hop backwards, "Wow…you are a whole lot meaner than I last remember."

"Arnold may be doing what he thinks is the right thing, but I know exactly what you're up to." Lila pointed an accusing finger at the girl.

Helga's mouth fell open, shocked to pieces by Lila's insinuations. "Me? You're cornering me in the bathroom and I'm the one up to something?" She asked.

"You're using this little…accident to get close to him, I'm not stupid. You may have been away for awhile but you haven't changed a bit."

"Oh no, you discovered my nefariously evil plan. I guess it's foiled. Darn." Helga mocked and went to shove past her, but Lila roughly grabbed her arm.

"Like I said, I'm only going to say it once, leave him alone," She stared Helga down and then released her arm, "Have an oh-so-swell day." She popped her chin and strolled out of the bathroom, leaving an ever confused and troubled Helga in her wake.

So maybe things weren't going to be a smooth as she'd hoped.

A/N: Yeah, so I took some creative license with Lila's character. Sweet and docile on the outside, but a wretched mean girl on the inside. How, oh how is Helga going to handle that? And yes, if it isn't obvious by now, I do indeed have a slight obsession with the musical/book Wicked and the Wizard of OZ...and the jokes just keep rolling out onto paper. lol. Read and Review my pretties! Many thanks to all of you that have and do! Three chapters and thirty reviews. Hawt dayum!