Losing Everything

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Javik

Commander I am sitting here in this crater you have left next to your crew. The soldier, James he is shaking I can see the pain pulsing through his veins. I do not need my sensory ability to tell me that those who are sitting here and have yet to arrive have all been affected by your departure. But Commander do not feel remorse for us, for you have given us the greatest gift: a galaxy free from the Reapers! I was sealed away so that I may find a way to do this as the Avatar of Vengeance and despite being awoken by such...primitives. I am glad to witness the pride and fortitude of being a soldier has not changed from cycle to yours.

However I do feel something akin to the pain of losing my people whilst sitting here. The memories from the memory shard I passed to you Commander will haunt me but I am regretful that I will not be able to see your entry after all the stories your crew have told me. It seems you have dedicated your life to silencing the Reapers and by leaving no trace of your body; it was the final insult the machines could throw against us. By leaving no physical remnants of you, Commander we, your crew, your soldiers do not have the honour of giving you a proper burial. But this hole will have to do.

The faces of those who sit near me bear the same pain, suffering and weariness, your stories did not come without a price but it seems in this particular instance you have been left to clean up the galaxy's indecision and doubt. Your crew breathe in anger and regret, I can see it clearly but I feel it is directed at themselves for not being more than what we are to save you. I heard a term whilst on the Citadel, before we realised it was to be the focal point of the Reapers' destruction, a Human alliance soldier expressed exasperation to another claiming he was "only Human." I believed this statement was meant to relay that he had flaws and restrictions due to his species. I remember scoffing; it was more like he was signalling his weak will and poor skills in combat. This term, Commander, is not for you. You may have been Human but you were far from it. In my cycle Commander you would have been bestowed the honour of being the Avatar of Bravery, Strength or Courage...maybe you could have been an amalgamation of all three.

Commander I do not think, even you realised the power you had, the power to make those around you bend to your will, not by force but by words, albeit sometimes they were forceful words and I often enjoyed those displays. Nonetheless you differed from all those before you, why? Because you, my dear Commander were worth believing in. I read your files whilst onboard the Normandy, I read the numerous medals you were awarded, the feats you had achieved and the death from which you returned.

You believed that the Reapers were coming so much you came back from the dead to make sure this cycle had the chance to fight. Commander if you are not worth believing in then I challenge any primitive to prove me wrong and if by some miracle they do I will kill them. For they know nothing of you and what you gave to ensure this time the Reapers were the ones to feel the pain of those they had harvested, not only in this cycle but those who came before. Commander, as the Avatar of Vengeance I should be angered that you were able to achieve the purpose for which I was locked away for but I find no heart to do so.

Simply being able to fight once more against the enemy that had destroyed my people and to see their destruction is victory enough. Though this victory has come with a heavy price, my eyes flicker towards your Liara, she is steady in her breathing but her eyes have lost the warmth of your love and the excitement of pestering me about my civilisation. I know you remained patient with me Commander whilst I acclimatised to the new bearings of this cycle the shock of seeing such young species of my time being the dominate races of this cycle would be something akin to the Hanar or the Volus being dominate for you. Hah now you understand Commander! But I never thanked you for the time you spent with me...giving me some respite from inquisitive Asari. I was able to see the benefit of so many individual styles of fighting all willing to give the best of themselves for your cause, something that was lost on my people.

Commander my plan after this war, now that I have had the luxury, have changed from rejoining the ghosts of my ancestors to perhaps overseeing how the reconstruction of this galaxy is carried out. And...to perhaps aid Liara in understanding my people should she wish to carry on. Don't look at me like that Commander; I blame you for inciting friendship between your crew and me. Although do not expect me to stop calling them primitives when they call me in their inebriated states. I will especially watch out for the Quarian on this matter.

But Commander as I sit here with the crew the sense of emptiness fills me, for all my talk of victory. I have come to realise that this hole symbolises the devastation of losing such an individual. One who I have come to call my Commander, my courage to keep fighting and my Avatar of Valour.

To lose my people, my enemy and my Commander, this meaningless hole is where I lost everything.