Title: Scars of the Past
Chapter 4 – Making a Connection
Help…I need help…my son needs help…Clark needs help!
For a few fleeting seconds, Ed's brain doesn't fully register his son's soft entreat until he watches Clark's expression turn from one of wonder to that of uncertainty.
"Help…sure…of course Clark…come in," Ed utters in haste as he heads for his apartment door, his fingers nervously fumbling with the keys until he opens the door, flips on the light and then steps back to allow Clark to enter. He watches Clark's nervous eyes darting inside the apartment area he can see and then finally rest on Ed's expectant face. "It's safe…I promise."
"You can…take off your coat and…are you hungry, thirsty, cold…why are you here?" Ed blurts out and then stops, giving his brain a small inner scolding and then trying to force his heart rate to slow – only one of the two commands is actually followed. "Sorry…this…this is all new for me," Ed admits in truth as Clark remains fixed in place.
"It's new for me too."
"Okay," Ed nods, not wanting to push Clark any more than he feels he has. Both of them stand fixed in the hallway before Ed feels the thick tension starting to pick away at his weary soul. "This way," Ed entreats as Clark finally moves from place, keeping his knapsack and jacket on. Not wanting to argue with the point of him making himself completely at home, Ed slowly heads into the kitchen and then sits down on a chair, Clark picking the couch and sitting down, his hands still in his pockets.
Ed looks at his son and frowns, his mind frantically trying to race back about fifteen years and put a face with the other facial features – nothing was forthcoming. Who the hell is his mother? His mind inwardly growls out of frustration.
"Want something to drink? Water maybe?"
"No, I'm okay thanks."
"Okay…sure," Ed nods once more, his hands fidgeting in his lap and his eyes darting between Clark's nervous hands and his uncertain facial expression. "Clark…who's your mother? I mean is she...what kind of home life do you…" is all Ed manages before he stops; both he and Clark turning toward the door as the key starts to slowly turn the lock.
Wordy! Ah bad timing buddy, Ed's mind laments as he slowly stands up, Wordy's voice being heard as he enters their apartment.
"Ed? You here?"
"Yeah in here," Ed calls out as he watches Wordy round the corner and stop short, looking at Clark and then back at Ed.
"Oh…hey."
"Wordy, this is Clark. Clark this is my partner and roommate Kevin Wordsworth."
"Wordy," Wordy offers.
"Hey," Clark offers softly. "Look I can…"
"No I…Ed got a sec?"
"Yeah…sure," Ed replies as he looks at Clark with an apologetic glance. "Be right back."
"Okay," Clark replies as he slumps back into the couch, Ed and Wordy heading into the hallway.
"Where'd you find him? He came with You? Ed..."
"He came here looking for help. I'm sorry about tonight but…"
"You call Donna yet?"
"Almost afraid to," Ed huffs, garnering a small smirk from his best friend. "I gotta talk to him; I gotta know the truth Wordy."
"I know," Wordy agrees. "I'll just leave this here and go have supper at Shelly's. I'll call Donna and tell her and then as soon as you can…"
"I'll call her, I promise I will, but I need some answers first. I'm sorry."
"Don't be…we can celebrate another night. I mean Ed…he's your son. You want me to stay?"
"He might open up a bit more if it's just me you know?"
"Sure. Offer him the spare room if you want. It's not much but it's a clean bed and probably better than the shelter."
"I will thanks."
Ed gives Wordy a few more verbal tidbits before he heads into the living room and eases himself back down into the chair facing his son.
"Wordy," Ed nods in the direction of the hallway where the closed bedroom door to his best friend's room was. "So…look Clark why don't you take your jacket off at least," Ed suggests.
"If you guys were gonna go out or something I can come back."
"No…no it's okay…" Ed utters in haste. "You came here for help…the rest um…it can wait. But Clark I gotta know…who's your mother? You gotta believe I never knew about you until you told me and…yeah I never knew."
"I know mom told me," Clark replies in honesty as he starts to fish around in his knapsack for something, Ed's eyes darting anxiously between Clark and the soft noises Wordy was making in the other room. The door to Wordy's room opens at the same time Clark pulls out a tattered photograph and is about to hand it to Ed.
"Is that her…your mom…Wordy, hey," Ed comments just as Wordy enters the living room area.
"Sorry. I gotta run. I'll…see you later."
"Yeah...okay."
Ed waits for Wordy to leave before he turns back to Clark, his eyes fixed on the small piece of photographic paper in his son's hands, his core starting to get warmer with each nervous heartbeat; his throat almost too dry to ask for the evidence of who brought Clark into the world and how her existence would affect his future with Donna.
"Is that um…that her?"
"Yeah. Her name is…was…Sophie."
"Wait…what? Was?" Ed asks and then stops, his mind racing at a dizzying speed. The moment the picture had come out, Ed wondered what the real story was. Is she married? Single? Divorced? Does she have other children? Why is Clark here? Why…
"Do you wanna see it?"
"I do," Ed nods as he gently reaches out and takes the picture from Clark, his entire frame seized for a few seconds as the small slip enters his grasp. He pulls the picture toward him, taking a deep breath and then finally allowing his mind to focus on the two people on the small picture before him.
"This is…your mom. Sophie. What was her maiden name?"
"Martin…I think she had told me that. Sophie Martin."
"Where is she? Clark if she's in trouble then…"
"They're both um…dead," Clark utters as his eyes water and he looks away.
"I'm sorry," Ed mentions with a defeated expression, his heart aching as he looks at his son so tormented and hurting. "Clark, I'm sorry. Can you um…can you tell me what happened son?" Son…that word…something he casually tosses out at teens in a nonchalant way, but tonight…tonight that title has special meaning – it's his own son, his flesh and blood he's trying to reach out to. But unlike the casual feel of putting his arms around a strange boy, somehow comforting his own flesh and blood was more of a challenge. What's wrong with me? Clark…he's my son…
Clark looks at Ed and nods before he takes a breath and then leans back, his body getting warmer with his jacket on but his arms not making any attempt to remove it.
"How about…damn it Clark…sorry I have so many questions and I don't know where to start so how about you tell me what you want to and…and we'll go from there."
"Okay," Clark huffs as he takes a deep breath. "A few weeks ago, my mom told me about you…well about…that night. She said she met you in a bar and you were…celebrating something," Clark starts, Ed's eyes dropping down to look at the picture, his mind starting to put together an image of himself in the bar, him and Wordy celebrating their graduation from the police academy and then heading to their favorite bar to celebrate their first real police assignments.
"It was…my graduation from the police academy and my first real assignment as a police officer. Wordy and I were…"
"You were there together? So is that why you um…"
"What?"
"Well you and…Wordy…are you two…you know…"
"Are we….oh what? No…sorry not at all…" Ed sputters. "Wordy's engaged to Shelly in fact, he's celebrating that tonight and no…no we're not," Ed stammers as Clark's face smirks before he nods. "We're friends and partners…have been for a long time but….well that's it. I'm almost eng…maybe…never mind," Ed ends on strained note; wondering how Donna would take the news he would learn tonight. "Sorry…go on."
"She said that…she was there for the night only with her friend and they were both drunk and you were drunk and…do you remember?"
"Clark I'm sorry…I honestly don't remember that night in great detail," Ed huffs with a heavy frown, his brain trying desperately to place the face of the smiling woman fifteen years earlier. "I kinda remember her. She was pretty and I…Clark I'm sorry. I really am."
"It's okay. She never blamed you in fact she…she said she didn't know until late that it was you. She just said she never looked for you…didn't remember your name and when she met Howard that was it. Up until a few weeks ago I thought Howard was my real father."
"How did she know? I mean for certain Clark how did she know you are my son?"
"I don't know sorry. She didn't have time to tell me a lot of details," Clark replies in remorse. "She never told how but only said she had confirmed proof I was your son. Sorry."
"It's okay…it's okay. So then she…she had you and…"
"She said she was single and then met my da…I guess Howard…my step dad," Clark continues, his voice starting to break once again. As much as it was killing Ed inside to look at his son in such pain, he knows he needs at least part of the story for the sake of his own mental sanity. "They married when she was pregnant and we lived in Ottawa and…"
"Ottawa," Ed states more than questions.
"Yeah my d…sorry."
"Clark I know this is all new…it is for me also but I don't want you to sitting here saying sorry every time you…you just tell me what feels natural okay?"
"Sure," Clark shrugs. "Howard worked for the city…he was a lawyer for the city. She told me that she knew you were a cop that night but didn't want a cop for a husband. It wasn't the life for her. Are you mad?"
"Mad?" Ed manages with a watery whisper. "What? No…no I'm not mad."
"Do you remember her?"
"Bits and pieces only. That night…we were drunk and she…it was one night and there was a mutual attraction and…and she left…she did was she thought was best for her. So she was in Toronto one night…we…well you know and then she goes back to Ottawa, meets her husband, has you and…and raises you until…okay what happened next? Why did she send you here after all this time? What happened to them? Clark how did they...die?" Ed tries to piece together the sordid puzzle of the new chapter of his life.
"I don't know all the details but it was…a case…a big one…something with the mob and…"
"Wait…your step-father is Howard Brandson?"
"Yeah you heard about him?"
"Yeah it was in the news…big mob hit…oh wait…no Sophie…Clark is that what happened to them?"
"Yeah…she was alive when I left to find you. We were at a hotel and she told me about you and said to go and find you; said you'd keep us safe. When Howard was on the phone I slipped out and that's when I got on the bus and headed here and then I got a text from my friend Amanda and she told me…she told me they were killed and it was in the paper and I should stay in hiding. They're um dead…and I'm alone."
Ed feels a single tear escape and run down his face, the same time Clark looks up as tears escape his eyes.
"I have no…no home to go back to...I have no one," Clark whispers, his tone so broken that it prompts Ed to remove himself from his spot and pull Clark into his arms for a comforting hug.
"Clark…I'm so sorry…so sorry," he whispers as he swallows down his emotion, holding his son's trembling body close, his mind racing as to what to do next. The SRU officer in him wants to get as many added details as possible; his heart begging him to cut the boy some slack. His mother and the only father he had known for the bulk of fifteen years were murdered, he was an orphan. He's not an orphan, he's your son and you now have a responsibility to raise him…look after him…protect him.
"You're not alone Clark…okay you're not alone," Ed pulls back and looks at him seriously. "I…okay so lets set…" Ed pauses and then pulls back. You can't set a lot of rules right now…stop and think…his brain rightly commands. "First off I don't want you going back to the shelter okay?"
"I don't want to be a bur…"
"No, you're not a burden," Ed insists firmly. "And it's not safe. That man…Chuck…who is he?" Ed lightly demands, ignoring his hearts plea to give it a bit of a rest.
"I don't know. I guess he's part of the mob but….but I swear I don't know."
"Okay…we'll worry about that…later," Ed utters with a small sigh. "Are you hungry? I can order in some pizza or something."
"You don't cook?" Clark retorts making Ed's lips slightly twist into a soft smirk.
"Not very well."
"Look if you had a date or something then…"
"It's okay," Ed shakes his head. "It's…I need to be here…with you okay? So pizza?"
"Sure."
"Okay," Ed finally allows his face to crack the first small but genuine smile in hours.
"What happened to your head?" Clark nods toward the small bandage not entirely covering the dark bruise on his pale skin.
"Chuck," Ed answers with a dry tone. "I'm okay," he insists as they both stand up. "There's a small bedroom…more like a den with a pull out futon and…and it's not much but…"
"But it beats the floor of the shelter right?" Clark replies somewhat tongue in cheek; his words however hitting Ed like an unseen punch to the gut.
"Yeah," Ed mutters in an undertone as he leads Clark down the hallway toward the small den that was somewhat cluttered. "Wordy's gonna move into Shelly's after they are…married but for now…okay…" Ed stands back after tossing a few items into a pile on the other side of the dark leather futon. "So…you know…" Ed stammers, his lips unable to get past the make yourself at home comment. "Settle in and…and then come and…do you have any food allergies?"
"Don't think so."
"Okay," Ed offers a strained smile and then slowly backs away, heading into the hallway and making his way to the kitchen. He starts to look around, his brain all of a sudden in unfamiliar territory and wondering how he'd now survive the rest of the night. Do I make small talk? About what? His parents…were killed and Chuck…who the hell is Chuck? I can't keep…damn I hate this, his brain spirals as he finally snaps back to reality and reaches for the phone, placing an order for two large pizzas and then pulling open the fridge. He frowns at the bottles of beer and wine and one small can of pop. This is not a kid friendly place, he inwardly laments as he looks up to see Clark watching him in silence.
"I ordered two Supremes if that's okay."
"Sure."
"Alright so…you wanna watch TV or something?" Don't close off communication! His brain scolds. "What…what do you want to drink? I only have…sorry Clark I don't have much for…"
"Kids?"
"Yeah kids and you can't drink beer."
"Did you order pop with the pizza?"
"I did," Ed replies with a firm nod.
"That'll be okay then," Clark replies with his own strained smile, the tension between them not making any efforts to dissipate. "So you have a girlfriend?"
"Yeah, her name's Donna and she…she's an SRU…she's a cop like me and we…yeah she is," Ed nervously stammers, his heart rate still at the high end of the anxiety spectrum. What the hell do I say next? Does he care? Will he be around long enough to…where does he have to go back to? No where…he's…"And you mentioned an Amanda. Is she…you know…your girlfriend?" Ed asks in haste, desperate to give his weary mind a break from all the unanswerable questions…answers to which would only lead to more questions.
"She's a…a friend. She's really great."
"And she lives in Ottawa?"
"Yeah but…well she said she might be moving here so…but its okay I can go and live with them later and…"
"Clark hold on a sec…let's just worry about getting through tonight okay?" Ed implores in a soft tone. "This is all kinda new for me too and…yeah let's just play it by ear," Ed concludes, his mind now wishing Wordy was here to help out – his best friend always having the inner emotional insight he seems to lack. He turns and opens the fridge and pulls out the lone pop can and then hands it to Clark who nods and takes it, smiling back as the two of them stand in the kitchen in silence.
"So what about school?"
"What about it?"
"I assume your teachers know you're…well not there and…how does that work?" Ed wonders. "I don't want you to fail."
"I don't care about school right now," Clark shrugs, as Ed's face frowns.
"Ok-ay," Ed replies slowly as Clark gives him and inspecting gaze and instantly Ed feels his anxiety soar; like he was suddenly thrust onto the witness stand of the most important trial of his life and was asked a question that could alter his very future and he was left speechless. I can't argue with him about it, can I? Can I order him to go to school here? Am I allowed? I'm so lost here…damn I hate this, his mind growls as he nods. "School's important though," Ed utters lamely. "If you want I could call…"
"Really, it's okay."
"Clark you came here for help right?"
"Yeah to arrest the creep after me. That's it," Clark insists. "Then I'll go back to…to wherever."
"Right…" Ed frowns as he feels his fingers tighten into a small tense ball. Chuck…Clark didn't know him or what he wanted and Ed can only assume that he's a mob hit-man coming to finish the job after successfully killing his parents Sophie and Howard. Seemed simple enough, arrest Chuck for harassment and then ship him back to Ottawa where hopefully an even bigger and heavier arrest warrant was waiting. Spike can check on that in the morning…meanwhile I hafta get through tonight.
"We can eat in the living room if you want," Ed suggests as he gestures toward the empty space they were in before, his mind not knowing how to continue the whole school – where he'd live after Chuck was arrested – train of conversation.
"Sure," Clark shrugs as he heads into the living room, grabs the remote and flops down on the couch, Ed frantically looking at the clock and praying the pizza would arrive soon; either that or he'd have a heart attack and spare himself any more painful silent interludes as the evening progresses.
About five minutes later, however, that prayer is answered as a soft knock is heard at the door and Ed hurries to open it, paying for the pizza and then thankful that some small friendly banter between him and Clark ensues about pizza. Not really caring what Clark had found to watch on the TV, Ed grabs a plate and a few slices of pizza and sits down on the small couch opposite Clark and the TV.
"So you like hockey?"
"Nah…not really. More of a basketball fan," Clark replies nonchalantly.
Basketball? Bummer…that's not even a real Canadian sport…now what are we supposed to talk about?
"Howard took me to a few games though…they were fun."
"I'm glad to hear that," Ed answers with a tight lipped smile, wondering what on earth to talk about next. He didn't want to talk about his home life in case that made Clark more emotionally distraught and without school or sports, what else was there? I'm so lost here…Ed groans. He remembers Wordy's suggestion to talk to Greg, who recently had Dean come back into his life after a ten year absence and had to get reacquainted all over again. Yeah I can't just call and ask for parenting tips right now, Ed inwardly laments as Clark looks over and he quickly pastes on a fake smile. I gotta get through tonight on my own…damn…when's Wordy back?
"You like being a cop?"
"Best job there is," Ed replies matter-of-factly. Okay and…elaborate! Elaborate! Extend the conversation! His brain yells in exasperation. "My father he uh…he was a cop and…"
"He's dead?"
"Yeah…he is, sorry," Ed states with a frown. "So do you have any siblings?"
"No, only child. And you?"
"I have one brother, Roy. He's a cop to. He just recently transferred to Mississauga," Ed continues. "Detective. He likes the undercover stuff."
"Yeah those guys seem cool."
"Yeah…they're cool. Tough job though."
"What does the SRU do?"
Finally…something I'm good at talking about, Ed's mind huffs as he feels his frame somewhat relax as he starts to talk about the SRU and why he loves his job and being part of Team One. Clark asks him about some cases and Ed easily replies, telling him about some tough calls and some happier endings and then going onto briefly talk about each member of the team and their role.
The clock finally reaches ten PM and Ed wonders what happens next. He was ready to call it a night as early morning would come too quickly and pulling an all nighter before leading Team One into a potentially heated situation on no sleep wasn't doable. But Clark didn't have school the next morning. What do I do now? Should I let him stay up? Am I allowed to enforce some kind of rules in my home? He is my son…damn.
"So Clark…" Ed starts just as Clark flips off the TV. "For tomorrow…"
"I know you hafta go to work and such but um…I can just…"
"Wordy has a key I can give to you and then I can get…"
"I don't want to be a burden. I can go back to the shel…"
"No!" Ed stands up at the same time and then quickly steps back. "Clark, that place isn't safe."
"Martin…"
"I know he means well and I know he'll do his best to look out for you but…he's got an injury and…and trust me Chuck doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would have sympathy on anyone. I don't want you or Martin hurt okay? You can stay here and…do whatever. I have the TV…the internet…just…I want you to stay here okay?"
"What about Chuck?"
"Let me worry about him. I promise he won't hurt you, okay?"
"But he's killed..."
"Clark, he won't hurt either of us, I promise."
"Okay," Clark replies in a soft tone.
"Okay," Ed nods as he gives him a small smile before turning and heading down the hallway, Clark following. "You can use this bathroom, Wordy won't mind and…and I guess…goodnight? Do you need anything?"
"No…I have…I'll be fine," Clark tells him in truth; Ed not sure how to reply. His son had lived on his own for a few weeks and had proven he was self sufficient and resilient. So would he be open now to his father lending a hand? At least to provide some interim material provisions?
"We can go shopping after work tomorrow if it's not too late okay? Get you a few extra things to wear and such."
"Sure," Clark agrees as he steps into the small den-like bedroom. Ed hangs back as Clark flattens out the futon into the double bed for sleeping, taking the sleeping bag and pillow from Ed before turning back to him with a nod. "I think this will work."
"Okay. Goodnight Clark."
"Night."
Dad? No…no paternal title was forthcoming – yet. It's too soon…give the boy a break! His brain correctly berates. Ed softly pads into his room and gently closes the door, reaching for his phone to call Donna and explain at least a few things, knowing his girlfriend had probably paced a hole in the floor by now.
"Did I wake you?" Ed asks in a quiet tone as he sits on the edge of his bed, the door open an inch just in case Clark would need something.
"No. Are you okay?"
"I'm…I'm fine," Ed hands her his trademark comeback, picturing Donna rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry about tonight."
"Don't be. Wordy said Clark showed up and…Ed I wouldn't expect you to turn him away or even bring him. I know you want answers and…did you get them? Is he there?"
"Yeah he's sleeping in the spare room. I didn't want him to go back to the shelter. His mom…" Ed pauses, hearing Donna literally sharply inhale. "She's dead. Sophie…her and Clark's stepdad were murdered. He's alone."
"Ed I'm sorry for him…I am," Donna replies in truth, hearing the tormented pain in his voice and able to picture the look of anguish on his handsome face. "You know I was wondering that."
"I know and I wanted to tell you tonight."
"So what happens now? Is he gonna stay with you…for good?"
"He says he wants to go back to Ottawa…that's where they lived…but he has nothing to go back to…well he has friends and school but…"
"But no one to look after him."
"He's fifteen and still needs guardianship but Donna I just am not prepared for the role of full time father and…" he stops not wanting to add that he wasn't sure if she wanted to get married and then adopt the role of instant full time mother. "I don't know."
"What does he want?"
"Help. I'll give you more details in the morning but…but once I fix the problem then we'll see…I don't know what to do okay? I don't. I barely survived the night making small talk…can't imagine the rest of…my life as a father…it's not like I have had time to ease into this." He stops and listens to mounting silence on the other end of the line before uttering a heavy sigh and resting his head in his free hand. "Donna…this is all so new for me and…can you see a way out of all this?"
"Do you want a way out?"
"I…I don't know. I don't know what to do. It's late and…I mean I want to be with you but can't turn him away and if we get married….I'd want you to…"
"Be his step-mother? Wow…never thought I'd have that title," she utters with a nervous laugh, Ed's ears picking up her anxiety. "But like you said it's late and…we can talk later okay?"
"Donna…"
"Let's save it for a face to face okay? Just a lot to think about. I'm really sorry for his loss though, I am."
"Yeah…me too."
Ed says goodnight and then hangs up with a glum tone. He hadn't want to even bring up the idea of her inheriting a teenage son if they got married, and maybe someone with more emotional tact might have known what to say or how to say it better. But he wasn't one to play games or mince words. Clark has nothing to go back to, no family to take care of him until he was a legal adult and hopefully able to do that on his own. He was his father…helped give him life and now it was his moral obligation to step up to the plate and take on that responsibility since his birth mother and step father were both dead. Will I hafta do that alone? Will she back off now? Maybe I shoulda waited…why? It would have been the same truth tomorrow as it was tonight. Clark needs a family…a father…and hopefully a mother.
Ed quickly changes and then watches the light in the hallway darken and knows Clark has gone to sleep. He finally climbs into bed, unable to hold himself up right at the end of his own bed, his eyes starting to droop and body literally exhausted from mental and emotional fatigue. He turns off the light and lies awake, hearing Wordy finally come home about eleven and then all is quiet again.
Ed finally falls asleep with his mind determined to come up with a solid plan of action in the morning. However, morning arrives, bringing with it another unexpected surprise. Ed stumbles out of bed early Monday morning, quickly rubbing his bleary eyes as he pulls open his bedroom door and then softly makes his way toward Clark's bedroom. He pauses outside, listening for sounds of his son, hearing Wordy's movements a few meters in the back.
Ed gently pushes the door open and then peers through an inch wide gap before he pushes the door all the way open and curses.
"Ah damn it!"
"What's going on?" Wordy asks in haste as Ed turns to him with a frustrated expression.
"Clark's gone."
A/N: Okay so how did you like the backstory? Seem plausible? I sure hope so b/c I went back and forth on a few things over and over and then finally went this route and hope its okay. So where did Clark go (hint might not be where you think hehe)? Will Ed talk to Greg and get some parenting advice? And will things with him and Donna start to smooth over or with Clark in his future for good will she not want the responsibility and leave? and when Will Chuck strike next? Lots a head and hope you are still enjoying this little AU tale. So please do review and let me know and thanks so much!