No ownership of the Hogan's Heroes characters is implied or inferred. Copyright belongs to others and no infringement is intended. The character of Joe Wilson belongs to L. J. Groundwater.

Chapter Four: Preparations

London was right. It was a blizzard. While the guards stood, miserably shivering at their posts, it was almost impossible for them to see more than a few feet in front of their faces. But they could not imagine anyone moving around voluntarily in the storm, so they huddled deep into their heavy coats, stamped their feet to keep warm, and stolidly waited until their shift was over.

What they did not see was Hogan's men – the entire camp, in fact – busily gathering snow in every receptacle they could lay their hands on. The POWs put out buckets, basins, cups, bowls, and barrels. Once they were full, they brought them down to the tunnels beneath the camp. Hogan had pulled every available craftsman off their various projects to manufacture long troughs of metal and wood. The prisoners dumped the fresh snow into the troughs.

It was a long, cold, miserable night. But by the time it was over, the men had collected several hundred gallons of snow.

"Make sure the guys know," Hogan told Kinch and Newkirk, "nobody drinks anything that isn't made from our private water supply.

"You got it, guv'ner," Newkirk said, rubbing his chafed hands together. "Hey, Louie, how about a nice warm cuppa?"

"Right away," LeBeau said, hustling for the kettle. But Hogan put a hand out.

"Listen, fellas, we're going to have to ration the water supply. We have no idea how long this is going to last. Everyone gets a quart a day, no more. And that includes whatever Louie uses to cook with."

"A quart a day! That's barely enough to wet the old whistle!" Newkirk complained. But then he took one look at his commanding officer and shrugged. "But we'll make do, colonel."

"Make sure you do, Newkirk. In fact, I think I'll put you in charge of rationing out the water to the men."

"Blimey, I'm a dead man," Newkirk said cheerfully.

"And Newkirk?" the Colonel added. "You also get to make sure we don't start a black market in water trading around here."

"Why, the thought would never had crossed my mind, guv'ner" Newkirk said, pretending to be insulted. When Hogan looked over at him, eyebrows raised, he just laughed.

Hogan slowly ate dinner that evening, wrapped in thought. His men knew to leave him alone when he was in this type of reverie. They laughed and joked with one another, teasing Newkirk in his new role as Water Monitor. Someone made him a dunce cap out of an old newspaper and wrote those words on it. The others teased him that he had to wear it when he was on the job. He loftily ignored their jibes, gently putting the cap down on the table before him.

"I'll save it for the first bloke I discover breaking the rules," he said. "Could be any one of you mates…"

Hogan's lips pursed. Kinch, who had been watching him out of one corner of his eye as he listened to the others' horseplay, asked. "What, Colonel?"

"We need a canary," Hogan sighed.

"I used to have a canary," said Carter. "It was my Uncle Simon's. My uncle was a sailor. Very noisy bird. Very rude."

"You mean a parrot, don't you, Andrew?" Newkirk asked.

"Right. A parrot. Silly me."

"Why a canary, Colonel?" Kinch asked.

"Like in a mine. We need to know if we're supposed to fall asleep or not. Pretend to, anyway."

"So the canary falls asleep and the rest of us pretend to knock off?" Kinch nodded.

"And then we figure out what's going on around here."

"Why can't the filthy Boche be our canary?" Le Beau asked, indignant. "Why must it be one of us?"

"Think about it, Louie. They won't knock off the guards until we're asleep in our beds. It's got to be one of us. And someone's got to watch him at all times."

"I'll do it, Colonel," Kinch volunteered.

"No, I need you to man the radio. And it can't be Carter in case we need any incendiary help. And Louis can't do it."

"Hey!" Newkirk cried. "I'm already the ruddy water monitor!"

Hogan reached over, grabbed the dunce cap, and scribbled something on it before plunking it onto Newkirk's head. The men looked at it and laughed. Newkirk grabbed it and held it at arm's length.

"Water Monitor and Very Rude Canary. Oh, bloody charming," he said.