February – May
Lily,
How come you haven't written since the New Year? I'm sorry I never replied; I will tell you the reason for it someday, I promise. I understand that you got frustrated by my silence and I am really apologetic.
You don't overreact at all, by the way. I like getting letters from you; it distracts me from my life.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
Happy Valentine's Day.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
Something peculiar happened today. I suppose since you have told me every detail of your life for three months I should do the same.
Dominique Weasley wrote to me. I don't think I know her at all; maybe you mentioned me to her when you saw your cousins at Christmas.
From,
Lysander
P.S. Her letters aren't anywhere near as good as yours; she likes to speak in French for whole paragraphs at a time.
Lily,
Dominique said that any enemy of Lorcan Scamander's was a friend to her. Since I do agree that my brother's inane antics can be stupid, I suppose that makes me her friend.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
Dominique confessed this morning that she wished she was as fiery as you. I wish I was, too.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
What've you been saying about me?
Love,
Lily
P.S. I think anybody would like to be me, to be honest.
P.P.S. Only kidding.
Lily,
It wasn't anything bad. I mentioned how you had written to me for a while and then suddenly stopped. She proceeded to tell me everything she knew about you and the reasons why you could potentially be acting like you are.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
And how, may I ask, am I acting?
Lily
Lily,
You're not speaking to me! You always wrote to me and you have stopped now – why is that?
Dominique's pretty cool.
From,
Lysander
P.S. Are you and James friends again?
Lysander,
Why do you ask?
I know she's cool; she's a Weasley. That makes her automatically cool.
Lily
Lily,
That last part made me laugh. I am only asking about James because (1) I thought he was the bane of your existence and (2) I saw the pair of you sitting together in the Transfiguration courtyard last Monday.
Dominique says hello. I expect if one was reciting what she had said exactly, she said 'Bonjour'. I thought I'd translate it for you, anyway.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
Well isn't that kind.
Lily
Lily,
This is getting absurd. What am I supposed to have done? Are you only refusing to write to me now because you're James's friend again?
From,
Lysander
P.S. How did that happen, anyway? You never told me that you and James are friends.
Lysander,
I am very much aware of that.
Lily
Lily,
Well, I for one am very much aware of the fact that you're being rude.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
I apologise; that was out of order.
From,
Lysander
P.S. Dominique sends her love. She does like to talk, doesn't she?
Lysander,
I forgive you. Hugo says hello.
Lily
Lily,
You have told him about this, then? These letters being thrown back and forth between us like a Bludger between two Beaters?
From,
Lysander
P.S. I'm very proud of that metaphor, considering how I can't play Quidditch to save my life.
Lysander,
I told Hugo ages ago. You know this.
Lily
P.S. I did appreciate that metaphor, if I'm being honest.
Lily,
I miss your long letters. Why didn't you rant about you becoming James's friend in a letter?
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
You never asked.
Lily
P.S. Don't think you can suddenly talk to me now and expect me to accept it. If you wanted me to write to you so badly you should have replied more often.
Lily,
I don't know what to say. I didn't realise you actually wanted me to reply – you sent me so many letters it would have taken me years to think up answers to each and every one of the problems you faced.
From,
Lysander
P.S. I think Dominique wants to talk to you.
Scamander,
Imagine how long it took for me to actually write the letters myself.
L
Lily,
This is beginning to annoy me now. What happened to you? You're eleven-years-old for Merlin's sake; leave the mood changes for people like James.
From,
Lysander
What is that supposed to mean?
L
Lily,
I just think that you are very susceptible to James's thoughts and you let them influence you too much. At the beginning you confessed that even though he thought I was a freak you still doubted his judgement. I am very interested to know what he said to both change your outlook on this and to make up for the fact he was a jerk to you, and what he did to change your opinion of me.
Dominique sent you an owl yesterday, apparently. Did you get it?
From,
Lysander
Scamander,
He apologised, all right? I know he means it, before you judge, because when he's truly sorry his eyebrows contract slightly and his nostrils flare. Trust me; there are some rare advantages to living with him, even if it's only to know when he's really saying sorry.
L
Lily,
You speak differently; I just thought I would let you know. When you first began writing me letters your sentence structure was horrendous and yet now you're using big words like advantages.
From,
Lysander
P.S. Dominique says that this is urgent – DID YOU GET HER OWL?
Lysander,
There are also ADVANTAGES (since you like this 'big word' so much) to being best friends with Hugo – when you're constantly around a genius like him you're bound to incorporate some of his language. Like 'incorporate', though I did get that from Albus actually.
And yes, I did get her owl.
Lily
Lily,
Why are you so stand-offish towards me right now?
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
You're supposed to be the one who practically lives in the library; you tell me.
Lily
Lily,
I asked Dominique about this. She says it's because you're frightened of losing James's companionship once more, since he's such a close friend to you normally and he's one of the people you admire most in the world; you're conflicted by what you know about boys, like Ted Lupin, who always replies to a letter punctually, and by what is actually going on here, i.e. me not replying to a single letter you have sent me save for three.
Plus, there's the fact that it's your first-year at a new school and you're insecure about fitting in – especially because you're (1) the only daughter of famous Harry Potter and (2) because both of your brothers are fabulous at what they do – James with Quidditch and seeming effortlessly cool and Albus at schoolwork – so being caught talking to a social loser such as myself would only have a negative impact on your future reputation despite the fact that you said yourself how I'm a nice person.
Personally, I don't understand what Dominique's talking about one bit.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
No, it sounds about right. There's also the fact that James reacted awfully towards Scorpius when he found out that he and Rose had a 'thing' and we all know his gang hate you …
L
Lily,
Actually, Louis has been pretty decent towards me lately. Moreover, I'm sorry that you feel the way that Dominique described.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
Yes, that was my doing.
L
Lily,
You mean to say that you asked Louis to be nice to me? Why? Did you feel sorry for me?
From,
Lysander
P.S. I saw Hugo the other day; I sat next to him at dinner and he actually talked to me. He's exactly like how you described.
Lysander,
I'm sorry that I felt sorry for you. That sounds strange, doesn't it? But yes, I admit that I asked Louis to be nice to you. Since he was so nice to me when James was being a jerk and all, I figured that he'd extend that to you, too. And he did.
By the way, James didn't exactly apologise to me. I kind of bent the truth a bit at that, but like I would tell you when I was in a mood with you.
There's something you need to know about James – he's as stubborn as they come and he's a bit big-headed. Okay, he's a lot big-headed. My point is, though, that sometimes that can get in the way of what he decides to do. He's still a prat. But he's my brother, and that's more important. So he did say sorry, but he did it in such a roundabout way it made it seem as though I was in the wrong instead of him. Then I had to say sorry, there was no reason not to since I thought I was to blame.
But it's okay; it's just how James is. After that it was all good, but he doesn't know I'm still writing to you. That was what caused this mess in the first place, so I see no reason to trouble him with the information. If I did it would only make more arguments and I think we're all sick of that.
I didn't ask Hugo to be nice to you, though. He did that on his own.
I'm sorry that my letters have been so short lately; I don't know what I was thinking. I just felt so angry all of a sudden and I took it out on you.
It's nice that you're finally talking to me, though. Makes a change to permanent silence.
Lily
Lily,
I understand completely. You don't have to be sorry for being sorry for me (that does sound weird; you're right) … truth be told, you're the first person who has ever felt sorry for me, so I'm grateful. I'm too much of a reject for anybody to care about me. To them, I'm just a victim, someone with no thoughts or feelings who will be the brunt of their jokes, no problem.
I kind of hate it.
From,
Lysander
P.S. I've never told anybody that; tell James especially and I'll jinx you.
Dear Lysander,
I'm sure people care about you! You're a nice person, what else is there for people to like?
Love,
Lily
Lily,
You don't understand. You're eleven; you haven't been here for as long as I have. James is a legend in this school and anybody he doesn't like becomes turned against by everybody. If he says something's wrong, it's wrong. If he says something's hilarious, it's suddenly so funny that everyone within a ten mile radius of him will crack up laughing.
That's just the way it works. That automatically prejudices people against me, and suddenly, I'm not just the quiet boy in the library; I'm a loser, a freak.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
People are stupid. Let's be serious here. If people hate you because of social division then they're not worth worrying about.
Rose and Scorpius are still together, by the way. I think they're really cute together, but James likes to think different. I ignore him nowadays, though, whenever he says anything like that.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
Thank you very much; that's made me feel a lot better about it. It doesn't solve the problem, but at least I know that I have one friend.
Rose seems nice. I am glad that she and this Malfoy boy are still dating; she deserves to be happy.
I'm glad to hear that about you not listening to James. Good for you.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
Of course you have a friend! You probably have more than one friend: Rose and Albus sometimes talk to you, right? True, it may just be about the weather and stupid things like that but, hello, they're geniuses. That's all they can come up with socially.
I'm joking, by the way; they're really good friends. Albus is stupid sometimes but that's because he's my brother. Besides, don't you still talk to Dominique? Surely you must class her as a friend.
What do you mean by Rose 'deserves to be happy'? Of course she does, but what makes her any different to anyone else?
By the way, I'm worried this will sound out of order, but could you please be by that oak tree tomorrow? You know, the one you met me at the first (and only) time we properly got to know each other. Although we didn't get to know each other, not really, which is why I want to meet you again.
Love,
Lily
P.S. Hugo says hello. He's still awful at Potions, and I still hate Transfiguration. I guess nothing's changed there, then.
Lily,
That's very nice of you to say so. I don't know if Dominique's my friend – she's acting very strangely.
Rose has been through a lot.
I can't be there tomorrow; I have Charms club.
From,
Lysander
P.S. Tell him I say hello back, please. I'll try and find you some more Potions books, then.
Dear Lysander,
It's because she fancies you, duh.
WHAT HAS SHE BEEN THROUGH? I'M HER COUSIN; I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
How about the next day, then?
Love,
Lily
P.S. Have done. That would be lovely!
Lily,
… What? I highly doubt Dominique fancies me.
I don't know if I'm the one to tell you this. Maybe Hugo knows; ask him.
I've got Herbology revision sessions the next day.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
She does! She told me! Even ask her; although I doubt she'll admit it to you because it took her ages to admit it to me. She thinks you're cute.
If you don't tell me what's happened with Rose then, I swear, I will set James on you.
How about the NEXT day, then? You had better not be making this up.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
I'm not cute. She's never even met me, so how can she think that?
Fine, I'll tell you. I am just a bit busy at the moment with homework so I'll tell you in my next letter.
Of course I'm not making this up; my schedule is genuinely really full right now.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
You have a WizardSpace account. It's really not that difficult for her to get hold of the link. As your friend, you are cute. Even Rosie thinks so.
Dominique, though, says that your floppy sandy-coloured hair is brilliant and your grey eyes are very deep and – I stopped listening here, just so you should know. True, you're not beautiful like Louis is, but he's part-Veela so that's probably why. You're good-looking though.
BUT WHAT WOULD I KNOW, I'M ONLY ELEVEN. I KNOW NOTHING OF THE WORLD, DO I? According to you, at any rate.
I am kidding, by the way. I don't hold our age difference against you.
James probably would.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
James would hold anything against anybody if it meant a fight would happen.
I thought I deleted my WizardSpace account; and thank you very much for calling me cute. You're not so bad yourself.
Dominique's beautiful like that, too. Veela-y, I mean.
Very funny.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
Tell me about Rose.
Lily
Lily,
There's nothing to tell! She got bullied a bit in her first year but it wasn't anything massive. Besides, she got over that and look at her now. She doesn't care that people are jealous of her cleverness or her red curly hair, the latter of which, as Albus says, is like fire.
From,
Lysander
Lysander,
Are you being serious? Who bullied her? Tell me their names and I'll go and – actually, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know enough magic to turn them into sea-slugs, like Fred and Roxanne do (that Hufflepuff boy did look quite funny as a slug, admittedly).
My hair's red and people say my hair's like fire.
Lily
Lily,
Are you honestly jealous of Rose's hair?
Don't worry about turning anyone into a sea-slug; Rose seems like the kind of person who wouldn't let bullying get to them.
I wish I could say the same.
From,
Lysander
Lysander.
Lily,
You are jealous!
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
Of course I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous; do you see me looking jealous? Exactly; no, you don't.
Rose is quite strong, I'll give her that. I'm not jealous of her, though. I just … I wish someone would say that about me, you know? Instead, I get compared to Albus and to James and I'm never good enough! I'm just a kid to everybody else; the youngest of us three siblings. Nobody would ever take me seriously when I'm up against James and Al.
I don't want to intrude, but what exactly happened with you? In my opinion, you're a nice person. If Rose can get over bullying, then why can't you?
Love,
Lily
Lily,
You have nothing to be ashamed of. So what if James is effortlessly cool and Albus is smart; you're funny and kind and nice to everyone.
It sounds pedantic, but wait until you're older. When you're older you'll be grateful for having two brothers – three, if you count Ted Lupin – who you're close enough to for them to look after you. If a boy breaks your heart, they'll be there to curse him. Plus, you've got all your cousins. You may feel overshadowed by their individual qualities but the day is going to come when they'll show themselves as a solid support system towards you.
The story of me … where do I begin, though?
Unlike most of James and his gang's victims, I didn't do something wrong. I didn't accidentally get in the way of one of their pranks, or make a fool out of myself in a lesson, for them to victimise me. I suppose it's just the fact that I was there to begin with.
On my first day at Hogwarts, my mother – you know my mother, don't you? So you should know what she's like. I expect you had a very imaginative childhood because of her – told me that people were likely to make fun of me. People may mock me because of who I was.
But who am I, I asked her. Back then I believed the things she thought of – Wrackspurts and Nargles and all manner of strange creatures.
My mother finished what she was saying: even though there may be a time when I feel all alone in the world, I will always have friends. Even if I haven't made them yet, they will still be there, waiting in the wings, for me to find them. I just had to look.
I didn't understand what she meant at first. How hard is it to make friends? Lorcan's my twin brother; I was sure he'd be there for me through it all.
Then he got Sorted into Hufflepuff and I Gryffindor, but I still vainly thought we could stick together. After all, we had throughout our whole lives.
Then James came along. James was nice to me at first; we shared a dormitory, after all. For a while it was just me, him and the Weasley twins … that was until they met Lorcan.
If I was a good person, albeit a little strange, to them Lorcan was the best thing since sliced bread. He wasn't weird like me. He didn't believe in imaginary things like I did. He was the epitome of cool – despite being eleven he flirted with girls so desperately out of his league; he could play Quidditch – Beater, like Fred and Roxanne – and he would talk to them about it, sharing the excitement that those games could bring with them.
I was left on the side-lines. I, who had never really liked Quidditch at all, was forced out of our friendship group. I did try my best to claw my way back in, but after a while I gave up. There was no use in trying.
So I retired to the library to spend my lunchtimes and break times, safe in the confines that stories and facts could bring. After a while I stopped believing in half of the things my mother told me about, but James and his friends never knew that.
To them, I was stuck as the weird kid who wasn't cool.
They were cool; I was not. That's all there was to it; that's all it took for the school to side with James's ideas and beliefs. They are a very apathetic bunch, these students.
I did accept the fact that I would never be popular. I could never accept the fact that I'd lost my friends.
James was my best friend for such a short while but it made all the difference when he turned against me. I dreamt of things being all right between us; truthfully, however, I knew they may never be. Sometimes I still wish that things could go back to the beginning when we were eleven-years-old and didn't care about popularity and personal differences. I wish I were like you, in a way; naïve and innocent and not understanding why someone's being mean. I am not calling you stupid, Lily. You're very smart, but innocent.
Yet you have something about you that's fearless. You emit this fabulous glow that just tells people you're someone. You don't see that yourself but trust me when I say that others do. Dominique admitted it to me herself, and after she'd pointed it out I couldn't help but notice it more often.
I always loved your letters, for the record. They let me forget all of this and they made me believe that I had a friend. I had someone who cared enough about me to tell me about themselves. I had someone who made the effort to talk to me, even if it was only through writing.
That's why I never replied to you in the beginning. It was too complicated.
If I had, James would have found out. He'd have been prompted to confess to you exactly how much of a loser I was and you would finally see the truth about me. You would stop speaking to me just like your oldest brother did. I didn't want that to happen.
Or, you would have worked it out for yourself. Through what could have been my replies, you would have figured out my story and I couldn't let that happen. I hardly knew you; you hardly knew me. It was too easy for you to see what your brother saw and to make the same decisions that he had.
I was scared, in short.
When I did reply, it was because I had nothing to lose. You were annoyed with me; James wasn't speaking to you anyway. I told myself that I should just go for it; what else could go wrong? If you hated me because of my replies then at least I would know where I stood without James's influence.
Thank you for telling Louis to be nice to me. I needed that, so desperately. Even though I had you, I had nobody real. I sometimes talked to Rose and Albus in the library, but they had each other and they weren't real friends with me. Louis was nice, though; as was his sister.
Dominique's a bit like you; she's feisty but conversely she's also shy and out of place.
She's like a mixture of us both, don't you think?
I suppose I'll have to ask her out now, anyway. She's coming home for the Easter holidays – Beauxbatons have different terms to what we have – so it's inevitable I'll have to meet her.
I'm glad I got to meet you, once, too. It was the best time I have ever had at this school; sitting by that old oak tree and chatting away about absolutely nothing of importance with you. It filled me with hope, as naff as that sounds, and I've always wanted to meet you again.
Who knows? Maybe one day I'll find the courage to actually accept your invitation without making up some excuse about Charms club or Herbology revision. You were right; by the way, they were lies.
I'm sorry.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
Did you say something to James? He stands near me in Herbology but today he's moved to the other side of the greenhouses.
From,
Lysander
P.S. I was paired with Fred for Herbology. He's cool, I like him.
Lily,
Something is definitely going on. I caught sight of you eating breakfast with James and the twins and you looked absolutely furious. Later, I heard you yelling at my brother when I was on my way to Ancient Runes.
What on earth are you doing? Please don't interfere.
From,
Lysander
Lily,
Jesus, Lily, how could you?
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
As you said yourself, "You may feel overshadowed by their individual qualities but the day is going to come when they'll show themselves as a solid support system towards you."
Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
You have made matters worse! James and his friends are avoiding me like the plague! They did already, of course, but it's now noticeably worse.
What did you say to them?
From,
Lysander
Lily,
If you don't tell me what the hell you've done I'll tell James you've been writing to me.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
I don't care; I've already told him. I confessed everything to him and, you know what, I'm glad I did.
Do you want to know what they all said to me when I told them how you felt about everything?
Roxanne's beautifully dark skin went pale. Fred almost burst into tears. Lorcan and James both said that they never knew. Louis had guessed, of course, but I wasn't as harsh to him because he's the nicest of them all.
Seriously, they're sorry. They had no idea how they had made you feel and I thought they deserved to know. You'll thank me for it someday.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
If this is a good thing, why haven't any of them said sorry to me personally? They're just avoiding me, same as usual.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
That's a bit of a lie, isn't it? Louis and Fred sat with you at breakfast today.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
They hardly sat with me. They sat by me and they only talked to each other. Nobody else has even looked at me.
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
You can't expect universal popularity immediately, according to Hugo. It's a start.
James feels really awful about it, by the way.
Love,
Lily
Lily,
Then why doesn't James do something about it? Why doesn't Roxanne, or Fred, or any of them?
From,
Lysander
Dear Lysander,
They don't want to admit that they're wrong. It's as simple as that.
Love,
Lily
P.S. TRUST ME.