Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.

Illumination

Chapter Three: Lost in Transition

A weary David sighed as he once more had to stop, pause the transfer, deactivate the drive and then turn it on again. Getting a data transfer from the 'Time Lord pod thing' (as Michelle had christened it) to the ship's computer up and running was far more difficult than he had anticipated. Usually it was just plug in and go. But there seemed to be a frankly ludicrous volume of information coming from the Time Lord pod. And without Vicky here to help with the technical side of things, it was left to David and Tim to come out of the pod to the cargo bay and manually restart the process every time there was a glitch. Which was often.

Well, David was manually restarting. Tim was there to make sure he didn't get shot by… no-one at all. But orders were orders, and Tim loved orders with a passion. Aside from the basic eating, sleeping and toilet imperatives, David was convinced that Tim couldn't do anything for himself. David imagined he just stood in his room, staring blankly at the walls until a superior officer told him what to do.

Said officer was stood outside the open entrance of the pod, and David gave him a friendly nod. No response. Not that David had been expecting any.

He was about to return to his data inputting (very much the worst part of his job as head researcher and sort of archaeologist) when he noticed something odd. There was a viewport above Tim's head, giving a view of the stars outside. But the light was… strange. Darker than usual. David had never seen anything like it. The strangest sensation came over him.

There was an infuriating itching almost… behind his eyes. Squinting and blinking had no effect, and he rubbed his eyes. He could make out Tim through the haze, who was showing no signs of concern for his current predicament. Typical. Then David thought about how much simpler and easier things would be if Tim were dead. He could walk right over there and grab the rifle, pull it away from him and-

Wait, what? Tim was far too big for him to take on. And besides, why was he thinking such violent thoughts anyway? He had always been terrible about such things. Not just because he was inept at them, but because he found them morally abhorrent.

The itchiness in his eyes faded, and David frowned. What the hell had that been all about? He looked back up to the viewport that had caused the irritation in the first place.

With an abrupt crackle that made David jump, his radio came to life.

"David, this is Johnny, do you copy?"

Blowing out a calming breath, David shook his head and turned back to the console before responding. "Yes, Johnny, I copy. What's up?"

"Yeah, you uh… you find anything about a Time Lord thing called relations?"

An irritated Doctor groaned in the background. "Regeneration! Regeneration! It's not that hard to remember!"

"Right, yeah, sorry," Johnny mumbled, his tone the exact opposite of apologetic. "Regeneration, David. You got anything on that?"

Frowning and adjusting his thin glasses, David looked over the screen. "That sounds familiar… I think we've got some of the information on that in our database now." He pressed the com-link button to the bridge. "Professor, did you see anything about something called 'regeneration' in the data we've transferred so far?"

"I think so, yes… I'll have a closer look and get back to you."

With that, the channel closed. David looked back to Tim with a mock 'How rude' expression, though the response was a blank stare.

"Uh…" David returned to his radio. "Johnny, the Professor's looking into it."

"Okay, thanks."

"Why the sudden interest? Did something happen?"

"Oh yeah."

There was a long silence while David waited patiently, eyes wide. Finally, he frantically rotated his hand around. "And?"

"I'll tell you when I get up there, we're on our way back now."

"You're done already? That thing is huge."

"Yeah, well, this thing that happened kind of made us want to take a break. See you in a couple of minutes."

Before he could reply, Johnny cut off the radio. With a low growl, David glared down at the cables that were connected to the computer terminal and trailed back to the Time Lord ship. He had known Johnny for eight years now, and the man still managed to infuriate him with his 'Daddy knows best' attitude.

Sometimes daddy didn't know best. Maybe daddy would know even better if he actually spoke to the kids once in a while.

David was acutely aware that he was sulking like a teenager. Shaking his head, he looked back to Tim, something in the back of his mind reminding him of the strange light that had affected his eyes.

The viewport seemed fine. It was Tim that was the problem.

His eyes were black. There were strange burns all over his skin, though not like burnt flesh… it looked more like his arms had been made of paper before being exposed to a flame. Like his skin was… crumpling in on itself, turning to ashes.

And he was pointing his rifle straight at David.

"Tim…?"

Tim fired several times, hitting David in the belly and knocking him onto his back.

Lying there, David couldn't process any thought other than 'I'm going to die' – he didn't even think to look down and check how much he was bleeding. Though part of him didn't want to. He clenched his arms over the wound, not knowing if it would help but doing it anyway. Heavy boots clomped over, and David shakily looked up to see Tim staring down at him with passionless black eyes.

Johnny's voice was coming over the radio, asking if he was all right, but he couldn't even comprehend moving his hand up to answer.

In a move that confused David even more in his frantic state, Tim dropped his rifle to the floor. Then, slowly, he opened his mouth. An intense light shone out from the back of his throat. A croaking rasp of a roar emanated forth, surrounding David as the light from Tim focused on his stomach.

And then the pain disappeared. Completely gone. Euphoria overcame him. The pain was gone. He was going to be fine. Bringing up his hands, he found a thick layer of blood. He stared up at Tim's lifeless face.

What the hell was happening?

Despite the fact that she spent most of her time travelling across time and space with a group of ex-soldiers, Vicky had never become accustomed to the occasional violent encounters they had, to the point where even the sound of a gun being loaded unnerved her. She hadn't commented on the debate between the Doctor and Colette for fear of eliciting the wrath of the latter, but she firmly came down in the 'Doctor' camp on that one.

So the quick barrage of gunshots they had heard echoing down from the console room didn't make her feel any better.

Johnny's calls to David and Tim went unanswered, and after radioing Michelle and telling her to get down to the cargo bay double-time, he and Colette charged down the corridor, heading for the console room.

Exchanging a nervous glance, the Doctor and Vicky followed suit.

"You think this has anything to do with…" she nodded back down the corridor.

"Don't know," the Doctor said, sounding out of breath. Vicky doubted that breathlessness was down to exertion.

Watching that man who had tumbled out of that pod evaporate into golden energy had silenced the Doctor almost completely. There was something going on in his mind, quietly being processed and shifted around. The scientist in Vicky hoped she would be there when the answer became clear to the Doctor.

It didn't take them long to get to the console room, and then out into the cargo bay. Vicky didn't really understand what she was seeing when she got there behind the Doctor.

David was on the floor in a pool of his own blood, staring down at the wound in his belly with an expression of wonder. Tim was… Vicky had no words to describe what had happened to Tim. He was standing over David, his skin appearing blackened and charred, arms held limply at his side. His mouth was wide open, and intense white light was shining out, focusing down on David's wound.

Johnny and Colette were stood behind Tim, the former ordering him to stand down. There was, predictably, no reply. The cargo bay doors opened, and Michelle charged in with Professor Locke in tow. She took a moment to stare directly at Vicky, nodding to check if she was okay.

She smiled anxiously and nodded, and only once she had done so did Michelle make her way around to Johnny and Colette and take up much the same position as them.

Professor Locke, meanwhile, moved his chair to the other side of the situation so he could get a look at Tim. The Doctor seemed to have the same idea, and sidled up next to Locke. Then, with a cautious hand outstretched, the Doctor moved forward, eyes glancing from Tim down to David.

He crouched down and continued forward, edging towards David.

"Doctor, stay the hell back!" Johnny cried out, struggling to be heard over the low growl that was echoing from Tim.

For lack of a better term, the light from Tim seemed to lash out at the Doctor when he got too close to David, knocking him onto his back. The Doctor grabbed onto the cargo bay console and pulled himself up, keeping his eyes on Tim and David the entire time. The growling noise dissipated, fading along with the light.

"It's all right," David said, his smile blissful and his eyes glassy. "The pain is gone, it's all right…"

Eyes slowly rolling up into his head, David's head lolled back. Even from her distance, Vicky could see that he had stopped breathing. The blood loss was too great. Tears welled in her eyes and her hand went to her mouth.

David, who she had known for nearly ten years… was dead.

The light from Tim seemed to jump to David, surrounding his body for the briefest of moments before shooting off past Vicky's face and out the viewport.

Everybody watched it go, staring at the viewport before slowly, inevitably facing the consequences of what had just happened.

The Doctor immediately knelt down beside David's still form, cradling his head and checking his pulse. Vicky was by his side in an instant. They both looked at each other with the same diagnosis in mind.

Groaning, Tim put a hand to his head and stumbled back. His skin was back to normal, though it looked dry and flaky. Colette charged over to him and jammed her rifle into the back of his neck.

"Get down, now! On the floor!"

Johnny and Michelle exchanged a glance and moved forward, both appearing intent on calming Colette.

Tim, meanwhile, just seemed confused. "What's going on, what…?"

Not bothering to ask again, Colette whacked Tim in the back of the legs with the butt of her rifle. Crying out, Tim fell to his knees, where Colette promptly cuffed him.

"What is going on?!" Tim roared, reminding Vicky just how intimidating he was when he actually bothered to speak.

In reply, Colette grabbed his face and pointed a finger at David. "Look at that! That was you! You shot him, and then… I've got no idea what the hell happened then, but you!" She gripped the lapels of his armoured vest and pulled him nose to nose with her. "You killed him!"

Struggling his way out of her grip, Tim stood up. "I didn't"- His expression grew cloudy, and he looked over at David again. "I mean, I don't… I…"

Something clicked in his mind, and his face fell. "I did. I remember… pointing and… firing, but… I couldn't control it, there was… why couldn't I stop, I…"

Ignoring the interrogation for now, the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and scanned over David's body. Vicky tried to steady her quivering bottom lip as she realised she was already referring to what was left as 'David's body' rather than 'David'.

"Nothing."

Vicky stared at him. "Nothing?"

Sighing, the Doctor nodded, conceding the point. "Besides the gunshot wound, I mean. That… light, whatever it was, left no trace on his body. It covered him, removed his pain, and then, when he died, it left. Back to whence it came, I presume."

"But why, I mean…" Vicky blinked away the moisture in her eyes, trying desperately to put her scientist hat back on. "How did it benefit from David's pain?"

"Let's ask," the Doctor said simply, jumping up to his feet and striding over to the increasingly loud discussion going on between the armed portion of the crew. Vicky just watched in mute shock as the Doctor tapped Johnny on the shoulder.

"Can I have a word?"

"I'm kind of busy, Doc."

"Not with you."

The bluntness of the reply got Johnny's attention, and after a moment or two of inspecting the Doctor's face, the Colonel slowly nodded. He tapped Michelle on the arm to allow the Doctor access to the once again kneeling Tim. Colette, who was stood over Tim and in the middle of angrily attempting to understand, wasn't happy to see the Doctor encroaching on her personal space.

When he showed no sign of leaving, Colette looked incredulously at Johnny, who nodded his consent. Colette backed down, not looking at all pleased with the situation. Vicky was impressed. Johnny must have seen something in the Doctor's expression that meant business.

With a kind smile, the Doctor squatted down opposite Tim, relentlessly trying to keep eye contact. Tim, however, was having none of it, his shameful gaze locked on the floor.

"So. Tim. Take me through what happened."

"I don't…" Tim's voice shook, which just served to upset Vicky even more.

"No, you do remember, you just don't understand. Am I right?"

Slowly, silently, the giant nodded.

"So, again. Tim. Take me through what happened."

"I was…guarding the pod. David was overseeing the transfer. I heard him get a call from Johnny. And then I… felt something from the viewport."

"Felt something? How do you mean? As in it physically touched you?"

He shook his head. "It's difficult to… I could feel it in my head, almost… telling me to turn around. And then I did, and then my eyes were… it was like there was an itch… inside my head. I couldn't see properly, it was like… there were ink blots over my eyes."

The Doctor nodded like an experienced therapist. "And then what?"

A pained expression grew on Tim's face.

"Tim. You have to tell us. What happened?"

"I couldn't… something in my mind told me that I should shoot David."

"A voice, or…?"

"No, just… an idea. It came into my head like an idea. I started to think it was for the best, that it would be easy, that my life would be better if I just…" His usually stony, inert face began to crumble. "And then I…"

"Oh, please," Colette snorted. "He's just trying to get out of deciding to murder David by blaming it on something else."

"Ah, the old 'Kill my friend and then spew forth intense pain-relieving light on his wounds in a manner never before seen in the known universe' trick," the Doctor said, tiredly smiling at Colette. "The amount of times I've fallen for that old chestnut, I tell you…"

Her lip curling, Colette strode toward the Time Lord. Michelle intercepted her, holding her back.

"You have something you want to say?" she snarled.

"Oh, that's a dangerous question, we could be here all year," the Doctor replied dismissively, focusing his attention on Tim. "Right. Tim. I'm going to try something to help me understand. Hopefully. Not an exact science, this. Which doesn't sound reassuring, I admit, but there you are, eh?"

He held his hands up and open, the palms moving to go either side of Tim's head.

Johnny put up a questioning finger. "Uh, Doc…"

"Don't worry, it's perfectly safe," the Doctor droned, like he had heard it all before.

"What? What's perfectly safe?"

"The… mind reading thing that I can do," he clarified, waggling his fingers around. He noticed Tim's concerned look, and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'm only interested in the past couple of minutes. I won't go prying. Unless there's something really cool."

"Mind reading?" Colette groaned. "We're seriously believing this?"

"About as believable as a tiny pod that's the size of a city inside," Michelle noted, to which Colette had no answer. Vicky felt a small twinge of pride.

Taking that as approval, the Doctor rested his hands gently on either side of Tim's face. They grimaced in unison for the briefest of moments before Tim relaxed. The Doctor remained tense throughout the entire procedure, eyebrows moving here and there as he found things that interested him.

"There was definitely something else in here… an alien presence… but it's… hard to pin down. All memory of it is fading away quickly, it's almost completely gone from the conscious mind. Like it's covering its tracks." He twitched his head to the side. "But it came from outside… through the viewport… it… 'tried' David, but he didn't… work, there was something missing…"

Sadly, Vicky ran a hand down David's serene face.

The Doctor continued on. "Then it went on to Tim, and there was… there's something in Tim that David didn't have that makes him easier to control…"

"So it was control?" Johnny asked, giving a pointed look in Colette's direction.

The Time Lord nodded, eyes still closed. "But not… like a puppet, it was more… it was more like it literally changed his mind. Made him think it was okay to hurt David. Not kill him, though, it didn't want him dead, that was an accident. It… fed on the pain."

Michelle ducked her head down, as though she had misheard. "'Fed'? It feeds on pain?"

"Seems to, but... that wasn't why it was here. It was here for something else. It felt something different… something more and it felt compelled to come. But I can't tell what…" With a sudden groan, he took his hands away from Tim's head. "And that's it. All trace of it is gone."

Leaving Tim to blink in dazed surprise, the Doctor jumped to his feet. He commenced pacing around the cargo bay, kneading his hands together as he deduced aloud. "Remarkable, really. It was erasing itself even as I was searching for it, which meant it had an intelligence of its own. But it still thought of itself as being part of a greater whole. So, a hive consciousness. A creature without form that can convince people to hurt others to allow it to feed on their pain… this thing and the Daleks would get on like a house on fire…"

Vicky frowned. "Doctor, you said that David didn't have whatever it is they needed to control people. So… what is it that Tim had that David didn't?"

He snapped his fingers and pointed a digit at her. "Correct and interesting. I'm starting to like you, Vicky. It's either something unique to Tim and we have nothing to worry about or…"

Johnny raised his eyebrows expectantly. "…or?"

"Or any one of us could be taken over at any time."

"And want to hurt everyone else."

Unimpressed, the Doctor grumbled. "Well, if you want to sum it up in a way that doesn't take five minutes to show off how brilliant you are… then yes."

"Assuming you're telling the truth," Colette butted in.

The Doctor groaned and rolled his eyes like a teenager being scolded by his parents. "Oh, come on, can we move past this already? I go through this every time! Do I just have a face that nobody trusts? And eleven times over, that's… very unlucky."

"It's irrelevant anyway," Locke announced, floating over in his chair. "I want us inside the pod and looking at the holographic archives that David found."

Looking like he had been hit from three sides at once, Johnny shook his head. "Let's back up a little here. First, David – remember him, the guy who's worked for you for eight years? - his dead body is on the floor, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the most important thing. Then we've got this alien whatever floating around that could make us attack each other at any moment. And third, we… no, there's not a third, but I'm pretty damn sure one and two are strong enough by themselves. Especially number one."

"Good list," the Doctor added. "I used to get muddled up with lists all the time. I'm better at it now, though. Got a notepad."

Unsure how to take that, Johnny just nodded in acceptance of the compliment.

"Fine," Locke said. "You take David's body to the med centre while we go inside."

Johnny nodded, though his face didn't have that look of someone who was particularly satisfied. "Okay. Michelle, you're in command until I get back."

"Gotcha."

"But before you go in, everybody leave their weapons out here."

The subtlest quirk of a smile appeared on the Doctor's face, but it looked like Vicky was the only one to notice.

Colette's jaw dropped. "What? You can't be serious."

"Colette, I'm not in the mood."

"You're taking this at his word?" she all but shouted, pointing a finger at the Doctor. "We hardly know anything about him!"

"I don't need to take his word. We saw what happened. Tim shot David. The Tim I know would never shoot David. Add to that the weird light we saw, and I don't know what else to tell you. None of us can be trusted, so no guns. That way nobody gets shot, and everybody's happy. Is that clear?"

Now it was Colette's turn to look like a moody teenager, arms folded irritably in front of her.

"Colette. Are we clear?"

"Yes. Sir."

"Good," Johnny sighed. He was the first to take off his rifle and put it onto a crate before moving over to David and kneeling down beside him.

"Excuse me," he said quietly to Vicky, and she stood up and stepped aside accordingly. With a profound sadness in his eyes that Vicky had never before seen from him, Johnny scooped David up, grunting as he stood to his full height. Blood was still dripping from David's body, and soaked the cuffs of Johnny's sleeves.

If it bothered him, he showed no sign, instead walking straight out of the cargo bay without a word. Everybody had remained respectfully silent while that had been going on.

Michelle was the first to bring herself out of it. "Okay, Colette, let's disarm and get movin'."

She still wasn't having any of it, however, and made to pull Michelle aside. "I still don't think-"

"Damn it, you're a soldier," Locke yelled out, making the word 'soldier' sound like an insult. "You've been given an order, it's not up to you to decide whether or not it's a good idea. Now hop to it!"

Looking about as close to someone who had been slapped in the face as anyone could look without actually being slapped, Colette scowled and stormed over to the crate where Johnny had left his rifle. With a severity that made Vicky worry that the gun would go off, Colette whipped off her rifle and slammed it down onto the crate. That done, she stomped back to the entrance to the pod.

Michelle did the same thing, but with an incredible calmness and meticulous attention to detail. She smiled at Vicky and gestured to the pod.

"Time to go," she said gently.

Though still shaken from what had happened to David, it did help to have Michelle around to reassure her. She had a miraculous skill for calming her down no matter the situation, which is exactly what she needed right now.

Locke didn't need telling twice, and was in the pod before any of them could protest. With a roll of the eyes, Colette followed. Michelle made a beeline for Tim, who was squatting against the wall, his head hanging down. Vicky could only imagine the way he was feeling. To kill your friend and remember doing it? She shuddered to think.

The Doctor joined her as she entered the pod, distracting her from the way Michelle had crouched down next to Tim, her demeanour the exact opposite of Colette's paranoid aggression.

"How are you doing?" the Doctor asked casually, as though they were discussing the weather.

"Well, not used to seeing my friends die in front of me, so… pretty, uh… numb at the moment."

"Yeah…" his eyes became distant. "Never easy, that."

She tilted her head to look at him and sighed. "You've seen that kind of thing before. I don't know why that makes me so sad, but it does."

"It's this little thing called empathy. And by little, I mean massive. Hold on to that one, it's important. He nodded to Locke and Colette, who had both moved around to the other side of the console. "So, father and daughter, eh? And clearly no love lost between them. That must get awkward."

Vicky looked at him in disbelief. "How did you-?"

"I recognise familial discord when I saw it, and I definitely saw it out there. And they look alike." He waved a finger around his face. "Same eyes, similar cheekbones."

"Ah. Well. That's not as miraculous as I thought it was going to be."

"Yeah, sorry, sometimes it's the boring details that tell the most interesting story," he said offhandedly, running a finger along the rim of the console.

"Vicky, you and the Doctor bring up the archives," Locke said, having apparently got the final word in the quiet argument he and his daughter had been having. "According to David's findings there's information about what this place is for. Research logs, that sort of thing."

"Right," she said confidently, before looking over at the Doctor. "I don't suppose you'd like to help me…?"

The Doctor looked around awkwardly. "Well, your soldier friends can't threaten me with gunshots to the rear anymore, but… I'm sure they could come up with something equally unpleasant if I don't."

He sidled up beside her at the console. "And besides, you're the first person to actually ask me to do something, and not order. Always goes down well."

She smiled, and they got to work. Vicky only understood half of what was on the console, but the Doctor patiently pointed out anything she was doing wrong.

"Can I ask you something?"

"One of the most ominous questions that can possible be asked," the Doctor mused. He smiled apologetically. "Go on."

"That man downstairs…"

Completely avoiding eye contact, he paused before replying. "The exploding one, yes. Vaguely remember him."

"That was… regeneration, was it?"

"Well, sort of. Usually the end result isn't exploding."

"What… is the end result? I mean, how is regeneration supposed to work?"

He looked at her askew. "Isn't this something you should know?"

"Hey, Time Lords are the stuff of legend. You lot didn't leave a lot of books lying around when you went."

A sad, tired smile crossed his face. "No, I suppose we didn't." He squared his shoulders and put his head back as though delivering a lecture he had heard before. "A Time Lord, when faced with certain death, can change completely down to the cellular level."

"Ah, that would explain all the different faces on your profile. That were on your profile," she corrected, before frowning. "Certain death? But that man wasn't even injured. He didn't look it, anyway. Why did he regenerate like that?"

"I don't know. Though I admit I haven't seen it from the outside that often."

Vicky stared at him for a long moment, glancing around before asking the question that was now burning in her mind. "So… you've regenerated before…"

He nodded again.

"Can I ask… what is it like?"

That prompted a humourless, almost patronising laugh, the Doctor looking up to the ceiling. "Imagine… every single part of you - body, mind, soul, everything - exploding and then being contorted and twisted into a new, different shape."

"Sounds painful."

He didn't reply.

"But you… stay the same, right? I mean, you're the same person but just with a different face."

"Yes… and no. You're still made of the same ingredients, they're just jumbled about. The big things stay the same, but the little things… they're a little more malleable."

"So it's not a big deal for Time Lords, then? I mean, painful, but-"

"No, it… it's definitely a… big deal. Some Time Lords treat it like nothing, but to me… you're a distinct, individual person. And then you realise you're going to change, and… you don't want to. You like the way you are now. Why wouldn't you? That's who you are." He seemed to be in his own world now, talking to himself.

"But then, suddenly, you're not that person anymore, and you look back on who you used to be, and how much you didn't want to change, and you wonder… why? Why was I so worried? Because I'm better now. Bowties, fish fingers and custard, great. Geronimo. But that's what makes it worse. Because you know that the next time you change, you'll look back at bowties and fezzes and you'll just think… how stupid you looked. That's the worst thing about it. You die, get left behind… and nobody cares. Not even you."

Vicky was at a loss for words. She couldn't confess to really understand what he was talking about, but… the pain behind his words was impossible for her to just leave alone.

Tentatively, she reached out and put a hand on his. He didn't even seem to notice at first, but then slowly shifted out of whatever horrible world he had entered in his mind. Looking down, he saw her hand, and he smiled.

"See?" He said quietly. "Empathy. Massive."

Then his eyes shot up again, this time in horror. Something was coming together in his mind.

"It is painful…"

She ducked her head down, trying to get in his eye line and get him to explain his thought process. "What is? What?"

"Regeneration. It's painful. One of the most painful things there is. And that's just a single time. If you regenerated over and over again, one after the other without stopping, the pain would be…"

The Doctor looked over at Colette, then whipped his gaze around to Michelle and Tim, who were stood on either side of the entrance to the pod. Following his gaze, Vicky gasped as she saw their blackened eyes. Their burnt, charred skin. Colette had pulled a handgun from somewhere and was holding it against her father's head, keeping her other hand under his chin.

"…well, it could possibly resemble an advert for an 'all you can eat' buffet," the Doctor finished, his voice somehow more relaxed than Vicky had heard it before.

It was almost as if the Doctor enjoyed these types of situations.

(A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews. More please. Just a couple of words of feedback, good or bad, is appreciated.)