Leroy, age 13

Why should I go to school? My mom went to school. Obviously it did her little good. The welfare disagreed. They wanted my siblings and me gone so badly, they somehow convinced the government to let us go for free. As badly as this country wants money? To disregard an entire tuition for six kids; they must be using us for a top-secret anti-terrorist plot.

Anyway, there we were; Ralph, Imogene and I, crammed into the back seat of the welfare's white car. There were so many thoughts about that moment roaring in my head, but none of them were positive. This moment - this whole idea - was awkward, unfair, unruly, abhorrent...overall inexplicably psychotic.

That stupid car made me insane. It was so clean I wanted to destroy it. It smelt funny. I understood, for the first time in my life, what it meant to smell like authority. It smelt like authoritative government. It was detestable.

My brothers and sister were in the welfare's car behind us. My siblings and I kept hearing their tires screech and several times they almost ran off the road. Gladys must have been doing something. As curious as I was, I stayed quiet and glacial, in hopes that my silent protests would somehow convince the welfare of these inhuman acts they were exposing us to and turn the car around.

We pulled up to the huge school, with "Woodrow Wilson" spread in big letters across the brick cornerstone. The welfare agent in the passenger seat got out of the car and opened Ralph's door to let us out of the car. I felt like we were going to be executed. I was entirely ready for a firing squad to appear.

I looked over and saw Gladys and the twins getting out of the car behind us. Claude and Ollie were chuckling madly, and Gladys had, what appeared to be, a large chunk of leather from the steering wheel bouncing around in her mouth as she chomped on it furiously.

"Well, children," The agent said, as he began to walk us to the front of the school. "Welcome to your new school."

School hadn't started yet, so all sorts of kids were walking around outside, clutching their books and lunches. I saw kids stare at my siblings and I as they passed by. They certainly weren't all interested stares. Most of them were biased and disgusted looks. I looked over and Ralph and Imogene, who seemed to notice these expressions as well. Ralph kept his usual stern expression and hardly acknowledged them, while Imogene returned their burning with a vicious snarl, which struck fear into any who happened to be ensnared. I looked to my other side at my other siblings; Claude and Ollie didn't notice at all because they were too busy laughing and punching each other, and Gladys noticed but didn't care as she continued to bite away at the steering wheel leather while singing indecipherable words as she munched.

We finally stopped as the door of the school, where a middle-aged woman in a stupid-looking flowery dress was standing there mauling us with a fastidious look on her face. You would have thought she'd smelt something dead.

"Children," The welfare agent – the big command dog – finally said to us. "This is Mrs. Slocum, she'll be teaching the class where Ralph, Imogene and Leroy will be in."

Imogene and I scoffed at the use of our names and "teach" in the same sentence.

"Mrs. Slocum, these are the Herdmans; Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie and Gladys."

"Pleased to meet you all," The woman said apathetically. "Follow me, I'll deliver you all to your classrooms." The tone of her voice said she hardly wanted to the minute she looked at us.

We walked the crowded hallways closely behind that ridiculous bigoted Becky of a woman as she walked swiftly, probably to avoid being seen with us. We were silent mostly, until a kid coming out of a classroom made the stupid mistake of not looking where he was going and running straight into Ralph.

"Watch where you're going, punk!" Ralph domineered as he grabbed the kid by the shoulders and threw him to the ground. He somberly continued to walk as the other kids coming out of the classroom murmured and came down to the kid's level to check on him. We stopped behind the bimbo when we found she had turned around and seen the incident, wearing a horrified look on her face.

"Would you mind terribly not killing any of the children before we get to class?!" The woman said firmly.

"Sure thing, sleaze," A grin crept over Ralph's face. "We'll be happy to wait until afterwards."

Imogene erupted into laughter, which in turn caused the twins to start laughing too, even though they weren't even listening to the conversation. The troll grumbled in frustration at the entertainment and continued walking.

We took a flight of stairs to the second floor, and at our first stop, we came to the classroom where Claude, Ollie and Gladys would be taught. They immediately dominated the classroom, throwing kids away from their desks until they found pleasing ones. Gladys was at home right on the teacher's desk, though. No throwing required. The bint we'd been following kept straight on after introducing them to the teacher. She didn't even stay to watch the fun. A few doors down was the classroom Ralph, Imogene and I would be sharing, not too far from my younger siblings, in case they needed us.

"Alright, children, settle down," Mrs. Airhead exclaimed as we walked in. "We have three new students in class today...Ralph, Imogene, and Leroy Herdman."

Scattered, timid versions of "hi" came from various spots in the classroom.

"Alright, take your seats," Mrs. Stinkface gave an annoyed sigh.

Imogene went over to a windowsill to the right and swiped a lone slice of chocolate cake sitting on a white plate.

"That's for the teacher!" A voice suddenly piped up.

Imogene looked behind her at the nervous but arrogant face of a girl with long curly brown hair, who stared straight ahead fearfully as Imogene approached her slowly and threateningly.

"Oh, is it?" Imogene came behind of the girl and brought her face to the girl's level. "Well, it was."

Imogene took the cake into her right hand and shoved it all at once into her mouth. She chewed loudly and mockingly as the cake smacked around in her mouth, and kept her face level with the girl's, who was getting even more uncomfortable. Right before she swallowed the huge chunk of cake, she let out a boisterous, "Delicious." The teacher watched in utter disgust as Imogene wiped her chocolate-covered face off with the palm of her hand. Imogene proceeded to study the girl up and down. She looked down at the girl's schoolbooks, where she had written her name in curly pink letters. Imogene picked up one of the books to get a closer look.

"Alice Wendlekin, huh?" Imogene threw the book to the side, and continued to study the frightened girl. "Nice dress."

The girl carefully look down at her checkered purple and white dress, and could only squeal as Imogene slapped her hand onto the girl's leg and wiped the chocolaty mess from her hand onto the girl's immaculately clean dress.

"Nice to meet you," Imogene jeered. "Maybe we can have some cake again sometime."

Imogene laughed mockingly as she took a seat beside of Alice.

Inspired by the events that had just taken place, I looked to my right and saw a boy, about three years my junior, sitting cautiously beside me. I looked down at his desk straight at his open lunch bag, and right there, unopened, was heaven in a wrapper. I reached over and snatched it from in front of him.

"Hey!" The boy protested. "That's my Twinkie!"

"Oh is it?" I smiled as I ripped open the Twinkie and stuck it straight down my throat. "Well, it was."

I think I've made a friend.