CHAPTER 4

House found Wilson in the cafeteria and sat down next to him, propping his legs on the other empty chair. He helped himself to half of Wilson's sandwich.

"I saw your team scrambling today," Wilson said, handing House a napkin. "Who's the new patient?"

"Seizure with subsequent blindness in her right eye," House summarized. "No history of anything. MRI shows lesions. We're thinking secondary encephalitis. Chase is doing a lumbar and the others are running her blood for infections."

"And you are…?," Wilson asked.

"Administrating," House replied. "I'm exhausted."

"How were your two days in Vegas?" Wilson asked.

"You know at the end of 'Jedi' when they have the Ewok party? Kind of like that," House replied.

"You and Cuddy danced with small furry mutants and played xylophones?" Wilson teased back.

"Do I ask about the sordid details of your sex life, Wilson?" House asked, reaching for the free chips that he knew Wilson wouldn't eat. "Anyway, I was speaking figuratively. As I hope Bauer was when he told me and Cuddy he was gonna have our asses for breakfast."

"Yeah" Wilson sighed. "I was sick about him for two days, but he's avoiding me like the plague."

"That's cuz you, my friend, are his Achilles' heel. You are the key undoing his whole scheme," House pointed out.

"The scheme he created to protest the problem he created by stealing my work," Wilson summarized, highlighting its lunacy.

"Selfish people aren't always logical," House informed. "Trust me, I know."

"Should we be worried?" Wilson asked.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Wilson, since I know that is your favorite thing to be, but no, don't worry. Cuddy's got it under control." House explained.

"As always," Wilson sighed. "God knows how she manages all this, her kid, you…"

"Multitasking," House explained. "She does paperwork during sex," he told him.

"That's not exactly what I meant by 'handling you,'" Wilson clarified.

"I'm surprisingly low-maintenance, Wilson," he explained. "Fuck me and feed me and I'm good to go."

Wilson creased his brow, "Except for when you need people to bail you out of jail, lie under oath for you, take you to rehab-"

"That's just basic friendship stuff, slacker. Just be thankful you're in charge of the feeding me part," he quipped. "So did Cuddy talk to you?" House asked. Wilson nodded. "You good to go?"

"House, I'm thinking I should just let this go. I made my point… well, you made my point and I think Bauer will just fade away," Wilson explained.

"Like herpes," House retorted. "He'll flare up all over your crotch again in a couple months." Wilson looked disgusted. "If you don't address this, like who knows how many others before you, he'll just continue being a parasite on other people's research."

"I see your point, but we are hardly in an ideal position for this now. If he fires back, you and even Cuddy are exposed," he said. House was silent. "House?"

"Sorry. You said Cuddy exposed and I got distracted," he explained. "Look, Wilson, Cuddy's safe. There's no evidence that she knew what I was going to do, or was even there. She was standing in the back of the room. No one saw her."

"But it still exposes her to scrutiny, which kills me," Wilson countered.

"She's a big girl, Wilson. She doesn't run this hospital without people up her ass about things all the time," House explained. "I know that now more than ever."

"Which leaves you," Wilson concluded.

"Always the thorn in your paw," House quipped. "Wilson, I'll be fine. You and I both know I've weathered worse than this. And the accusation, 'impersonating a colleague' sounds so much worse than what I actually did. If I go down for this, at least I'll have made a statement about colleagues sticking up for each other." Wilson sighed, overwhelmed by the whole situation. "Wilson, there's nowhere else to go with this. File the grievance and Valtrex his ass."

"Okay," Wilson said, resigned. House nodded, satisfied that they were in agreement.

"Stop worrying, Wilson! It's bad for your health," House said, drinking some of his soda. "Blech, you're drinking diet now?"

Wilson sighed heavily. "I'll stop worrying when you stop stealing my food," he proposed.

"You're going to die a young death, my friend," House replied, setting the cup back on his tray.