Zansetsu: The Lingering Snow
Hakuoki: Shinsengumi Kitan
Saitou Hajime X Yukimura; Okita Souji Friendship/Devotion Route
By Gabihime at gmail dot com
Every Muscle in Your Body Sings
February, 1864
The 9th day of Mutsuki, the 1st month, Genji 1, Hour of the Snake
Shinsengumi Headquarters, Yagi House, Mibu
With the Vice Commander, the Colonel, and a portion of the men-at-arms gone to Osaka, Kazuki found that Yagi House was quiet, and at times lonely. Although Kondou did his best to stop in to see her as regularly as he could, to bring her small sweets or to inquire as to the progress in her little garden, he was a busy man, and doubly so since both Hijikata and Sannan were away in the field. Kondou's activities kept Gen busy as well, as the older man tended to act as a chaperone for the passionate commander when cooler heads were otherwise occupied. And it was not only the commander who was often out on business. Heisuke, Shinpachi, and Sano regularly disappeared early in the day, even when they were not due to go out on patrol. The fact that they generally returned in the dead of night, and in tolerably good spirits, led her to suspect that were sneaking out to play and not to work.
Kazuki tried to keep herself busy, so the lack of companionship wouldn't get to her, but with the initial tilling and planting of her garden done, she had no choice but to simply let it grow on its own for a bit. She knew very well that she would do more harm than good worrying about in the garden when there was nothing to be done. Sometimes one had to exercise patience instead of industry.
Without Gen available to direct her to useful chores she could occupy herself with, she found herself without much to do. She puttered around idly with a broom for a while, sweeping imaginary dust off the porch that faced the inner courtyard, but at last she tired of this invented activity and retired to her bare room.
That it was bare was no indication of the Shinsengumi's poor treatment of her. Of course, they had provided her with everything they imagined she required, and she had a neat futon and comforter tidied away behind a sliding cupboard door. But when they were tidied away, the room was very bare.
This was not particularly surprising, as she had come to Kyoto with only her kodachi, the clothes on her back, and a little money, hoping desperately that she would be able to locate her father quickly and return to the familiarity of Edo, her own house, her room with its small collection of girlish childhood treasures, and her beloved dog. She had come to Kyoto with a determination to stay in the old city for as long as it took to find her father, but now as she sat looking at the bare walls in her empty room she had come to realize that finding him might take longer than she had ever anticipated.
Although she had only been at Yagi House for a little over a week, she had already planted a garden and begun to put down her roots. She was patient when the situation required it, even when it was very frustrating to be patient. The leadership of the Shinsengumi had promised their assistance in finding her father, and she had every confidence that they would make good on that promise, but even given her short time among them she had come to understand that they had quite a bit to do that bore no relation to the search for her father at all. They were busy men, and while finding Yukimura Kodo was designated a high priority, Kazuki had come to understand it was just one of the many high priority tasks the Shinsengumi concerned themselves with. As crises arose and were dealt with, the day-to-day priorities of the leadership shifted.
She would be patient and have faith in the men who had given their word to help her, but she no longer imagined that her return to her former life would come quickly or easily.
In the meantime, she sat alone in an empty room and thought about what she might have packed into a little box to bring with her from Edo to make the time pass a little more gently.
Still, there was no use wishing for horses. Her room in Edo might have been on the moon for all the likelihood that she would have access to it any time soon, and her room at Yagi House was comfortable, clean, and exclusively her own. While it might be bare now, soon enough she could fill it with flowers and the gradually acquired treasures of everyday life.
Fired with a new resolve, Kazuki left behind her a room that was no longer bare, but was simply waiting to be filled.
Having collected the broom that had become her familiar companion, Kazuki had intended to spend the lunchtime hour engaged in further industrious sweeping, but when she came into the courtyard, she realized she was no longer alone there.
Under a small tree that seemed to hold a particular appeal to one dark-haired and silent member of the Shinsengumi, she found Okita and Saitou lounging in the early spring breeze. This was perhaps not entirely accurate. Okita was most certainly lounging, with one knee up on the stone bench and his cheek propped against his fist, but Saitou was standing very still, as if even the act of casual conversation required the utmost of composure and careful vigilance.
If they had been speaking, she could not say what they had been speaking about, as their conversation seemed to have stopped before she had even noticed them sitting under the tree. Still, their silence seemed companionable and familiar as opposed to strained and abrupt, as if it were common for them to pass time together quietly. She found the stillness inviting, and so crossed the space toward them, her broom in tow.
Okita, who had been sunning himself on the bench like a cat, opened up one eye as she approached.
"It's the terror of the dustbunny, Yukimura Kazuki-chan," he drawled lazily, "Considering how you were brandishing that broom this morning, you must have a pretty poor opinion of our collective hygiene."
"Ah, no," she waved one of her hands in ineffectual denial, "I was really just looking for something to do. It's not that I think the place is particularly dirty or anything."
Yagi House wasn't actually, although based on her observations of the members of the Shinsengumi, she suspected this was because of the Yagi family, rather than because of the Shinsengumi themselves.
"If you're really looking for a big chore, then you should go sweep out Hajime-kun's room. It's really wretched," Okita advised judiciously.
The other captain did not long let that one lie.
"Souji," he began calmly, "That is untrue." Then his cool blue eyes flicked to Kazuki as he seriously assured, "I am very tidy."
At this, Kazuki could not help but laugh into a daintily curled fist.
Saitou frowned, nearly imperceptibly. "You do not believe I am tidy," he stated flatly.
"No, no," she hastened to explain, laughing, "I am sure you are very tidy, Saitou-san. I was laughing because I hadn't realized what good friends you and Okita-san are before today."
Saitou said nothing, but seemed to be considering something.
Okita spoke before he did. "I wouldn't be too sure of that," he interjected laconically.
Kazuki turned her head curiously toward him and found that he was still soaking up the sun, unperturbed.
"What do you mean?" she asked, honestly confused. Okita and Saitou were obviously friends, now that she stopped to consider it. They were often together, whether out on patrol, relaxing around the compound, or training in the training hall. They spoke together easily, and Saitou did not often seem bothered by Okita's often difficult-to-fathom jokes or his changeable temperament.
"Souji and I are not friends," Saitou clarified simply.
Okita shrugged without opening his eyes. "See? He's pretty heartless, isn't he, Kazuki-chan?"
"I cannot comment on that," Saitou answered, and did not appear to have any feelings on the subject. "I simply follow the way of Bushi, the way that I think is the correct way for a man to live."
"Wait for it," Okita advised, apparently amused. "Here it comes."
"Souji and I are not friends," Saitou explained simply. "We are comrades. A comrade you can trust is worth much more than a friend who is simply a person of acquaintance. I feel confident in battle when I have Souji at my back. Whether or not we like one another is irrelevant and inconsequential."
Kazuki thought about it for a moment, and then opined decisively, "But you do like one another."
At this Okita laughed unexpectedly, at last sitting up and putting both feet on the ground to look at her with his summer-green eyes.
"You are a shrewder customer than you let on, Kazuki-chan," he announced, "What makes you so sure?"
It was Kazuki's turn to shrug, as the truth seemed self-evident to her. "Saitou-san is very kind, but I doubt he'd spend so much time around you unless he actually appreciated your personality, Okita-san."
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Saitou raise one hand to his forehead and look away, but she was immediately distracted by Okita, who got to his feet and gave her a gentle knock on the head with his fist.
"I take it all back, Kazuki-chan," he said decisively. "I am now more convinced than ever that you are dumber than a stack of firewood."
"Ah," she cried out in surprise, and raised both her hands to the top of her head where Okita's fist still rested. In throwing her hands up, she also swung up the broom in her hands, and Okita stepped back and idly caught the bound bristles against his palm to keep her from further flailing.
Realizing she had almost caught the third troop captain in the face with her broom, she lowered it immediately, and apologized. Okita did not seem particularly worried, and relinquished his hold on the broom as she lowered it.
With her domestic weapon lowered, Okita scrutinized her.
"I've been wondering something since the first day I saw you, Kazuki-chan," he announced, and she felt her heart nervously skip a beat. He continued, "Not that it's my business what you do with yourself, but I can't say I have any idea why you go around with a sword strapped to your waist when you obviously have no idea what to do with it."
Her lightly fluttering heart felt immediately deflated, and she found she was soon waving one hand in denial.
"It was my mother's, and I do so know how to use it!" she protested. "I've had lessons at a dojo since I was very small." A little of her ire spent, she bit her lip. "I've never hurt someone with it, but I brought it with me to Kyoto because I couldn't bear to leave it behind. I always kept it with me, even in Edo."
"Ah," laughed Okita, faintly mocking, "So you're the famous swordswoman of Edo?"
At this, Kazuki could not help but put her hands on her hips and scold, "Of course not! Anyway, there isn't any such thing. You just made it up on the spot."
"Yukimura," Saitou interjected cooly, letting one arm come to rest silently between them to break off Okita's unrepentant teasing. "Is it true that you have taken training in the handling of a blade?" he asked seriously. "Not simply a wooden practice sword, but you have been trained with an actual sword, such as the one you carry?"
Kazuki forgot her earlier ire when confronted by Saitou's carefully worded question. She looked down at the kodachi on her waist and unconsciously, her body language changed. She let her hand fall to rest naturally on the hilt. It still felt good. The kodachi was an extension of her self. She didn't like to be away from it.
Saitou watched her simple, easy movements, and said nothing. Without her speaking, he had already ascertained what her answer would be.
"I have," she admitted, nodding so that her ponytail bobbed with her. He still said nothing, so she felt it was necessary to ask. "What are you thinking about?"
His eyes, which had been fixed on her hand, which fell naturally over the hilt of the kodachi, swept up to her face, and she found their blueness as remote as the far-off sky.
"Given our first encounter with you, we have taken it for granted that your skills regarding your own self-defense are zero," he said frankly and evenly in a way that made her heart sink and her cheeks flush with embarrassment. "But given this new information, perhaps a further assessment is in order."
"Why does it matter?" she asked a little weakly. As much as the kodachi was a part of herself, she did not relish drawing it.
"If I judge your self-defense skills are sufficient, I may recommend to the Vice Commander that you be allowed to accompany us on our daily patrols," Saitou answered, "I think it is highly unlikely that you will locate your father by staying under lock and key here."
Her heart jumped at this and she leaned forward eagerly. "Do you really think that I'll be allowed to leave the compound and look for my father? It's what I really and truly want to do."
"I cannot promise anything," Saitou answered flatly, "I can only ascertain my opinion of your fitness to be in the field, and then inform the Vice Commander of my opinions. I am not the one who makes such decisions."
Kazuki bit her lip. As much as drawing her sword outside of the dojo where she had trained for years made her nervous, she wanted very much to be allowed to go back into the city. Saitou was right in that she would not find her father while sweeping the porch or tending to her garden.
"All right," she said as she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. "What is it that you want me to do?"
Saitou stepped back a pace into the open courtyard and then smiled, bare and faint. "Draw your sword and try to land a blow on me. That is enough for me to gauge your level."
"I," she stuttered awkwardly, "I, I don't want to," she blurted out at last, her hands balled into fists at her sides.
"Explain yourself," Saitou asked flatly. This was apparently a reaction he had not expected.
Kazuki took a deep breath and tried her best to explain. "I don't like to hurt people."
At this, Okita, who had been silently observing their exchange, chortled, "And you're worried you're going to hurt Hajime-kun? You really are the great swordswoman of Edo. And to think, I had no idea."
Kazuki turned to Okita with a look of consternation on her face. "A sword is a dangerous weapon, and not something that is meant to be drawn lightly."
"Now you sound like a kendo master," Okita teased, "You'll start reciting practices to me next."
Saitou held up his hand to forestall Okita's teasing without taking his eyes off of Kazuki. "Souji, I am trying to have a serious conversation with Yukimura. Stop distracting her."
Okita shrugged as if he were very put upon, but fell silent.
Saitou continued. "You are correct in stating that in most circumstances, drawing a sword means taking your own life into your hands. To draw a sword, you must also be prepared to die." He stopped and considered her. "I am not certain that this is why you do not want to draw your blade."
Okita snorted again, unable to keep silent for long, "Of course it isn't. Didn't you listen to what she said? She's not afraid of getting killed, she's afraid she's going to kill you."
Saitou's eyes flicked briefly to Okita, and the other man shrugged again and subsided into silence. He turned his attention back to Kazuki, who still stood with her hand on the hilt of her kodachi.
"Is this really the crux of your concern?" Saitou asked seriously, with none of the sardonic incredulity that was so manifest in Okita's voice. He seemed neither surprised nor offended. He was simply gathering information.
"I don't want to hurt anyone," she confirmed shyly, her head bowed.
"Are you ashamed of this aspect of your character?" Saitou asked, his tone slightly sharp.
Her eyes snapped up as if he had struck her, and she stammered, "I'm not. I'm not ashamed."
His eyes softened a little as his smile curved briefly, a quiet moment of warmth, "Then do not bow your head." Then the smile was gone and he continued brusquely, "I make no judgements on the way you choose to live your life, but if you are so adamant about your desire not to hurt another, then there is no point in my considering your swordplay. If you do not have a willingness to kill if necessary, then you cannot possibly defend yourself."
"So I won't be allowed to go out on patrol with you?" Kazuki asked, her teeth pressed against her lower lip in worry.
"I will not recommend it, no," Saitou confirmed.
She balled her hands into fists again and thought hard about it. Both Saitou and Okita watched her without comment, Okita with one eyebrow raised, and Saitou in silent contemplation.
At last, she began a little haltingly. "The whole point of this is to tell whether or not I'll be able to defend myself at all, isn't it? In that case," she took a deep breath and then returned Saitou's piercing gaze levelly, "In that case why don't you come at me?"
At this, Okita laughed out loud, throwing his head back. "Kazuki-chan just challenged Hajime-kun? If you want to die that much, I'm happy to oblige you. - "
"Souji," Saitou said shortly, and to the point, and Okita waved one hand idly in response, as if he wasn't particularly concerned about what the outcome to this proposed match might be, although he suspected it would end in Kazuki's grisly death.
"Yukimura," Saitou continued levelly, "I do not believe I am over-confident in my certainty that I could kill you."
If Saitou expected Kazuki to be cowed, she was not. "I am certain you are correct," she admitted, "But isn't that true of most members of the third troop?" She shook her head. "I don't believe you actively try to kill your men every time your practice with them in the training hall. I'm not willing to believe everything I hear about the Shinsengumi anymore," here she smiled, slowly gaining self-confidence. "I'm not proposing that I win some kind of match with you, but if I can survive even one blow from Saitou Hajime-san, I won't be doing so badly, will I?"
"Yukimura," Saitou answered flatly, "If you draw your sword against me, I am confident that I can disarm you before you could injure either yourself or, in some unlikely instance, me, no matter your years of practice. If I draw my blade on you, then I am depending on some as-yet-unforeseen ability of yours to keep you alive." He paused and slowly took stock of her before speaking. "I am reluctant," he said.
Kazuki frowned, then turned her head to regard the other man who was standing and watching them.
"Then I'll ask Okita-san," she announced.
Okita grinned like a maniac, his eyes narrowing gleefully even as his hand fell to the hilt of his katana, "I can't tell you how obliged I'd be, Kazuki-chan."
Before Okita could move forward, Saitou had stepped between them. Saitou frowned very slightly, then shook his head briefly, as if clearing it.
"I will do it," he said shortly.
"Hajime-kun always spoils all the fun," Okita complained, "You know I wouldn't have killed her immediately."
Kazuki was inwardly relieved that her gambit had paid off. She was not confident that Okita would hold back against her even the slightest bit, while she was sure that Saitou would handle himself seriously, but with a care to the fact that he was not facing an opponent of equal skill. Okita insisted that each time he made a threat on her life, it was only a joke, but she was still not entirely sure when he was joking and when he was serious.
"Maybe I ought to have a go if you survive Hajime-kun's test," Okita suggested, a little of his catlike anticipation resurfacing.
Saitou waved a hand behind him once, briefly, dismissing this possibility from the table, but he kept his eyes levelly on Kazuki. "I'm not going to give you any warning when I come," he advised simply.
Kazuki nodded once, without responding, and taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.
She heard Okita's low chortle, but more than that she felt Saitou's presence, immediate and overwhelming, and her eyes snapped open reflexively as she stepped backward lightly, feeling the hot breath of Saitou's sword as it cut through the air near her neck, she had turned her body as she stepped backward, and even as her weight came to rest on that foot, she was stepping backward again, swinging her left foot fluidly behind her right foot to pull herself out of range of the viper-like hiss of steel. She moved without thinking, for movement in such a time is not a sequence of meditation, decision, and action. She had a natural concept of the space around her, of the space that Saitou occupied, that he rent with the blade of his katana, and of the possibilities open behind her. She did not have to see them and consider them. She understood the ground as an extension of herself, calm and thoughtless. Her third step back was a spring to land on her right forefoot, but even as she swept her left foot behind her to pivot again, she felt his reaction to her movement, as he understood what she meant to do. Her left foot skidded out from under her as her concentration broke, and she landed unexpectedly on her bottom, with the cool steel of Saitou's katana a brief bite of fire against her neck.
There was the punctuated, rapid movement of Saitou resheathing his katana, and then he was down on the ground next to her, pulling the scarf from around his neck as he pressed the cloth against hers. The whole situation confused her, so she found herself laughing nervously.
"I'm all right," she protested, "I suppose it's pretty embarrassing to slip and fall like that - "
"Forgive my carelessness, Yukimura," Saitou interrupted her rambling curtly, a handful of scarf still firmly pressed to her neck. "I have cut you. The responsibility is all mine. Lie still." His eyes flicked up to Okita who was watching the weird tableau with a strange mixture of shock, distress, and delight. "Souji, bring bandages. A neck wound that bleeds is serious."
Okita let his eyes rest on them a for a fraction of a moment longer, then he was off toward the interior of Yagi House without a wry comment.
Kazuki was still confused, as Saitou gently pressed her to lie back against the ground, his left hand still applying constant pressure to her neck.
"Saitou-san," she protested, "Saitou-san, I'm really fine. I promise you."
"Be still," Saitou insisted shortly, "Talking may make the bleeding worse. Souji will be here shortly with the bandages and we will dress this wound."
"Saitou-san," she tried again, "I'm really not hurt. You can let me up."
"Yukimura, be still," Saitou barked, his voice uncharacteristically low and sharp, "The blood has already seeped through the cloth of my scarf. You are hurt. Lie still and be quiet."
At this outburst, she resolved to lie still. Although she was well aware that she was not hurt as direly as he feared, he had no way of knowing the secret engine of her perpetual health, and he was obviously deeply concerned.
Saitou apparently considered that if he kept talking while Okita fetched the dressings, then she would be more likely to remain silent, so he continued quietly, "I am sorry to have caused you such injury. I should not have drawn my sword upon you in the first place. I expected at least that you would draw your sword in return. I did not expect - I did not imagine that you would be able to sidestep my Iai three times. When you fell, I, I miscalculated. I did not intend to draw blood from you."
Okita returned with bandages just as Saitou fell silent, and the two of them crouched over her as Saitou drew his scarf away, ready to dress the wound quickly to apply pressure before any more of her blood was lost.
When Saitou drew his scarf away, they both sat in confused silence, staring at her bare neck.
There was no mark on her, simply the stain of the blood smeared here and there by the pressure Saitou had applied with the cloth of his scarf.
Saitou stared down at the scarf in his hands, where a palm sized blot of wet blood stood where he had pressed the cloth against her. Just to be sure, he used the end of his scarf to carefully clean her neck of the remaining blood, in case a small cut had been missed.
There was none.
As the two men sat on their heels, uncertain of what to do, Kazuki at last sat up under her own power.
"I told you," she began as sunnily as possible, with hope to cover the whole incident without having to suffer through any intense questioning, "I wasn't hurt, although I do appreciate that you were both worried. I'm sorry for having caused any trouble," she bowed her head very briefly.
"Saitou definitely cut you," Okita interrupted her abruptly, his green eyes heavy and thoughtful. "I saw him do it. It wasn't necessarily a deep cut, but I know that he cut you."
"But I'm not hurt," she protested, raising one slender hand to her throat. "See for yourself. There isn't any cut."
Saitou lifted his scarf so that the blood stain hung in the air between them. "This is your blood, Yukimura. It isn't mine. It isn't Souji's." He was silent for a moment of serious thought, then he at last haltingly confessed, "I don't understand what's happened."
"Perhaps it's not meant to be understood," she suggested gently, and he frowned as he got to his feet, then leaned down to offer his hand to help her to hers.
Okita stood as well, thoughtfully staring at the scarf that Saitou absently wound around his neck again, the bloody end trailing over his shoulder.
"I suppose that you still aren't going to recommend that I be allowed out of the compound then," Kazuki began weakly, because her trial had not turned out as successfully as she had hoped, and had ended up being trouble for both of the captains.
Saitou frowned at her briefly, and then looked away.
"I will give you a positive recommendation. So long as a captain of the Shinsengumi is nearby, you ought to be safe on the streets of the city. You are very perceptive and you have been trained well. It was my mistake," he said, "Not yours."
And then excusing himself, he turned away and moved off silently in the direction of the practice hall.
Okita shrugged his shoulders in exasperation, and throwing his hands up once, wandered off toward his own rooms.
Kazuki was left behind to retrieve her forgotten broom and thoughtfully sweep the porch under the early afternoon sun.