CHAPTER 191

OUR COVER PAGE SHOWS SHOTACON AND LENALEE— OH NO WAIT I GUESS THAT'S CHIBI!KANDA, STARING OFF INTO SPACE AS KANDA STANDS IN THE FOREGROUND, SHOWING US THAT HE DOES AT LEAST SOMEWHAT LOOK LIKE HE HAS BOY-PARTS IN PRESENT TIME. I THINK HOSHINO IS THREATENING US. SHE WANTS US TO KNOW THAT IT CAN GET WORSE. SHE CAN MAKE IT WORSE, IF SHE WANTS TO. AND WE WILL BE POWERLESS TO STOP HER; WE WILL STILL BUY IT. IN ESSENCE, WE ARE HER BITCHES.

NOW ONTO THE CHAPTER.

COLOR PAGE OMG OMG ITS LENALEE I SEE LENALEE SHE HAS PIGTAILS AGAIN AND ITS TOTALLY CUTE AND THE GUYS ARE LOOKING PRETTY STRIPPERIFIC AS USUAL (YES PLEASE LAVI) BUT BRING BACK LENALEEEEE.

NOW ONTO THE CHAPTER.

CHIBI!KANDA: WHAT FINALLY APPEARED BEFORE ME WAS A BRIGHT, BLUE SKY *TEARS*

ALLEN: WOW, IF I WAS IN THIS CHAPTER I WOULD BE MOCKING YOU RELENTLESSLY. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PICK ON ME FOR BEING A PANSY.

KANDA: I WAS LIKE 5.

ALLEN: YEAH WHATEV— DEAR GOD HOSHINO STOP DRAWING CHIBI!KANDA NAKED!! APPEALING TO THE PEDOPHILE DEMOGRAPHIC ISN'T FUCKING WORTH IT!!

CHIBI!KANDA: WELL I'VE SEEN THE SKY AND IT'S PRETTY. AND I HAVE A KICKASS SWORD MADE FROM THE DISMEMBERED WINGS OF A THOUSANDS DOVES. SUCKS TO BE YOU ALMA!

~NOW WE GET A FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE CONFUSED ENOUGH YET. WE BEGIN ON CHIBI!KANDA'S ACID TRIP~

CHIBI!KANDA: WHAT THE HELLLL?

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: BEFORE THE PETAL FALLS….

CHIBI!KANDA: I CAN'T HEAR YOU BITCH. SOMEONE GET THIS RANDOM HAND OUT OF THE WAY— OH SHIT BAD TRIP BADTRIP!! AHHH! *WAKES UP*

SHOTACON: HEY YU, YOU WERE TOSSING AND TURNING IN YOUR SLEEP.

CHIBI!KANDA: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?

SHOTACON: I SNUCK IN THROUGH THE WINDOW—

CHIBI!KANDA: OUT. NOW.

SHOTACON: OKAY, WANT TO GO SAY HI TO OUR COMA!FETUS SIBLINGS?

CHIBI!KANDA: THEY ARE IN COMAS. THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU.

SHOTACON: …

CHIBI!KANDA: …

SHOTACON: …

CHIBI!KANDA: SURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT.

~AWAY THEY GO~

BOTH: COLD COLD COLD

SHOTACON: APPARENTLY IT'S WINTER NOW.

CHIBI!KANDA: I AM GOING BACK TO BED NOW KTHX.

SHOTACON: WAIT- AHHH! *TRIPS**LANDS ON NECK*

CHIBI!KANDA: HA. OKAY, I'LL STAY.

SHOTACON: YAY! HAY GUYS WHAT'S UP?

COMA!FETUSES: OH GOD HE'S BACK.

SHOTACON: SO I REALLY LIKE MAYONNAISE I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING EVER IT'S MADE OUT OF AWESOME THINGS LIKE RAINBOWS AND I EAT IT EVERYDAY.

CHIBI!KANDA: AM I REALLY LONELY ENOUGH TO HANG OUT WITH THIS CREEP? MY LIFE DEPRESSES ME.

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: BEFORE THE—

CHIBI!KANDA: NO. YOU CAN SHUT UP, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT. MIND TAZER TIME!

CHIBI!KANDA: AUUUGH!!!

SHOTACON: OMG!

SOMEONE, PROBABLY THE WOMAN (MAYBE): I'LL WAIT FOR YOU FOREVER~

CHIBI!KANDA: WHAT.

SCIENTIST: ARE YOU OKAY?

CHIBI!KANDA: *SHAKILY* I THINK A FANGIRL IS INSIDE MY BRAIN.

~YAY FOR SUDDEN SCENE CHANGES. THEY DO NOT IN ANY WAY CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONFUSION~

LESS OLD MAN: WHEN DID HE START TAKING THE DRUGS?!

LENNY: APPARENTLY I EXIST. HI, I'M LENNY! AND YEAH IUNNO, SRY.

LESS OLD MAN: WHAT DID HE SEE?

SOME GUY: SOME PERSON IN SOME PLACE.

LESS OLD GUY: THAT IS INCREDIBLY DESCRIPTIVE. YOU ARE FIRED.

TWI: THINK HE'S GOING BATSHIT?

LESS OLD GUY: YUP. GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO KILL HIM.

TWI: WHAT A SHAME.

SHOTACON: OMFGBBQ

~CUT TO... I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS~

ME: AUGH WHAT THE HELL. WHAT THE HELL HOSHINO. YOU DO NOT END ONE PAGE TALKING ABOUT CHIBI!KANDA DYING AND START THE NEXT WITH A FLAILING HORSE FISH-CONCEIVED BY SOME GREAT RAPE OF NATURE AND ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD. THERE IS PLENTY OF CRACK ALREADY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO US! WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF!

SCIENTIST CHEFS: WHAT. THE. HELL.

SHOTACON: WOW, THAT IS WEIRD AS SHIT, EVEN FOR HOSHINO.

SCIENTIST CHEF: PRETTY MUCH. HEY WHY AREN'T YOU STALKING YU?

SHOTACON: THEY KICKED ME OUT.

SCIENTIST CHEF: SORRY TO HEAR THAT. WELL HERE'S… SOMETHING.

SHOTACON: I DON'T THINK… IS THAT JUST 500 VICODIN IN A BOWL WITH… GOD WHAT IS THAT ON TOP?

SCIENTIST CHEF: I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW. LOOK THERE WERE SOME BUDGET CUTS ALRIGHT, THEY FIRED ALL THE CHEFS. WANT SOME MAYO ON THAT?

SHOTACON: YES. I COULD USE SOME SPEED AND STEROIDS TOO, I'M PLANNING A JAILBREAK.

SCIENTIST CHEF: ALRIGHTY, YOU BE GOOD NOW.

~BACK WITH CHIBI!KANDA~

RANDOM PERSON WE DON'T CARE ABOUT: WELL HE'S STILL IN A COMA.

OTHER RANDOM PERSON: I CAN SEE THAT.

SHOTACON: RAAARGH!!! CAN YOU FEEL THE BURN?!? I FEEL THE BUUURN!!!!!!! HKAJLSDFPSUDIFSD *SEIZURE* YEAH!

SCIENTISTS: WHAT. THE. HELL.

SHOTACON: TAKE THIS PURPLE TURTLE! YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE!! *BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE* A WHOOOOORE!!! *TAKES YU AND RUNS*

CHIBI!KANDA: WHAT ARE YOU ON?!

SHOTACON: NOT NOW SPARKLING STAR.

CHIBI!KANDA: EXCUS—

SHOTACON: WHERE ARE WE?

CHIBI!KANDA: I DON'T KNOW!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

SHOTACON: OH RIGHT. I CAN'T LET THEM KILL YOU! LET ME BE YOUR ROMEO.

CHIBI!KANDA: THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE— AHH! *STABBED*

CROW: WE ARE HERE TO TAKE YOU BACK. RIGHTEOUSLY \m/

CHIBI!KANDA: THANK GOD.

SHOTACON: NO! I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HIM!! *KICKS KANDA OFF A CLIFF*

CHIBI!KANDA: WHAT THE HELL?!

SHOTACON: YOU MIGHT SURVIVE!!

CHIBI!KANDA: I FUCKING HATE YOU.

SHOTACON: SWEET DREAMS MY JULIET!

~ELSEWHERE~

BAK: HEY MARI, HOW'S THAT LOSING YOUR EYES AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE THING GOING?

MARI: ALRIGHT I GUESS.

BAK: AWESOME.

CHIBI!KANDA: *GASP* DAMNIT THAT WATER WAS FUCKING FREEZING AND I DIDN'T EVEN ESCAPE. I DIED LIKE 3 TIMES, THAT WAS THE WORST RESCUE PLAN EVER. AT LEAST ALMA'S GONE. *FALLS FORWARD*

BAK: WHAAAT?

CHIBI!KANDA: HEY, YOU.

BAK: UM, YES?

CHIBI!KANDA: YOU'RE MY BITCH NOW. TAKE THIS NEEDLE THING OUT OF MY SHOULDER.

BAK: WHOA, HEY THAT'S A SPECIAL CROW NEEDLE THINGY.

MARI: W/E *TAKES IT OUT*

ME: I SMELL A NEW OTP!

CHIBI!KANDA: HAVE I SMELLED YOU BEFORE?

MARI: UM, I DON'T THINK SO.

CHIBI!KANDA: *FALLS ASLEEP*

BAK: AS IN THE FUTURE, I AM THE ONLY SANE MAN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?!

RINGWRAITH: HAND US THE BOYYYYYY *HISS*

BAK: K.

KANDA: *ON ANOTHER ACID TRIP* OH, HE SMELLED LIKE DEATH, LIKE THE FLOWERS, OR SOMETHING…

ME: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! THE GHOST WAS ACTUALLY MARI DRESSED IN DRAG AND WANDERING AROUND THE HALLWAYS! $50 SAYS THAT EXPLANATION MAKES MORE SENSE THAN WHATEVER HOSHINO COMES UP WITH.

MYSTERIOUS WOMAN: LOTUSES GROW FROM MUD TOWARDS THE HEAVEN! DEATH! SOMETHING!

AKUMA: ARE YOU OKAY?

SOMEONE, MAYBE KANDA: I LOVE YOUUUU

AKUMA: DAMN THIS KID TOOK SOME BAD SHIT.

~SUDDENLY BACK TO CHIBI!KANDA IN A HOSPITAL BED!~

CHIBI!KANDA: I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUWHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

~END CHAPTER~

ME: I… REALLY HAVE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS CHAPTER. I THINK THE CANON EXPLANATION IS THAT IT WAS ALL ONE BAD DRUG TRIP, CHIBI!KANDA IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING. IT IS THE MOST STIRRING PSA I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.

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(DAMMIT NOW I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FREAKING MONTH TO FIGURE OUT WTF IS GOING ON)