My Other Ride's A Squirrel

by CrackficShrews

Crackfic/The title has nothing to do with the story.Bella has a MySpace page. The POV goes between Edward and Bella as they share via blog. Edward isn't too bright, but he sparkles. Bella finds the benefits of having an Edward, & the Volvo comes to visit.

4. He's Stalking Me Again

DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer wrote Twilight and I pretty much wrote all this other stuff.

Chapter 4: Edward's Stalking Me Again

(BPOV)

BellAwesome Blog

Shit. He was in my room again. He bumped into my dresser and knocked over one of the souvenirs Alice brought me back from her sex travels. I loved when Alice told me all about them. Plus, she'd then demonstrate. It gave me goosebumps thinking about it.

But, damn that Edward. He watches me sleep. I mean, I patoot sometimes in my sleep and he's there listening. It's so embarrassing. And my pads are still disappearing. I mean, not that I care because they're trash. It's just weird.

This time I planned ahead. I placed one of those Nanny Teddy's with the built in camera on my dresser. I needed proof for the restraining order.

I was hoping my dad would arrest him and take him away, but then I thought over the scenario. I was sure he wouldn't stay in prison being a vampire. So I had to be more proactive and positive having a vampire watch me sleep.

And then I recalled peeking at him while asleep and how he was always so stiff – I mean ALWAYS. It was one of the reasons I wanted to have sex with him. I was pretty sure he'd be better than any of the dildos I had in my drawer.

I wanted to take a pic with a cowboy hat and riding him. I wanted to place it on my MySpace page. "I'm Riding on my Vamp Bitches!" Yeah, that would look cool. I'd get so many girls jealous with that one - especially if I placed a sun lamp in the right spot to make him sparkle. That would be the hot shit.

I needed Edward around. So I decided against the restraining order. I could use the Nanny Teddy to make vids of me and Alice when she was demonstrating. That would be wet worthy watching for later.

No other girls had an Edward that they could use. But I did. I just wanted him to stop watching me sleep. I didn't get him since my blood made him sick and break out in hives or something. I was never sure, since he talked so much and I always stopped listening after around the third word.

Shit, he was boring! Not like Alice. She had a voice that sounded like wind chimes.