Between the Gap

The door opens, and I'm guessing it's Jonathan. He walks in, closes the door, and comes to my bed. I sit up in the dark, squinting my eyes.

"Jon?"

He climbs onto my bed, lying down and burying his face in the pillow. Shaking. As always. I put my arms around him, kissing his cheek. The way I do every time. And then I'd whisper things and hold him.

"It's okay, I'm sorry," I whisper into his ear.

Without lifting his head, he just continues on shaking.

"Do you want me to take a look?" I ask, pulling away just a little.

He doesn't reply, but I go to turn on the light anyways.

"Here," I lift his shirt up a little, examining his back.

He never did tell me that Dad is the one whipping him. No one did. But when you touch the scars almost every night, when you watch the way the two act around, then you just know. You just learn.

"It's not that bad," I tell him. "You have a stele with you?" Dad never allowed me to have a stele, but sometimes, I use Jonathan's to heal him.

"No, can you just... Hold me?" He asks hoarsely, turning his body to face me.

"But-"

"I'll be fine. Please, Clary?"

"Alright," I whisper gently, turning the light back off and snuggling closer to him.

I feel his steady breathing against my forehead as I try to go back to sleep.

"Clary?"

"Yes?"

My breathing suddenly seems to be too loud as Jonathan stares at me in complete silent. And I just wait for him to say something to pass this awkward moment.

But he doesn't. He doesn't say anything. I wait for a minute, or maybe two. Then, faster than you can ever imagine, his lips are suddenly on mine. Moving. Kissing. I only blink, trying to unfreeze my brain. Finally, as a late instinct, I push him away.

"Jon," I say, dazed.

He grabs my shoulder, then shift our position so that he's on top of me, his weight pressing against me.

"Jon, get off me!" I whisper frantically. "What are you doing?"

Without answering, he kisses me on my lips once more, harder than the last time. My first kiss. My own brother. He forces my mouth to part, and try to get a reaction out of me. He succeeds. But not in the way he wants. I punch him hard, and he finally pulls away.

"What the fuck, Jon?" I say, trying to get him off me. "What's wrong with-"

"Why won't you kiss me back?" He asks quietly. "Kiss me. Please." He grabs hand and traces his jawline with it.

"You're my... You're my... Oh my god," I can't say what I meant to say. You're my brother! My blood.

"Remember when I told you... About keeping the bloodline pure?"

"No, I don't," I say sternly.

"You didn't know what I meant back then," he says, his breathing increasing. "But now I bet you do. Don't you, Clary?"

I wish this is just a random guy a met in a street, not my brother. I wish this is an asshole who's just trying to get into my pants.

"Jon, I think you were in too much pain, and your head got messed up."

Of course, of course! It's because of all that hurting thing... Whatever did cause him the pain. But what? Jonathan, still on top of me laughs dryly, sending shivers up along my spine.

"The pain..." He inhales sharply. "I feel it right now, and yeah, it's driving me crazy. But you see, you don't know as much as you think you do, Clary. It's really messed up, you know."

"I don't know what you are trying to tell me, but can we talk after you get off me?"

"I'm making you feel uncomfortable, aren't I? You're thinking I'm not like the brother you used to know..."

"Jon, please," I push his shoulder, but he doesn't budge.

"You know, Jace was right about one thing." He says, turning his face away.

"And what's that?"

He doesn't answer, making me anxious.

"You're not going to answer any of my questions," it's not really a question.

"When the time comes. I'm just not ready yet," he says quietly. "However, for now..."

I cringe away, afraid of my own brother for the first time. He remains silent, probably searching for an answer himself.

I wake up, blinking my eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight. Feeling a strand of hair tickling my neck, I turn to see Jonathan fallen asleep with his arm slung over my stomach. Thankfully, he didn't really do anything to me after our little talk. He just held me until I fell asleep.

Gently running my fingers through his hair, I wonder what got to him last night. Probably the pain. He did admit that it was driving him crazy. But still... There's this feeling deep inside me that's giving me bad vibes.

Someone knocks on the door, startling Jonathan awake.

"Come in," I say.

"Hey," Jace says, scratching the back of his neck. He seems a little surprised and curious about Jonathan being here. "Mom told you to stay in the house today. For the rest of the week, actually."

Jonathan tenses up beside me, but I don't bother to ask him why, since he probably won't tell me.

"What? Why?"

"Something about your... Actually, never mind. Just come downstairs for breakfast."

"I need to ask Mom why. Where is she?"

"She's out. With Father. They're-"

"At the meeting," I sigh, finishing his sentence. "What's for breakfast?"

"Mom made some pancakes."

I get dressed quickly and meet Jace at the kitchen.

"You're not still made at me, are you?" He asks, slouching against the wall.

Shrugging, I go sit on the table, playing with the fork.

"Clary, I know things aren't really making sense to you right now, but you have to believe me, everything will-"

"Oh my freaking god, Jace!" I say, frustrated. "Do I still look like an eight years old to you? I'm nearly fourteen now! Don't talk to me like that."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The room falls into silence instantly.

"Jace, look into my eyes and tell me what's wrong with Jon," I demand after a few seconds of silence.

He doesn't. Just like Jonathan.

"You're only older than me by a few months!"

"It's not just about the age, Clary."

Someone clears throat in the door way, and we both turn to face Jonathan. He walks toward us, and whisper something into Jace's ear. But he probably doesn't know that I caught a quick and hasty 'thank you'. Jace only crosses his arms.

As they both sit down to eat, no one speaks. Hell, I can't even look at Jonathan in the eye. I quickly stuff the pancake in my mouth, and stand up, not able to stand the silence anymore.

"I'm going to go text Simon to let him know I won't be at school for this week," I tell them, and go upstairs.

Frustrated, I get out of Mom and Dad's bedroom. Jonathan is in his room, so I can't search there, but Jace is training downstairs, and I know he knows something too. So I hurry to Jace's room.

As soon as I step into Jace's IKEAish room, sudden nostalgia washes over me. I used to hang around in his room so often, but now, he won't even let me come in. And don't you tell me he's introversive or something like that, because trust me, I know how he socializes with others. Especially girls.

Shaking my head, I open his drawer and look for anything that might be helpful. But nope. No diary, no notes, no nothing. I am checking under his bed when the door opens more widely, revealing Jace.

"Jesus!" I exclaim, standing up-and in the process hitting my head against the bed frame-quickly.

"What are you doing? In my room?"

I fumble with the hem of my shirt, searching for words.

"Just because I feel sorry for you, doesn't mean you can mess around in my room."

"I wasn't messing around. I was just..."

"Well, whatever you were doing, I don't care. Get out. Go to your loving brother so you can just film a sappy movie or something. Oh wait, maybe he's just too loving, isn't he?"

I tense up, confused by his last sentence.

"Aww, don't be like that. You're hurt, aren't you?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Are you being such an ass again just because I told you that I'm not a kid anymore?"

"Sweetie, not everything's about you, you know."

"I know," I say quietly. "Especially not to you."

Can't go to school for the rest of the week...

Shortly after I press the send button, he texts me back.

Why not?

I wish I knew.

Some things are just not explainable. There was a time when all of my ninja cards disappeared.

Simon.

Yes?

It was Rachel. She stole them.

No way. I've been looking for them for weeks!

I was going to go on with a sob story, but you just had to make me smile.

Well, that's what I do, isn't it?

I love you.

Alright, now don't get too corny. I need to go to class now. Text you later?

Okay. Bye.

Dad always tell me how a mundane friend can influence me badly. But I really don't care, you know. Simon makes me happy, and I know he'll always be there for me. But then again, that's what I once thought about Jace.

I know, Clace shippers. You're dying with waiting and stuff... But I just kinda need to stick with this thing called plot, you know. Anyways, thank you so much for reading and everything! Also, I enjoy reading your reviews. Hope you liked this chapter!