Starts with smut ends with shopping, feel free to skip to the part that interests you most! I personally love both smut and shopping =] I don't know why I'm telling you that... why would you care? I just love that I can write any crap up here and people will read it!

"It says no sex for a week."

"What? You're kidding me?" Kurt rushed over to the computer, desperate for me to be wrong. "But that's like 7 whole days!"

"Really? I was completely unaware of that... thank god I have you around to remind me of exactly how many days th..."

"Ok! I get it. You're pissed." He interrupted, glaring at me as I stared up at him nonchalantly.

"You think? I wonder why! I wonder if it's anything to do with the fact that my PENIS is fucking BLEEDING and I'm not allowed to get an erection. Something which is proving incredibly fucking DIFFICULT when you're stood there in your boxers with half your bits showing!"

"You're not allowed to get an erection?" He looked amused, I swear he was enjoying this far too much.

"No Kurt. Because it fucking HURTS and I can't masturbate!"

"You can't?" He grinned, a sparkle in his eyes.

"Kurt..." I warned. "Whatever you're thinking, stop it."

"It would be a shame if you just had to sit there and watch me have all the fun..."

"Kurt..."

Too late. The fucker was already sprawled out on the bed. He began moaning my name softly, his back arching as he pressed his crotch up into the air, parading it in front of me... and like a moth to a flame my penis started to twitch.

"Mmm... Blaaaaaine... I could... ooh..." He was quite evidently overacting. "I could really do with... ah... some help..."

He ran his fingers slowly down his body, his cock already beginning to harden through the black material.

I quickly turned back towards the computer screen, trying to concentrate on the pictures of mutilated cocks, some of which bared a scary resemblance to my own. I know they were mutilated but they were still cocks, and they weren't helping the situation AT ALL.

"I'm not interested."

"That's a... a shame..." he moaned again. He was probably touching himself now. "Because I really, REALLY feel like fucking."

"Oh fuck you Kurt."

"Please Blaine... pretty please? With cherry flavoured lube on top?" It sounded like he was getting off the bed, moving closer towards me. "I know you like it when I'm desperate." He whispered these last words right against my ear. I could feel his breath hot against my skin, feel his hand beginning to snake towards my groin, feel my pants beginning to tighten.

"You just can't help yourself can you? You get so hard for me." It sounded like he was smiling, sadistic little fuck!

Unfortunately I was unable to voice my opinion, and all that gushed out was a long low moan.

"Come to the bed baby..."

I shook my head. "Please Kurt..."

He spun my chair round gently so I was facing him, a pained whimper escaping my lips when I realised he'd taken off his boxers, his fully erect penis too difficult to ignore. I let out a frustrated sigh and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think about Justin Bieber kissing Selena Gomez amongst many other equally unappetising images.

I knew it was all over when he began to straddle me. To be honest I knew it was all over from the minute I saw him in his boxers, but I thought I might have a little more self-control than I gave myself credit for. Turns out I was wrong.

"Oh yess Blaine..." He was rubbing his arse against my crotch, his fingers twisting into my hair and dragging our lips together.

I yelped into his mouth as he caught my sore spot, at this rate I was never going to heal. I'd have to spend the rest of my life with a damaged penis. One week without sex was quite simply impossible.

"Let's get you out of these clothes..." he breathed, his voice full of lust.

And like the horny sex-obsessed 20 year old that I am, I let him undress me. Never a good thing when you're trying to stay celibate. It didn't take long. I was hardly wearing anything anyway. These days we spent most of our time in our boxers.

As soon as my underwear hit the floor he kneeled in front of me, his eyes twinkling as he eyed my erection. He parted my legs slowly and leant in to lap at my cock, the slight stinging sensation actually adding to the pleasure.

"Ooh... Kurt..."

"See that's not so bad is it?" he purred, talking more to my crotch than to me. Before I could protest... not that I was going to... he wrapped his lips around my head, playing with my slit with his tongue.

"Ah..." I breathed in shakily through gritted teeth.

Kurt soon worked me up to the point of no return, my hardness throbbing inside his mouth as he continued to tease my injured cock.

Satisfied, he let it slide out with a pop and grinned up at me. "I think I'll just go and have a wank now." He stood up to leave.

I was speechless. I know I deserved it. I know I'd played games like this countless times but he'd never been that good when it came to getting me back.

I grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving. "You don't... you don't mean that..."

"Don't I?"

"You want this just as much as I do..."

He smiled and wriggled out of my grasp. "Sorry..."

He walked back towards the bed, swinging his arse in that delightful way that made my breath catch in my throat. Laying himself down gently on top of the covers, he closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers round his cock, all the while letting out tiny little moans that he knew drove me crazy.

I gulped, watching intently as he tugged relentlessly at his erection, unable to do anything about my own hardness.

"Blaaaine... oh Blaine you know just how I like it..." He was mumbling to himself but he knew I could hear. I hadn't moved since he started, completely frozen to the spot. Time to rectify this. I headed towards the bed, crawling cautiously on top of him, careful not to touch him. My eyes darted hungrily over his body. I could feel the heat radiating from him, smell his sweat as he continued to pull at his cock.

"Blaine?" He opened his eyes to see me dive towards his lips, moaning into the kiss and pulling my hips towards his so that our erections were touching. "Mmm."

As I pulled back he grabbed my penis with his free hand and began wanking us both off at the same time.

I yelped in surprise at the contact, his hand beating against me, pain seering. I glanced down to check my cock was still attached, and funnily enough it was, but it was stinging like holy hell.

"Blaine..." Kurt began, his breathing heavy. "Have you... lubed yourself up already?"

"No..." I managed to pant back. "But I can... just give..."

"That's... that's not what I meant..." He pulled his hand away to assess it.

I stared down at his palm, covered in blood.

"Shit!"

Kurt pulled a disgusted face but continued to touch himself, not quite sure what to do with his other hand.

"Should I... should I keep going?" He stuttered. I could tell he was close, his face was starting to scrunch up in concentration.

"Yeah fuck it. I'll be ok..." I breathed, his hand now back on my cock, massaging it gently "Ooh... Kurt that's..." I didn't need to finish that sentence, he could tell how much I was enjoying it.

"I... I love you Blaine..." he managed to pant, whimpering as I bent down to suckle his neck in appreciation. "I'm... I'm gonna..."

"Ok baby..." I whispered, pulling away from his neck to watch.

Immediately his body began to tense, his hand gripping my penis tightly as his cum spilled out over the sheets.

"Fuck Blaaaine..." he moaned, bucking his hips up and squirming underneath me.

I'd never been able to outlast him for long, every time he orgasmed I instantly followed suit. I just couldn't help it, he looked so fucking hot when he came.

I didn't regret it at the time, but afterwards... man had I made a mistake! A few minutes later I was staring down at the blood smeared over the entire length of my penis and groaning in pain.

"I need to have a shower..." Kurt grumbled, holding his hand out in front of him like it was covered in toxic waste.

"Oh thanks... don't ask me if I'm ok then."

He glanced at my penis and crinkled his nose in disapproval.

"You best come with..."

I picked myself up off the bed and headed after him.

"I'm like a sadomasochist's dream!"

"Yeah too bad I'm not into that..." He shuddered. "I think we need to burn the sheets."

There was nothing like a shopping trip to cheer us up, nothing like a few dirty looks from passersby when they noticed I was holding Kurt's hand. I lived for those moments. I also lived for the moments when Kurt would stop guys in the street and try and recruit them.

"Hey would you be interested in signing up?"

"For the army?"

"God no... to be part of the homosexual community?"

"eh?"

"It's really very simple, all you need to do is sign here, here, and here and then you're good to go. It's just we're running very low on members and you look like someone who might be interested."

Mostly it ended with the guy explaining that he wasn't gay, sorry. To which Kurt always replied "Well of course you're not yet, you need to sign up first." But occasionally it ended with Kurt being kicked in the balls. Both very amusing outcomes.

Shortly after a few failed recruitment attempts, we entered a department store, greeted by the strong stench of perfume and an orange lady who had every single product from the entire range plastered onto her face.

"Would you be interested in our special half-price offer on men's fragrances? Today only."

Kurt shook his head. I completely ignored her. It gave us both an idea though.

I picked up a bottle of the nearest perfume and began squirting people with it as they walked by, a few people dodging out of the way and glaring angrily at me as the cold spray hit their skin. Kurt stood next to me and smiled at the shoppers in that fake shop assistant way, beaming at people like he knew each of them personally... although I guess he might have slept with some of them so that might actually have been correct.

I had on my over-excited Kurt voice. "Hello sir we have a special offer on today, would you be interested?"

"What's the offer?" He grunted, already looking eager to get away.

"Well it's very simple. You buy a bottle and you get a free blow-job."

"You what?" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Would you like a blow-job sir?"

"We're very good at them." Kurt chipped in. This was going to be a hard sale.

The guy couldn't get away fast enough.

"Maybe I could interest you in some hand cream then... for masturbation!" I shouted out behind him, the guy flinching as a few people turned to stare.

"I'm really glad he didn't say yes..." Kurt whispered to me afterwards, drawing me in for a kiss.

"Why because he's hideous?" I laughed.

He shifted awkwardly. "I think I... I think I might've got jealous."

I'm starting to get worried about Kurt. Sometimes I think he's losing it. A few years from now I can see him in an apron holding a mixing bowl and waving his 2.4 children onto a school bus. I don't want kids. I don't want to be disappointed with myself when they grow up to be radical Nazis. They're too much effort and society will just sculpt them into another robotic member who follows the heterosexual paradigm.

My worries about Kurt are put to one side however when I see him climbing into the window display. I follow him, naturally, and try to contain my laughter when I see him beginning to undress a mannequin, pushing it up against the window and pretending to make out with it. It's a male mannequin of course, but I have to admit I am a little disappointed by the size of his package. It's like my old action man toys. I had to stuff their trousers with toilet paper to make them look half decent.

A small crowd has gathered outside and so I take the opportunity to join in. I pull it and Kurt down to the floor with me, pressing its head into my crotch and pretending its giving me one hell of a good blowjob. Kurt positions himself over its arse and simulates fucking it. We've still got our clothes on so it's not like we're being indecent. It's funny to see the shocked faces of the crowd leering at us, but I get bored after about a minute. Bored and hard. Mainly hard. It's just that Kurt is making these delicious little noises as he grinds against it and it's really fucking hot. I want to drag him into a changing room and have my way with him but I know I'm not allowed. Virtual doctor's orders.

I quickly decide it will be much more effective, and much less arousing, to place the mannequins in extremely gay positions with each other and leave them like that. One's got his pants around his ankles whilst the other gropes his arse. Another 3 are laying down in a sort of mouth-watering gay sandwich having an orgy. I wondered if I'd ever be able to do this with Kurt again or if he was becoming too monogamous for this now ...maybe if he was the one in the middle he wouldn't get so jealous?

I speculate about how long it might take for one of the workers to notice our new display. I wonder if someone outside will tip them off or if they might think that it's just a new form of tasteful nudist expressionism. I never really got the whole 'tasteful' naked art thing. It's like... if they're naked I just want to have sex with them. I'm not going to appreciate their bodies just by looking at them am I?

Unfortunately it turns out that it doesn't take longer than about 30 seconds before security comes to drag you away. They caught me at a bad time too, rubbing my erection up against one of the spare mannequins. As they pulled me away from my new friend I reached out desperately towards it shrieking "but I love him!" I was kicking up a hell of a fuss about it too, how dare they rip me out of his arms like that?

Surprisingly this didn't change their minds about throwing me out and banning me from the store. Heartless bastards. And now there was another problem... Kurt looked jealous.

I might have to skip a week for the next chapter. It's so hard to write without the possibilty of any sex, I don't know what I was thinking!