Disclaimer: Don't own nothing :P
A/N: And here is chapter 4! As usual, the reviews were awesome, I'm glad you guys liked chapter 3-I had some severe writer's block for some of it... it took a while to write! And here is, I'm sure, your favorite part-the part where I answer some stuff!
Ok, there was a very interesting review, very unique and the only review that mentioned this-the dropping of the "l" word (dun dun dun!) My answer to the statement that it was pretty quick for Finn and Kurt to be saying they loved each other-There is a method to my madness! The idea in progress for this story is the very unconventional relationship Finn and Kurt have. Kurt has his own feelings about Finn he has to work on, and Finn has new feelings for Kurt that he is dealing with. Finn told Kurt he loved him in Chapter 3 as a brother, in not so many words. I don't feel like if I put "I love you" as a line for a character, that the character owes any explanation as to the nature of their love... much like my philosophy in life, Love is unconventional. It is not like Finn confessed his undying love for Kurt and they made out and started ripping each other's clothes off! ^_^ Trust me, there is a direction where this is going, and I think Finn can say he loves Kurt and have that be the end of it...doesn't mean he is in love with him, just that he loves him...maybe ponder that for a while and let me know what you guys think. Finn and Kurt have known each other for a while, because I am using the series as a starting point, so it's not like they have just met and are screwing each other already haha...but that's just my opinion and my thoughts. As usual, reviews are very much appreciated, and please don't shy away from constructive criticism, I am by no means trying to shoot down anyone's thoughts or points, just giving my explanation as the author, I hope the story can speak for itself!-that being said, remember what's going on in the story, and think about your position, as I have in response to the reviews-you guys have excellent points, and I enjoy reading every review! much appreciated and loved! Enjoy Chapter 4-REVIEW :)
Chapter Four
Finn woke up to the smell of strawberry... Kurt had just gotten out of the shower, and had gotten dressed in the bathroom at the risk of Finn charging in like a madman again and snapping another embarrassing photo of him. Rubbing his eyes, Finn sat up, straining his eyes to get a clear focus of the room. Kurt placed a few things on his bed, and turned around to gaze at Finn.
"I'm going to go make breakfast," he announced, as if channelling Martha Stewart. "I can make you something if you want to shower..."
"That would be great," Finn said, clearing his throat and stretching. "I'll be up in a few." "No rush, Hudson," Kurt smiled. "I don't have to go out hunting for our breakfast." he laughed and headed upstairs to get started. Finn just let out a long breath and stood up, hearing his joints creak in his legs as they did after a long night of Finn curling up and sprawling out into ridiculous positions in bed, trying to find that one perfect spot. Stretching his arms over his head, he went over to his closet and got his clothes for the day. White t-shirt, Blue flannel shirt, Jeans, and socks...today was one of those days Finn just randomly took out whatever he could find from his closet and hoped it didn't look too ridiculous.
Taking off the clothes he slept in, Finn headed into the bathroom and shut the door, turning on the shower, setting the water to a pretty hot temperature. Getting in slowly, Finn let the water wake him up little by little, plastering his hair to his head. He reached over and grabbed his body wash and scrubbed himself down, the smell floating to his nose. He breathed it in, feeling his body finally jolt fully awake as he worked the lather off of his skin. Finishing off with washing his hair, Finn stood in the shower, just letting the water hit him and slide off his body down to the drain.
He wondered if Kurt got his notecards he left him? More importantly, how did he take it? Finn didn't want to overstep too many boundaries, he and Kurt had already hugged, cried in each other's arms, and held hands... it was pretty much the opposite of what most brothers did in their lifetime, at least from what Finn was used to seeing and hearing about. He meant everything he said on the notecards, he wanted to be there for Kurt, as someone he could always fall back on. Someone who wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to be seen holding hands with him in public.
We were friends first, Finn thought, the hot water continuing to hit his body, keeping a steady pulse in his thoughts. We aren't technically brothers yet...what's wrong with a little guy love? Finn shut the water off and got out of the shower, drying off and slipping on his pants. He wiped the condensation from the mirror on the wall, fixing his hair with no real effort to make it something special, it pretty much just found it's own place to rest and Finn was content with that. Putting on the rest of his clothes, Finn headed up the stairs and into the kitchen.
Kurt was sliding an omelette onto a plate, a large apron that obviously belonged to his father that said, "Kiss me, I'm feeding you greedy bastards." Finn couldn't help but laugh at how well it fit Kurt's personality, and Kurt looked up at the sound of Finn's laugh.
"You are just living in flannel this weekend, Hudson," Kurt gave him the once over. "Not that I can complain, my eyes are used to seeing you in such things... but the children, Finn... think of the children." Finn chuckled at Kurt's joke, reaching over to ruffle Kurt's hair. Kurt moved away at the last second, handing Finn the plate in somewhat of a hurry. "Breakfast is served!" he said quickly, moving over to the other side of the counter and beginning to eat his usual bowl of cereal. Finn, confused by Kurt's sudden move, just ate his breakfast, neither of the two saying a thing the entire time, except the occasional awkward observation about the weather, "Slightly cloudy," as Finn so awkwardly observed, Kurt just nodding. Finn finished his breakfast, going around to Kurt's side of the counter, where the sink was. He made to slide past Kurt, who just moved again to another location, causing Finn to arch an eyebrow at him before putting his plate in the sink. Turning to face Kurt, Finn tried to read what was going on in this boy's head. Kurt was a brick wall, nothing could penetrate those defenses, at least not easily, and Finn had no desire to think on one of his last days of the long weekend. Shrugging, he walked towards Kurt at a safe distance and made to go to the living room, but Kurt stopped him.
"Finn," Kurt said, putting a hand on Finn's chest to stop him, then removing it quickly. "Can we talk for a second?"
"Sure," Finn said, shrugging and pulling up a chair to the counter, Kurt walking around to the other side, across from Finn.
"I got your notecards on my stand this morning," Kurt said. Finn nodded, he knew that, he left them there after all. "And I find it flattering that you are taking this role of my perhaps soon-to-be-brother so seriously...but that's just it. I'm not used to it, I'm not used to you being so...so forward with everything."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn asked, standing up. "I mean, it sounded like something bad, but I actually don't quite get where you are going with this..."
"The notes and hugs and times spent together holding hands are nice," Kurt said, taking a deep breath. "They're great, actually, more than I could ever ask for...but it's too much for me right now." Finn stared at Kurt, where had all this come from? Kurt just last night said how grateful he was to Finn for being there for him, and protecting him
"Dude, you are really starting to confuse me," He said, frowning. "Just last night, we were fine, and now all of a sudden we can't spend time together? And since when are hugs on your list of things you hate?"
"I don't hate them," Kurt said, stepping closer to the counter. "And I don't hate you either, so please don't get so upset over this-"
"I'm not upset!" Finn's voice grew. "I'm confused because you aren't making any sense!"
"Please lower your voice, Finn."
"Why? Why should-" Finn caught himself, it didn't have to go this way. He didn't have to yell at Kurt for sharing his feelings with him. "Just explain to me what you want from me."
"I just think we need to back off each other a little," Kurt said, looking down at the counter. "It's not so much you, it's me..."
"Oh please," Finn was looking at Kurt straight in the eyes now. "Do you know how many times I've heard that? Do you know how many times I've said that to someone? It's a phony way of saying it's all the other person's fault, but you don't want to hurt their feelings...how stupid do you think I am, Kurt?"
"I didn't say you were stupid-"
"No, but you're treating me like that," Finn said, trying to control the anger in his voice. "It's like, everything I've done, it was all for nothing..."
"I never said that I didn't appreciate everything you have done recently," Kurt replied, even he was annoyed now. "If you will recall, however, it was not my intention or my desire for that jock to have the crap beaten out of him."
"Oh!" Finn threw up his arms, as if it were all clear to him now. "So, the fact that I saved your ass last night is now suddenly just nothing!"
"I didn't say that-"
"Not directly," Finn said, pointing a finger at Kurt. "But you know that's what you meant. You think you can get past saying things by using your fancy words or by skating around the real issue."
"I don't get your vague hockey reference, Finn-"
"See!" Finn said, cutting Kurt off and pointing a finger at him. "That's what I mean! You know exactly what I'm talking about and you just took advantage of my feelings to make a joke. You thrive on making situations funny for yourself so you don't have to deal with the problem-"
"I threw away your notecards," Kurt said, somewhat loudly and suddenly. Finn just looked at him. "It was too much Finn. I'm glad you will always be there for me, but you and I both know that they love you talk about isn't the love I talk about..."
"That's your problem, not mine," Finn stated dryly, not sure if he meant it. "I'm straight, we've talked about this. I thought I would be nice to you because you needed someone who could help you with your issues the way you helped me with mine."
"I don't need anyone's help," Kurt said coldly. "I can take care of myself."
"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Finn scoffed at him. "And it could have been worse, it could have been worse last night, Kurt. You would be on the lunch menu next week at school if Puck and I didn't show up. You say you're grateful for what I did...but you want me to stop doing it. I don't know why, but you have a huge chip on your shoulder, and I've been trying to hack away at the thing to get you to see what everyone else sees... but you're too invested in yourself to care." Kurt looked as if Finn had been the one to give him the mark on his face, which was bruising but the swelling had gone down. Finn looked at Kurt's face, then at his bruise. "You know if that jerk hit you again in the same spot, he could have ruined your face," Finn reached up to touch Kurt's face, but Kurt backed away quickly, his eyes piercing Finn. "Then what would you feel when you looked in your mirror?" Kurt was fighting back his overgrowing want to punch Finn again, his hands clenched tightly at his side.
"I'd live," he responded finally to Finn's insult. "I'd get on with my life, there are plenty of things I can do and do well, I don't need a pretty face to prove who I am as a person..."
"No, you don't," Finn nodded. "But your piss-poor attitude doesn't do much for you. It helps to have a fallback." "A fallback?" Kurt wasn't going to lie down to Finn's insults anymore. "Like, a brother? Sorry, already got one, complete with brain the size of a pea, and the emotional range of a teaspoon! I paid extra for the smothering with 'brotherly' love, where is the return line?"
Finn just stood there, shocked that those words had actually just came from Kurt. Kurt seemed to be almost as shocked, his eyes widening, but still piercing as he stood his ground.
"You," Finn pointed a finger at Kurt, who flinched at the sound of Finn's voice. "Are ungrateful. You say one thing, mean another thing, and want something completely different. You lead people to think that they're close with you, that they can share anything with you. You make me think I can tell you anything, nothing was off-limits. I stuck up for you, even put myself on the line for you, making sure that you don't get beaten to a pulp a second time no less," Finn could only stand there, breathing heavy, his chest heaving with anger. "And all you can do is stand there and tell me I'm being too creepy for you."
Finn shook his head and walked over and grabbed his coat from off the table. Slipping it on, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.
"Finn...Finn wait!" Finn turned to see that Kurt had been following him to the door, as Kurt almost ran into Finn before regaining his balance. "Where are you going?" Kurt tried to reach out and tug at Finn's sleeve, but Finn just slapped his hand away.
"I'm leaving," Finn said, sternly. "I'm not going to fight with you anymore, Kurt. I'll talk, anytime, anywhere, about anything... my offer still stands because I keep my word, I protect people I love because I have to." Kurt looked up at Finn, astonished he wasn't calling him names or anything. "I don't understand why you our friendship has to drop off the face of the Earth, but I'll be waiting. If you ever have enough courage to talk to me like a man, like a friend, like a brother, or like whatever you call it, you come find me. From this point on, I will talk, but I won't fight for you. I tried fighting for you, and you just threw me under the bus for it." Finn opened the front door and stepped outside, turning to see the last glance of Kurt's face, which read all sorts of pain. Finn honestly didn't care right now, Kurt needed to learn this. "Thanks for breakfast." Finn shut the door and headed out to his car.
Kurt just stood at the place where Finn left him, watching out the window as Finn's truck pulled out of the driveway and drove off. What had he done? He just wanted to have a civilized conversation with Finn about what his feelings were about the sudden affection Finn had been given him. It took most of Kurt's strength to turn around and head back to the kitchen, where he leaned against the counter.
You...are ungrateful.
Finn's words still stung in Kurt's ears, he pulled up a chair and sat down, he felt a bit dizzy.
I tried fighting for you, and you just threw me under the bus for it.
Kurt felt anger boil up from inside him. He was trying to be honest with Finn and then Finn goes and tries to place all the blame and all the negative emotions back on him. Finn sat there and lectured him about all his fallacies, without taking any real responsibility for his own. Kurt knew his joke about Finn being an item he could stand in a return line for was out of line. It was one of those things people say in anger, and then fight the rest of their lives to take back, if the other person will even give them another chance.
Kurt took out his phone and pondered calling Quinn or Puck, but to involve them in another one of his and Finn's problems would be unfair to them, they had their own relationship to focus on, Kurt wasn't going to drag them down another tumultuous road. Kurt sighed and tapped his phone on the counter, nervously, before getting up and pacing around his kitchen. He wasn't sure what this was going to accomplish, but he had seen Finn do it and it seemed to help him, why not try it. It took 10 minutes of pacing for Kurt to be able to take a few deep breaths and realize Finn's last statement before he left,
I'll talk, anytime, anywhere, about anything... my offer still stands because I keep my word...From this point on, I will talk, but I won't fight for you...
He could call Finn right now. He could apologize for everything he said, take it all back, and hope that Finn would come home, and they could go about their day as they should have, without this stupid fight looming over their heads. Kurt almost dialed Finn's number when he put his phone down. He had to give Finn his space, especially since he had just demanded Finn give him his. Kurt was beginning to realize how Finn felt, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. It was a feeling of emptiness, the one person you wanted to see just a bit less of, has left and now he felt he would never see Finn again. Finn would probably come back later in the day, but what if he ignored Kurt? Kurt tried to take that a positive, since Finn could also technically not come back for the rest of the day, leaving Kurt alone with his thoughts... just like he asked and was now realizing he didn't want. It wasn't enough that Kurt loved Finn, but now that their parents were dating, he had to find a way to see Finn as "just a friend" or something like that. Finn wasn't making it any easier by writing lovely notecards and leaving them on Kurt's mirror-station in the morning. Reaching into his pockets, Kurt took out again the notecards, whole and not thrown away, holding them in his hands before putting them down on the counter to look at them.
You are loved. You are crazy, obsessive, and sometimes frightening...but above all else, you are and will always be loved. I promise.
Anger tried to rise again in Kurt Yeah right, some promise, where is he now? Kurt fought that voice as best he could. Finn left, and he left because I told him I wanted him to back off. I got what I wanted... there are consequences to what I say, I will just have to deal with them... Kurt thought about his earlier actions... could Finn ever get over what he said? and would he keep his promise? There was only one way to find out, so he took out his phone and dialed Finn's number.
Voicemail.
Kurt hung up and began his pacing again. He now fully understood what Finn was going through. All the wondering if what he was doing was too much even though he wanted nothing else but to see Finn walk through the door. Then, his phone vibrated, he had a text message.
You rang?
Finn's phone vibrated from inside his pocket... a text message from Kurt.
I need someone to talk to...some jackass just got into a stupid argument with me, then he left. Now, I'm all by myself and realizing that it's the complete opposite of what I wanted. I feel awful, because the jackass isn't really a jackass... I am.
Finn flinched slightly, he didn't want Kurt to feel so bad about himself, he was trying to take responsibility for his actions too.
I'm sure you're not a jackass, I think you just had to burn your fingers a little in order to learn what fire was.
Very insightful... Kurt replied
It happens, sometimes when I talk brilliant things just flow out. I try to say what's on my mind, I guess... Finn sent the message, breathing.
I didn't give you the chance to say what you wanted.
And I didn't give you the respect you deserve. Finn replied, trying to help shoulder the emotions. It was hard when things were over text messages and he wasn't sure how awkward things were still between them.
I'm sorry.
Finn felt a great weight lifted off his chest when Kurt sent him that. Yes, he had only been away from the house for about 30 minutes, and the chances that Kurt had a complete turn around and now everything was good between them were pretty slim...but he gave Kurt his word, and no matter what, he meant to keep it just as he said he would. Finn smiled to himself, because secretly he knew Kurt wouldn't last that long, which is why he had only driven 2 minutes down the street before parking the car and waiting for Kurt to text him. Turning his truck around, Finn headed back to see what would go down next.
Finn walked in the front door, half expecting Kurt to come running, tears streaming down his face, but he never came. Finn found Kurt in the kitchen, where it had all started, sitting at the counter. Finn put his coat and keys down before pulling up his own chair, across the counter from Kurt, who Finn could tell wanted to move closer to him, but didn't. He understood how Finn felt, at least that was the vibe Finn got.
"This is really hard for me," Kurt said, tensing slightly. Finn nodded, and shrugged.
"Dude," he said, calmly and cooly. "I came home because you wanted to talk. So talk." Finn wasn't going to let Kurt down gently just because he apologized.
"I just don't know where to begin," Kurt took a deep breath. "What I said about needing to return you as if you were a gift was totally out of line. I was angry...it's not an excuse, but Finn, put yourself in my shoes," Kurt looked at him, pleadingly. "You have a crush on someone, then you have to work at not having such a big crush on them. Then, you start to become amazing friends with the person, who all of a sudden starts to reciprocate those affections, although their intentions are different... it feels the same."
"I don't need an excuse or a detailed disclaimer to explain why I said you were loved," Finn said. "...because you are. It's true, and not just love from me, but from everyone. Our friends and our family...everyone loves you, and you know that. You just are always in a position or situation where I have to remind you that you mean so much to me. Which I don't mind doing, because you do...but then don't turn around and tell me that I can't say that." Finn shook his head. "I won't let you tell me what I can or can't say. You are important to me, if something happens to you, I will worry. If you do something funny, I will laugh. And if I so choose, I will say I love you. You know how I mean it, you know that I mean it... and I won't apologize for feeling that way, Kurt, just like you wouldn't ever apologize for being you."
Kurt nodded, he felt like crap, but Finn was right. He had a huge chip on his shoulder, and Finn shouldn't have to be the one having to do all the work of dismantling that chip from Kurt's shoulder.
"I don't know what else to say," Kurt said, shaking his head. "I expected to be feeling much more, but I don't feel a thing... is that bad?"
"You tell me," Finn said, shrugging. "I feel awful for what I said. I know you are grateful, you can see it in your face. It just seems like you become numb to everyone else because you don't want your problems to spill over on to everyone else...but Kurt, that's what friends are for. Good friends, anyway. They will always be there to help you not because they pity you or think you are a weakling who needs it, but because they are your friends and want to help you. You keep saying that you understand...but I'm not sure if you do, and I don't know why."
Kurt looked down at the counter, he was officially done. He had nothing to say because Finn was right, he could only slowly nod his head. As he did, he felt the tears coming, and he fought them back again, each time it was getting harder. Finn, noticing that Kurt was fighting back his emotions again, could only slowly walk over to Kurt. Kurt looked up at Finn, who was smiling down at him.
"What do you say we take that brick wall you have up apart...one brick at a time." Finn said, smiling. Kurt collapsed into Finn's chest, crying his eyes out. Finn didn't hug right away, he stroked Kurt's arm, encouraging him to get it all out. It wasn't until Kurt looked up at him, brushed away his tears and took a deep breath.
"I'm crazy, obsessive, and sometimes frightening," Kurt said, Finn smiling back at him as he took out the notecards to show Finn he had not thrown them away like he said he did. "I have a huge chip on my shoulder and every time something stressful happens to me, I put up a wall so no one can get in and get caught up in my problems. I say things I don't mean, I cry all the time, and I ask for space when in reality, being alone scares the crap out of me. I'm so far from perfect for you as even a friend, but I'd like to keep trying..."
Then Finn hugged him, tight...and Kurt felt heard him whisper in his ear, "Kurt, you don't have to try, you will always be exactly where you have always been when it comes to me. Nothing is going to change just because we have a few arguments."
"Then why would you put me through this?" Kurt asked, relieved but confused.
"Like I said," Finn said smiling. "You have to burn your fingers to learn what fire is."
"Fuck that." Kurt said shortly, Finn laughed.
"And you say I'm impossible..." Finn said, chuckling.
A/N: So...good chapter? I know someone will probably say that they got over the fight way to fast...but Finn was never really in the fight... he was just pissed. He knew Kurt wouldn't last by himself trying to deal with his problems, because Finn knows it's all a tough front that Kurt puts up... yay for Finn being able to (hopefully) break down Kurt's barriers! ^_^ SUBMIT A REVIEW!
Until next time!
~BlueRain26