All Buffy could manage at that point was to allow him to lead her back to his place while her mind raced over all that he, Angel, had written in that first letter to the one and only Cordelia Chase. Before Buffy had a real chance to process what all this new information and perspective meant they had arrived back at Angel's apartment.
Once in the apartment Buffy looked around and began to feel like she was acquainted with the whole place. "Angel, this place feels familiar and I haven't been here five minutes yet." Angel told her that this was his apartment that had blown up at the end of his first year in LA (he bought the basement level of the rebuilt building). "It's really changed since you and Faith were last here but it's not surprising that you can sense when you have been somewhere before even if it has been years."
"Okay, Buffy, let's try this as a starting point. Did you already know that Cordy had been in a coma for about 8 months before she actually died?" Angel asked trying to gauge Buffy's response to seeing him again and finding out that he was the writer.
"Yeah, I knew that much, but if she died after only 8 months in the coma why did it look like she had just been buried?"
"Because I had just had her body moved, and I wrote that letter to her just before the big battle against WRH. The battle destroyed so much…I found a cemetery that hadn't been disturbed and had her body moved there as a way to give her more peace. Even though I'd had the letter for a while by then I wanted to wait until she was in her new grave before I gave it to her and you, as it turns out." Angel answered and waited for the next question.
"Okay, well all that makes sense. I wish I had been here to help out with the battle though. You know that I would have been here to fight by your side if you had only let me know what was going on."
"Yeah, I do know that and that's exactly why I didn't want to ask you. I didn't want you to risk your life for me. You risk your life often enough without me adding my problems to your own." Angel explained. He hoped that Buffy wouldn't think he was trying to make her decisions for her again though. Luckily for him Buffy had grown up over the past few years and knew that he wasn't trying to run her life, but that he was trying to let her have her own life. He had always wanted her to have the life, any life, that she wanted to have. Buffy knew that now, at last.
"Okay, I think it is time that you tell me everything there is to know about your son." Buffy demanded as she settled back into the plush couch cushions knowing this story may take awhile and that she would not like parts of it.
At first the statement caught Angel of guard, but then he remembered that he had mentioned Connor and Darla in the letter to Cordy. After that he actually began to feel a little relieved, because he was finally going to be able to tell Buffy everything that had happened and how he had wished that most of it had ended better.
"Well, it really all starts with WRH. They brought Darla back as a human, and their goal was for her to drive me crazy, get rid of me, kill me, or whatever so that I wouldn't be able to get in their way anymore. At first it was working, I thought I was just imagining it or having nightmares about her being back. I mean it'd been almost four years since I dusted her and it had never bothered me before, so 'why know' I thought. Then I found out she really was back and as a human she had a soul. Then we found out that she was dying and we couldn't do anything about it. That's when things really started going bad. Dru showed up,turned Darla and I wasn't able to stop them before they started their rampage on the city. I pushed everyone away and became obsessed with stopping Darla and Dru. Without the support of the friends I once had to back me I soon let myself sink into a depression as bad as our last Christmas together. I hit rock bottom and Darla was there with me when it happened. Of course she had been trying to get me to lose my soul and that night I just wanted the pain to stop. I was willing to do anything to make it stop. I wasn't thinking about losing my soul, just stopping the pain, and I gave into Darla. Our fight turned into rough sex and when I woke up beside her I knew things would finally begin to get better. The only way I had to go was up. For a moment I let Darla believe I had lost my soul, but then I told her all I felt with her was pure despair and that if I ever saw her again I would stake her." Angel stopped and sat down on the couch with Buffy. While Angel had been talking and pacing she had sat, unmoving, and with her head bowed since he first mentioned his soul. After a minute of having Angel just sitting beside her Buffy was able to look up and into his eyes. It was obvious that Buffy had been crying silently and Angel was rendered speechless. "I'm not sure how to feel or react. I feel angry that you gave up and didn't care, terrified that it could have been reality to face Angelus again, and completely relieved that you felt complete despair with Darla. Before you staked her that night in the Bronze I was already scared of losing you to her and we hadn't even known each other that long. I couldn't believe it when you staked your sire." Buffy's emotions were still on a roller coaster ride, but getting that off her chest was helping and so was the fact that Angel looked relieved. Angel had thought that Buffy would react with anger, even a little violence, and he wasn't prepared for how not angry she was.
"Okay, so you slept with Darla that night and somehow she ended up pregnant,' Buffy summarized, 'then what happened?"
"Well, after that night she left and I heard nothing from her or about her until she showed up on my doorstep nine months pregnant. Her appearance shocked all of us and the gang got mad at me for not telling them that we had slept together. Anyway, the same time she shows up another person from our past shows up also. He was a man that Darla and I had tortured but not killed, and in return he hunted us all over Europe. Holtz, was his name and, at the time, I had no idea how he came to be in the present – he should have been dead over a hundred years ago. Holtz wanted to kill Darla and me,but when he found usand saw that she was pregnanthe decided that the best way to hurt me would be to take my child away from me. In the meantime, Darla had to stake herself to bring the baby into the world. For a month or so I was able to be with the baby, Connor, and keep him from harm. Then Wesley believed that he had found a prophecy about Connor and me that said I would kill my son. Wesley kidnapped Connor and turned him over to Holtz. I tried to get him back, to save him from Holtz and from whatever Holtz was going to do to him, but I failed. Holtz took him into another dimension. I tried to find Connor, to bring him back – I even used black magik. But nothing worked. Connor came back a few months later from that hell dimension where Holtz had raised him. He came back a seventeen year old who hated me with every fiber of his being. Holtz had taught him to believe I was Angelus and needed to be disposed of. I don't know if Holtz ever knew about my soul or that I am still trying to make up for all the wrong Angelus did." Angel, who had again been pacing while he was talking, stopped and once again sat down with Buffy. This time when he looked into her eyes they were full of anger. Angel knew though that she was mad at Holtz and not him. However, as Angel and Buffy continued to look each other in the eye Buffy began crying silently. Buffy cried because she knew how much Angel would have wanted a child and how hurt he would have been to have that child yanked from his life by anyone, but the especially combination of a best friend and an enemy. Buffy cried because Connor didn't know or understand the whole story of his father's life, and because he was capable of hating his father. As Buffy cried Angel wiped the tears from her cheeks not realizing that he had also started crying until she wiped away his tears also. In a whisper Angel told her that the story wasn't over yet, but that he was okay to continue if she was. Buffy nodded for him to continue.
"I survived, Buffy, remember that. I had to fight Connor, Cordy and their child to end all of this hatred and pain. But now I can honestly say that it was all worth it. After the battle that left Cordy in a comma, and their child – a pure demon – dead, Connor was on the brink of insanity. I had to do something and that something came along in the form of WRH. They had the power to give Connor a normal life and so, I allowed them to change all of his memories and the memories of anyone close to us who knew of Connor's existence. It worked. My team didn't remember Connor, his relationship with Cordy or the battle against Jasmine. Only I knew the truth about him and his actual past. After his memories were altered I looked in on him and found him happily looking forward to going off to college. He was happier and more at peace than I had ever seen him before and I knew that I had done the right thing. Several months later though, Connor's "parents" brought him into WRH at the discovery of his superhuman strength."
"Yeah, I was so excited and pumped when I was able to fight those demon guys and not get hurt at all" Connor interrupted and announced his presence, at which both Buffy and Angel looked up with surprise and shock on their faces. Then Angel smiled and chuckled to himself at the memory of the day he looked up and saw Connor walking into his office behind Wesley. At hearing Angel chuckle Buffy looked at him in shock and asked what the hell was funny enough to make him even sorta begin to laugh. Angel grinned at her and told her that over the years he had learned to laugh and smile some, especially right after Conner was born. Angel then turned to Connor and asked him if he would like to pick up telling the story to Buffy. Connor nodded quickly and silently thanked his father for giving him his first opportunity to talk to Buffy and begin getting to know her.