When Thor returned to the camp Loki was sitting still before the fire, back straight and legs crossed, arms lazily draped over his knees. His eyes were almost black as he watched Thor, glittering with a razor sharpness that made Thor want to cower away. He did not look at Loki, avoiding the piercing gaze as he carefully added his load of wood to the stack they'd gathered earlier. Then he sat down in his old place across from the fire, sitting against the log and sighing.

"You married her." Loki said. His voice was low, forming each word as though he were unearthing an ancient mystery. "Barely a month after returning; Heimdall reported it to me… the marriage of my 'son'. Yet you are wearing the rings around your neck."

Thor eyes snapped up, and he saw Loki's face, pale with intensity, eyes dark and unblinking and knowing as he put together the pieces. A fire began to burn in those green depths, and Thor felt his breath catch and his stomach clench.

"I saw your joy when you learned her illness was cause for celebration, not concern. How tenderly you held her and kissed her." Loki continued, seeming not to care about the effect of his words upon Thor's countenance. "The only wrinkle in your perfect life was my deception, which you came and were done with in a matter of days. And since you are not king you should be at home with your mortal, picking out names and indulging in a life of matrimonial bliss. Instead you are here with me, after dropping everything and camping in the desert for twelve days. Why?"

Thor couldn't move. It was taking everything he had to ignore the memories screaming in his head, demanding that he look and remember.

"Say her name." Loki demanded.

Thor's mouth opened with a breath. "What?"

"You have not said one word about her this entire trip. As if she doesn't exist." Loki stood up, and the fire in his eyes was bright and harsh, his form looming and dangerous. "Say her name."

Thor scrambled to his feet, suddenly feeling cornered. He was not quick enough to escape as his boots bumped into the log and Loki crossed over the fire and into his space, crowding him with his body, inches from his face.

"Say her name."

Thor ground his teeth. "Enough."

"Say her name."

"Loki, enough."

"Say it."

"Shut up!"

"Jane!" Loki voice rang through the air, and everything fell silent. "Her name is Jane! Your wife! The mother of your child!"

Thor stared at him, breathing hard, his pulse racing.

"Where is she, Thor?" Loki asked, his tone clipped. "Where is your Jane?"

His vision blurred. His throat grew so tight it hurt, but he still held it back.

Not here. Not now.

And in that moment, his brother knew.

The fire retreated in Loki's eyes, and the lines of his face softened. "So." He murmured. "In the space of six months, you have lost your mother, your father, your wife and your child." For a beat Loki just looked at him. Then he dropped his eyes, lingering for a moment at the chain disappearing beneath the collar of Thor's shirt.

"Did you mourn?" Loki whispered.

He was too close, too deep in his personal space; Thor needed air. He slid sideways and around Loki, escaping and walking several paces away, breathing heavilly. With jerky motions he knelt beside the wood stack and pulled out several pieces, adding them to the waning fire and encouraging the flames.

"Don't do this, Thor. You are not like this. You must talk."

But Thor didn't talk. He didn't know how, because how can one talk of something they don't think about? His mouth was full of ashes and he ached, and all he could do was keep his back to his brother. "I'll take first watch." He said hoarsely.

Loki hissed behind him, venom and frustration in the sound, quick boot-steps moving away. "Fine." Loki spat, sitting down on the other side of the fire and crossing his arms. "Be miserable and heartless then. Why should I care?"

The night was long, but uneventful. Thor spent the hours of his watch in misery. Memories were escaping through the cracks caused by Loki's words, and he would catch himself suddenly startling at the slightest sound, his heart hammering with remembered fear and adrenaline. He had not been tired in the least when the night had started, but when at last it was Loki's turn he couldn't have been more glad to relinquish his post and escape into sleep. Without a word he touched Loki's shoulder, waking him instantly, and without a word Loki rose and took his seat by the fire, while Thor laid down upon the makeshift bed of packs and cloak. He closed his eyes, limbs heavy, and soon enough he felt the pull of sleep.

He dreamed. Or rather, he remembered. Remembering with chilling clarity; he was reliving it, he must be… Jane slipping on the icy sidewalk and falling. Her laughter as he helped her up, and her frustration as they headed to the hospital. How she'd reassured him that everything was most likely fine, that it was procedure for an expectant mother to be hospitalized for a 24 hour observation after falling on the ice, to make sure the baby was fine. Precautionary, she said, as the cab navigated its way along the busy, frozen streets.

What do you think of Rose for a girl? she'd asked, her eyes sparkling.

And then the impact. The spinning and screeching and rolling, where down became up and up became down and nothing was right and then… nothing. Just an eery nothing as things blurred in and out of focus…

…There was a high-pitched sound in the distance, growing louder and louder till it hurt his ears, and Thor suddenly realized— as his senses returned—that it was the car horn. His heart was hammering in his chest, hard enough steal his breath, and his thoughts were a jumble of panicked questions. The cab was upside down, and he was half hanging in his seat belt, half slumped on the crumpled ceiling of the car. He looked to the side. It suddenly became harder to breathe. "Jane?" He rasped, reaching and pulling against the unrelenting belt, catching her white face in his hands. Her dark eyes stared at him in shock, so large and so frightened, her lips trembling as she tried to say his name. He carefully pulled her hair free from the blood on her face, running from her nose. "It's okay," he said breathlessly, smiling reassuringly at her, nodding as she locked her eyes on his. "It's okay." He said again. "It's okay…" And then he had noticed that her skin was not just pale, it was white. Too white. She opened her mouth, tried to say his name, but she had no air and he couldn't figure out why until she coughed and the red stained her mouth and her chin.

'I'm sorry' she mouthed.

His heart seized. "No," he begged, stroking her face. He began pulling at his seat belt, panic setting in. "No, no, no! I don't— Jane! It's going to be okay!"

Tears filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. 'I love you' she mouthed. 'I love you… I love y…'

"No! Jane!"

Someone was shouting, tools were ripping at his door, something was cutting his belt, and then hands were grabbing him and pulling him out, and he was screaming at them…

"Sir, we've got you."

"No! Get Jane! Get my wife!" He started sobbing as they dragged him out, and he was trying to hold onto her hand but her fingers slipped free and they were pulling him away and they were LEAVING her and he was screaming at them "GET MY WIFE! DON'T LEAVE MY WIFE! JANE…!"

…and it hadn't mattered, because she was dead and he was not, and there was nothing but a crushed car in the middle of rush hour and crowds of people and no one to help him as he was taken away in the ambulance, with his Jane laying across from him, and there was nothing… nothing but holding her hand… nothing as he said her name over and over and over again…

… and Thor caught his breath with a drowning gasp, his heart hammering within his ribs, his own screams still echoing around him as he scrabbled for purchase, the sensation of spinning and rolling and desperation and hopelessness a blinding whirlwind, and he couldn't get away from them, they just kept grabbing him and holding him and he couldn't catch himself…

"Thor! Thor, stop it! It's all right!"

… the world still tipped and tilted, and metal still screeched and his fingers clawed for a hold, reaching out desperately and searching for her as he heard Jane scream… And then he found a hand, and he clutched at it and it held him and it was strong and it kept him from spinning away, and another hand was on his back, rubbing firmly, safe and grounding.

Thor saw the dirt, saw the claw marks and the scuffs and grooves he had made in his wild, unconscious scrambling. The packs were several feet away, shoved and thrown, the firelight casting a strong and real light over everything. He heard someone gasping, and knew it was him. Loki's fingers tightened over his hand, unbothered by how crushing his grip was, knuckles white and shaking. Loki's hand stayed on the back of his shoulder, warm and solid and steadying.

"It's all right, Thor." Loki said quietly. "It was just a dream."

But Thor shook his head. It may have been over a month, a month in which he'd managed not to think about it, but now that he was he couldn't stop and he could taste the fumes and see her whitening skin and feel the unnatural, slippery heat of her blood and see her large dark eyes as she tried to tell him…

"Breathe, Thor." Loki murmured. "Just breathe."

'I love you' she'd tried to tell him.

His hand shook in Loki's; he could feel hers grow cold.

His Jane.

His child, and his Jane.

Loki's hand tightened on his shoulder.

Thor growled and shoved him roughly away, pushing himself to his knees and moving away… getting away, getting some space, but it didn't work. He couldn't get away from her face, looking at him and mouthing 'I love you.'

He leaned against the log, laying his head against it, the bark rough against the side of his forehead. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

The emptiness of the forest surrounded him.

Harshly, soundlessly, the grief rushed and poured out like an unchained beast, so hard and fast that he couldn't breathe. There was a scraping sound in the dirt, and then the feeling of a presence at his side, and a hand on his shoulder. Thor shuddered and instinctively pulled away, but two arms, as strong and hard as iron, wrapped around him and held him secure against warm leather and rough fabric.

His father and mother never saw him marry, would never see grandchildren. Would never know how much he loved them, or how very, very sorry he was.

He would never hold his child.

He would never, ever again hold Jane.

The darkness that had chased him, the emptiness that had threatened him, opened up in a void beneath him and he began to fall. They were all gone, and he felt so alone.…

He turned his face into the leather and cloth of Loki's shoulder, the scent of his brother filling and surrounding him. I didn't tell her I loved her.

His brother. All of this loss, all of them gone… but his brother.

Loki's arms tightened around him. "She knew." Loki whispered, and held him.

And Thor broke, and let himself fall.