[A/N] I don't know why, but this chapter took me longer to complete because I felt unhappy with the way it was unfolding. I think it is now at a state I am happy with, though, and my own motivation came from two new followers! Of course, I must give a huge shoutout to G-Matt, who's been there for this since it pretty much began. At first, I thought it was just gonna be us two flying the flag for this underappreciated background ship, but then we were joined by two more (andImustadmititisahugehonourbecauseonehaswrittenanabsolutelybrilliantfanfiction-) so... welcome aboard!

My second motivation to finish this chapter also came from reading the particularly awful chapters in the manga just to see if I would want to buy it in spite of Toji's death (spoiler: I don't want to buy it, because just the phrase 'Toji's death' hurts to write I swear) and the Tojikari in the manga made me desperately want to continue with this and give them the happy ending they deserve.

As a result, I have decided to title this chapter 'yon' and not 'shi', since if you may have noticed the chapter titles are numbers in Japanese. Both words mean 'four', but 'shi' also means 'death' and in Japanese culture it is considered an unlucky number because of this. Since this is going to ultimately have a happy ending (albeit with a few hardships along the way because, I mean, this is Evangelion we're talking about) I want to wish as much luck as I can to the couple~

Phew, got that longer than usual author's note out of the way. I hope you all enjoy!

MADE A GIRL CRY

CHAPTER FOUR

"Do you think you understand it now?"

Toji's elbow slipped on the kotatsu's table top, pushing his fist away from the cheek that had been resting on it. His eyes widened before they narrowed again when he realised Hikari had been talking to him. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah."

Hikari frowned, ignoring any and all concerns of him not sleeping well the night before to furrow her eyebrows at him. Now sans her flour covered apron and her hair tied into her two trademark pigtails, she was in full Class Rep mode. He was practically ignoring her, even after she had spent however long explaining an equation to him. She had even tried to explain it as simply as possible to the point where she was perhaps bordering on patronising him. Already, Hikari was growing frustrated, her annoyance soon overpowering any worry for him. There was only so much Hikari could say and do – it was up to Toji whether he co-operated or not. There was only so far Hikari could go with teaching him – if he didn't want to listen, then the fault lied with Toji, not her.

Yet, no matter how much she told herself that, part of her didn't want to penalise Toji. Maybe she just had to be patient, or try another approach – either way, it was more than she had done for any other student. For the most part, the students Hikari tutored were grateful and worked hard with her, no matter how difficult they found the questions at first. Hikari had never dealt with a difficult student before, but she knew that, if she had, she would soon lose patience with them. She knew exactly why she was allowing Toji to be the exception, whether she wanted to admit that or not.

"Toji, you wanted my help, but if you don't want to work with me, then…" Hikari picked her words carefully, ensuring he took her seriously but not confuse her stern tone with nagging or frustration, even if she was beginning to feel the latter.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," his apology came out quickly, cutting off Hikari as if he had been rushing to get his words out.

His voice lingered in the air before an uncomfortable silence hung over them. All the words Hikari wanted to say were either cold and harsh, or warm and concerned. In the end and after a few moments of silence passed, Hikari chose the warm and concerned words, only singing them to a colder tune.

"Didn't you sleep last night?" Hikari glanced at Toji, long enough to see just how heavily lidded his eyes were but not long enough to catch his gaze, before glancing over at the discarded cupcake wrappers circling Toji. A few crumbs still clung to the wrappers. "And didn't you have anything to eat before you came?"

The laugh that came from Toji was more than enough to melt Hikari. It was only small, like he had pushed air out of his nose, and his shoulders shrugged too.

"Sorry," Toji smiled harmlessly. "I only got a couple hours last night."

He rubbed his eye sleepily as if to prove his point, and Hikari let her body relax; she hadn't realised just how tense she had become until Toji smiled at her.

"Well, let's just try again. Shall I repeat how to do the question?" Hikari asked, and Toji hummed in response. She nodded, picking up her pen and using it to point to the equation on her own half-complete homework sheet. Toji watched as her pen danced across the page as she scribbled down notes on how to work it out, explaining what she was doing as she went along. Though it was all at risk of flying right over Toji's head, he made sure he paid attention, determined to go up by at least a few percent to begin with in their next test.

His own pencil hovered over the same question on his sheet, which looked so pathetically empty compared to Hikari's. During Hikari's explanation, Toji did find himself briefly glancing at his laptop, which almost hung off the edge of the kotatsu top, its screen black and forgotten about. He also found himself wondering why, in this age of incredible technology, the teacher still preferred to hand out worksheets to be completed manually when everyone just used their laptop to take class notes in the first place. Sometimes the teacher assigned online homework, but it was growing rarer as the year progressed. Maybe it was the pre-Second Impact generation still nostalgically clinging to what they knew to be normality, Toji thought, remembering how his mother always sang praises of pen and paper when she was alive, despite being a brilliant woman of science. Realising he was getting distracted again, Toji tuned back into Hikari just in time for her to ask, "Do you think you could give it a try?"

"Sure." Discreetly, Toji twisted Hikari's sheet closer to him and read the working out notes she had scrawled around the equation. It amazed him, how Hikari opted to always use her pen even when solving math. Something was so fearless about it, like she wasn't scared to get it wrong – not that she ever did, anyway. If Toji ever got anywhere near Hikari's practically perfect grades, everyone would know it because he would just constantly brag about it. Hikari, on the other hand, was so modest and humble whether she got a ninety nine or hundred. After the last test in class was handed back to them and Toji saw the reality of how much his grades were slipping first hand, he overheard two girls he could never remember the names of surrounding Hikari, cooing and gawking in awe.

"Wow, Hikari! How do you do it?" one had asked.

The other nodded in agreement and added, "Yes, tell us!"

There was a look on Hikari's face that Toji had never seen on anyone, let alone the Class Rep, before. It was sincere, full of appreciation and gratitude for their praise. Toji couldn't believe Hikari, the perfect student and the Class Rep for as long as he knew her, wasn't used to getting praise and compliments, but the look on her face somehow said otherwise.

"Oh, I just studied a lot! Do you want me to help you both? We can study together for the next test!" Hikari sounded so genuine. She truly did want to bring out the best in everyone. Even knowing that, Toji still couldn't help but wonder why she was going to waste time she could have spent studying on helping him improve. At least, however, he knew he would be in safe hands with her tutoring him.

After a lot of head scratching and even more chewing at the end of his pencil, Toji managed to scrawl down what he thought was the answer. Before Hikari noticed he had finished writing, Toji plopped his pencil down next to the paper and turned to face her directly, "Hey, Class Rep. Why are ya doin' this for me?"

"W-What?" she had been taken completely off guard. "What… what do you mean?"

"I mean, why are ya spendin' yer Saturday helpin' me out?" Toji looked down at his lap and lowered his voice, a small but sad smile crossing his face. "Shouldn't ya be focusin' on yer own studies? Seein' yer friends?"

Hikari stared at him for a while with wide eyes, dumbfounded. When she realised what Toji was saying, she tried to smile back. "Don't worry about me. I want to do this. To… help you…"

She bit the inside of her cheek, desperately trying not to blush.

"But… but why?" Toji was persistent. He honestly couldn't piece together why the Class Representative wanted to help him out. One moment she was always chewing him out, berating him for defying school rules or passing notes or throwing paper aeroplanes or something about 'sexist, degrading language'. Now, he was sat in her side room alone with her as she showed him how to work out math questions he found incredibly difficult. He also couldn't quite work out how her devil of a best friend allowed this to happen – that is, whether she knew about their current arrangement at all.

"Why'd ya wanna help me?" he kept pushing the question because he just wasn't finding the answers in his head no matter how hard he thought about it. It just didn't make sense.

Hikari swallowed, her eyes darting around as she tried to come up with some sort of excuse that would be enough to satiate his curiosity without revealing her true feelings.

"Um… well, why wouldn't I want to help you?" she answered. In her attempts to avoid his gaze, she looked down at his sheet of paper, surprised to see Toji had not only written what appeared to be an answer, but he had circled it too like he was so proud of himself for getting something down on paper. She checked it against her own working out, and tentatively looked up at Toji to see where his own gaze was. Fortunately for her, he was still looking down at the floor.

"I just… I guess I thought ya hated me, or somethin'…" he admitted, his voice so small Hikari almost couldn't recognise it. There was a sense of vulnerability she had never heard in Toji's strong voice that could dominate anyone's - even Asuka's. "I mean, I'm surprised the dragon herself hasn't bitten my head off just for breathin' the same air as you." He chuckled at his own joke.

"The dragon… oh, Asuka," Hikari whispered, not really intending for him to hear her.

Toji shifted in his seat, one hand holding onto his ankle as he crossed his legs. His gaze stayed fixated on the ground. "So, when you said you'd help me… I realised you ain't as scary as they all say y'are."

Finally, he looked up at her, and their eyes met. He laughed quietly and half-smiled at her as she processed what he had just admitted.

"Hey, who says I'm scary?" Hikari giggled, playfully nudging his arm. The contact caused Hikari's senses to be brought to life, even through the layers of fabric between them. Still, she was just glad that not only had he grown comfortable enough with her to admit his first impressions of her but also that she had grown comfortable enough to let down her serious side and just enjoy being in his company.

"N-No one, I swear! I was just kiddin'!" Toji raised his arms above his head in surrender, laughing all the while.

Hikari eyed him suspiciously, playing along, but she didn't manage to stay in her 'scary' mode for long when she started laughing with him. There was something beautiful about the two sat there, just laughing together about nothing. In that moment, Hikari thought, she could forget about all her duties both in and out of school. She could forget the day her father had to tell his three daughters that their mother wouldn't be coming home again after an accident at work. How her best friend, the first friend who had accepted her wholly and truly for who she was, could die at any minute… how anyone could die at any minute, living in such a turbulent time teetering on the edge of the apocalypse… in this moment she shared with Toji, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but him right now.

Their laughter faded into silence and they remained still, looking at one another. Hikari had never sat so close to Toji before; it was difficult to tell whether the heat against her legs came from the kotatsu or Toji's body. She had also never seen him so up close before. Taking advantage of their proximity, Hikari studied his features so intently that she vowed his expression, one of contentment, would remain etched in her memory until the end of time. So intently that she didn't care anymore if her intentions were obvious.

"You… you got the answer right, by the way," Hikari didn't realise she had broken the silence until she was half-way through her sentence. She also didn't realise she was still staring at him until the mess he had made around his mouth came into focus. "You've… you've also got a few crumbs around your mouth."

"I do?" Toji asked, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He managed to tackle the most of the crumbs, but a few tricky ones refused to budge. "Did I get 'em?"

"H-Here…" Hikari wasn't sure what came over her when suddenly one hand was under his chin to hold it in place while the other cleaned around his lips. Only using her fingers, she brushed the stray crumbs away, wondering where she had gotten such a brave surge of confidence to touch him like that. It's the way he laughs, he just makes me feel invincible… it was so embarrassing, the thought that crossed Hikari's mind, that she wanted to kick herself. It was like a scene out of her favourite romantic movies, but even Hikari could admit her taste was cheesy at best.

Toji's skin was so much smoother than Hikari had anticipated, and she felt his heat against her hand as his cheeks lit up. When she detracted her fingers, she cleared her throat nervously and instantly changed the subject back to the whole reason he was there – the tutoring session.

"See, you do know what to do," Hikari complimented him.

"Yeah," Toji's tone was one of affirmation, but the way the word trailed off at the end didn't sound like he was agreeing at all. "Maybe." He theatrically thumped his head with his fist as he joked, "There is a brain in there 'fter all!"

Hikari smiled and was about to reply when Toji's voice interjected, beating her to it.

"I think I just needed some motivation, y'know?" Toji's grip on his ankle grew tighter as his voice grew quieter. "I've got so much on my mind and so much goin' on at home, that school's the last thing on my mind. And without a mom to nag me…"

Hikari's heart sunk when she realised how similar she and he were in the worst way, but took his silence and refusal to continue the sentence as reluctance to go any further about his mother. Hikari didn't know what had happened to his mother – she wasn't even truly aware he didn't have one anymore – and wasn't one to pry, but her questions and worry faded when he smiled up at her. It was only a half-smile, yet it still lit her cheeks on fire as she blushed and smiled back.

"I guess I've got you to nag me instead, huh?"

While such a comment would have aggravated her in the classroom, it only warmed her in this situation. "I guess you do."

"Anyway… we're gettin' distracted. You're meant t'be my motivation…"

His motivation? Hikari was half-tempted to jump up and dance. It wasn't exactly what most girls would deem a romantic pet name, but it meant everything to Hikari. If being his motivation meant he stopped coming to school with deep set bags under his eyes and he could visit his sister in the hospital without worrying about every other aspect in his life… then she would be more than happy to take that name and wear it like a badge.

Glancing over at the plate of cupcakes – just eight left standing – an idea flashed over Hikari.

"Are cupcakes good motivation for you?"